joy | Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

An Infallible Secret of Joy

I have always hungrily sought joy–primarily in reading and poetry as a child and teen… And, having lived in some beautiful places in my life, such as Nainital in the Himalayas during boarding school; and in Norham Gardens, facing the University Parks, for two years as an undergraduate at Oxford, I’ve almost unconsciously relied on natural beauty to lift my mood.

However, the first house that my husband Roy and I bought (in 1992, in cash, since the church we then attended taught, correctly!, that debt was a menace) though rambling and roomy, was in a city street in Minneapolis, close to the University of Minnesota where Roy was a postdoc. Houses to the left and right, in front and behind us. Walking through city streets, I’d wonder if joy was even possible in a busy twentieth-century city cut off from nature.

I asked a speaker at a retreat this question, and it led to a five-year discipling relationship in exchange for editing his first book. (Miller describes this exchange, significant for both of us, in his excellent A Praying Life.) My spiritual life deepened. I found joy in gardening, running, walking or travelling as a family, movies, gazing at art, reading and writing, in prayer and the Bible, in friendships, and the two book groups I run, but still, it was dappled joy as flickers and lightning bolts, rather than as a settled, abiding state.

My Christian book group has just read a brilliant book, The Divine Conspiracy, by Dallas Willard. He elucidates the secret of joy as expressed by New Testament writers. The secret of joy, Willard says, is to accept the life you actually have, with its frustrations, thorns and thistles, “as the place of God’s kingdom and blessing.” Consider trials and suffering pure joy, the Apostle James writes, and even rejoice in them, as the Apostle Paul says, because they develop perseverance, character and maturity. And these we need for a fruitful, happy, and successful life.

Our bodies can only become super-flexible through yoga and stretching; super-strong through lifting weights and resistance exercises; and gain endurance through long-distance runs or walks. Mastery, whether in writing or mathematics, only comes through homoeopathic doses of suffering… the more distractions and low-value activities we sacrifice for our craft, the better we get. And accepting the demands of life cheerfully—the discipline necessary to maintain good health, a tidy home, healthy relationships, and to work well, make money and save money—develops character.

Hassles, failure, illness, injustice, slander and long-deferred dreams are all things we can validly pray to be delivered from; “deliver us from evil,” we implore in the Lord’s Prayer, or as Jabez famously puts it, “Bless me so that I will be free from pain.” But burdens and challenges come as teachers. They tattoo lessons onto our skins and implant them in our brains.

I’ve gained my deepest convictions through failures and mistakes, for instance, reading or working so intensely, for so long, that I burn out. These convictions include:

Get your house tidy before you read or write.
Make sure your body is happy before you read or write. Keeping your body happy helps keep your mind, spirit, and emotions happy. Burn off bad moods by running. As Rick Warren writes (in deeply wise daily emails you should subscribe to), If you want to change anything, start by changing your body.
Practice intermittent fasting. It will help you lose weight, and remember to pray. (I’ve lost 82 pounds!)
Avoid sugar and carbs.
Be friends with God. “Abide” in Jesus. If you are stressed, stop; re-establish peace with God before doing anything else.
Hey, forgive. Drop things into God’s hands; ask him to bring good from them.
Trust God. Drop life’s sadnesses, worries and conundrums into his hands.

And more recent “learnings.”

“People are God’s treasures,” in Dallas Willard’s phrase. How you treat people matters to God.
Prioritise friendship. Get together with friends twice a week. Have meaningful conversations. Life is too short for “small” talk.
All money is God’s money, in Rick Warren’s phrase. Don’t fret about it. God is the giver.
Wait twenty-four hours before writing or replying to contentious emails!

This is a secret of joy: “In everything give thanks,” as the Apostle Paul writes, because God, the great artist, can bring extreme goodness out of anything–character flaws, broken relationships, wasted time and effort, financial losses, life’s thousand sadnesses. He is creative, wily and kind enough to do so. So train yourself to be happy, even grateful, in the murk and mud.

So I preach to myself–Count it all joy: the admin, the tedium, the hassles. You are becoming strong by hefting the weights of life. Developing the character you’ll need to do what you really want to do with your life. Your failures teach you what you must learn to get good at life. And sometimes you’ll turn to God in desperation, and the Spirit will have his “dark descending,” in Gerard Manley Hopkins’ phrase, and pour God’s love into your heart. You will increasingly experience it—great waves of the love of God, shaking you.

AN OFFER

I have published a memoir recently, Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India, which took longer than it reasonably should have done.

Links–UK, US . Available wherever Amazon sells books, and through other online booksellers.

I would love you to read it.

A decade or so ago, the blogger and writer Jeff Goins offered to read a blog post, have a look at one’s blog site, and have a skype chat about both of them with anyone who bought his first book and sent him the receipt. Well, I was just experimenting with blogging, so I did, and he did. And I found it helpful.

So, now that I am figuring out creative ways to get my memoir into the hands of readers, I would like to offer something similar.

1 Buy a copy of the book in whichever country you are,

2A leave me a review on your Amazon site, 2B and pop it over onto Goodreads,

3 then send a screenshot or link to receipt and review to [email protected] and also your WhatsApp number (or we could connect on Facebook Messenger, Skype or Zoom) and we’ll have a 15 minute chat, video or audio as you prefer.

A conversation…about what? Anything you’d like to talk about, ask about, or discuss; anything you think I might be able to help you with. Here are some of my passions and interests: Writing. Reading. Prayer. The Bible. Theology and theological questions. (Hearing the voice of God. Spiritual disciplines like fasting). The ketogenic diet and exercise (on which I’ve lost 82 pounds). Running book groups. Travel. Gardening. Decluttering. Parenting. Any thorny issues you’d like to talk or pray through.

I will definitely chat to everyone who buys a copy and reviews it, at the rate of one or two people a day, first come, first served, until I’ve chatted with everyone :-). Thank you.

My One Word for 2015 : Joy

By Anita Mathias

I had wanted to choose “Accelerate” as my One Word for 2014 but God impressed “Alignment” on my heart, and it proved to have been useful through a tumultuous year—a cancer diagnosis, and surgery, the death of my beloved border collie Jake from cancer, a burglary. And some nice things too… being invited to Cambodia for a week by Tearfund; being the runner up for Tweeter of the Year in the Christian New Media Awards; being interviewed on Premier Radio; publishing a children’s book, Francesco, Artist of Florence.

* * *

That cancer now a past tense occurrence, God willing, all gone.

Because I could not stop for health, health kindly stopped for me. Health will be one of my priorities this year

I will have to be careful about diet and exercise–so as not to have a recurrence. My body will have to change its bioeme to become an ecosystem unfavourable to cancer. I will learn stress management techniques, and practice positive psychology, thinking positively. I am juicing to get my diet more nutrient-dense, and am moving towards a raw and plant-based diet.

I thought of choosing “Focus,” as my word for the year because huge things can be done with focus, but no, I had a greater need.

My word for 2015 will be Joy.

* * *

I am training myself to become conscious of my emotional states, of when joy leaches out of me, and am learning to slow down and ask, “Why are you sad, oh my soul?”

And then, I am learning to accept the things I cannot change, and to change the things I can, as in the brilliant Serenity Prayer used by Alcoholics Anonymous, and to be thankful for the rest, the obviously good things, and the more ambiguous things–for there is a God who is writing straight in crooked lines in my life. Again and again, I see this.

When I notice I am grumpy and low-spirited, I tell myself, “Anita, light the sacred flame of joy.” I visualise myself as a priestess in a temple filling the sacred bowl with incense, the seeds of joy, lighting the flame. I start noticing the good things, thanking God for the good things. I ask the Holy Spirit—who, Jesus says, comes on demand–to fill me with joy, those rivers of living water, and He does.

We can change our emotional states, as blogger Michael Hyatt writes. He calls being able to do this his most important asset.

I shift my emotional state by entering the narrow gates of surrender to God. By deciding to walk in love. By praise and thanksgiving. By worship music. By reading a bit of the Bible or a spiritual book. By physical activity, a walk outdoors, or even just tidying the house. By spending time with my family or seeking out a friend to hang out with.

* * *

19 years ago, I told a good friend Paul Miller (author of A Praying Life, often praised as one of the best books on prayer, for instance by Tim Challies) that I had not experienced joy-as opposed to happiness. He volunteered to disciple me in exchange for editing help, and this discipling relationship lasted for 5 years. Joy, he said, comes from dying, from dying to self.

I did not stumble upon joy through “dying;” that was not my path. (However, I learned other things from Paul, about Jesus–I was an editor for his book Love Walked Among Us–about love, and faith, and prayer).

Nonetheless, I was eventually surprised by joy. Joy and peace crept up on me, as my original ambitions were thwarted, and the fierceness of ambition leached away, leaving more of an openness to what God might be doing in my life, to the plot he was writing. To giving God what he takes, and taking what he gives, with a smile—Mother Teresa’s definition of holiness.

So in 2015, I want to experience joy, by seeking it where it lies in plain sight, and if necessary, hunting it down, looking a little harder, a little deeper. I want to light the flame of joy with the incense of praise, of thanksgiving, of faith, of Scripture, of nature, of friendship, all the good and precious things which come down from the Father of Lights.

And if you’d like to pray for me, please pray for vibrant health and that cancer never returns. Eight weeks after surgery, I am glad to report that I feel full of energy, good spirits, health and…yes…joy!

Tweetables

One Word for 2015: Joy. On lighting the sacred flame of joy from @anitamathias1

Have you chosen a one word goal for 2015? What is it?

One Secret of Joy: Be More Dog

By Anita Mathias

https://youtu.be/LB8dD9c5AgA

So what’s the secret of a dog’s wild energy and wagging tail?
Their warm heart, their boundless capacity for love? Their short memories, their natural ability to forgive?
Be more dog.

http://youtu.be/yu9sWjnJFHU

And here is Jake the Collie, in the buttercup meadow behind my house

And me and Merry, my Labradoodle

Walking Away from the Dreaming Spires; Walking Away from Joy

By Anita Mathias

The Dreaming Spires
(credit)

Well, my daughter Zoe is in Cambridge today for her Entrance interview, and I have been thinking about Oxbridge interviews.

Fielding describes being interviewed to read English at Cambridge by Kingsley Amis, “the world’s greatest satirist,” who had recently written Lucky Jim.

Asked “What novel would you take on a train journey?” he says—no, not Lucky Jim, but Wuthering Heights—“I drone on about pathetic fallacies and thanatoid visions – just the kind of bilious bollocks the world’s greatest satirist needs to hear from a callow wanker on a sofa.”

Amis abruptly and scornfully terminates the interview. “My school is later informed that I am “woeful” and “without obvious potential“.

* * *

Here’s C.S. Lewis’s description from Surprised by Joy of arriving in Oxford for his entrance interview.

My first taste of Oxford was comical enough. I had made no arrangements about quarters and, having no more luggage than I could carry in my hand, I sallied out of the railway station on foot to find either a lodging-house or a cheap hotel; all agog for “dreaming spires” and “last enchantments.”

My first disappointment at what I saw could be dealt with. Towns always show their worst face to the railway. But as I walked on and on I became more bewildered. Could this succession of mean shops really be Oxford? But I still went on, always expecting the next turn to reveal the beauties, and reflecting that it was a much larger town than I had been led to suppose.

Only when it became obvious that there was very little town left ahead of me, that I was in fact getting to open country, did I turn round and look. There behind me, far away, never more beautiful since, was the fabled cluster of spires and towers.

I had come out of the station on the wrong side and been all this time walking into what was even then the mean and sprawling suburb of Botley. I did not see to what extent this little adventure was an allegory of my whole life.”

Or anyone’s!

I live in Oxford now. It is 97 years since Lewis came up for his interview, but the contrast between the golden, gleaming, dreaming spires, and mean Botley is still striking.

* * *

In the famous Alpha course, leaders often tell this story attributed to a Native American elder,

There are two dogs inside me. The black dog is mean. The white dog is good.
The black dog fights the white dog all day.

When asked which dog wins, the elder reflected for a moment and replied;

The one I feed the most.

* * *

Yeah, it’s another way of gauging our thoughts, actions and choices, isn’t it? Are they leading towards the Heavenly City of the Dreaming Spires in which the Lord, high and exalted, is seated on a throne; and the train of his robe fills the temple with glory, while above him seraphim fly, calling to one another:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.” (Isaiah 6)

Or, instead of “the fabled cluster of spires and towers,” are the thoughts and emotions I am harbouring leading to a mean, small-minded suburb of judgements, negativity, jealousy and competitiveness?

On a bad, bored day, I have to check my thoughts many times and ask—Do I want to live here, in this small, claustrophobic negative suburb?

When someone annoys me and my thoughts spiral repetitively, rehearsing the many and manifest failings of this person, as they gradually, in my mind, turn from grey to black to horrible–I need to stop and ask myself, “Is this the address I want to live at? Obsessing about this silly person’s silly faults? Or do I want to dwell in the secret places of the Most High?

* * *

“Stop, drop and roll,” my kids were taught when in elementary school in America—basic fire safety.

Well, when I find myself spiralling into negativity, or fear or worry, I have my own routine, “Stop, drop, repent.”

A) Force myself to think about the person’s good points; thank God for the goodness in them,

B) Meditate on whether I myself have ever been guilty of the annoyingness I see them. And so use this “beam research” as an energizing spur to repentance

C) Turn to Jesus, the Lord upon the throne. Ask for his Holy Spirit to fill me.

D) And remember my goals, long and short term, ask him for strength to fulfil them. Move from the negative to the positive; from the mean streets to the golden spires and towers; from a pointless drain on my energy to being re-energized.

* * *

Yes, turn to Jesus. For there is life

Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. For my flesh is real food, and my blood is real drink. I give my flesh for the life of the world. (John 6,53, 55).

And I change my address. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood dwells in me, and I in him. (John 6:56). No longer will I dwell in smallness and negativity. I will escape to the secret places of the Most High. Yeah, I will dwell smuggled in the recesses of Jesus, the Rock.

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“I will give you my joy, and no one will take it from you”

By Anita Mathias

Jesus’s lovely promise in John.

It is totally spectacular. On a grey, gloomy day as it is today in Oxford, England, we can remember that Jesus gives us his joy, and that nothing and no one–no circumstances can take it from us.

By learning to forgive too, we can avail ourselves of some of this joy. People who disappoint us can no longer rob us our our joy as we learn to forgive them!