gratitude | Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

An Infallible Secret of Joy

I have always hungrily sought joy–primarily in reading and poetry as a child and teen… And, having lived in some beautiful places in my life, such as Nainital in the Himalayas during boarding school; and in Norham Gardens, facing the University Parks, for two years as an undergraduate at Oxford, I’ve almost unconsciously relied on natural beauty to lift my mood.

However, the first house that my husband Roy and I bought (in 1992, in cash, since the church we then attended taught, correctly!, that debt was a menace) though rambling and roomy, was in a city street in Minneapolis, close to the University of Minnesota where Roy was a postdoc. Houses to the left and right, in front and behind us. Walking through city streets, I’d wonder if joy was even possible in a busy twentieth-century city cut off from nature.

I asked a speaker at a retreat this question, and it led to a five-year discipling relationship in exchange for editing his first book. (Miller describes this exchange, significant for both of us, in his excellent A Praying Life.) My spiritual life deepened. I found joy in gardening, running, walking or travelling as a family, movies, gazing at art, reading and writing, in prayer and the Bible, in friendships, and the two book groups I run, but still, it was dappled joy as flickers and lightning bolts, rather than as a settled, abiding state.

My Christian book group has just read a brilliant book, The Divine Conspiracy, by Dallas Willard. He elucidates the secret of joy as expressed by New Testament writers. The secret of joy, Willard says, is to accept the life you actually have, with its frustrations, thorns and thistles, “as the place of God’s kingdom and blessing.” Consider trials and suffering pure joy, the Apostle James writes, and even rejoice in them, as the Apostle Paul says, because they develop perseverance, character and maturity. And these we need for a fruitful, happy, and successful life.

Our bodies can only become super-flexible through yoga and stretching; super-strong through lifting weights and resistance exercises; and gain endurance through long-distance runs or walks. Mastery, whether in writing or mathematics, only comes through homoeopathic doses of suffering… the more distractions and low-value activities we sacrifice for our craft, the better we get. And accepting the demands of life cheerfully—the discipline necessary to maintain good health, a tidy home, healthy relationships, and to work well, make money and save money—develops character.

Hassles, failure, illness, injustice, slander and long-deferred dreams are all things we can validly pray to be delivered from; “deliver us from evil,” we implore in the Lord’s Prayer, or as Jabez famously puts it, “Bless me so that I will be free from pain.” But burdens and challenges come as teachers. They tattoo lessons onto our skins and implant them in our brains.

I’ve gained my deepest convictions through failures and mistakes, for instance, reading or working so intensely, for so long, that I burn out. These convictions include:

Get your house tidy before you read or write.
Make sure your body is happy before you read or write. Keeping your body happy helps keep your mind, spirit, and emotions happy. Burn off bad moods by running. As Rick Warren writes (in deeply wise daily emails you should subscribe to), If you want to change anything, start by changing your body.
Practice intermittent fasting. It will help you lose weight, and remember to pray. (I’ve lost 82 pounds!)
Avoid sugar and carbs.
Be friends with God. “Abide” in Jesus. If you are stressed, stop; re-establish peace with God before doing anything else.
Hey, forgive. Drop things into God’s hands; ask him to bring good from them.
Trust God. Drop life’s sadnesses, worries and conundrums into his hands.

And more recent “learnings.”

“People are God’s treasures,” in Dallas Willard’s phrase. How you treat people matters to God.
Prioritise friendship. Get together with friends twice a week. Have meaningful conversations. Life is too short for “small” talk.
All money is God’s money, in Rick Warren’s phrase. Don’t fret about it. God is the giver.
Wait twenty-four hours before writing or replying to contentious emails!

This is a secret of joy: “In everything give thanks,” as the Apostle Paul writes, because God, the great artist, can bring extreme goodness out of anything–character flaws, broken relationships, wasted time and effort, financial losses, life’s thousand sadnesses. He is creative, wily and kind enough to do so. So train yourself to be happy, even grateful, in the murk and mud.

So I preach to myself–Count it all joy: the admin, the tedium, the hassles. You are becoming strong by hefting the weights of life. Developing the character you’ll need to do what you really want to do with your life. Your failures teach you what you must learn to get good at life. And sometimes you’ll turn to God in desperation, and the Spirit will have his “dark descending,” in Gerard Manley Hopkins’ phrase, and pour God’s love into your heart. You will increasingly experience it—great waves of the love of God, shaking you.

AN OFFER

I have published a memoir recently, Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India, which took longer than it reasonably should have done.

Links–UK, US . Available wherever Amazon sells books, and through other online booksellers.

I would love you to read it.

A decade or so ago, the blogger and writer Jeff Goins offered to read a blog post, have a look at one’s blog site, and have a skype chat about both of them with anyone who bought his first book and sent him the receipt. Well, I was just experimenting with blogging, so I did, and he did. And I found it helpful.

So, now that I am figuring out creative ways to get my memoir into the hands of readers, I would like to offer something similar.

1 Buy a copy of the book in whichever country you are,

2A leave me a review on your Amazon site, 2B and pop it over onto Goodreads,

3 then send a screenshot or link to receipt and review to [email protected] and also your WhatsApp number (or we could connect on Facebook Messenger, Skype or Zoom) and we’ll have a 15 minute chat, video or audio as you prefer.

A conversation…about what? Anything you’d like to talk about, ask about, or discuss; anything you think I might be able to help you with. Here are some of my passions and interests: Writing. Reading. Prayer. The Bible. Theology and theological questions. (Hearing the voice of God. Spiritual disciplines like fasting). The ketogenic diet and exercise (on which I’ve lost 82 pounds). Running book groups. Travel. Gardening. Decluttering. Parenting. Any thorny issues you’d like to talk or pray through.

I will definitely chat to everyone who buys a copy and reviews it, at the rate of one or two people a day, first come, first served, until I’ve chatted with everyone :-). Thank you.

Grazie Signore! “Thank you, Lord, for those who have greater gifts.”

By Anita Mathias

In his excellent The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning mentions the limited Antonio Salieri, court composer to the Holy Roman Emperor, who was conscientious, devout, and wildly jealous of the wildly gifted Mozart who–neither conscientious, nor devout–tossed off sublime music in the interludes of a life of “wine, women and song, and he didn’t sing much.”

Nevertheless, at the end of each piece of limited, uninspired music, Salieri added a postscript, “Grazie Signore.” Thank you, Lord.

Manning continues,“Grazie Signore, for other people who have greater gifts than mine.”

And that was a prayer I had never thought of praying.

* * *

Those of us brought up by restless parents with unfulfilled ambitions—and I guess that’s many of us!!—have, from childhood, absorbed ambition and striven to be the best, to win the prize, the first prize, if there are two.

An Oxford undergraduate recently told me that at school, she had to be the thinnest, the cleverest, the best in every field she was interested in, and there were many. At Oxford, however, faced with myriad people just like her, this drive made her ricochet between anorexia and bulimia. And exhaustion. Always exhaustion.

Oh, I know all about burnout and exhaustion (though not about slenderness!)

“If you do one good deed, your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one,” C. S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy. Since success elevates us to a vaster ocean, this drive to be the best will inevitably burn us out and exhaust us, diminishing potential achievement.

And worse, should God ever grant a foolish Salieriesque desire to be the best, some interest and challenge would leach away from our world. It is a blessing I take for granted—that in my social circles, professional circles and online circles, I continually encounter those who are more intellectually gifted, creatively gifted, spiritually gifted, and better read. Always someone to learn from.

We all take that blessing for granted. Even the greatest living scripture expositor, speaker, scholar, writer, prophet or mystic still has much to learn…from the great cloud of witnesses who have gone before us, leaving silvery snail trails to inspire…

So that’s it for envy—an occupational hazard of writers, according to Bonnie Friedman in her Writing Past Dark. Let me shed it with unforgiveness, and other cancers of the mind.

Grazie Signore, I resolve to inwardly rejoice whenever I read a writer or a blogger quite obviously better than I am.

Grazie Signore, for all those who write with the pen of angels, for they fill the world with exquisite language.

Grazie Signore, for original thinkers who make me too think.

Grazie Signore for the well-stocked mind of scholars.

Grazie Signore for all those who garden better than I, for in meandering around their gardens, I learn.

Grazie Signore for those read your word more deeply than I do, for they show me new things in it.

Grazie Signore, for those who encounter you more deeply than I do, who see your face more clearly, hear your voice more distinctly, for I learn more about you from them.

Grazie Signore, for those who are spiritually gifted, the speakers who revive my flagging spiritual fervour; the prophets who can tune into your thoughts; the mystics who can see your face and feel your heartbeat.

Grazie Signore, for the world so rich, so full of gifts, which you pour freely on all men and women.

Tweetable

Brennan Manning’s prayer: Grazie Signore, thank you, Lord, for those who have greater gifts.

On Choosing Happiness Today

By Anita Mathias

The three legged runner is the symbol of the beautiful Isle of Man which I loved exploring.

Ah, that’s me. One foot in the past—well, naturally, I am writing a memoir. One foot in the present, trying to live each day well. One restless foot leaping into the future, planning, dreaming.

But perhaps the most important talent we can cultivate is to be happy in the present moment. To mine and celebrate the gold in it. To choose happiness in it.

For if we do not learn to be happy in our present, such as it is, it is highly unlikely that we will be happy in our future, such as it will be.

For the secret seeds of happiness are found within ourselves.

If all the stuff we have, all the money we earn has not made us happy, it is unlikely that having more of the above will make us happy. If our garden, as it is now, is not a deep joy, the perfect garden will not be a deep joy either. Our restlessness will persist. If the success we have found in our work, such as it is, has not made us happy, odds are, more success will not make us happy either. For apparently success does not contain it itself the seeds of happiness, and we have not yet found a way for our work itself to make us happy.

That is one summary of the Book of Ecclesiastes: Rejoice in your work, in your spouse, in your everyday life, for life is short

But the dead know nothing;

they have no further reward,

and even their name is forgotten.

Their love, their hate

and their jealousy have long since vanished;

never again will they have a part

in anything that happens under the sun.

So go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.

* *

However, this earth was never designed to entirely satisfy us. God withholds just enough of bliss so that our appetite for our true home, in him, remains.

“The Christian says, ‘Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that country and to help others to do the same.” C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity.

* * *

How do we find joy and happiness in our daily life in this world which is our temporary home?

Cultivating a habit of gratitude, thanking God for the goodness of the day changes the flow of my inner life to gratitude. Recording three good things helps. Or using a 10 minute repeating timer on my phone, and thanking God for something glorious when it buzzes: the ever-changing panorama of the skies, the people who love me, the house and garden I live in, the books and art which have enriched my life; the places I have travelled to, the beautiful things I have seen.

I love this George Herbert’s poem “Gratefulnesse”

Thou that hast giv’n so much to me,

Give one thing more, a gratefull heart

Without that grateful heart, we will not fully appreciate what we already have, or what is yet to come.

* * *

Tweetables

Perhaps the most important talent we can cultivate is to be happy in the present moment. From @AnitaMathias1

Without that grateful heart, we will not fully appreciate what we already have, or what is yet to come. From @anitamathias1

For if we do not learn to be happy in our present, we may not be happy in our future we dream of, for happiness lies within us. From @anitamathias1

The Creative’s Planner, 2016

By Anita Mathias

I have designed my own 2016 Planner to plan and organise my creative work, and the other things I want to keep track of. I used the blueprint in 2014, and found it brought clarity to my day and increased my productivity.

Here it is if you’d like to order a copy. On Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk.

It is a traditional Appointment Diary.

But there are also sections for

Food Records

A column of the usual Appointment Diary is devoted to keeping track of meals eaten. Studies say you lose twice as much weight if you record what you eat (though sadly I often forget to).

There’s a column to check if they are healthy. Keeping track of the healthiness allows for mid-course adjustments.

There’s a little box to record your daily weight, if that’s important to you.

5 Reasons for Gratitude

Space to record five things you are grateful for. Recording reasons for gratitude leads to a 25% increase in happiness, and better health. It leads to “higher levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determination, optimism, and energy.” Those who record their blessings experience “less depression and stress, were more likely to help others, exercised more regularly, and made greater progress towards achieving personal goals.”

10,000 Steps

The consensus is that 10,000 steps a day is the minimum necessary for good health, according to Britain’s NHS. It also spurs creativity. I usually fall short of this, but 2015 is a new year!!

Recording steps, and one’s progress is motivational. I use an Omron HJ-112 Digital Pocket Pedometer , very reliable.

Three Creative Projects

Donald Miller suggests working on no more than three projects at a time. I like the idea; it gives clarity. It is very peaceful and freeing.

What I Get to Enjoy Today

Listing the simple good things— time with family, reading, gardening, a walk, prayer, tidying a messy room, listening to worship music while you tidy up, a movie perhaps—helps you face your day with anticipation and joy.

If I Could Live Today Again

Another idea from Donald Miller. If you were to do a do-over of the day, what would you do? List it in the morning.

If day after day you list the same things and do not do them, something is very wrong.

Lastly,

A To Do List

Go on, order a 2015 Creative’s Planner for yourself or your favourite creative; clarify and organize your life; increase your productivity, (and support Dreaming Beneath the Spires in the process)

The Creatives’ Planner, on Amazon.com ($11.99)

The Creatives’ Planner on Amazon.co.uk (£9.99)

Here’s a glimpse of what a page looks like.

Thanks. Enjoy!

Let me be singing when the evening comes

By Anita Mathias

My daughters, Zoe and Irene, returned from a visit to my mother in India moved and struck by a 91 year old childless widow called Jenny.

Jenny lived alone, in a tiny house that a landlord had carved off from his own house. One “room” was a corridor. Her tiny bedroom leaked and the landlord would not fix the roof, so she slept in the minuscule living room.

She owned little, had no income, and meagre savings, but was cheerful and happy. “When I wake up in the morning, I thank Jesus for everything.” “I read my Bible all the time.” She was upbeat and positive, singing them a cheerful song about counting blessings in her quavery old voice. With very little money, a tiny leaky house, and no family. My goodness!

They took her a little box with five Thornton’s chocolates. In return, she gave them five bars of chocolate, and a tiffin of chicken curry she had prepared, keeping only a wing for herself. The next day, out of her generosity, she sent pork curry. Overflowing generosity; overflowing joy. There is a link.

* * *
One of my life’s epiphanic experiences was visiting the Bible teacher Dick Woodward who was paralysed from the neck down and in pain, but ebullient, wise and cheerful. What is inside is everything, I realized. Our attitude is everything. The spiritual life is everything. All the wealth and success in the world cannot give us happiness. The spiritual life, on the other hand, is like magic eyes which bathe everything in rainbows and gold dust.

I have a slight advantage when it comes to happiness stakes, because I am naturally cheerful and high-spirited. “Happy” if you like. Current psychological research suggests a “set-point” for happiness–life events move us a few points up or down, but it’s basically set by our inherited biology.

However, being cheerful and positive is also learned behaviour, a facet of character, and of paramount importance to develop as one ages.

Andrew Solomon in his writing on depression (Noonday Demon) suggests that, as we age, the sheath of myelin around our nerves wears away. Anyone who lives long enough will eventually become clinically depressed (he speculates).

What’s our best defence against becoming a crabby, ungrateful, tiresome, negative old person?

Practising. Practising cheerfulness. Practising gratitude.

Positive psychologist Martin Seligman posits that whose who record the “three blessings” of their day find themselves 25% percent happier in 1-3 months.

Wow!

Thou that has given so much to me,

Give one thing more a grateful heart

Not thankful, when it pleaseth me;

As if thy blessings had spare days:

But such a heart,

Whose pulse may be Thy praise. (George Herbert, “The Temple”).

That is one of my frequent prayers: Give me a grateful heart. For all the blessings, all the wealth, all the success in the world is of no benefit to us if we do not have a singing heart, thankful for the goodness of the world pouring itself into our very small hands.

Oh, let me be singing when the evening comes!

Image Credit

The Power of Praise, Even in the Animal Kingdom

By Anita Mathias

“Orpheus Charming the Animals”Jacob Hoefnagel ( credit )

I keep learning and forgetting and learning again the spiritual power of praise and gratitude—eucharisteo.

It’s one of those spiritual practices that unleashes disproportionate power—like prayer, or the power of love.

Why it even works in the animal kingdom.

Several feisty horses live in the field behind my garden. Many villagers bring them apples and carrots, and stroke them. But I have not grown up with horses, and while I enjoy looking at them, and love the placid, gentle, almost bovine look in their eyes, I do not voluntarily pet them. I consider my small delicate hands, and their long mouths and enormous teeth, and the disproportion alarms me.

Well, as I cross their field on my walks across country footpaths, the horses come up to me, snorting, snuffling me to see if I have brought them crunchy treats. If I have a water bottle, they go for it, assuming it’s a treat for them. They surround me, I freeze, and they come closer, putting their noses into the red hood of my coat, as if it’s a nosebag! Talk about up close and personal!

I have called Roy on my mobile to come and rescue me, the horses trying to get hold of the mobile, and have then just stood there frozen, waiting, snuffled by horses, because if I moved, they followed me.

And then I took to avoiding the field behind our orchard, the natural gateway to field after field with public footpaths through them. Garsington has more public footpaths through fields than any other Oxfordshire village!

* * *

Well, this week, the horses came, majestic and determined, with their characteristic snort. “He sayeth among the trumpets, Ha, Ha.” (Job 39:25.)

I decided not to give way to fear, because they probably smell it. All animals instinctively seek dominance, and to assert a pecking order (the bullying primate behaviour which Frank Schaeffer sees in conservative Christians who insist on male headship and female submission. Okay, digression over 🙂

And so this week, instead of turning around as the horses trot towards me from every corner of the field, or saying, in a somewhat quavery voice any horse worth its salt could hear through, “Nice horse, good horse, let me go,” I decided to genuinely praise the God who made them.

And so I stroked that long, long nose, as long as my arm, and said aloud, gingerly at first, but gaining conviction, “Lord, I praise you for this beautiful horse. I praise you for its tranquil, dreamy eyes. I praise you for its strong body. I praise you for its (oops, over-) friendly temperament.”

And as I stroked, and praised, I genuinely began to calm down, and to see the beauty of that huge, gentle plaintive-eyed horse, and it too began to calm down, and—hallelujah!!–let me go on my way without following me.

Wow, he had realized that I wasn’t afraid, that I had grown to like him. He had sensed that I was calm, and so did not feel the need to bully me by following me, in his snorty Ha-Ha way.

The music of Orpheus was meant to calm the animals. Well, apparently, so is the music of praise to their creator.

The Arithmetic of Counting Blessings

By Anita Mathias

I have started to keep a gratitude journal, noting five things a day I am grateful for. Like the hawk I saw float over the fields of Garsington. My pink rose bush in prolific blossom.

And the very fact of slowing down and giving thanks, even, especially, when I am stressed or sad, does induce what Michael Hyatt calls “a change of state.”

* * *

I picked up Selwyn Hughes, The 7 Laws of Spiritual Success from one of George Verwer of Operation Mobilization’s “Take what you want; Give what you want” book tables, which generally have excellent books.

The rest of this post consists of notes I’ve speed-typed from Hughes’ excellent chapter, “Counting Blessings.”

“Thou hast given so much to me

Give me one thing more

A grateful heart.” George Herbert

* * *

Sir John Templeton, financier and philanthropist who gives away millions of dollars every year says that when he awakes, he lies quietly on his bed, and thinks of five new ways in which he has been blessed. He believes is this one of the chief reasons why peace and contentment flood his life.

John Templeton–For every problem people have, there are at least 10 blessings.

* * *

Charles Spurgeon–”It is a delightful and profitable occupation to mark the hand of God in the lives of His ancient saints and to observe his goodness in delivering them, His mercy in pardoning them, and His faithfulness in keeping his covenant with them. But would it not be more interesting and profitable for us to notice the hand of God in our own lives?”

* * *

“Count your blessings.” Impossible advice. Our arithmetic is not good enough.

When we exhort our soul to praise the Lord, our emotions follow. A law of the personality and of life: what we think about will soon affect the way we feel. Rational Emotive Therapy is based on this idea–“Change your thinking, and you change your feelings, and the next consequence is a change in behaviour.”

We would be much calmer and more confident in the presence of new troubles if we remembered vividly the old deliverances; if we had kept them fresh in mind, and been able to say, “The God who delivered me then will not desert me now.”

John Newton:

“His love in times past forbids me to think,

He’ll leave me at last in trouble to sink.”

Auden–“Let your last thinks be all thanks.”

William Law, “If anyone would tell you the shortest, surest way to all perfection and happiness, he must tell you to make it a rule to yourself to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you. For it is certain that, whatever seeming calamity happens to you, if you thank and praise God for it, you turn it into a blessing.”

In everything give thanks–for everything works out for good. “God can take the worst thing that has happened to you, and turn it into the best thing that has ever happened to you.”

The risen Christ is the greatest reminder that even the evil of the cross can be transformed into a new and exalted life.

It is a law of the soul that the more we focus on what we have rather than what we don’t, the more the soul begins to thrive.

Becoming a person full of joy, overflowing with thankfulness is a matter of practice!

By Anita Mathias

Irene, delighted with and thankful for the sash of her new dress!

About 15 years ago, I was on a women’s retreat at which we were asked to write down what we wanted our lives to look like in 5 years. Along with ambitious, pipe-dream goals which have not come to pass, I included this, which has not come to pass either, but to which I am closer, “I want to be full of joy, overflowing with thankfulness.”

* * *

Three years ago, at Christmas, we were visiting my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law in New Zealand at Christmas. They were both depressed and exhausted, so we did all the shopping, cooking and washing up.

So we go to the grocery store, planning to buy duck which is what our family eats at Christmas, but was apparently not what Kiwis eat at Christmas. They apparently do not eat turkey either. So, another spanner in the works.

But then I looked around at all the amazing things they did have–crayfish, paua (abalone) and kumaras, chinese gooseberries, South Island wines–and lamb, lots of lamb, very cheap. It’s the country in which there are more sheep than people after all!

And it was one of those watershed moments. If I were ever going to be full of joy, overflowing with thanksgiving, well, I would just need to start practising right now. Start thanking God for my blessings, in that unfamiliar crowded Christmas Eve grocery store in Gisborne, New Zealand.
* * *

“Full of joy, overflowing with thanksgiving”–that describes a very attractive person, doesn’t it? The sort of person you would love to spend time with, to be with.

And I guess we get to be that kind of person, arithmetically, by just counting one blessing after another.

We become people overflowing with joy and thankfulness by practising, by keeping on thanking God for his goodness, as revealed in our lives, and in creation.

For my new joy in walking, thank you, and for my increasing pace, and very slow and very steady weight loss, and for the very slow and very steady growth in my blog, thank you, and for the girls happily and quietly reading, thank you, Lord, and for being able to taste your goodness in the land of the living, thank you, Lord!
* * *

While physical beauty, like intelligence, is given to us by God according to his plans for our life–the beauty of being a person “full of joy, overflowing with thankfulness” (Col. 2:9) is an equal opportunity thing.

As Jesus said, God sends his sun and rain on the good and evil alike, and gives good gifts open-handedly (though unevenly) to everyone.

So anyone, rich or poor, brilliant or so-so, healthy or infirm, naturally cheerful (as I am) or naturally low-key, can choose to count their blessings, to be thankful everyday for the goodness of God, nature, the world, and people, can become a person, full of joy, overflowing with thankfulness.

Like everything else, it just takes practice!

Without that grateful heart, we will not fully appreciate what we already have, or what is yet to come.

* * *

anita.mathias