Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

The Church of the Holy Saviour in Chora (Kariye Camii), a Byzantine Jewel in Istanbul

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Chora Church, exterior, back view.

As Roy engages in the daunting task of sorting out our photographs, I asked him to share a few on my blog.

Here are a few of The Church of the Holy Saviour in Chora, a Byzantine Jewel, which Simon Jenkins of the Ship of Fools had suggested we see. I loved it.

Now over to Roy:

Chora Church is a small church some distance from the historic center of Istanbul, but the mosaics, regarded as the most beautiful surviving Byzantine mosaics in Istanbul,  were definitely one of the highlights of our visit. Being out of the way, it is usually not  very crowded, and being small allows a much closer view of the mosaics.  It was first a church, then a mosque, and now a museum.  I have divided the images into sections: exterior, major mosaics of Christ and the Virgin, smaller mosaics of the life of Christ, and the frescoes of the Parekklesion.  The last two are the most unusual, at least to the non-Byzantine viewer. [Read more…]

Sheridan Voysey’s “Resurrection Year”: A Book Review

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 On Broken Hearts, Dashed Dreams and Resurrection Years

Last June, Sheridan and Merryn Voysey told us their story over dinner—ten years of infertility, IVF, and stalemated adoption (ten years which coincided with the success of Sheridan’s radio programme in Sydney) after which they settled in Oxford, seeking resurrection.

I’ve enjoyed reading Sheridan’s new book Resurrection Year. A few reflections:

1 Never define yourself by your  “great sadness.” Maintain an attitude of gratitude.

Oh, for own healing, we need to keep our palms open to God, accept what he gives, and let him take what he takes.  As cheerfully as we can manage!

One of Voysey’s goals in writing this book is to encourage people not to define themselves by their tragedies, for every life has much sunshine too.

2 Travel helps in the healing of the heart

Merryn Voysey’s dream had been a husband and kids. When the latter was denied her, she decides on “a consolation prize:” “Live overseas. Have an adventure.”

As an inveterate traveller, I know travel helps to heal the heart, restoring perspective. I travelled to Venice and Florence in 1998, a magical trip after a messy miscarriage with prolonged haemorrhaging which left me heart-broken and exhausted, exotically fainting!  And came back with renewed physical and creative energy, a mind full of new ideas and a heart healed by distraction and beauty. So much beauty!

I was bored and stuck in Williamsburg where we lived for 12 years. When the chance came to move to England, I leapt at it, just to live in a stimulating place, not even caring about whether we’d be better or worse off. (And by the time we factored in private school, and dream houses, we were far poorer)

I love Mark Batterson’s formulation in The Circle Maker: Change of Pace + Change of Place= Change of Perspective.

Interestingly, the Voyseys’ path of healing also included a total change of scene. Sheridan left his radio show. They travel to L’Abri in Switzerland, founded by Francis Schaeffer, trying to find an answer to Merryn’s theological question, “Is God a meanie?”

Reading Greg Boyd’s Is God to Blame? they conclude that (while God is ultimately sovereign–my interpolation, not Boyd’s view) many factors decide whether prayer is answered: “God’s free will, human free will, angelic and demonic free will, the faith of the person praying AND the person prayed for, the number of people praying, how persistent the prayer is, the number and strength of spirits battling in the unseen world and the presence of sin.”

* * *

The Voysey’s resurrection year was partly inspired by Adrian Plass who advises them. “New beginnings follow death, as resurrection follows crucifixion.”

A river must flow. If you are blocked in one direction, see why God has permitted the blockage, and what you are now to do. Either override the blockage, or accept it, and flow in another direction.

A change of scene, moving to another country, is a first world solution, and the Voyseys (and I) live in the first world, and it has apparently worked well for them, as for us.

However, if a massive uprooting after sorrow is not financially or practically possible: Be comforted.  There is great value in rootedness. Benedictines and Trappists add a fourth vow: stability, a commitment to a particular community, in a particular place. In rootedness and commitment one learns to love well, to love people one has known for years, and to know and love the anchoring land.

3 Seek the silver lining, but more, seek how your suffering can bless other.

The Voyseys  begin to see some benefits to childlessness: “less financial pressures without little mouths to feed,” “flexibility to travel without thinking of schooling,” “write books” “have an international radio show.”

However, Adrian Plass advises them to move from acceptance and seeking silver linings to what Jesus did at the crucifixion: “an event  so barbaric that one could not put a positive spin on it.”

Instead of trying to find “an up-side,” Jesus blessed people throughout his crucifixion. He was “positively crucified.”

He made his crucifixion bloom, ministering to his mother; the good thief (“Today you will be with me in paradise”), the mockers, (“Father, forgive them”), the centurion, converted by his grace under pressure, and to us, who have been forgiven by his sin.

Seek whom you can bless through this experience, Plass seems to be advising them, so that the process of resurrection begun in their trips to L’Abri and Oxford might bloom into blessing for many more people than they might ever have imagined.

Amen!

Sheridan blogs at sheridanvoysey.com.

 

A River Walk on the Thames Path from Sandford Lock to Folly Bridge, via Iffley Lock

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Enjoy this post by my husband Roy on one of our favourite walks by the River Thames in Oxford, incredibly beautiful and a great place to relax. Roy takes his camera, I take my jumbled thoughts. He comes back with photographs, and I come back with peace and a blog post.

Roy thinks we should walk the 51 miles of the Thames Path to London, some day or week. He’s serious, but I pretend he’s joking.

Now, over to Roy

The Kings Arms at Sandford Lock is great place to start a riverside walk.  Upstream,  it is 3 miles, and perhaps the nicest river walk in Oxford,  past river boats, flocks of grazing geese, Iffley lock, Iffley Meadow, and the college boathouses to Folly Bridge and Christchurch Meadow.  The section from Iffley Lock upstream is paved.  Downstream, it is more rural, and one can follow the Thames Path right into London.

Sandford Lock to Folly Bridge via Iffley Lock

The green at Sanford Lock is a wonderful place for a picnic.

The green at Sanford Lock is a wonderful place for a picnic. Opposite the Kings Arms, with its outdoor garden.

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Words in Social Media as Pearls, Stones, Swords and Life

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Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. (Matt 13:45)

And if you had one of those pearls, what would you do with it?

Here’s what you would not do: You would not “throw it to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matt 7:6)

Words as Pearls.

We each have our own orientation—politically and theologically, and tweets and arguments aren’t going to change it.

If you come across a position you strongly disagree with, consider if your words are likely to change the person’s mind. If not, conserve your time and energy.

When argued with, consider if your retort is likely to change the other person’s mind. If not, keep your time, energy and pearls, and let the other person have the last word.

(Sometimes, of course, one is called to challenge harmful theological or political positions—that subjugate women, that harm the poor, and then one needs to use one’s pen as a sword).

Words as Stones

Throw enough pebbles, long enough, and the victim dies, as in the ancient Mosaic death by stoning.

Words, flung at us like stones, can sap, hurt and damage our spirits, and without being precious about it, we need to protect ourselves.

That best way to deal with passive-aggressive frenemies on Facebook or blogs–you know, who mock and contradict and shoot down pretty much every idea or post is to block them. If you know them in real life, politely explain why. Sadly, on occasion, perceived or actual success can change “friends” to frenemies.

If random readers are rude or abusive to me on Facebook or Twitter or my blog, I instantly block them, which is like flinging an invisibility cloak over myself, and offers a measure of protection. Life is short, and some people need meds and shrinks, not blogs and twitter.

Words as Swords

Here is a mighty use of words: For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Wow! The only way we Christian writers might write words which are alive and active, speaking to soul and spirit, is to slow down enough to overhear God’s spirit.

But here’s the catch. Writers have sharpened their verbal instrument. And when you cross them, when they are very angry? There is the temptation to use words, not as spirit-empowered swords, but as weapons.

And that’s when words are a double-edged sword. You cannot damage or destroy someone else without being damaged in the process, even if the damage is just in your spirit, the most precious, and often least-valued part of a person.  It’s measure for measure.

There are exceptions, of course, but it’s safest to only use words as swords after prayer and discussion with other Christians.

And what when your words as pearls are stolen?

Last week, I noticed a commentator on my blog had taken the idea, the tripartite division, the metaphor, structure, and some words and passed it off as her own work–on a site of Bible reflections, to add insult to injury. And it was the second time, this young woman had taken my insights, imagery and words from posts she’d commented on, developed them, and guest-posted them on larger sites, without attribution.

Me: “Jesus, do you see this? Do you see that comment, “It’s the most profound thing I’ve seen.” And look at her, just accepting the praise, as if she’d thought of the idea herself.”

Jesus, “Let her.”

Me, “It was my original thinking and living and writing. And instead of doing her own thinking, she’s passing off my insights and words as her own. That’s just lazy.”

Jesus, “Let her.”

Me, “Jesus, you are so pacific. You are of no help to a girl when it comes to plagiarism!”

And he, tenderly, “Anita, do you not think that I could even now give you twelve legions of blog ideas. My thoughts towards outnumber the grain of sands. Tune in. Listen to me for fresh ideas.”

And I relax, and I tune in to Jesus. Yes, “let her!” And I step into the waterfall of living waters, and let it course through my cantankerous soul, scouring it, cleansing it, filling it. And words of life begin to bubble up.

* * *

He is the Word. And his words are truth and life to my soul.

Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.

On Brothers and Inheritances, and When Jesus is Exasperating

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So this is C. S Lewis’s famous trilemma: when Jesus is outrageous, as he often is, you have to decide. Do you laugh him off as a lunatic, blow him off as a liar, or bow the knee as to your Lord?

The aggrieved brother in Luke 12 was faced with Lewis’s trilemma. “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me,” he asks, perfectly reasonably.

Jesus is having none of it. “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”

In other words: “You are on your own, buddy. You make your own inheritance-pursuing-or-relinquishing choices. Don’t involve me.”

But he advises him, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

Beware of greed: wanting more than you need. Because life is not about amassing money or stuff.

And then he bursts into story. A rich man got richer. Instead of enjoying his wealth right now, living in the present, and sharing some of it, he decides to tear down his barns and build bigger ones to store his surplus, “enough for many years”. And THEN he will “Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” ’

But God calls him a fool, because he was living in future tense. He would die that very day without enjoying his wealth at all, and without getting to share it in the way he might have wished.

It is foolish to store up wealth, instead of being generous towards the priorities of God, Jesus concludes. (Which I interpret literally, that Jesus calls those foolish who waste their precious lives storing up wealth.)

* * *

Brothers and inheritances have suddenly become an issue for us. Roy’s grandmother left substantial money in Roy’s name, and we’ve been pressured by his “baby’ brother to sign it over to their mum, to be left to her heir. And given that he has power of attorney, we are suspicious as who that might be.  She has bought this brother rental properties and retirement homes, so that he, a medical doctor, Cambridge-educated like Roy, has spent his life adventuring in mountains, rarely doing paid work, whereas we, we’ve worked hard, and, and…

Can you hear me hyperventilating?…And can you sense the terrible tedium of family financial politics, and the resentment, and emails are flying, and all of us are committed Christians, and it is getting ugly. And an uncle, a judge, as it happens, audacious, outrageous, takes the brothers side. He wants to control the money, putting in trust, supposedly for the mum, but we’re suspicious, and blackmails us with far-fetched threats. Time-zone differences mean we go to sleep and wake up with harassing emails about money!!

And my peace, which I believe is the normal state for a Christian, is being shaken. Blogger Emily Wierenga says a kiss is never just a kiss. It involves “hips, lips, heart, mind and neglected childhoods.” So too a family financial dispute is never only about money. It’s about who was cleverer, and who was the favourite, and who has been more successful and what is owned to the ugly duckling. It’s about greed and resentment and fear and lack of trust in God. It’s about living as if God cannot even now give us twelve legions of inheritances.

I had told Roy: I am the writer, let me handle this, but this all got too filthy-ugly for me and affected my peace and my sleep and my weight and my blogging. I was being dragged down by other people’s greed, and our own intransigence.

* * *

So yesterday, I walk alone to the Sgwd yr Eira waterfall in the Brecon Beacons before going to the Cwmbran revival meetings (on which more soon).

And as I walk, I hear the voice of Jesus say tenderly, “Anita, do you remember my fable about brothers and inheritances and bewaring of greed?”

Me, warily, “Yeees.”

He, “So?”

I am sullen and silent. Feeling very rebellious.

And he’s silent too. He’s a gentleman that way.

* * *

And me, crossly, “Roy’s worked hard for our house, and that baby brother, aged 48, gets houses just for the asking, and he’s rarely done any paid work, and now he’s trying to get this inheritance too, and it’s just not fair.”

But now it’s down to this: Liar, lunatic or Lord. Do I believe Jesus when he says “Beware of greed?” Or not?

When bossy little me helps my peaceful husband contend for his inheritance, we are stressed. I don’t feel I am living in the waterfall of God’s love. Take my little paws off contending, which is greed, and I am at peace again. We can live without the inheritance (as can all the other people contending for it, incidentally).

So after six weeks of emails escalating in bitterness and incivility and the general imploding craziness of family financial feuds, I write saying: No more contending on our parts; no more quarrelling; this is the last email from us on the subject.

Don’t quarrel and fight, James says. If you want something, ask God.

* * *

Following Jesus is a matter of these little hair-pin decisions. You either do what he says, and continue ascending with him on the narrow paths that lead to life, or laugh at him as the man must have done who wanted an inheritance and got a story, and then go on into a world of stress and contention, wealth perhaps, but a whole lot less peace, because you will no longer be walking according to the eccentric, infuriating, outrageous, apparently nutty dictates of Him who is wisdom incarnate.

* * *

The Christian life is like that, a tricky business.

Every now and then, Jesus asks you in the silence of your heart. “So, honey, are we going to do this my way? Or your way?”

The choice is yours. If you say, “Jesus, to be frank, your way is nuts. Not contend for our inheritance, indeed!” he will look at you sadly, but not push the point.

And your paths will diverge, and one day you will look at him sadly, remember the romance you once had, the love you once shared, the time he lived within you like a stream of living waters, and you will be sad.

So I make my choice. No more contending. Yeah, I will hold on to Jesus with both hands, will dance with him, and I will let Him take care of inheritances. Or even, God forbid, the lack of them!

In which Grace is like Manna, Given Day by Day, in our Time of Need, and Just Enough

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I have desired some real life fairy tales which haven’t happened.

And there are spiritual fairy tales I have desired. To be able to say: “Some one prayed for me, and the mathematical problem which has baffled me all my adult life: “How to eat less than I burn” was resolved, just like that.”

“I prayed for a baptism in creativity,  and someone laid hands on me, and it was as if the floodgates of heaven opened, and all that grace and inspiration flowed, and I began to write as if God were dictating, and I wrote a book in a weekend.” (Or a week, or a month, or a year!)

“Oh, someone prayed for me, and then grumpiness–oh, it vanished. I became Little Miss Sunshine.”

Ah, brilliant fairy tales!

Haven’t happened to me. And one reason possibly is: oh how insufferable that would make me!

If all our weaknesses were taken away, just like that, we wouldn’t need God, would we?

* * *

I have heard other people testify to these narratives, and who am I to doubt them? Because as far as I know, Jesus never refused anyone who asked him for healing. He seemed unable to keep his hands off them.

But healing comes in many ways. I am in the process of being healed.

And this is the way healing comes to me: Not in blaze, a sudden receiving of sight, but through daily leaning.

I have to ask for it every day. Have to kneel, collect it and eat it every day.

Take eat, this is my body, this is my grace, this is my love, Jesus says.

Like manna. Little flakes like frost on the desert floor (Ex 16:14). They appear each morning and are sufficient for the day (Ex 16:4). He who gathers extra finds he has no more the next day, but needs to come again with humility and dependence.

Manna: grace God gives us in our time of need.

Manna: grace for those who can’t do life without God. Manna to be eaten in your daily quiet times to remind us that man lives by every word from the mouth of God (Matt 4:4).

Eating manna. Eating Jesus. Eating his word.

Eating manna of grace, divine strength, through the day to remind me to bless my body in what I eat and drink, and how I exercise.

Eating manna through the day to remind me to use my words like pearls, carefully, thoughtfully, not foolishly venting, so I feel better and my listener feels worse.

Eating manna when weakened by the winds of emotional temptation—anger, fear, worry.

Eating the manna of faith against worry.

Eating the manna of surrender against anger.

Eating manna when I am tired, so I relax and open my mind to the eternal springs of creativity.

Grace like manna, given to us daily in our deserts. Grace to help us in our time of need. Just enough so that tomorrow we return to God needy and dependent again.

 

In which I am convinced Heaven will look like Kew Gardens in Spring (Photoblog)

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Roy and I have been to Kew Gardens every week this spring. I am learning to run, and it’s a lovely place to jog, through the azalea and camellia and rhododendron, and fields of bluebells and crocus and fritillary. Our walks are usually 4 miles, but you just don’t realize how far you have done in this constantly changing panorama. Heaven, I believe, will have a little area reserved for Kew Gardens.

The rest of this blog and the images are from Roy.

Kew Gardens is a wonderful place to visit on good day.  (Even on a rainy day, there are the glass houses.)  Here are  few pictures from several visits this spring.

Snake's head fritillary, Kew Gardens.

Snake’s head fritillary, Kew Gardens.

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Some of the 30,000 fritillaries planted at Kew.

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The square patches of color looking like scales and shape give the flower its name.

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The Lucombe Oak, created by William Lucombe,  is a cross between the Turkey Oak and the Cork Oak.   It is a very vigorous cultivar and so highly prized. This tree was planted 20 meters away in 1773, then at the age of 73, it  was transplanted to its present location. (One of Kew’s botanical listed attractions.)

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A huge chestnut.

One of the hundreds of naturalised crocuses at Kew.

One of the hundreds of naturalised crocuses at Kew.

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Scilla (or are they Chionodoxa?)

Temple of Aeolus on top of a daffodil covered hill in the Woodland Garden, Kew Gardens.

Temple of Aeolus on top of a daffodil covered hill in the Woodland Garden, Kew Gardens.

Kew has a number of ponds and grassy areas that are welcoming to a variety of birds.

Kew has ponds and grassy areas that are welcoming to   birds.

Cornelia Cherry (Cornus Mas)

Cornelia Cherry (Cornus Mas)

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Canada goose — usually seen on land.

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A gathering of waterbirds. (The lady feeding them is off to the left.)

The wooded areas of Kew have some wonderful wild flowers and naturalised bulbs.

A massive drift of crocuses.

A massive drift of crocuses. (Kew Gardens)

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A mix of blue flowers and Queen Anne’s lace growing under a variety of species of oak.

Queen Anne's lace under a golden oak.

Queen Anne’s lace under a golden oak.

The azalea and rhododendron walk has some huge rhododendrons completely covered in flower, as well as smaller specimens where you can appreciate the individual flowers.

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We weren’t the only ones going out for a walk in the lovely spring weather. 07-DSCN7627 08-DSCN7630