Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

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On Re-Learning the Beautiful Art of Friendship

By Anita Mathias

File:Edward Burne-Jones Green Summer (1864).jpg

The rather wonderful Stephen Fry upset the internets by telling Irish television host Gay Byrne what Stephen Fry would say to God when they eventually met up.

How dare you! How dare you create a world in which there is such suffering that is not our fault? It’s not right; it’s utterly, utterly evil. Why should I respect a capricious, mean-minded, stupid god, who creates a world which is so full of injustice and pain?”

Because the God who created this universe, if it was created by a god, is quite clearly a maniac, an utter maniac, totally selfish.

He is monstrous, utterly monstrous, and deserves no respect whatsoever.

* * *

 Yup, Stephen Fry intends to give God a hard time (and I rather hope God would be merciful and perhaps amused enough not to give Stephen Fry a hard time in turn).

What about Jesus? Would Stephen Fry give Jesus a hard time? Would he dare to? I doubt it. Few people are offended by Jesus.

* * *

 Most people love Jesus for his kindness; from my childhood, however, I have wistfully respected his cleverness. The way he got out of the traps laid for him by the scribes and Pharisees. I sometimes realised that fellow students, teachers, nuns or relatives were trying to trap me with their questions (and often did not!), but was rarely quick-thinking, poised, self-confident, or forthright enough to sidestep traps the way Jesus did.

And Jesus impressively summarised monumental ideas in a “tweet“. A sentence. He summed up the law and the prophets (about 622,000 words: 2500 pages in a standard paperback!!) in a sentence–three imperatives. Love God. Love yourself. Love your neighbour.

* * *

Loving yourself. We hear far less of that than of loving God or loving our neighbour.

It certainly wasn’t taught when I grew up in India in the sixties.

What is loving oneself? Caring for ourselves the way we care for our toddlers. Resting when we need to rest. Giving our bodies and minds the foods we need to perform optimally. Not running on empty spiritually, but refilling in God’s presence. Feeding our hearts with good relationships. Forgiving ourselves for our shortcomings and mistakes. Cutting ourselves slack.

Perhaps this radical self-forgiveness makes it easier to forgive others. Perhaps cutting yourself slack makes it easier to cut others slack.

* * *

I went through my entire Facebook today, following some people, unfollowing others. (I periodically do this, thereby giving myself an entirely different newsfeed!)

People who’ve had a near-death experience say their entire life flashed before them. Well, my entire life flashed before me as I looked at every face on my Facebook friends list.

I saw many lovely faces from my past…from primary school and boarding school, from my university days in England and America, from churches in England and America, from writing, from the school gates, former neighbours… Friendships which have endured.

I am more of an extrovert than an introvert. I feel a lot of warmth and affection towards people. I love hanging out with people. I love friendships. But, alas, I am a bit of a classic A type personality, with high expectations of myself and others. Instead of cutting people slack, I can get really annoyed by what is really annoying about them. I sometimes get so annoyed that I basically sever a friendship.

I scroll through my Facebook friends, and see the faces of former real heart-friends, BFF’s who are now just Facebook friends.

And “stalking” these friends’ pages, I see faces of other people I had been good friends with, but had got annoyed with (sometimes for good reason), fallen out with, and am now no longer friends with, at all.

Some faces: so sweet, so full of light. And seeing those faces, I see I had been too harsh, too negative in my judgments, too focused on their very real weaknesses, instead of the very real goodness and light and sweetness in them.

I am sad.

The wonderful Serenity Prayer asks for strength to accept the things we cannot change. To take this sinful world as it is, not as we would have it. There is a lot of wisdom to doing the same with people.

* * *

 When I went to St. Mary’s Convent, Nainital, a hill station boarding school in the Himalayas, aged nine, my father, who had himself been sent to a hill station boarding school, Montfort School, Yercaud, aged 6, advised me, “If you find someone really irritating, ignore them. Stop talking to them. But don’t do that too often, or you’ll soon have no one to talk to.”

I obviously hadn’t considered such a course of action, but it became my survival strategy for decades.

Jesus tuned out the scribes and Pharisees and the hypocrites. I have done that erstwhile friends I have got annoyed with instead of talking things through. Instead of learning how to gently confront.

But no more. I will talk things through. I will relate as an adult, vulnerably sharing what is bugging me, instead of relating as the petulant nine year old who solved relational problems by severing the relationship. I will cut people slack, and instead of expecting perfection will ride through the troughs in friendships, the revelation of the shadow side of my friends, just as I would like them to blow off revelations of the shadow side of me with the breath of kindness.

* * *

 Michael Hyatt contrasts a successful friend of his with a writer client who craved success which eluded him (and was, incidentally, not brilliant at relationships.)

That success eluded that writer is not surprising. Creativity thrives in a environment of connections and relationships, as Jonah Lehrer observed in Imagine. People are healthier when they enjoy what Dr. Dean Ornish calls “the healing power of social support.” Bowling Alone estimates that each friendship is worth $1000 through the connections, tips, insights and information it opens up. People who enjoy wide, deep and rich friendships are happier, wealthier and healthier!

Because of the mysterious, undeserved grace of God, my life is indeed rich, full, happy and creative. However, it would have been richer, fuller, happier, and more creative, if I had grappled every friend I’ve ever made to my heart with hoops of steel.

* * *

 But we can change. We can change at any time. That is the exciting thing about being a Christian.

The friendships I have invested in, I will invest in maintaining.

Change in mid-life? Yup!

* * *

How do we change?

The Greek New Testament word for repentance is metanoia,  “to come to your senses; to come to your right mind; to intelligently understand.” We realise that  Jesus taught theology in relationship, that Jesus, in effect, behaved as if relationships, vertical and horizontal, were what life was all about; that the core of a happy, successful life was love–loving relationships, kindness, affection. We decide to re-learn the beautiful art of friendship.

But, of course, since perhaps 90% of our psychological, emotional and spiritual life goes on in the dark subconscious realm of imprinted repressed memories, damaged emotions and Pavlovian reactions, changing is more complex than simply deciding to change.

But we have other resources.

We ask for help from above; we ask God to change our hearts. We claim the promise in Ezekiel: I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh (Ez. 36:26). Wow, God changing the deep structure of our hearts, molecule by molecule. (I have experienced this, this slow subliminal change of my heart through the action of God’s spirit within me–so I know it’s true.)

And then we rely on the filling of the Spirit, the Spirit producing fruit within us that we cannot produce ourselves: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, as Paul writes in Galatians.

And so we row on into a happier future, having learned from our mistakes. Row into, possibly, a richer, happier future, than if we had not messed up, analysed our mistakes, repented, and decided to, with God’s help, change.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: In which I celebrate friendship and relationships Tagged With: "Bowling Alone", Dean Ornish, facebook, friendships, Jesus, Lehrer, metanoia, Michael Hyatt, relationships, Stephen Fry

Poor Me and Amazing Me: Which Narrative is Yours?

By Anita Mathias

Sometimes, going through my Facebook newsfeed, I see two narratives: Poor Me and Amazing Me.

Poor Me status updates are largely negative: ill-health, the misadventures of children, looming deadlines, crushing work loads, exhaustion, the intransigence of schools, employers, medical services; the inadequacy of tax-payer money funnelled towards their needs,  the anguish of the entitled!

And then, there are Amazing Me status updates. Amazing Me won a prize; travelled to Antarctica; conjured up this gourmet creation; pulled off this domestic Goddess feat; moved mountains today, oh Amazing Me!

* * *

We started playing these roles in our childhoods. In my childhood, Poor Me would have met with no sympathy. I would have been scolded for whatever led to my Poor Me plight. Why did you allow yourself to gain weight? Get sick? Get writers’ block? Fail? Go, do something about it. Run a mile. Eat vegetables. Write a page.

And I too get impatient with Poor Me, and come up with solutions. (Though I am silent, and my tears flow freely when there are no solutions: an incurable illness like motor neurone disease; an inoperable tumour, or the sudden death of a loved one.)

Amazing Me was the script I was expected to follow in childhood. Amazing me, always winning prizes; Amazing Me, dazzling my teachers; Amazing Me, achieving, achieving, achieving.

* * *

Poor Me and Amazing Me have this in common. They are both symptoms of emptiness. They both want something from other people. Poor Me wants attention—and sympathy. Amazing Me wants attention–and praise. Both their cups are half-empty, the one who proclaims the emptiness of her cup, and the one who declares her cup runneth over, but still wants affirmation from other people.

* * *

In middle age, I am less interested in old scripts. I am not interested in Poor Me. When people Poor You me, I hate it. I want to shake off their sympathy, which feels like a clog on my feet (though in the case of tragedy I can do nothing about, yeah, I will accept sympathy, and cry on your shoulder–if I can).

And when I tend to Amazing Me, on the days I am smart, I remind myself of the eternal fountain always flowing, flowing to fill my empty places.

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(credit)

And I tell myself, “Anita, you are indeed Amazing Me because you are a child of God. You are Amazing Me because you can climb into his lap and lean on his shoulder. You are Amazing Me because he sings over you; you are Amazing Me because he protects you; you are Amazing Me because no matter what goes wrong, he comforts you.

You are Amazing Me because when you blow it, he puts his arms around you, and blows his spirit into you, fills you with the water of the Holy Spirit to overflowing. You are Amazing Me because he patches you together again, and you are as good as new.  You are Amazing Me because he will take you to places you never dreamed you’ll go.  You are Amazing Me because he loves you.

Thank you, Kelly, for hosting the first version of this! 

 

Filed Under: In which I am amazed by the love of the Father Tagged With: facebook, The love of God

In which I Resolve Not to Waste my Time or Passion on What Does Not Really Matter

By Anita Mathias

“A man sees an odd-shaped piece of animal skin on the ground in front of him. He lashes out at it with his foot, and sends it skimming across the open, grassy field on which he’s standing. As a direct consequence of this, several million people around the world experience intense feelings of joy or despair.”

The final of the World Cup, as described by the study guide to the Beatitudes we are studying in church

I read it, and prayed, “Lord, never let me squander my emotions and passion on what does not matter.”

* * *

Sports

As a graduate student in America, I watched the entire dorm transfixed by the Superbowl, Big Ten games, basketball or baseball. And here, in the UK, there’s Wimbledon, and the World Cup.

But, of course, unless you own one of the teams, or love a player, none of these things really matter.  It’s just not worth getting intense about.

One may root for Murray, especially if you’re British because there’s an appealing underdog feel to him. However, he’s won far more money and plaudits than 99.99 % of humanity ever will, and does not need us to invest our emotions in his success.

Allowing yourself to closely follow or really care about sporting events, or about who wins an Oscar, or a Booker, or a television content is allowing yourself to care about what does not matter.

* * *

TV

One of my daughters barely watches TV. One watches a few shows, despite my opposition: The Voice, The Apprentice and The Great British Bake-off among them.

“Child,” I say, “Don’t watch other people do stuff.  Invest in your own life. Become amazing yourself.”

She: “But I don’t want to be amazing.”

Me: “Okay then, be amazingly happy. Excellence makes you happy. Doing interesting stuff makes you happy. Proceeding in the direction of your dreams makes you happy, and achieving your dreams makes you happy.”

“Invest your emotional energy in your own life; invest your time in things that matter.”

* * *

Novels

I am sorting out my books, giving away seven a week. When I come to novels, I ask myself it is worth investing hours of my life to read 300 pages of someone else’s imaginings. If it’s not well-written, no. If the plot and setting interest me, and the style is a delight, it’s a keeper.

But though I love the dream of fiction, I am increasingly choosing to read things that matter, that help me know God more, or live my life better, or that satisfy my intellectual curiosity.

Your time on earth is limited, so don’t waste it, Steve Jobs says in this brilliant video.  Or to quote his fellow Reed College drop-out, Donald Miller “I believe the greatest trick of the devil is not to get us into some sort of evil but rather have us wasting time.”

* * *

Living Intentionally

As I grow older I am trying to live intentionally, not squandering time, energy or emotion on what does not matter.

Here are some of my practices:

TV

1 I do not watch TV (except for my one addiction, blush, Downton Abbey🙂 No news. I scan the headlines online and read a few articles daily.

Like the Harvard-trained holistic physician Andrew Weil, I am convinced this is better for my mental and emotional health. He writes, “images and reports of violence, death and disaster can promote undesirable changes in mood and aggravate anxiety, sadness and depression, which in turn can have deleterious effects on physical health.”

Some of my friends get distressed and dragged down by the traumatic things they see on TV, while doing nothing about them, and of course, there’s not loads they can do. I am sure this daily exposure to traumatic, distressing or negative news, and the consequent learned helplessness seriously affects one’s shalom (and subjects of conversation).

Though I don’t have TV, I do watch documentaries on DVD, and love them. I love movies too, and probably watch at least 25 a year, carefully chosen!! Would like to watch 100 though!

Games

2 I don’t play computer games, and rarely play board games. The only computer game I have played is chess, and I found it addictive. I play board games with my family to relax, though I think conversation is better, but hey, they love board games. With people I rarely see, I refuse to play board games, preferring to relax with conversation. (Yeah, an old curmudgeon!)

Social Media

3 I have been horrified by what a black hole Facebook and Twitter can be. I am dealing with them by locking myself out of them with AntiSocial and RescueTime when I write or pray or read.

I am also decluttering my Facebook newsfeed. I only defriend if I find people’s comments embarrassing or objectionable or consistently negative, or if they overwhelm me. However, I am hiding those people whose posts annoy me because they are whiny or show-offy or present a false picture of their lives. Or if their posts are mainly negative or trivial.

Happiness is precious and time is short, and it’s insane allowing myself to get annoyed by what people post on Facebook if I can avoid seeing  those posts!

I tell my daughter that she should hide posts from people she barely knows, or does not care about, or does not find interesting, so as to safeguard her time and ‘brain space”—and perhaps I will take my own advice, setting my timer, and editing my newsfeed five minutes at a time, every now and again. And, hopefully, I will end up with a Facebook which only consists of posts from people I really care about, or find interesting, as well as life-enhancing blogs.

My Twitter feed sadly has got unbelievably cluttered. It will take hours and hours to declutter, and I don’t know when I am going to do it. Eventually perhaps, I will create a single, or second, stream of life-enhancing tweeters!

 

I am growing acutely aware that my time and energy is limited, and time spent on Facebook or fooling around on Twitter is time stolen from reading and writing. So I am getting more serious about not wasting my time and emotional energy on what does not matter. Does not matter to me, or to the world, or to the Kingdom of God!

 

What are your black-holes of time? What are your practices for using time meaningfully?

Filed Under: random Tagged With: facebook, Living intentionally, Novels, reality shows, Sports, TV, Twitter

Words in Social Media as Pearls, Stones, Swords and Life

By Anita Mathias

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it. (Matt 13:45)

And if you had one of those pearls, what would you do with it?

Here’s what you would not do: You would not “throw it to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” (Matt 7:6)

Words as Pearls.

We each have our own orientation—politically and theologically, and tweets and arguments aren’t going to change it.

If you come across a position you strongly disagree with, consider if your words are likely to change the person’s mind. If not, conserve your time and energy.

When argued with, consider if your retort is likely to change the other person’s mind. If not, keep your time, energy and pearls, and let the other person have the last word.

(Sometimes, of course, one is called to challenge harmful theological or political positions—that subjugate women, that harm the poor, and then one needs to use one’s pen as a sword).

Words as Stones

Throw enough pebbles, long enough, and the victim dies, as in the ancient Mosaic death by stoning.

Words, flung at us like stones, can sap, hurt and damage our spirits, and without being precious about it, we need to protect ourselves.

That best way to deal with passive-aggressive frenemies on Facebook or blogs–you know, who mock and contradict and shoot down pretty much every idea or post is to block them. If you know them in real life, politely explain why. Sadly, on occasion, perceived or actual success can change “friends” to frenemies.

If random readers are rude or abusive to me on Facebook or Twitter or my blog, I instantly block them, which is like flinging an invisibility cloak over myself, and offers a measure of protection. Life is short, and some people need meds and shrinks, not blogs and twitter.

Words as Swords

Here is a mighty use of words: For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Wow! The only way we Christian writers might write words which are alive and active, speaking to soul and spirit, is to slow down enough to overhear God’s spirit.

But here’s the catch. Writers have sharpened their verbal instrument. And when you cross them, when they are very angry? There is the temptation to use words, not as spirit-empowered swords, but as weapons.

And that’s when words are a double-edged sword. You cannot damage or destroy someone else without being damaged in the process, even if the damage is just in your spirit, the most precious, and often least-valued part of a person.  It’s measure for measure.

There are exceptions, of course, but it’s safest to only use words as swords after prayer and discussion with other Christians.

And what when your words as pearls are stolen?

Last week, I noticed a commentator on my blog had taken the idea, the tripartite division, the metaphor, structure, and some words and passed it off as her own work–on a site of Bible reflections, to add insult to injury. And it was the second time, this young woman had taken my insights, imagery and words from posts she’d commented on, developed them, and guest-posted them on larger sites, without attribution.

Me: “Jesus, do you see this? Do you see that comment, “It’s the most profound thing I’ve seen.” And look at her, just accepting the praise, as if she’d thought of the idea herself.”

Jesus, “Let her.”

Me, “It was my original thinking and living and writing. And instead of doing her own thinking, she’s passing off my insights and words as her own. That’s just lazy.”

Jesus, “Let her.”

Me, “Jesus, you are so pacific. You are of no help to a girl when it comes to plagiarism!”

And he, tenderly, “Anita, do you not think that I could even now give you twelve legions of blog ideas. My thoughts towards outnumber the grain of sands. Tune in. Listen to me for fresh ideas.”

And I relax, and I tune in to Jesus. Yes, “let her!” And I step into the waterfall of living waters, and let it course through my cantankerous soul, scouring it, cleansing it, filling it. And words of life begin to bubble up.

* * *

He is the Word. And his words are truth and life to my soul.

Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.

Filed Under: In which I explore writing and blogging and creativity, Writing and Blogging Tagged With: blogs, facebook, social media, Twitter, words as pearls

In Which I Decide to Forgive a Frenemy; For Nothing is as it Seems

By Anita Mathias

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The view from my bedroom window: The fields and hills covered with hoar frost.

The snow fell over our Oxford garden and transformed it. I sometimes look at my garden, and think it’s getting rather scruffy, and resolve to get out with shears and secateurs come spring.

But then snow falls, and the garden, a little bit overgrown, much in need of a prune, is transformed. White, magical, still and quiet. Cobwebs, laced in frost, glisten.

Nothing is as it seemed yesterday.

Nothing is as it seems. That’s a great lessons my garden teaches me as it changes from season to season—bulbs burst from the barren ground come spring;  there was rich life beneath the frozen year. The bare branches sing with blossom; where had that been hiding?

The earth suddenly turns rich green and bursts with flower and birdsong in summer. Then it morphs again, gold-vermilion, followed by winter, austere and stark.

‘You thought you knew me; think again. You thought you had me pegged; think again.” We can only understand a fraction of reality.

And we too shall be changed, just as our earth is.  “Our bodies sown in dishonour, shall be raised in glory; sown in weakness, shall be raised in power. We will all be changed— in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and we will be changed.” (1 Cor. 15)

DSCN5268

Beads of ice transform a spider’s web

Change, metamorphosis, metanoia, or changing one’s mind. Repentance. For me, these are magical words, full of hope and possibility.

Day by day, we can change the seeds we put into the soil of our lives, resisting negativity, and judgement and meanness, sowing instead mercy, and kindness. And what we sow we reap. And gradually, the very substance of our hearts changes. Because of the mercy of the gardener.

 10 DSCN5291

Icicles on the leaves of a contorted willow.

 Nothing is as it seems. I wrote a harsh email earlier this week to an old frenemy I kind of like whom I first met 18 years, and who has been making a nuisance of himself on my Facebook page, and sometimes blog, leaving several negative, hostile,   almost slanderous comments daily. Replying or deleting; replying or deleting: How time-consuming it all became.

Was it just envy, hostility, insecurity, sadness over his own failures? Relative success reveals whom your true friends are, just as relative failure or poverty. I blocked him, unblocked him at his request, and then when he was back with his undermining, hostile comments, reblocked him.

I wrote a harsh email explaining why (after being patient for months and months), sent it, and then a minute later, as many writers do, saw how I could have said the same thing in a dignified, restrained way in just two or three sentences. And without judgement.

His put-downs and contentious comments sure looked like envy and hostility and malice, but they may not have been. Some people are just nuts, high-functioning nuts perhaps, but nuts, not evil. “Do not judge,” Jesus said, for nothing is as it seems. As adults we can decide whom we want in our lives, and whom we’d rather block, but without withering character judgements as to whether they are mad, bad or merely sad.

I feel too ashamed to re-read that email.  How will my friend, or frenemy feel? I felt dreadful.

07 DSCN5281

Frost on a rose

Oh, there is only one place for such as I to retreat. To the fountain of forgiveness that falls, falls like blood, magic blood that turns its recipients as snow.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

And so I return again to the cleansing fountains, to the love of Jesus at Calvary when he, inexplicably, heart-rendingly, offered his beautiful life as a payment in full for every sin of mine.

And the mercy from the Great Heart, the life-blood of that Great Heart pours over me, and I feel the sweetness of that great love, and I feel his love and acceptance, and I snuggle into the recesses of the Most High, and there am I safe.

Such forgiveness, for a cranky woman who blew it. Incredible. I am made new, forgiven, washed white as snow.

09 DSCN5290

Ice fingers on the twigs of a contorted willow.

* * *

And I forgive the man whose been trolling my Facebook page so insistently.

And become Facebook friends again? Oh no! He was consistently judging my theology, my reading of the Bible (he has a mercilessly inerrantist reading) and my politics. The continuous contemptuous putdowns were very annoying.  And being exposed to people’s judgements is bad, dangerous and harmful. Judgments can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and being judged in a heavy weight to bear!! As we are not to judge, we are also not to expose ourselves, our ears, hearts or spirits to other people’s judgements. For nothing is as it seems. They too only see in part.

Envy is dangerous, and the leading, hostile questions he was asking me on my FB page were almost slanderous–“Do you support abortion for any and every reason,” (in response to my posting, without comment, a Guardian article on the medically unnecessary death of Savita Halappanavar)

Anyone  who experiences increasing business success or career success will face putdowns and envy and snideness from old friends, acquaintances or frenemies whose own life has been disappointing. It’s a sad fact of life.

How do we deal with this? Do not boast. Certainly. Disguise your relative success? Perhaps. Drop them? In some instances, where is not much fondness in my heart for them, or vice-versa, and we still meet up out of old habit, this might be  the best solution.

19 DSCN5333

Iced rosehips

I love being a Christian adult. I do not have to act reflexively. I can act with wisdom, after consultation with my Lord. My forgiver.

“When such as I cast out remorse
So great a sweetness flows into the breast
We must laugh and we must sing,
We are blest by everything,
Everything we look upon is blest.”

                                            William Butler Yeats

13 DSCN5302

Frosted fennel in seed

Filed Under: In which I forgive Aught against Any (Sigh), In which I Pursue Personal Transformation or Sanctification Tagged With: facebook, forgiveness, renewal, sanctification, transformation, trolls

How I am Navigating Facebook

By Anita Mathias

I started using Facebook last year, in 2009, when it was 4 years old. It’s an amazing success story, and I do love it for how it connects me to people from my past, from various phases and stages of my life.

It’s amazing–an amazing way to tap the zeitgeist, to find out what your social circle, or once and future circle of peers are eating, buying, thinking, reading, watching, dreaming. A good source of information.

I have 386 “friends.” Perhaps 12 of them are real “I’m honest with you/You’re honest with me;” “I know the true wrinkles and blemishes of your life, and vice-versa” friends.

Some are old enemies who have sent me “friend” requests a couple of times, until I said, “What the heck!”

If the thought of them reading my updates bothers me too much again, I’ll delete them.

Sometimes, you have “friends” who can be hostile. The tone of your posts annoys them, or they are annoyed with how your life has panned out compared to theirs. This hostility shows in their comments on your posts.

There are people like that in my daily life, whom I cannot delete at the touch of a button.

But here’s an old classmate who annoys me by hostile comments on my posts, or her comments on my comments on her posts, (which I am sure can also be snarky). I do not remember hating her, just indifference. Perhaps her reaction to me was stronger.

There are as many Facebooks as there are people. And I want my Facebook to be a source of mutual encouragement, inspiration, enlightenment, information, fun.  A negativity-free zone.

I want my Facebook to be a positive, fun place. I hide those whose posts are consistently negative, or depressing, or vulgar.

And if they insist on commenting in a hostile way on my posts, I delete them. You are deleted, old classmate. Good riddance!

Amazing what can be done by pressing a button.

Would it were that easy to order the rest of my world.

But redemption is possible, for anyone.

Guess what I’ll do if that particular friend request resurfaces.

Filed Under: In which I celebrate friendship and relationships, Social media Tagged With: facebook

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  • Do Not Be Afraid–But Be as Wise as a Serpent
  • Our Failures are the Cracks through which God’s Light Enters
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What I’m Reading

Country Girl
Edna O'Brien

Country Girl  - Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Gerard Manley Hopkins:
The Major Works

Hopkins-The Major Works --  Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

All My Knotted-Up Life: A Memoir
Beth Moore

Beth Moore: Memoir --  Amazon.com
Amazon.com

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anita.mathias

https://anitamathias.com/.../jesus-knows-the-best- https://anitamathias.com/.../jesus-knows-the-best-way-to.../
LINK IN BIO!
Jesus knows the best way to do what you are best at!!
Simon Peter was a professional fisherman. And Jesus keeps teaching him, again and again, that he, Jesus, has greater mastery over fishing. And over everything else. After fruitless nights of fishing, Jesus tells Peter where to cast his nets, for an astounding catch. Jesus walks on water, calms sea storms.
It’s easy to pray in desperation when we feel hard-pressed and incompetent, and, often,
Christ rescues us in our distress, adds a 1 before our zeroes.
However, it’s equally important to turn over our strengths to him, so he can add zeroes after our 1. And the more we can surrender our strengths to his management, the more he works in those areas, and blesses them.
A walk around beautiful Magdalen College, Oxford, A walk around beautiful Magdalen College, Oxford, with a camera.
And, if you missed it, my latest podcast meditation, on Jesus’s advice on refocusing energy away from judging and critiquing others into self-transformation. https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/11/on-using-anger-as-a-trigger-to-transform-ourselves/
https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-t https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-trigger.../ link in bio
Hi friends, Here's my latest podcast meditation. I'm meditating through the Gospel of Matthew.
Do not judge, Jesus says, and you too will escape harsh judgement. So once again, he reiterates a law of human life and of the natural world—sowing and reaping. 
Being an immensely practical human, Jesus realises that we are often most “triggered” when we observe our own faults in other people. And the more we dwell on the horrid traits of people we know in real life, politicians, or the media or internet-famous, the more we risk mirroring their unattractive traits. 
So, Jesus suggests that, whenever we are intensely annoyed by other people to immediately check if we have the very same fault. And to resolve to change that irritating trait in ourselves. 
Then, instead of wasting time in fruitless judging, we will experience personal change.
And as for us who have been judgey, we still live “under the mercy” in Charles Williams’ phrase. We must place the seeds we have sown into the garden of our lives so far into God’s hands and ask him to let the thistles and thorns wither and the figs and grapes bloom. May it be so!
Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I love it.
Here are some images of Shotover Park, close to C. S. Lewis's house, and which inspired bits of Narnia and the Lord of the Rings. Today, however, it's covered in bluebells, and loud with singing birds.
And, friends, I've been recording weekly podcast meditations on the Gospel of Matthew. It's been fun, and challenging to settle down and think deeply, and I hope you'll enjoy them.
I'm now in the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus details all the things we are not to worry about at all, one of which is food--too little, or too much, too low in calories, or too high. We are, instead, to do everything we do in his way (seek first the Kingdom and its righteousness, and all this will fall into place!).
Have a listen: https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/ and link in bio
“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. Or a king on his coronation day.
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” 
Of course, today, we are more likely to worry that sugary ultra-processed foods everywhere will lead to weight gain and compromise our health. But Jesus says, “Don’t worry,” and in the same sermon (on the mount), suggests other strategies…like fasting, which brings a blessing from God, for instance, while burning stored fat. And seeking God’s kingdom, as Jesus recommends, could involve getting fit on long solitary prayer walks, or while walking with friends, as well as while keeping up with a spare essentialist house, and a gloriously over-crowded garden. Wild birds eat intuitively and never gain weight; perhaps, the Spirit, on request, will guide us to the right foods for our metabolisms. 
I’ve recorded a meditation on these themes (with a transcript!). https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-a https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Jesus advised his listeners--struggling fishermen, people living on the edge, without enough food for guests, not to worry about what they were going to eat. Which, of course, is still shiningly relevant today for many. 
However, today, with immense societal pressure to be slender, along with an obesogenic food environment, sugary and carby food everywhere, at every social occasion, Jesus’s counsel about not worrying about what we will eat takes on an additional relevance. Eat what is set about you, he advised his disciples, as they went out to preach the Gospel. In this age of diet culture and weight obsession, Jesus still shows us how to live lightly, offering strategies like fasting (which he promises brings us a reward from God). 
What would Jesus’s way of getting fitter and healthier be? Fasting? Intuitive spirit-guided eating? Obeying the great commandment to love God by praying as we walk? Listening to Scripture or excellent Christian literature as we walk, thanks to nifty headphones. And what about the second commandment, like the first—to love our neighbour as ourselves? Could we get fitter running an essentialist household? Keeping up with the garden? Walking with friends? Exercising to be fit enough to do what God has called us to do?
This meditation explores these concerns. #dietculture #jesus #sermononthemount #meditation #excercise #thegreatcommandment #dontworry 
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and she Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and sheep with their musical bells; a general ambience of relaxation; perfect, pristine, beaches; deserted mountains to hike; miles of aimless wandering in landscapes of spring flowers. I loved it!
And, while I work on a new meditation, perhaps have a listen to this one… which I am meditating on because I need to learn it better… Jesus’s tips on how to be blessed by God, and become happy!! https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/ #kefalonia #family #meditation #goats
So… just back from eight wonderful days in Kefal So… just back from eight wonderful days in Kefalonia. All four of us were free at the same time, so why not? Sun, goats, coves, bays, caves, baklava, olive bread, magic, deep relaxation.
I hadn’t realised that I needed a break, but having got there, I sighed deeply… and relaxed. A beautiful island.
And now… we’re back, rested. It’s always good to sink into the words of Jesus, and I just have. Here’s a meditation on Jesus’s famous Beatitudes, his statements on who is really happy or blessed, which turns our value judgements on their heads. I’d love it if you listened or read it. Thanks, friends.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/
#kefalonia #beatitudes #meditation #family #sun #fun
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the- https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/
Meditating on a “beatitude.”… Happy, makarios, or blessed are the merciful, Jesus says, articulating the laws of sowing and reaping which underlie the universe, and human life.
Those who dish out mercy, and go through life gently and kindly, have a happier, less stressful experience of life, though they are not immune from the perils of our broken planet, human greed polluting our environment and our very cells, deceiving and swindling us. The merciless and unkind, however, sooner or later, find the darkness and trouble they dish out, haunting them in turn.
Sowing and reaping, is, of course, a terrifying message for us who have not always been kind and merciful!
But the Gospel!... the tender Fatherhood of God, the fact that the Lord Christ offered to bear the sentence, the punishment for the sins of the world-proportionate because of his sinlessness.  And in that divine exchange, streams of mercy now flow to us, slowly changing the deep structure of our hearts, minds, and characters.
And so, we can go through life gently and mercifully, relying on Jesus and his Holy Spirit to begin and complete the work of transformation in us, as we increasingly become gentle, radiant children of God.
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