In Which I am again Amazed by Jesus | Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Even Better than the Alps… Thoughts on Returning Home

At Lake Konigsee, Bavaria (More pictures at the end of this post)

So I’m just back from a thoroughly refreshing summer holiday, hiking in the Bavarian Alps. On the boat trip to Konigsee, a very formal bugler played his horn, and the craggy mountains echoed the tune. It was a magical moment. We hiked all day in unspoilt, psychedelic landscapes, like a movie set, like heaven, I imagine, will be.

I quoted to my family, almost verbatim, a favourite passage from the Victorian preacher, Charles Spurgeon,

“If any of you can save up money to go to Switzerland, you will never regret it, and it need not be expensive to you. I have stood in the midst of those mountains and valleys; time would utterly fail me to speak of all the wonders of God which we saw in nature, and in providence.”

“One more remark, and I have done. If you cannot travel, remember that our Lord Jesus Christ is more glorious than all else you could ever see. Get a view of Christ, and you have seen more than mountains, and cascades, and valleys, and seas can ever show you. Thunders may bring their sublimest uproar, and lightnings their awful glory; earth may give its beauty, and stars their brightness, but all these put together can never rival him.”

I quoted this surrounded by mountains on every side at Konigsee, looking into their rainbowed reflections in a limpid, glacial lake. Spurgeon’s statement seemed academic. The beauty was exciting, exhilarating, emotionally overwhelming…

* * *

We hiked, we hiked for 13 days, Tergensee, Chiemsee, Konigsee, Neuschwantein Castle, the Black Forest…. I was hiking to deep and pleasant tiredness, but not exhaustion, averaging 12, 200 steps a day on my pedometer, several miles. And my heart was full of majestic mountains, of flower-strewn Alpine meadows, crystalline mirroring lakes, and streams, rippling. But then, though we had decided to spend 16 days hiking, I wanted to turn around. I had seen enough beauty for now, I was tired, I was ready to resume my regular life, meditating on the Bible, praying, reading, writing, gardening, running, yoga, family life, life with dogs.

Zoe said, “Spurgeon was right. Perhaps Jesus is better than the Alps.” And he is. Of Him, I never weary. I never weary of seeking his wisdom, of trying to see my life and my world through his eyes, of trying to align my life with the axis of his brilliant quirky vision. I never weary of reading his words, his encounters with people. How startling and unusual he is, how refreshing. How wise. How unique.

People know Jesus in different ways, and with different intensity. When I see someone who really knows Jesus, preserved in the written word, but alive and invisibly stalking the earth today, I realise how comparatively slight and shallow my knowledge of him is. And I resolve to deepen it. For when my life gets aligned with his wisdom, with how he would tell me to live my life were He visibly here, my life feels joyous, exciting, and refreshing, like those mountain streams.

* * *

Anyway, a brief personal catch-up. We are in a liminal and lovely season as a family. Zoe has graduated from Oxford University with a good degree in Theology, and Oxford’s Headley Lucas Prize in Theology, and will be working at St John’s Church, Hoxton, London come September. And Irene has graduated from Oxford High School. She won the “Young Biologist of the Year,” award sponsored by Science Oxford and Nuffield Department of Medicine; her school’s prize for excellence in Chemistry, and awards for achievement in Maths, Biology, and academic excellence. Lots of book tokens!

* * *

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver.

Roy and I will soon be empty nesters, and have just begun to think about how to live this third age/stage of life well. I hope to read deep and write hard; to get physically strong through long hikes and yoga; to garden, to travel, to continue to learn languages (we’ve been learning German for the last two years), and to have friends over to leisurely meals. We’d love to grow spiritually deep, intellectually deep, and to continue loving God, and people. No doubt, we will keep refining our preliminary thoughts.

Wishing you a happy summer, dear readers. Enjoy this beautiful season of your one wild and precious life.

We visited my cousin Margaret and her husband Dirk in Munich

A bugler awakens the mountains which echo his horn’s music

On The One True Diet and The One True Faith

By Anita Mathias

I started gaining weight around puberty, at a time when, annoyingly, I stopping gaining height. Every few years, I’d step on the scales, and go, “OMG! Must do something.”

And so I tried Weight Watchers, but counting calories made me feel a bit crazy. I tried faith-based diets, which don’t work too well on your own, and then a totally crazy, totally wonderful faith-based diet with a group at Grace Presbyterian Church, Williamsburg, Virginia, Gwen Shamblin’s Weigh Down Workshop, whose tenet was—really! really!!– eat anything you want, as much as you want, but only eat when you are hungry (as defined by a growling stomach), and stop when you are full. I rapidly lost 10 pounds on it, and would have lost more…but it’s surprisingly hard to eat only when you are physiologically hungry.

I tried Overeaters Anonymous and lost 6 pounds on it, but, sadly, strayed from its austere discipline once I stopped attending group meetings. I also found all the intense spiritual inventory stuff intensely difficult.

I tried the Atkins/South Beach, and lost weight on that too. According to the Metabolic Typing Diet, I am a protein type, rare among Asians apparently. I don’t gain weight on meat and fish metabolizing them easily, but rapidly gain weight on carbohydrates. So I had lots of duck, lamb, beef, pork, sausages and bacon, lost weight, and gained colon cancer. Now, that didn’t work out too well for me, did it? Bowel Cancer is a risk of Atkins/South Beach/Paleo diets.

After the shock of the diagnosis, and the pain of surgery, I reverted to the diet that all my research suggested was healthiest, the Nutritarian diet advocated by Joel Fuhrman, Dr Dean Ornish, Dr. Colin Campbell…basically fruit, vegetables, beans and legumes with limited carbs, some fish, limited diary, no meat. Following this diet, with cheats and breaks (for it is no easier to follow a diet than to follow Christ) I’ve gradually lost 22 pounds.

As far as I am concerned, this diet of fruit, vegetables, beans, nuts and legumes is The One True Diet.

But I have learned something from the failed and abandoned diets . Gwen Shamblin’s Weigh Down Diet offered the concept of eating when one is hungry, and stopping when one is full. I have learned to ask myself, “Am I hungry?” Atkins/South Beach taught me that starchy carbs, which I love, are my downfall, and to limit them. Overeaters Anonymous made me aware of the times I eat when I am not hungry.

Learning from failed and nutty diets? God is merciful like that.

* * *

I am thinking about religions.

I believe Christianity is the One True Faith. I love several books of the Old Testament, but chiefly I love Jesus, and have discovered his way really works. Each time I obey him it’s like a great exchange from darkness, confusion, grumpiness and muddle to light, peace, guidance and joy.

But I also believe that God, that Jesus, is too kind and merciful to leave huge swathes of the world in darkness. So while there is One True Faith, I believe some of God’s goodness, light, and mercy shine on all who seek him, whether they have been taught to call him Jehovah, Rama, or Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful.

A sincere follower of Judaism has the treasures of the story of David, the Psalms, the Proverbs, Isaiah, Jeremiah, the minor Prophets…great riches.

Islam requires prayer five times a day, a practice which apparently offers physical and mental health benefits. Muslims are forbidden to drink or gamble, which averts much family misery. Giving is a sacred duty, and this increases happiness, according to all happiness research. (Pakistanis and Bangladeshis, though significantly poorer than Indians, are more generous, which leads to Pakistan and Bangladesh ranking higher than India in the UN’s World Happiness Rankings).

Buddhism has the blessings of meditation, Zen, and vegetarianism; Hinduism has yoga and meditation, and many Hindus are vegetarian, which is good for people, animals and the planet. Mormons, whose faith requires them to eschew alcohol, tobacco and coffee; limit meat, and fast once a month (giving the money to the poor) have a high life expectancy.

Because of the goodness of God, all the world religions I know something about reflect some of his goodness.

* * *

But I am delighted to be a Jesus-follower. Following Jesus is, I am convinced, the One True Faith. Each year, I follow him, imperfectly, imperfectly, I can, at a moment’s notice, list ten reasons I am glad to be a Christ-follower, and why, oh, of course, following him is the One True Faith. The reasons expand and expand.

Today’s list of 10 randomly ordered reasons for why I believe following Jesus is the one true faith, the best way to live.

1 Because he said, “Be on your guard against all kinds of greed,” and that saves me time and stress, and keeps me focused on what’s important.

2 Because he commanded us not to worry about anything at all, since the God who looks after the birds and flowers will look after us

3 Because he condensed the law and the prophets to one counter-intuitive principle –Love, which is good for the heart, better than vegetarianism. What’s more, he’s practical. What is love? Do to others what you would have them do to you

Because obeying Jesus’s command, “Do not judge,” saves us from futilely meditating on our grievances.

Because Jesus protects us from useless conflict by telling us to turn the other cheek. He’s so gentle. He said the meek inherit the earth. And in all sorts of ways, they do.

4 Because he was an early feminist. He thought sitting at his feet and listening to his teaching was taking the better path, offering Martha liberation from her kitchen. Store-bought pita and hummus would do just fine.

5 Because he understood that prayer was mysterious magic, and he summoned us to it.

6 He was realistic about trouble, sin and suffering, and offered us ways to transcend them. “In the world you will have trouble, but in me, you will find peace.”

7 He told us the Holy Spirit was even better than he was, and that He would come, and the Spirit did, and was as life-changing as Jesus said he was

8 He is a genius. He tells us counter-intuitive things about life, and oh my goodness, he’s right. He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbled himself will be exalted. In the long run, it’s true, and in the short run–what peace, time and energy are saved!!

9 Delaying gratification is the only decent way to live, contemporary psychiatrist Scott Peck writes in The Road Less Travelled. Jesus said the same thing 2000 years ago, bluntly and memorably. “Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. For whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses it will save it.” The grain of wheat, the comfortable old self, must be cracked open to come to new life.

10 He is treasure, and he offers treasure, though treasure found after searching and digging. “Joy, I give you. Peace, I leave you.”

Jesus is like a tardis. He gets bigger and bigger as you enter in, and in him is satisfaction for all our hungers and restlessness. “He who eats my flesh will never hunger, and he who believes in me will never thirst,” he promised. His difficult mysterious ways, like a magic carpet, transport us to an exciting life, with magic and adventure.

Just words? Nope; experiment with obeying Jesus as closely as possible, and see what happens

Putting the words of Christ into practice immediately begins to bring truth, goodness, strength and beauty into our lives. Dallas Willard, The Divine Conspiracy.

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IMAGE: Christ Pantocrater, Palermo, Sicily.

On Planting Secret Seeds for the Kingdom and for the Love of Jesus. And on a Role Model of Christian Leadership

By Anita Mathias

I am fascinated by the Moravians founded by the reformer Jan Huss, remarkable for their 24/7 prayer which led to a worldwide burst of missionary activity, remarkable for sacrificial exploits like selling themselves into slavery to be able to credibly preach the Gospel to slaves.

Comenius, a Moravian Bishop (selected by Life magazine as one of 100 most influential people of the last millennium) turned down an invitation to participate in Swedish educational reform, to plant a “hidden seed” of the Moravian simple love of Christ, so that the kingdom of Jesus would grow in future generations. The “hidden seeds” he had to plant in the face of bitter persecution came to life when Count Zinzendorf invited the persecuted Moravians to his now-famous estate, Herrnhut.

* * *

The talk among Christian writers and bloggers often drifts to agents, advances, Amazon sales ranks, platform, Twitter followers, Facebook likes, comparison and subtle showing off. I hear the preoccupation with building mini-kingdoms, building platforms, fame and glory and wealth, and it sometimes seems as if the simple love of the Lord Jesus that made us want to be Christ-followers in the first place gets squeezed out (and sometimes the simple love of writing gets squeezed out too) in the pursuit of success, fame and money.

So when I hear of someone unfocused on fame, platform, recognition and money who quietly sows secret seeds for the kingdom, I am deeply and inexplicably moved, to the point of tears.

* * *

When I was an undergraduate at Oxford University, the Rector of the largest Anglican Church in town, St Aldate’s, was a man called Michael Green (who now, incidentally, attends the church I attend, St. Andrew’s, Oxford.)

I wasn’t a Christian as an undergraduate. I was on a six year break from following Christ, which was most foolish of me, because, you see, I knew Jesus as a teenager, really knew him.

And so the Christian Union at my college, Somerville, used to pray for me, and students from my college and from other colleges used to invite me to St. Aldate’s with them, and I would go when I felt distressed and overwhelmed, and listen to Michael Green intently, and with pleasure.

But of course, being a Christian is all about surrender, moving into the invisible kingdom so that you are no longer belong to yourself but to Him, and without that surrender, it’s just nice ideas–and that surrender I did not make then.

* * *

My daughter Zoe is now an undergraduate reading Theology at Oxford University, and is leading her college’s Christian Union. The Christian Union has a retreat before term, and Rev. Canon Dr Michael Green, now 85 years old, spoke at each of the two retreats—this distinguished writer, apologist and pastor humbly spending a few days with 25 young students.

Zoe was as impressed with the character of the man as with what he said. The subsidized retreat was £22 per head for the weekend, and Michael lined up and insisted on paying his £22, though he was the speaker everyone had come to hear. He signed up for his slots of washing up and spiffying up. If he came too late to get an armchair, he, aged 85, sat on the floor with the students: “No, you came first. You keep the sofa.” He took meticulous notes as the young speakers spoke!!

We were impressed to hear this. Roy said, “Perhaps he is teaching these young leaders what it is to be a Christian leader.” Non-entitled. Willing to serve. Humble. Not self-seeking.

* * *

It was a splendid retreat, my daughter said, and Michael preached it not for money, not for fame, not for his career, or enhancing his platform, but for the love of Jesus. He may not see the fruit of his teaching in these young people’s lives, but he is planting seeds, secret seeds, for love of God, for the Kingdom.

I am a gardener, and I have had a life-threatening illness, and the thought of sowing without knowing if I will ever see the harvest…it’s tough. So I was particularly inspired by how Michael Green sowed seeds whose fruits he might never see for the love of Jesus, sowed spiritual seeds of the love of Jesus, sowing into the foundations of the great and invisible Kingdom which grows and grows, and which shall never pass away.

I heard the awe and respect in Zoe’s voice at observing Michael Green’s humble, exemplary behaviour, an example that will linger long after she has forgotten everything he said. Following Jesus is something that is caught not taught, it is often said. Words are forgotten, but meeting someone whom Jesus has transformed, that one does not easily forget.

I thought of Michael Green pouring everything into teaching 25 young students, and I prayed, “Oh Lord Jesus, do I love you enough? I do not yet. Lord Jesus, increase my love for you.”

* * *

During this summer, I heard Rolland Baker who has taken in thousands of orphans in Mozambique talk with simple intensity about the love of Jesus. I jotted down notes as spoke:

“Following Jesus is putting all your eggs in one basket, one person. There’s only one person you trust, only one you go to.

The point of following Jesus is not that he will make your life work a little bit better, accelerate your path to wealth, health, success, fame… Jesus is the point.

He is not the one who gives you what you want; he is what you want. Jesus himself is the treasure, not the means to treasure.

Jesus is how God gives us the desires of our heart. Everything you need is in Jesus.

Miracles, signs and wonders and the things we tend to seek Jesus for go with the territory. We don’t chase miracles, we chase Jesus and miracles chase us. When we follow Jesus, he follows us. He finds us.

Never chase joy, wealth, fame, health by itself–you will never get it. Chase Him. The rest comes with the territory.

If you base your joy on anything but Jesus, your laughter will turn to grief.

Jesus’ emphasis was himself. He is the treasure in the field.
When you are in love with God, everything that happens is enjoyable because He gives us joy.”

* * *

I listened, and wondered if I loved Jesus enough.

What is the point of being a Christian if we do not love the Lord Jesus? And, oddly enough, we cannot quite create love for Jesus within ourselves.

We increase it within ourselves in only way I know to do difficult things. We put in the work (in this case, reading the Gospels and meditating on them). And we pray to–love Jesus more.

We reach out our hands and hearts, and ask Jesus to fill them with love for Him so that we might be totally turned into fire.

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Why I have Decided to Follow Jesus

By Anita Mathias

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” At once they left their nets and followed him. (Matthew 4 18-20)

“Come follow me, Anita?”

Yes, I will follow you, because life feels pointless without you.

I will follow you because the world without you—it doesn’t hack it: much labour for things which will not satisfy–without you

I will follow you because I am weary of myself. I want to lose myself in you. In that loss, I feel safe.

I will follow you because I don’t know how to do life. But your version of a God-bathed world, held safe in your Father’s hands, which the meek will inherit, I love it! I believe in it.

I will follow you because in worshipping you is my soul complete.

I will follow you because in you I find love, vast as the ocean.

I will follow you because of your goodness that flows like a waterfall towards me. I need but to kneel and receive.

I will follow you because (sorry, this is silly!) nothing makes me as hyper as your words, and the bubbly Holy Spirit you released through your death. In them is rest for my restlessness.

I will follow you because you promise complete joy. You are the narrow gate which leads to life. I will shrug off all that impedes me so I can enter through it.

* * *

I will follow you because no one ever spoke as you did.

I will follow you, because you are so clever. I love the way you got out of all those tricks and traps—taxes to Caesar and stoning that woman and dividing inheritances–with your cool, collected intellect. You instinctively think outside the box, you clever person. And if I follow you, you will teach me wisdom and to stay cool and calm under pressure. (And forgive, now, this selfish motivation).

Yes, I will follow you because you are brilliant. I love thinking about those wild things you said. “Take the lower place; turn the other cheek; the meek inherit the earth; don’t resist an evil person; give and you shall receive.” I love how obeying them, even in baby steps, turns my life upside down.

I will follow you because I know I will never “get” you fully. You will come to me with fresh challenges as long as I live, drawing me upward and onward. I’ll wrestle with your words till I die. Those Beatitudes! The Sermon on the Mount! A whole life’s worth of meditation and challenge.

I will follow you because you are the Word, and I am a writer. And so you will give me the words I need to speak, and protect me from words I do not need to speak.

I will follow you because He who drinks of the waters you give him will never thirst, but rivers of living water will flow from him. What writer would not want rivers of living water to flow from her?

* * *

I will follow you because you are spectacular. The way you cared for everyone you encountered as you gasped your way through the excruciating crucifixion—Wow, Jesus!

I will follow you because learning to love is important, and you know how, and you will teach me.

I will follow you because you are magnetic. You are good, and you are kind. Nothing else in my world compels me as you do.

I will follow you because you are the Living Bread which came down from heaven. If I eat you, I will not hunger, and so in you is the solution to my food issues and addictions.

I will follow you because, well, what else could I follow? Ambition will exhaust me. Mastery of a craft will not satisfy my heart. Money? I earn enough for my simple-ish tastes.

I will follow you, because as C. S. Lewis said, what you say is so outrageous, it’s either completely nuts. Or true. And to me, it tastes of truth. You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

I will follow you, just because…I love you.

In which his Name is Gentleness

By Anita Mathias

This was prophesied of Christ by the Prophet Isaiah:

He will not quarrel or cry out;

no one will hear his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out,

Are you feeling bruised today? He will not break you.

Is your wick almost extinguished? Ask him. He will relight it.

In which Jesus Promises Rest to the Meek

By Anita Mathias

I like Jesus’ great invitation at the end of Matthew 11:“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I like that fact that Jesus suggests we learn meekness by observing and studying him. So, obviously, meekness is not a natural character trait like being sanguine, phlegmatic, melancholic or choleric, but a learned behaviour.

I have various mantras, what Gretchen Rubin calls “splendid truths.” (One of these, adopted from her, calms me down: “There is only love.”) I need to add one more: “I will learn how to be meek and humble of heart from Jesus.” Since, obviously, it does not come naturally!!

* * *

Why would one want to be humble of heart? Because pride is silly, narrow and self-centred. We are not focused on anything important, anything worth having, but merely on self, on how others perceive us, and treat us.

Why would one want to be meek? Because being gentle is the best way to be, rather than being proud and aggressive.

And besides, the meek inherit the earth: The value of meekness, even in regard to worldly property and success in life, is often exhibited in the Scriptures. It is also seen in common life that a meek, patient, mild man is the most prospered. An impatient and quarrelsome man raises up enemies; often loses property in lawsuits; spends his time in disputes and broils rather than in sober, honest industry; and is harassed, vexed, and unsuccessful in all that he does. (Barnes Notes on the Bible.)

* * *

So how does one learn to be meek? Practice. Practice meek practices.

So that is what I am training myself to do.

Let others have the last word. If someone puts you down, let them.

Overlook lots of things. Blow things away with the breath of kindness. When spoken to harshly, you don’t need to retort in kind. Return a gentle answer or none at all when someone gets irrational through tiredness. This is particularly useful in family life: the blind eye and the deaf ear so that one can get on with one’s work.

Ignore negativity directed at you on social media as much as possible. Block repeat offenders.

Practice, practice, practice, one step after another, until all this becomes second nature!

* * *

Learn from Jesus how to be gentle and humble, and the prize is the rest we seek, as we work–as we sleep–as we relax–as we live.

Our souls are as rested when we work, or hang out at home, as they are after a week of beach and mountain walks, because we are choosing meekness which obviates conflict, and we are choosing humility, daily defining all our grand ambitions, and then placing them in his hands to grant–or not.

If Christianity were an Untrue Myth: Would “a Christian Life” still be beautiful?

By Anita Mathias

When I was teaching myself French, using BBC videos, I heard a French monk sum up his life of silence, community, service, work in the sun, prayer, discipline, regularity, simple eating, simple living, no private possessions, saying, “It’s a beautiful life in itself.”

I last read John Piper’s Desiring God when Irene was a baby, so I can’t quote verbatim, but Piper describes a similar statement by a French monk, and then quotes Paul, ^“If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied.” He goes on to say it would be foolish to live a Christian life, and follow Christ, if Christ were not in fact the resurrected Lord.

* * *

In contrast is Puddleglum, the heroic Marshwiggle in The Silver Chair.

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things–trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. . .Then all I can say is, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one.

And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just four babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world.

I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can, even if there isn’t any Narnia ’ (The Silver Chair)

* * *

I myself have absolutely no doubt of the existence of God, or of Jesus. And, when it comes down to it, it’s because of personal experience of them.

In one of her videos, American Bible teacher, Beth Moore, says she was asked, “How do you know that Christ is real?” She answered, “If he wasn’t, then I must be crazy, because I talk to him all the time, and he answers.”

* * *

In the unlikely event that all the times small and astonishing miracles happened because I prayed; things changed; people changed; I changed—were just a coincidence; if the times when I came to prayer depressed and beaten down, and left full of joy, if all this too was illusory– it would still be worth following Christ.

Today, I read someone honestly saying what he wished on his high school bullying tormentors:

I used to wish bad things for those guys. I hoped that karma would get them. That they would be impotent. Or in unhappy marriages. Or living miserable lives. I wanted revenge but, alas, vengeance was not mine to be had.

Oh come on! Why would we choose to live in this angry mental state? This horrible turmoil. This impotent hatred. This evil, negative mental state.

How much better to follow Jesus’s instructions to “Love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who persecute you.”

And be free. And live in a mental state of peace and good will and high energy.

* * *

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.”

Even if Jesus were not God, would it not be better for us to be women of your word, to be trusted and relied on, rather than lying, or changing our minds, or whinging our way out of things if something better came along?

· * * *

“Do not worry. Do not be afraid, ” Jesus says many times, in many ways. “I have worried about many things in my life, most of which never happened,” said Mark Twain. So have I. So have you. Wouldn’t it be better not to worry about many things most of which never happen–whether Jesus were God, or not?

* * *

Gentleness–Jesus teaches. The Kingdom of God is within us, and so preserve your peace, and sweetness. Let there be honey within your soul.

Gentleness, he preaches: If someone forces you to go one mile, go two. If someone slaps you, don’t slap him back. He would retaliate, and you would both be bruised. Gently turn the other cheek.

Oh all this is sublime, almost to the point of insanity. Sublime, and wise. Isn’t it better to march two miles in love, and prayer, than one in hatred and resentment? Isn’t it better to have one hard, and one gentler slap, than retaliate, and end up with broken bones?

* * *

Oh Jesus, you are sublime, and you are wise, and you are brilliant, and it makes total sense to follow you teachings whether you are God, or not.

But, oh, how delighted I am that you are indeed my Lord, and my God!

Do not forget that when we weep, the Lord weeps with us

By Anita Mathias

Image Credit

(Revised, updated, July 21, 2013)

In a memorable scene in John Wimber’s biography, The Way it Was, a “prophetess” comes to him, saying she has a word for him from God.She sits and weeps wordlessly. After about ten minutes of this, Wimber, who has a sermon to prepare, gets irritated, and asks her to give him the word. “Yes,” she says, and resumes weeping silently for another ten minutes.

Finally Wimber says, “Listen, I’ve got to go. If you have a word for me, please share it.”

And she says, “I did. That was the word.”

And Wimber, who was then overworking and miserable, a victim of his own success, was shaken.

The Lord was weeping over him.

* * *

Jesus feels our pain, in the same way that we wept with Martha over the death of Lazarus. The wrong tracks we take, the times we hurt ourselves with our sin, the times we exhaust ourselves for nothing. He sees the futility of it all, and he is grieved.

I am resuming writing the book which I most want to write. After working in it, off and on for 15 years, I shelved it 7 years ago.

And I have been having extensive conversations with God about it.

I have mentally put into his hands, this book which, in many ways, is blood-soaked. In my ambition for my writing, I blew off health, not exercising enough, or eating healthily or taking time to cook, and so gained a lot of weight—85 pounds, to be precise. I sacrificed quality time with my husband. I could have invested even more in the girls. I let the house slide into mess. I overstrained my nervous system with frequent burn-outs.

Oh, that period of idolatry had physical, mental, spiritual and emotional costs, for idols are like that—cruel. They suck you dry and still want more.

But I still feel it is the book I have to write. So claiming the promise that “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18) I put the book into Jesus’ hands, and ask him to redeem it.

And in my mind’s eye, I see him bend down over my book. I see his tears fall over it.

The Lord is weeping with me over all the unnecessary pain, and his tears of love and forgiveness are turning the scarlet of sin as white as snow.

I seem them as tears of redemption, merging with my tears of repentance.

And I am set free to go forward with joy.