Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

 On Not Wasting a Desert Experience

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So, after Paul the Apostle’s lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us…

And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. There he pondered on the simple teachings of Jesus in the context of the logic and story of the Old Testament. There he came up with Big Word Theology… Atonement, Justification, Sanctification, Passive Righteousness, and worked out the beautiful, intellectually challenging doctrines of Romans and Galatians. In the desert.

The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper.

England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.

A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years… John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them.

 

Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection

Let’s use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray.

 

And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty. The vocation or call we have ignored or procrastinated on obeying.

Write the book, declutter the house, get your body strong.  Don’t waste the opportunities to mine for the treasures of darkness during this prolonged period of global upheaval.

On Yoga and Following Jesus

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I returned home from boarding school in Nainital in the Himalayas, aged ten, to find everything in my father’s life had changed. He, aged 56, had taken up yoga. And so our mornings became dramatic with simhasana, the lion’s roar, which punctuated the  hour long yoga session, which was precious to him, and soon became indispensable to his peace, mental wellness, ability to cope with stress, and, of course, to his physical strength and flexibility.

His hour of yoga, to which he added an hour-long walk, brought mental calm and physical strength, and changed the texture and course of his life. He worked a demanding job as Controller of Accounts at Tata Steel and after his retirement worked as Financial Controller at Xavier Labour Relations Institute, XLRI, Jamshedpur, the local Business School, retiring for the second time at 68. He continued daily yoga and walking for the last 33 years of his life, until he died close to his ninetieth birthday. (It was only in the last few weeks of his life, when he was crushed and burdened by clearing out and selling his in-laws house which my parents had inherited—along with a lawsuit from disgruntled family members who wanted it–that he abandoned these disciplines, a parable for me on not bequeathing clutter, and never abandoning exercise).

For most of my life, I did not exercise. As a Christian, I observed that the Bible was silent about it, referring to running and walking as metaphors, not injunctions.  Shouldn’t the fitness developed by the tasks of our life, and maintaining our homes and gardens give us the strength we need for our lives?  Do we need the extra fitness developed by running, lifting weights, or yoga? Each time I see super-fit people grunt as they lift super-heavy weights in the gym, I still wonder if we really need that high degree of fitness.

However, I am not physically strong, and becoming stronger would give me the physical strength and mental energy necessary for the many sedentary hours that I would love to spend reading and writing. Also, the 10,000 to 13500 steps I aim to walk every day is transforming my life as it gives me the opportunity to explore so much more of this green earth.

In The Joy of Movement: How Exercise Help Us Find Happiness, Hope, Connection, and Courage psychologist Kelly McGonigal  says “being active increases all the other joys in your life: it improves your relationships, it helps you focus, it improves your mental health, it can help people recover from depression and grief.  People who exercise on any given day have better social interactions with other people, and being physically active reliably increases your optimism, your hope, and your sense of energy,” (in Gretchen Rubin’s summary.)

Though I have lost 53 pounds over the last few years by pretty much cutting out sugar, chocolate, wheat, rice, potatoes and other starchy carbs,  and more recently fruit, beans, lentils, milk, and starchy vegetables ( I know, I know, but it’s a short-term thing), I have more pounds, more stone, to lose. And so, I exercise some.

And yoga has been as much of a blessing for me as it was for my father. Not being naturally coordinated or athletic, I am not a gifted yogi; however, yoga classes provide me a quiet space for an hour to move my body, stretch, think and even pray. And the thinking is better for the movement.

I started yoga with a Can’t-Do list. Holding Down Dog was tiring, and adding a Three-Legged Dog seemed a step too far, and then adding “Knee to Nose,”— outrageous!  Holding planks was excruciating, side planks were nigh impossible. And Wild Thing… are you kidding? Tree, Eagle, Floating Half Moon, forget it.

However, I have been doing Yoga for over three years now, two or three times a week if possible, in classes at the gym. I often shyly go up to the front (though, sadly, the yoga class convention is that the inexpert hide at the back and imitate, while the skilled go in front). But up front, close to the teacher, I can watch carefully and imitate. I realise how I have unconsciously been taking short-cuts and not been pushing my body to the full reach and strength of the pose. And I realise that if I take my time, and am perhaps a few seconds behind everyone else, I can, I really can, get my body briefly into the poses I thought I was too weak or balance-challenged for. Hello Side Plank, Tree, Wild Thing, Floating Half-moon, Malasana: Yogic squat,  and “Warrior Three.”

And, since when it all fades away, what I am through and through, the most essential thing about me, is that I am a Christian, a stumbling Christian, as faltering and bumbling a Christian as I am a yogi—as I do yoga (you probably saw this coming!) I sometimes reflect on following Christ.

When, aged 17, I started my zigzagging adventure of trying to follow Christ, there were things I thought I could never do. Forgive the sociopaths in my life—are you kidding? Keep my temper when those around me were losing theirs? Nah. Consistently practice the empathy required to treat others as I would like them to treat me? Think before speaking or writing when I am angry? Keep my eyes on Jesus and check in with him in everything I do? Live in love? Be gentle. How?

I am not a good Yogi, and I am a limping Christian.  However, as I follow the teacher as precisely as I can, I find my body becoming stronger and more flexible, and my mind more calm and more peaceful. And as I read or listen to a chapter of the Gospels every day, as I try in small things to do what Jesus says, as I increasingly decline to do what he specifically tells us not to do (“do not judge,” “do not worry,”) I find my life more blessed, more guided, more open to his inspirations, more happy, and more peaceful. The progress in both these areas is, of course, probably only visible to me, and to God, and that must suffice.

* * *

The best book I know on using exercise to improve our ability to think, read, write and create fast is

Spark: How Exercise will Improve the Performance of Your Brain, by Harvard psychiatrist, John Ratey  on Amazon.com Amazon.co.uk

And if you have extra reading time, perhaps read my art-inspired illustrated story Francesco: Artist of Florence on Amazon.com or Amazon.co.uk. I am very fond of it.

I am doing Yoga with Adriene during lockdown, but normally do yoga in real life with Lisa Cuerden.

Image source: Pixaby Creative Commons, CCO Public Domain

Every Prison has a Door… (and We Usually Have the Key!)  

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     From Practice to Mastery Image Credit: https://guitarsquid.com

So, not being a super-disciplined person, I’ve struggled all my adult life with a few things, surprisingly common struggles for those for whom discipline is problematic.

I carry more weight than I should. Okay, I have lost 47 pounds over the last few years as I have changed my diet but I have more to lose. I have romantic ideas of waking with the dawn, but more commonly wake at 7 a.m. I have yet to run a supremely tidy and organised house; probably, half my stuff could be safely given away.  And I have rarely been a productive writer. Keats feared that he might die before his pen had gleaned his teeming brain. Me too, me too!

It recently struck me that each of these struggles which I’ve had for most of  my married life of 30 years, is to achieve something finite. I don’t have an infinite amount of weight to lose. I could lose it in a year or less! I don’t have an infinite amount of things to declutter; I could do it in six months as Marie Kondo says, or in nine months as Joshua Becker of The Minimalist Home says. If I turn in 5 minutes earlier each day… it’s not an infinite number of days before I will be waking up at 5 a.m. And if the tidying/organising, and exercise, and early rising creates time… who knows, I might even finish the books of my heart.

* * *

In what’s perhaps a metaphor, the enslaved Israelites who escaped slavery and Pharaoh wandered in the desert for 40 years. To walk across the Sinai desert should take 10-11 days, guides say. Similarly, many of the things people struggle with for decades could be dealt with in months or a year: weight, messiness, excessive night-owlness, for instance. Two professional women recently told me that they were chronically late. I struggle with that too… but less and less so. But chronic lateness can be cured–by strategies like adding 50% to the estimated driving time (a tip from Greg McKeown’s excellent book Essentialism),  and 50% to your estimated dressing-up time, and aiming to be seated, ready and reading 15 minutes before you leave the house!

These things we struggle with are what Jesus calls the light burden and the easy yoke, difficulties, but with God’s help, not impossibilites. It is possible to be tidy, of course–easy for those who have always been tidy, and hard for those who have never been tidy, but possible for everyone. Shedding unhealthy weight is easier for those who have good eating habits and the physical strength to exercise hard; harder for those of sluggish metabolism, or who are not strong enough to exercise vigorously. But it should be possible for everyone. (I’ve lost 25 pounds over the last 13 months, though a combination of the ketogenic diet and intermittent fasting. I just stopped eating dinner over six weeks ago, and skipping it was surprisingly easy!). Waking early is perhaps possible for everyone, though I have not yet been able to sustain it long-term. And finishing books is possible to everyone God calls to write.  

At our last few holidays, Cordoba, Berlin and Krakow (all this year, 2019, yes, we are travelling too much)  especially in Krakow, Poland, when we were not eating dinner, we were astonished by how free time opened up in the evenings when Roy and I lived with just a suitcase each, in a hotel suite, and how many loose ends of our family business, our lives and work, we were able to tie up after a full day of sight-seeing. We became wistfully determined to simplify our lives at home for the same sense of spaciousness and peace and extra time.

So, at the moment, I am (perhaps foolishly!) barely writing, but focusing on getting my home tidy and decluttered (especially because I want to move in a year or two). I am focusing on diet (keto!) and fitness, believing Rick Warren statement: if you want to change anything the first thing to do is to change your body to provide the energy for other changes. The decluttering, the spiritual peace and serenity from the order, the brisk walks and yoga to get healthy, the weight loss, the waking earlier, will release more writing time within a few days or a week. I hope so. I pray so. I believe so.

But for now, baby steps.

If you can’t fly, then run; if you can’t walk run, then walk; if you can’t walk, then crawl, but by all means keep moving. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Discipline, short-term suffering is painful for the moment, but it eventually yields what Scripture winsomely calls “a harvest of righteousness and peace.”

It’s what my friend Paul Miller, who discipled me for 5 years in the late nineties, called a J-Curve. The seed has to fall into the ground and die for fruitfulness, as Jesus died to provide the Spirit, and as an atoning sacrifice for the sins of the whole world. The death of Jesus involved less than 24 hours of intense physical and emotional suffering, 3 hours of which consisted of immense, unimaginable physical suffering.  However, the fruits of the resurrection of Jesus reverberate on and on in the life of the world, in my life, and perhaps in yours, dear reader.

Jesus strikingly says that we are not worthy of him if we do not take up our cross, and embrace the suffering that a fruitful creative life calls for. In all these things I’ve mentioned, there is a cross, a small death, and much joy at the end of it. The cross I am bearing for the next six months is decluttering my house. It will lead to a resurrection of energy, and focus and time. The cross I am bearing for the next six months to a year is getting stronger and shedding the weight that hinders, which will give me the joy and resurrection of more energy and time. The cross of turning in early rather than surfing the net or desultory reading will add to the joy and productivity of early mornings. The resurrection that these things may bring will reverberate and echo, sweet and magnified, through the rest of my life, and perhaps, if God blesses my writing, though the lives of others too. May it be so Lord, Amen.

 

Some resources which I found very helpful, and you might too.

Gary Taubes: Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk

Gretchen Rubin describes reading this book as a lightning bolt moment that changed her eating habits, immediately, effortlessly and permanently. It has been a little bit like that for me.

To quote from Taubes: Carbohydrates are uniquely fattening because they elevate levels of insulin, and insulin signals to our fat cells to store fat, and to our lean cells not to burn it, which inhibits the use of fat for fuel. For a diet to successfully reduce obesity, it has to reduce insulin levels, and restrict carbs.

The Complete Guide to Fasting by Jason Fung on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk.

I found intermittent fasting far easier than I imagined, and I love the mental clarity, the physical energy—and, of course, the weight loss.

The Keto Diet: The Complete Guide by Leanne Vogel on Amazon.com and Amazon.co.uk. More a dietary change than “a diet,” though I’ve never found losing weight as easy as on this.

Marie Kondo: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk

I have some ambivalence towards her ideas, but I can testify to the huge amount of energy in many areas of my life as I began to donate my surplus stuff

Joshua Becker: The Minimalist Home on Amazon.com

I find his blog Becoming Minimalist motivating, and here it is in a convenient form

Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk

Strongly recommend. Don’t we all need essentialism?

And if you’d like a Christian perspective on these things, a book by my friend and mentor Paul Miller.

J-Curve: Dying and Rising with Jesus in Everyday Life by Paul Miller. On Amazon.com

and on Amazon.co.uk

 

Life by the Inch

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One step. That’s what I like best about following Jesus. It’s difficult, it’s carrying your cross, but all we have to focus on is one step… one step forward, one step of biting your tongue, one step of empathy, one step of kindness, one step of self-control, one step of making the right choice. And then another….

If we live life as it’s meant to be lived, one step at a time, one minute at a time, perhaps following the lovely Jesus is not as difficult, as insuperable, as impossible, as it seems on our most tired and dejected days.

One more paragraph written; one day more without sugar, without flour; one day more of early to bed, early to rise; one day more of immersion in the grand themes of Scripture while walking (listen to 4 chapters a day, and you will have listened to the entire Bible in a year), the word becoming muscle and sinew in Ann Voskamp’s words; one more session of the life-changing magic of tidying up; one more try at doing unto others what you would they did to you… tiny, tiny things adding up, stitches in the tapestry of a grace-filled radiant life.

The best thing about following Jesus is how immensely democratic it is… anyone can do it. We cannot all write a bestseller, but we can all pray. We cannot all launch a successful business, but we can all learn how to love our family and our friends (for starters!); we cannot all build things, blogs or companies or charities that change the world, but we can all surrender our lives to Jesus, for this minute, this five minutes, this hour.

Following Jesus is one of the few things for which there are no gatekeepers, no bar, a high IQ is unneeded, physical strength and beauty are not required, connections are unnecessary, all it takes to follow Christ is that ancient sacrifice, a humble and a contrite heart, and doing what he tells you minute by minute.

Easy to write, supremely challenging to do… but challenges, after all, are what make life worth living!

“I do not ask to see the distant scene. One step enough for me,” as John Henry Newman wrote.

Image: Christ Walking on the Waters by Julius Sergius Von Klever. Public Domain.

It’s all God’s money: Thoughts on “the Cattle on a Thousand Hills”

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The Staffordshire Horde of Angl0-Saxon gold

 

One of the hardest things to have wise, sane, healthy thoughts about is money–since money is not mere zeroes on a bank statement, but the fruit of our labour, and our luck; a force which affects almost every area of our lives…our housing, surroundings, health, education, friendships, social life, vacations, leisure, thought-life, trust in God, and openness to His generous nudgings… Jesus says “Mammon,” money, is the biggest competitor to the love of God and the joy of God being the predominant force in our lives. It’s not easy to grasp Jesus’s thoroughly sane and foreign perspective on money. But seeing his life— intense, faith-filled, joyous, and infinitely influential, it’s well worth trying.

* * *

“It’s all God’s money,” I frequently repeat this useful mantra. I can be hard on myself, expecting too much wisdom and good sense of myself (and others!). As I tidy my house, and my eyes fall on books I haven’t read, boxed DVD sets I haven’t yet watched, clothes I have barely worn, furniture that I bought quickly and conveniently, rather than carefully and judiciously, I think “Gosh, that was a waste of money.” Sort of!

The only real waste of money, however, is to fling it into the ocean, or to burn a twenty pound note as a Cambridge undergraduate was filmed doing to torment a homeless man. Otherwise, when it comes to wasted purchases, God’s money flowed through my unwise hands into the department stores,’ and if I donate these things to a charity shop, it can flow into yet someone else’s hands, and I will have been a conduit of God’s blessing.

It’s the same with gym memberships, National Trust memberships, or Royal Horticultural Society memberships I haven’t fully used. It wasn’t “wasted;” the money flowed from me to someone else. It’s what I tell myself when I get what I think is a great deal on a airfare or a vacation rental, and my competitively savvy friends tell me of a better one they found: “‘It’s all God’s money.’ It flowed from me to BA rather than EasyJet. So be it.” And I saved time by not interminably shopping around for killer deals.

Making mistakes is part of being human; only God is all-wise. It’s important to accept our mistakes, our limited wisdom, our Pooh-of-Very-Little-Brainness and move on. I have run a small business since 2006, and notice how often people make mistakes. Our products are not the cheapest. But people buy them. Not everyone has the time or spirit or willingness to hound down the best value; I don’t myself. I am in and out of stores at the speed of light. Just as blessing comes to us because not everyone beelines for the cheapest stuff, or the best value, I am learning to offer grace to myself, and my family when other people or businesses profit from our mistakes.

* * *

A single apple seed can produce tens of thousands of apples. We observe this yearly in our small orchard. That is the normal rate of increase in creation. Jesus, it’s recorded, fed five thousand people from five loaves… each loaf multiplied a thousand times. Abundance–our thoughts, our words, our work, our investments, multiplied many times over–is the normal law of creation.

God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, the Psalmist tells us. Yet in his mercy, he only entrusts a few of these flocks to us. God’s material provision for each of us is sufficient, but not infinite. So we should try to make wise use of whatever gifts–of intellect, talent, opportunity or resources–He may have given us, but lightly. We are all limited beings, of limited intelligence, compared to the creator. So while we endeavour to use our talents and resources well, we also need to forgive ourselves, and offer ourselves grace when, through laziness, weakness, or sheer stupidity, we do not. It’s all God’s money; when I made mistakes through laziness or bad judgement, he used it to bless someone else!

And so we can let it all go, the lost or stolen handbags, wallets, phones, jewellery, the burgled cars, and houses. It’s all God’s money. God willing, those lost things were a blessing to someone else, and, mercifully, the river of God’s goodness does continue flowing, bringing to us newness, and more blessing besides.

* * *

So while we should use due diligence, and give to reputable, time-tested charities like Tearfund, we don’t need to torment ourselves about whether every cent is going to our sponsored child, or designated project, or whether it’s being lost to corruption, governmental or internal, or how wisely it’s being spent, or how effectively altruistic we are being. God uses our values, our backgrounds, our life-experiences, and the things that stir our hearts to direct each of us to support different charities. Choose the charities which resonate with your passions, pick the best ones according to your wisdom, intelligence and values, and then release the money to them. It’s all God’s money, anyway.

 

I love the Parable of Talents, which is incredibly true. To him who uses his “talents” well, more shall be given.

But ultimately, we are definitely not on earth to maximize our gifts and our talents, to explode our businesses, or invest our money with the Midas touch. God created the world from nothing by his mighty word. Jesus fed five thousand with two fish, drew gold coins from the mouths of other fish, and he can provide for us without all our artful schemes, dreams, and dodges.

We are not on earth to hustle, to multiply our words, our talents, and wealth through judicious application of the Protestant work ethic… because God is ace at multiplying and he can direct us to hidden wealth beneath our feet, like the Roman and Anglo-Saxon hordes of gold continually unearthed in Britain, or to herds of cattle waiting to be lassoed in an overlooked hill. We are on earth to learn to love. To love God, and other people. We are on earth to learn to be kind.

* * *

 

 

Image: By David Rowan, Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery (Staffordshire hoard) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The Things Worth Doing Badly

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A tyrannical statement we’ve heard as children, and said as exasperated parents: If a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well.

Which means we might never learn or do new things, for who has margin for one additional thing?

In fact, the opposite is true…anything worth doing is worth doing badly.

* * *

I discovered this while learning German over the last three years. The pace at the beginning was too fast, so I did not master the absolutely essential foundational grammar, which meant that, for the first two years, I was staggering and stumbling through lessons, which were making me sad. But I prayed about it after each year, and felt clearly, for unclear reasons, that I should continue–and now, in my third year of the six year course, I have a gifted, intelligent teacher who loves language, who speaks slowly, clearly, expressively, and, most importantly, interestingly—and, when I understand her anecdotes, I experience that flash of pure joy as when, after careening and tottering, you are off, skating on ice effortlessly, a joy that would not exist if learning had not been so hard.

When I was an undergraduate at Oxford, I remember the critic Hugh Kenner saying that there was no point in learning foreign languages since we would never learn them well enough to understand the poetry. Well, he’s wrong! It enhances travel to know enough of the language to understand the conversations around you, to communicate in, to be able to read the newspapers, absorbing a different viewpoint, and world-view. There is joy in reading, speaking, and understanding a little German, or Hindi, or French, or English to name some of my languages, or Greek, which I have a reading knowledge of. I listen to an episode of an interesting German podcast every day, Slow German, and, oddly enough, it is among the most enjoyable things in my day.

* * *

In fact, the only way we can begin to shift our lives, and to change the multiple short stories our lives are telling, is to begin doing the good things we want to do…even if badly. “Whatever you want to do or dream you can, begin it,” Goethe. Just five minutes a day of it, if necessary.

I love the Japanese strategy of Kaizen—making major life changes through infinitesimal adjustments. Want to read more. Read a little before you sleep. A little with your morning coffee. A little after dinner. See how long you take to read that book. Set a goal to finish the next book in one day less (which, with the dint of another mini reading or listening session, you can) and so on, until you are reading, say, 52 books a year, which will change your thinking, inner life, and appreciation of life. It’s better to read a little—for the magic carpet ride, interior thinking space, and quiet that it gives you than not to read at all.

* * *

After I had an evil illness, and declined chemotherapy three years ago, I read that walking four miles a day would change one’s life, and perhaps save it. Well, I almost built up to that a couple of times, but not quite. However, a short walk is better than no walk; a few yoga stretches is better than the one hour of yoga I aspire to (but never do, except in a class); lifting a few weights is not as good as the recommended 20 minutes of weights, but better than nothing. “Do not despise the day of small things.” I am not physically strong, sadly, but am committed to becoming stronger and fitter for that greatly increases my enjoyment of life.

Gardening brings me a good deal of joy, aesthetic pleasure, serenity, and thinking time, and also keeps me more flexible and limber. Every year, however, I return from our long summer holiday of two or three weeks, and find that my large garden of an acre and a half is a wilderness, and the pruning and dead-heading and weeding seems so overwhelming that I barely go out again until spring, when nature itself wants to drag you out, and then it’s so much work, and we wonder why we hadn’t put our garden to bed. I’ve decided to do a little and often rather than an hour spring and summer… and then nothing.

* * *

I would love to have a zen interior, a decluttered house, which I am closer to by dint of putting everything I don’t need in the garage, or barn, or detached study, which are now getting cluttered. It feels too soul-killing to take a whole hour to declutter, so I am doing it in tiny increments, 15 minutes a day, which doesn’t seem enough, but a whole lot better than not doing it at all. I’ve read that people hesitate to embark on minimalism because they think they’ll have to shed their most precious thing…which is a poor reason for not shedding your most junky thing.

* * *

The ultimate thing that’s worth doing badly, of course, is being a Christian, and pretty much everyone who’s not Jesus, does it imperfectly (some more imperfectly than others!)

However, it is an honour even to limp in the ways of the brilliant and astonishing Jesus. Because we think we fear doing the hardest thing for us–loving that dark, critical demanding person we find impossible; giving of our time to everyone who demands it of us–does not mean we should not continually travel towards the light, and attempt to conform our lives to Jesus’ teaching in micro-increments.

Following Christ (badly!!) has been the greatest honour and excitement of my life. When I am in a funk, when I feel confused, or angry, or out of sorts, or a teeny bit crazy, I pick up a Gospel, and read it fast, and his counter-intuitive words speak to me. Take up my cross, accept the difficulties of growth, or I am not worthy of him. The democratic life of continual prayer is open to everyone. Trust. “Don’t worry about anything at all.” Jesus’s teachings are like a diamond; there are always new glints.

I am invariably energised again by the call to follow Christ. In tiny steps, for this five minutes, this hour, this day. To think not only of myself, but of the others in my life, and of Him.

The Gospels: treasure you pick up when you are lost, a golden compass, guiding you to the right path, and since your trajectory is more important than where you are, it is better to take a few steps towards Christ, to crawl on the journey than never begin it, but drift towards the dark and hopeless regions of the Slough of Despondency, Doubting Castle, and Vanity Fair.

* * *

And HAPPY NEW YEAR, friends,

Love,

Anita

Image Credit: The wonderful Edward Knippers, on wrestling towards the light

On Living Life Single-hearted and Double-handed

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fdb08b5c8025a778a2e4cc3db7fe567aI had a fascinating conversation over a church lunch with a retired British missionary who had worked in Indonesia for 45 years. He had a boyish smile, and sparkling eyes.

At an age at which most people have two or three major subjects of conversation—their health; their children and grandchildren; or the general decay of the country, and universe–he was sprightly, talking of Skype conversations with people he is mentoring; of reading the Bible in three languages; of hosting Indonesians, and cooking them Indonesian food.

I enjoyed talking to him, and realised that loving Jesus is the best retirement plan. That to arrive at old age with a heart full of love for God, for Jesus, for the Spirit, for Scripture, and for people is the best investment.

I also realised to my shame that I had been single-handed instead of single-hearted in following Jesus. Part of me sought Jesus, and part of my heart was distracted with writing, something in which I have not been particularly successful—yet. The Chinese have a proverb, “He who chases two rabbits catches neither.” Sometimes, when you chase Jesus with one hand, and chase success with the other, God does not bless the latter to help you pursue what is important with both hands, and an undivided heart.

While work you love is certainly an excellent asset for old age, it is not as heart and soul-filling as friendship with Jesus. It does not surpass a relationship with the Father who “takes great delight in you, who quiets you with his love, who rejoices over you with singing.” (Zeph 3:17)

Talking to my new friend, I resolved again to try to be an apprentice of Jesus, to follow Him with my whole heart, to go through the narrow door into the vast starry world beyond with Jesus, and who knows, I may very well find there the other things my distracted heart had wanted.

An apprentice of Jesus, that’s what Dallas Willard calls a Christian, and that apprenticeship is both a life of excitement, and a unique path for each apprentice.

And I realised again that our greatest contribution may well be who we are, not what we do. A wise person, a good person, a person who knows God, a person with a heart full of love and kindness, whom you feel better, and course-corrected after a short conversation with—being such a person is a greater contribution to the world that anything we might do!

“The great paradox of our lives is that while we are often concerned about what we do or still can do, we are most likely to be remembered for who we were. If it was the Spirit who guided our lives, that will not die. Our doing brings success, but our being bears fruit.” Henri Nouwen

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In which I am Against (Most) Military Interventions, & Musing on Invisible Weapons of the Spirit

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David, NC wyethMy church, St. Andrew’s, Oxford, is experimenting with a café church format; a couple of worship songs, and then a brief sermon which we we discuss in small groups. Around Remembrance Day, November 11, we discussed war, and Christians in the military.

In the Sermon on the Mount (which the pacifist Anabaptists, precursors of the Amish and Mennonites considered their Bible within the Bible), Jesus makes his thoughts absolutely clear.

Do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.  If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.  I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. (Matthew 5)

So the question is “Do these words, these teachings of Jesus have any relevance in the 21st century?”

Was Jesus smart? Was Jesus wise? Did he actually have an inside track on how to live well?

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Now Christ will call some men and women who follow him into the military so that they can be salt and light, sweetness and wisdom, in that environment.

I believe however, that without a specific call, a Christ-follower should not enter the military (except in a non-combatant role, such as a chaplain or medic).

It would be wiser to choose a profession, and to steer one’s children towards professions, which are more of an unequivocal blessing to people, more likely to build up all God’s children, without the risk of having to kill your fellow human beings because your Commander-in-chief decides that this is in your nation’s interests.

A career in the military can be morally and spiritually problematic for a Christian.

  1. You may be called to attack and bomb another nation in the course of complicated geo-politics. Your nation’s need for oil. An oilman as President. A false suspicion that the enemy nation harbours a famous terrorist or has weapons of mass destruction. The striving of your nation for pre-eminence and power might send you to fight thousands of miles away to contain another superpower. The allies of your nation might demand your nation’s cooperation in a war that’s none of your business. A democratically elected leader might declare war to distract people from the economy, or to strengthen his position for the next election.

Joining the military means you must kill and cause untold devastation to other families at the behest of the elected rulers of your country, who ordered you to for their own purposes, including holding onto power–and, besides, who knows if they are wise men or foolish.

2.     Modern warfare is not clean; the use of drones causes distressing collateral damage amongst civilians.

The terrible things soldiers have seen and perhaps done leave them at far greater risk of post-traumatic stress disorder than the general population,          besides risking depression, substance abuse, and suicide.

3.     The long periods of separation are hard on family life, on spouses and children, and, just as hard on the soldier.

* * *

The US spends a staggering 23.9 % of the Federal Budget on Defense. (The UK, in contrast, spends 6%).

Would diverting some of the spending on the military to health, education, the arts, and scientific research leave a nation defenceless against its enemies? Or would it, oddly, make it stronger?

And on a micro-level, would doing what Jesus tells us to do put us at risk?

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Interestingly, two of the most spectacular military defeats sustained by the strongest armies of their time, were not accomplished by might or power, but by exogenous events, “acts of God,” i.e. the Russian winter.

In June 1812, Napoleon invaded Russia with 650,000 soldiers to the 200,000 soldiers of the Russian army. The Russians passively retreated, abandoning Vilna, abandoning and burning Vitebsk and Smolensk, the peasants burning their crops, leaving no food for the men and horses of the Grande Armée. After a one day engagement at Borodino, they withdrew again, leaving the road open to Moscow. Which Napoleon found engulfed in flames, no food but lots of hard liquour, a city populated by the prisoners just released from the jails, while the rest of the city’s inhabitants had fled with the food.

Finally, the Grande Armée straggled back, starving, freezing, losing thousands of men and horses on icy nights, harassed by the Russians, having lost to the Russian winter, to exogenous events, to acts of God.

Ironically, this defeat was repeated by Hitler at Stalingrad in 1942, though he had studied Napoleon’s disastrous defeat. The Germans ultimately lost The Battle of Stalingrad, the largest and bloodiest battle in the history of warfare, largely because of a lack of food and fuel…that, and the Russian winter.

Or to go back 5000 thousand years, the tide of battles in the Old Testament often hinges on exogenous events…a boy handy with a slingshot killing a giant. Marching, shouting and shofars bringing down the city of Jericho. Tidal waves submerging the pursing Egyptian armies in Exodus. Torches and trumpets at night deceiving and routing the Midianite armies in the time of Gideon.

The way of might and power has its limitations. Who would have thought? The way of Spirit, the way of the creator–that works.

* * *

As Dallas Willard writes in The Divine Conspiracy, Jesus was the most brilliant person who has ever lived. He gives us the most practical, realistic, up-to-date advice on living. His way works, which is why it has remained compelling through the centuries.

If you feel as helpless faced with the giant obstacles in your life as the Russian army faced by the Grande Armée three times its size…if you take your eyes off Jesus, and see people succeed through manipulation, through flattery, through deceit, through what Wordsworth calls greetings where no kindness is–stuff you instinctively feel you cannot engage in as a follower of Jesus–be of good cheer.

Though we cannot see God with our physical eyes, though we cannot see the weapons of the spirit–like prayer and goodness and obedience–they are no less powerful than the natural forces whose presence we cannot see until they strike: the Russian winter, or what insurance companies term “acts of God,” hurricanes, earthquakes, and tsunamis.

Do the work. Trust in God. Work with integrity and gentleness. Listen to the Spirit for the strategy you need for the next step. Be aware of the way the Spirit is working in your life and in the world. Remember nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or by few.

When you see those around you use the weapons of the world—flattery, manipulation, deceit–and win, do not be dismayed. Continue to rely on weapons of the spirit–prayer, integrity, and the wisdom and strategy that come from above. Wait for the Lord’s time, and for his blessing. The mighty walled city of Jericho brought down by marching seven times around it with trumpets. Who would have guessed?

Let faith rise.