Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

The Secret of Accessing God’s Power in our Daily Lives

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2-phoenix

The phoenix, which rose out of the ashes of his old body, is a symbol of Christ in traditional iconography.

It could also be a symbol of the power of prayer. Numerous times in my life, when I have been stuck, prayer–-intense, deep, desperate prayer–-has changed my circumstances. Has reversed the plot.

It is, in fact, a pattern seen throughout the Old Testament. God’s people sin; they descend into despair. And then we read the magical words, Nehemiah–or whoever–prayed to the Lord God of Heaven and Earth. 

And things turn around!!
                                                                                                                                  * * *

Hitting rock bottom–when we find ourselves utterly unable to continue in our own power– can precipitate change. We’ve done the self-reliance bit. We’ve failed. Over to you, Lord!

Turning to God in our desperation because we have no other resources somehow  accelerates his intervention in our lives, and,   paradoxically, releases a flood of grace and power.

John Wimber, founder of the Vineyard, describes a night in his Detroit hotel room when he was exhausted and depressed from continual travel. And he hears God tell him, “John, I’ve seen YOUR ministry (and frankly I’m not that impressed) but now I would like to show you MINE!”

From his failure and brokenness sprung a new reliance on Christ, and “signs and wonders” and the founding of the Vineyard, which revived the English church too, via David Pytches of St. Andrew’s, Chorleywood.

                  * * *

Dick Woodward, the pastor emeritus of Williamsburg Community Chapel, my old church in America, attributes a sea-change in his ministry to a moment when he hit rock bottom. His wife was bed-bound, and he was looking after 4 children, simultaneously changing two in nappies, when the phone rang. A long-winded parishioner.

When he finally got off, he cried out, “Lord, I can’t.” And he felt God say, “I have been waiting a long time to hear you say that. Let me tell you a remarkable secret. I can.”

From that sprang a worldwide teaching ministry, as Woodward learnt to live in the vine, in the waterfall of God’s power. He calls this the four spiritual secrets.

I’m not, but He is.
And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I can’t, but He can.
And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I don’t want to, but He wants to.
And I am in Him, and He is in me.

I didn’t, but He did.
Because I was in Him and He was in me.

* * *

I think of Hudson Taylor’s Spiritual Secret, which was essentially the same: do not strive for faithfulness, lean on the faithful one.

 I am reading an interesting book called They Found the Secret. The reason spiritual secrets remain secret is that they cannot be grasped by the mind or intelligence, but only by the heart.

And, like the fairy godmother of fairy tales who appeared when the need was desperate, we only crack the secret of accessing God’s power when we are desperate to do so.  When our ability to do life on our own has failed us.

* * *

 I struggled to surrender my writing to God in my thirties when my children were little.

Ironically, I now realise that that was the best time to surrender my writing to God because working with stress and feeling things are against you is the worst way to write, and my writing would have gone better if I was relaxed and had surrendered it to God, and worked as God provided time…

I would surrender it, and then, sort of take it back, fretting about the distractions of my life, my low energy, and the lack of domestic help from my husband. Not the best frame of mind for creative work.

And then when I started a business, writing became impossible, and for four years, I did not write at all!!

* * *

Now surrendering my writing to God or not is not an issue.

I don’t know any way to write other than peacefully in the waterfall of God, trusting him for strength and energy, trusting God for words.

The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus 4.

And, through my blog, my writing is reaching vastly more people than ever before.

* * *

How to work enabled by God’s power?

Here’s what works for me:

1 Repent. If anything you are doing is a major roadblock to experiencing the flow of God’s love and power in your life—and such a thing may quickly come to mind—repent.

2 Ask him for his power and grace to flow through you.

Visualizing myself in the river, a molecule in the vine of God, helps.

3 Total surrender. All I have is yours, and all you have is mine (John 17:10) Jesus said. Giving God our day, accepting what comes as from his hands, somehow helps us to access all that He has, his riches.

 

In Which I Tell You about a Weighty Battle

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 Obesity Influences

Have you had “one step forward, one and half step backward” struggles, otherwise known as the dread vicious circle?

I am delighted to say that, at the moment, I do not have any vicious circles in my life—those nightmare phases of life where everything you do has unintended negative consequences.

You know: You rush, and so you create a mess, and the mess stresses you, and so you eat some chocolate, overlooking the fact that chocolate will not tidy your house for you, and you cannot find things, so you own 6 pairs of scissors, and tweezers and combs and nail-clippers, more clutter, and you realise you are wasting money, and you feel bad about that and the stress of the mess and chocolate-weight makes you sleep a little bit extra, so you are late to things, and feel worse about yourself, and you pick up another chocolate bar and crisps as you rush, and now you are heavier, and feel even worse about yourself, and fall out with your spouse, and feel even worse, and need comfort and order a pizza, which has every one of the 1800 calories you were meant to consume all day. And then you don’t have the energy to tidy, or wake early or exercise, and so–guess what? Tomorrow you will need comfort again. Hello chocolate, my old friend.

Well, I have been in vicious circles like that—and that best way out of them is take one habit, just one, and stick at it, and slowly build self-confidence and energy and gumption. Flylady, overweight, depressed, in deep mess and debt, started an upward spiral by shining her sink daily–just that–which meant washing the dishes in it, and then she swiped the counters around it, and so on, and now has a house which can be made guest-ready in 15 minutes. Swoon.

Consistency and persistence will overcome any vicious circle or bad habit.

* * *

At the moment, however, I am tacking four areas of falling-short-of-the-glory-of-God, not generally advised, but on the other hand, I am enjoying the process of change and am energized by it.

I am waking at 6.35 a.m., but slowly pushing the alarm back. My Holy Grail goal is 5 a.m. Will I reach it? I believe so. This time round, waking early is easy, because I set an alarm at 9.35 p.m. to simmer down (yoga, tidy bedroom, read) for a whole hour before the second alarm goes at 10.35 p.m. for lights out. For the whole family, teenagers included.

I want a clutter-free house, and spend a couple of hours a week decluttering and tidying while the cleaner is here, doing the 365 less things project (getting rid of one thing a day) which has been paradigm-shifting. Asking: do I REALLY need this, rather than where should I stash it away?

Writing…. I am thinking of doing Jeff Goins 500 words project in February. I am sad to confess I did not write anything NEAR 500 words a day on my memoir this month, though I blogged. A lot. Yes, I did!

Weight. Ah, weight!! I have lost 15 pounds since I resolved to eat more healthily in November 2012, but that was 15 months ago. Very slow, very steady!

* * *

Ah weight! I left boarding school weighing 116 pounds, at 5’ 2” –considering myself overweight, since so many girls weighed 100, though looking at photographs, I see I wasn’t overweight, or particularly plumper than anyone else.

But I had a negative body-image—that I was fat–reinforced by nagging parents, so I sort of gave up, and steadily gained about 3 pounds a year since leaving school.

I broke that cycle in November 2012, and since then have lost a pound a month, 22 in all.

It’s not easy, but I plan to stay in the battle, aiming at losing half a pound a week, 26 in a year, and am meeting with a dietician to that end.

Being overweight is a mixture of dozens of bad food habits–what you eat, how much, when, why, where–and exercise habits. (See the Obesity Influences Map at the head of this post). It’s a difficult dragon to slay—because you must put dozens of good habits in place, but it’s a worthwhile dragon to slay.

Health risks increase with each additional pound. Overweight people are negatively perceived, which can drag you down.

And most significantly, just as the self-confidence from achieving one goal enables us to achieve others, discouragement about being unable to lose weight can affect our confidence when it comes to achieving other goals. And spiritually, the Enemy of our Soul will use this to drag us down.

* * *

Dr. Samuel Johnson, was a Christian, and great 18th century writer, lexicography and polymath–though he is oddly best-known for  being the hero of Boswell’s Life of Johnson, a sycophantic recounting of every bon mot which crossed the great man’s lips and there were several:

Boswell: I told him I had been that morning at a meeting of the people called Quakers, where I had heard a woman preach. Johnson: “Sir, a woman’s preaching is like a dog’s walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all.”

Well, Johnson produced a fraction of what he was capable of, much of his brilliance flowing into said bon mots in pubs and coffee-houses.

But as a Christian, and an ambitious one, he wanted to wake early, at 6 a.m. and write. This was difficult because he returned home in the early hours of the morning, and lay abed till 2 p.m.!!

But he never stopped trying.

Jack Miller in his Sonship course, which I went through, one-on-one with Jack’s son Paul Miller,   describes Johnson’s efforts.

1738: “Oh Lord, enable me to redeem the time which I have spent in sloth.”

1757: (19 years later) “Oh mighty God, enable me to shake off sloth and redeem the time misspent in idleness and sin by diligent application of the days yet remaining.”

1759: “Enable me to shake off idleness and sloth.”

1761: “I have resolved until I have resolved that I am afraid to resolve again.”

1764: “My indolence since my last reception of the sacrament has sunk into grossest sluggishness. My purpose is from this time to avoid idleness and to rise early.”

1764: (5 months later) He resolves to rise early, “not later than 6 if I can.”

1765: “I purpose to rise at 8 because, though, I shall not rise early it will be much earlier than I now rise for I often lie until 2.”

1769: “I am not yet in a state to form any resolutions. I purpose and hope to rise early in the morning, by 8, and by degrees, at 6.”

1775: “When I look back upon resolution of improvement and amendments which have, year after year, been made and broken, why do I yet try to resolve again? I try because reformation is necessary and despair is criminal.” He resolves again to rise at 8.

1781: (3 years before his death) “I will not despair, help me, help me, oh my God.” He resolves to rise at 8 or sooner to avoid idleness.

* * *

Jack Miller put Dr. Johnson’s failure down to the fact that he had never learnt to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit.

* * *

Ouch. Touche.

My life blossomed in my forties when circumstances forced me to rely on God. I founded a business which I found exhausting, and was so outside my experience and knowledge and interests that I was forced to pray constantly.

And then I began to blog—I who had written careful, much-revised pieces.

My goal for my blog was steady month-on-month growth. And for that, I needed to rely on God. For blog growth depends on rapid writing and good posts, but far more, on people reading your posts, and sharing your posts, and you can do nothing to induce them to do either, but trust, and lean deeper into God from whom all good blogs flow.

* * *

And losing weight and getting physically healthy, an issue which has bugged me since my teens (unnecessarily so, at first)–How come I tried to do it by will-power?

Will power is over-rated. I am done with will power.

I am still in the battle to lose weight, because as Charles Duhigg says in his brilliant book “The Power of Habit,” each change you make makes a whole lot of other, unrelated changes possible. In study after study, people who’ve done one of these—lost weight, started budgeting, woken early, got organised—have found the strength, almost unconsciously, to progress in all the other areas. And that has been my experience.

I am hoping to lose weight as a branch in the vine, relying on God’s power, asking him for it, trusting that he will give it to me.

“Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit,” says the Lord (Zech 4:6).

To tell, the truth—I have never relied on God’s power, asking him for it, trusting that he will give it to me in the area of weight loss, though I do it when I write, for instance, or when I struggle to keep my temper, or to forgive.

So losing weight by surrendering the struggle to God, relying on his power, and trusting him to give me strength will be entirely new territory for me. For instance, I have been shutting my laptop and praying, just enjoying God, whenever I get tired or bored and I crave chocolate.

I will be blogging on this battle. And prayer for strength or victory will be appreciated.

 

 

In Which Stars Make News Viral, and We Can Trust our PR to Him

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His birth could not have been more humble, more anonymous–in a manger, for there was no room at the inn.

Of their social network, only Elizabeth, Mary’s elderly cousin, confined by pregnancy, and married to the priest Zechariah who was temporarily dumb, had been told.

But everything was in the hands of God who loved Jesus, his son who would teach us to see differently, to think differently, and to live differently.

And so God splashed a new star in the sky, luring Magi, wise men from the east, astrologers and astronomers to Bethlehem, bringing news of the birth to King Herod. Shepherds heard angels sing of it.

The good news crossed national, ethnic and socio-economic boundaries; it reached the rich and the poor, the wise and the powerful. The King heard of it, the priests heard of it, the army heard of it, the scholars heard of it, the shepherds heard of it. While Mary and Joseph quietly went about their own business, telling no one about their marvellous child.

God brought about all the connections Jesus needed.

* * *

Today, as in the Prophet Habakkuk’s day, “The nations exhaust themselves for nothing.”

We live in a harried world of self-reliance, in which we can feel that everything depends on us.

Our world tells us exhausting things like, “It’s not what you know, but whom you know.”

We are told that new media—blogging, tweeting and Facebook– has eliminated the old gatekeepers; that now anyone can socially network their way into success, fame, and influence.

Right! To the old imperative of doing the work, we’ve added the new imperative to network to get our work out there, to get the word out.

And all this makes us busier and more tired.

* * *

But, oh man and woman loved by God, the one whose birth we are celebrating offers us rest.

Do your work peacefully, and leave your PR in the hands of a very clever God, who used stars and angel song so that, within days, the news of the birth of his son went viral.  He will be more creative than you could ever imagine.

Put your hope in him.

* * *

 At the end of this year, we cannot do better than to put our work, our lives, and our futures into his hands who promises us joy, peace, and answered prayer.

And to do so is exciting, for he specialises in surprises.

A new star in the sky: who would have thought of it?

I am entrusting my life to him today.

Join me?

 

My guest post for Share the Hope UK

In which Birds Teach us Not to Worry

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We can worship God in church, and we can worship God while walking through the spectacular natural world he made, which is full of clues to his character. The heavens declare God’s glory, without words.

Trees, the ocean, the day and the seasons tell of a God who loves beauty, who made all things well, who offers us rhythms as a gift, alternating periods of blazing bright and quiescence, when we gather strength for the next period of full flourishing.

* * *

I think Christ uses examples from the natural world most tenderly when he assures us that the Father feeds the birds of the air, who do not sow or reap or store away in barns, (Matt 6: 25-34).

Or that he clothes in glory the lilies of the field who do not labour and spin. He watches the sparrow, his eyes full of delight.

And we are more valuable.

So do not worry about your life, about the future, Jesus says. Your father is watching you, as you, with delight, watch the finches at your feeder, for whom you’ve laid out food and fat and water.  You are under his protection.

* * *

Do not worry.

Not worrying is a mental discipline we learn with practice, just as writing well, or running fast are creative and physical disciplines we learn with practice.

So I am training myself to be calm, relaxed and super-chilled, to go through my day peacefully.

* * *

Norman Vincent Peale describes, in one of his Positive Thinking books, being hustled from event to event at a conference he was speaking at. He was finally gets to his room, and is told, “Dinner in 10 minutes.” “Yes, yes,” he says nervously, and looks around stressed. Then he realises he doesn’t care if he missed dinner. He could get room service.

He lies down, falls asleep, wakes up twenty minutes later, refreshed, calmly snaps on his bow-tie, and goes to dinner. He had only missed the pre-dinner speaker and the soup, and by all accounts neither was good.

* * *

Kathleen Chesto writes, “A story is told of a safari in the Serengeti. A researcher was rushing to the mating grounds of the African elephant. He had started late and pushed his porters relentlessly to arrive by mating season. On the fourth day, the porters sat down and refused to move. The translator explained they would go no farther until they had given their spirits time to catch up with them.”

Peale waited for his spirit to catch up with him, only missed the soup, and did his evening peacefully

* * *

One thing I have learned from the Peale story, which I think of every time I am running late is that rushing and stress are simply not worth it. If I am running late, I don’t look at the clock at home, or  in the car. I get there when I get there, and enjoy it, and if I’ve missed the soup, so be it.

(Must add though, that having been the girl who always ran late all my life, in mid-life I have realised that being late is a choice, which I don’t need to make. It’s stressful, and a bit rude. Am getting my act together and re-configuring things so that I am late less often.)

* * *

Another area in which I have decided not to worry is my blog. Interestingly, we cannot control the most important factor in the success of our blogs: i.e. how many people read it. Normally, the number of my readers or “Unique Monthly Visitors” in blog and Google parlance rises, month on month. When it drops, in summer or December, I wonder if I should write more.

However, I cannot, at present, see how I could write more, or devote more time to my blog without neglecting the other things God has given me to do—I want to work on a book. I am a wife, and mother, own a house and a garden and a body which I need to exercise. I am a spiritual being, and I need to nurture my relationship with God from which, truly, everything flows.

And so, having spent 30 minutes drafting a blog, I need to lay it aside for the day, and when I am worried that it is static, I need to pray about it as I go about my day.

For it is a Christian blog, and the meat of good Christian writing comes from surrender, from burrowing more deeply into the holy things of God and reporting your findings, and that can be done while gardening or walking.

And so if I find myself worrying if my blog will ever grow, I pray instead that I may know Christ more, and that he may bless my blog, and give me whatever ideas he may have for its growth. For he is kind, and his ideas will lead to energy, not exhaustion.

And so I lean in, and listen instead of worrying–and ideas come.

So that is my rule for myself vis-à-vis my blog: I am not allowed to worry. I am allowed to pray, for blessing, for ideas, for strategy. And, oddly, that simple rule will work for every area of my life.

 

From Babel to Pentecost: God Thwarts Self-Sufficiency Which Excludes Him (but Blesses Leaning)

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Brueghel tower of babel

Tower of Babel (Breughel)

Genesis 11

So men decide to build a ziggurat, “with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves.” (Gen. 11:4)

And God thwarts their ambition. Their confident, well-coordinated, carefully-worked-out, imaginative, forward-looking plans.

If they continued to function in this way, these steady, methodical visionaries, making bricks, baking them, using tar for mortar, building a city and a tower, then, “Nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them,” (Gen 11:6) God says.

But would this Godless city bring joy or peace or rest to its inhabitants or to the world?

So God confounds them. Confuses their language, and scatters them all over the earth.

* * *

It was sad. They had everything going for them, had a good plan and the intelligence and ability to execute it—and yet were thwarted

It’s a consistent Old Testament curse, “You have planted much, but harvested little.  You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

 “You expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away.” (Haggai 1).

* * *

It resonates with me, painfully. I see myself in my twenties, and thirties and early forties, a young woman, then a woman no longer that young–determined to succeed as a writer.  I see all that education; all that training; all that practice; all that reading and deep love for books; the drive; the hungry assimilation of the whole world and everything it, and, yeah, natural talent even, a gift of writing that had been early and consistently recognised.

But distraction, lack of discipline, prolonged marital conflict, prolonged depressions after each rejection of a book manuscript, and it all came to nothing. I had the uneasy sense that perhaps I was not operating under the blessing of God.  That He was thwarting my tower of Babel.

* * *

Why was it not blessed? Well, I was doing it entirely with my own strength. I chose my path and asked God to bless it. I sacrificed for it: time with my spouse, children, friends, service at church, domestic duties… but these were not necessarily sacrifices God asked me to make. Well, I wouldn’t know; I never asked.

I was on a treadmill, desperate to validate myself, to have something glittery to say when people asked what I did. My husband was a Maths professor; I believed I was just as clever as he was. I resented being stuck with the dishes, laundry, cooking and childcare, while he lived in the ivory towers of stimulation.

And so I wore myself out. I gave up more and more to finish the manuscript, eventually even giving up the saturation reading which helps you work with words swiftly and magically.

I deeply exhausted myself, and ultimately lacked energy and spirit to revise my gargantuan manuscript in line with the agents and editor’s suggestions. My tower of Babel remained incomplete.

* * *

Fortunately, another theme runs through the Bible: God reverses curses. His judgements are temporary. His rods and staffs  force us back to him.

God sees that if the men of Babel continue as they had begun then “Nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.” But those dreams would, in Matthew Arnold’s words, bring them “neither joy, nor love, nor light, nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain.”

God, the original dreamer, the original visionary, who, in Genesis 1, dreams the world into being, loves to see our dreams come true, but he wants us to pursue them in step with him, wearing his easy yoke, asking him for the power to make our dreams come through.

Jesus reverses the curse of Babel when he says, “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible for you.”  Through him, and in him, and with him.

* * *

 The men of Babel say, “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves.”

I suspect it is not the making a name for themselves that God disapproves of.

We are the beloved. God did not make any of us insignificant. Listen to the ambition of kindergarteners—they want to be movie stars, Presidents, astronauts, ballerinas, writers, soccer players. None of them wants to be insignificant—and God does not want them to be so either.

In certain fields, writing or blogging or publishing, let’s say, it is necessary to “make a name for yourself,” to get your work out there, to get your work read.

The 80/20 rule applies in the blogosphere. My husband, the mathematician did a quick analysis of my list of leading bloggers and, sure enough, the top 20 in the list had 69% of the readers. Visibility brings a readership.

* * *

So go off and build a tower?

No, but if it takes visibility to get your work read, ask God for a readership. Or ask God for ideas on how to get a readership.

There was nothing wrong with the desire of the men of Babel not to be scattered over the face of the whole earth.

Unfortunately, they did it without God, assuming that God was their enemy out to thwart them, so it led to much wasted, inefficient, scattershot effort.

Look at the unnecessary complexity with which they hoped to achieve their hope of staying together. “Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves.”

Why not just ask God not to let them be scattered, rather than make bricks, and bake them, and build a city and tower and make a name for themselves?

* * *

Trying to do things yourself just adds extra, unnecessary steps. Asking God, however, often provides a solution with streamlined elegance.

When I was a very new Christian, I said to the woman who was mentoring me, “I want to marry X (who wasn’t a Christian) because he will earn enough for both of us, and I will be able to stay home and become a writer

She said, “Why not just pray that you can stay home and become a writer?”

I stared. Hadn’t occurred to me!

Asking God for his guidance will always give us the simplest, most elegant, efficient and imaginative way of doing things.

* * *

Gradually, I learned to lean. Without any business experience, without, even, as I supposed, the temperament of a businesswoman, I founded a business which supports our family. I had to lean and pray, lean and pray, for it to work.

And then I began to blog. There are tens of thousands of Christian blogs worldwide. How can one’s voice be heard?

Leaning. Leaning. Asking God’s creative spirit to flow through you and give you ideas and tell you what to say and how to say it.  Asking him for favour and breakthroughs—so much more efficient that any scattershot networking one might do.

* * *

In God, curses are reversed.

Pride brings division in Babel. People speak in many tongues, and they cannot understand each other.

But when the Spirit comes, in the great era inaugurated at Pentecost, he helps us sing a new song, speak in elegant, exuberant new languages that cannot help but charm, and be understood by those who also have the same spirit and so hear us tell, in our new spirit-inspired language, the wonderful works of God.

 

 

Writing by Relying on the Lord

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“Moses, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus, Chapter 4.

Am trying to write with less dependence on education, training, previous reading and study, and more reliance on the spirit of God, of creativity. It’s a very interesting retraining of instincts and reflexes, after so many years of relying on the former.