Anita Mathias | Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Why I Believe in the Resurrection

As I was drifting off to sleep last night, I murmured, “I believe in the resurrection.”

Roy, woken up, said, amused, “I am glad to hear it!”

* * *

I was thinking of this passage I had recently read in Diarmaid MacCulloch’s magisterial, A History of Christianity.

Christianity is, at root, a personality cult. Its central message is the story of a person, Jesus, whom Christians believe is the Christ (from a Greek word, meaning Anointed One): the God who was, is and ever shall be, yet who is at the same time a human being, set in historic time.

Christians believe that they can still meet this human being in a fashion comparable to the experience of the disciples who walked with him in Galilee, and saw him die on the cross. They are convinced that this meeting transforms lives—as has been evident in the experiences of other Christians across the centuries.

For me, that’s the ultimate proof of the resurrection—that Jesus is as real to me as anyone I know. Realer, perhaps, because I feel I know him better than most people I know.

* * *

The pastor of my old church, Williamsburg Community Chapel, Virginia, Bill Warrick, said he asked a Young Life mentee, “If you could speak to Jesus, and be answered, would you believe?” The young man replied (this was the American South), “Oh yes, Sir, that would be the ultimate extra-terrestrial experience!”

Indeed, prayer, asking Jesus how to do things–whether it’s home-managing suff, or business stuff, or writing, or blogging, or even Twitter!!—and receiving surprising and brilliant answers…yes, that’s the ultimate extra-terrestrial experience.

* * *

American Bible teacher Beth Moore was asked, “How do you know that Christ is real?” She replied, “If he wasn’t, then I must be crazy, because I talk to him all the time, and he answers.”

It’s one proof, to me, that Christ is real and alive. I feel I can ask him questions, and get an answer.

I can ask him how to do things, or what to do, and clarity comes, and, often, insight and a Gordian-knot-cutting to the heart of the problem, that comes from beyond myself, from beyond my radar, my intelligence, or the way I normally think.

Of course, if researchers track creative people who meditate, they might come across similar answers surfacing from the unconscious. Whole mathematical careers, for instance, Ramanujan’s, have been built on these heuristic insights. (Interestingly, Ramanujan claimed he received his mathematical insights in prayer and meditation).

What is more amazing, perhaps, is when prayer changes things outside yourself—other people’s hearts; external events; the acceleration of a career; how co-incidences accumulate when one prays, Berlin walls topple, glasnost occurs, in our lives and in the world.

* * *

Ultimately, I believe in the resurrection because to me Christ is so real that I can often “see” him with the eyes of faith. Because, on request, he can turn my moods around, and fill my heart with joy.

Because he answers my prayers, in the micro-level of my mind, heart and spirit, and on the macro-level by orchestrating events which I am powerless to.

* * *

John’s proof of the reality of Jesus was that he had seen him: That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked at and our hands have touched—this we proclaim concerning the Word of life. The life appeared; we have seen it and testify to it. (1 John 1).

I believe in the resurrection because I have experienced Jesus, and He has changed the deep structure of my mind, heart and spirit on a molecular level, as he changed water to wine; fed 5000 with 5 loaves; made water as solid as earth and walked on it; and resurrected the dead body of Lazarus—and then his own.

When People Mess up the Story of your Life, but God Edits it Beautifully

By Anita Mathias

: The Flight into Egypt and the Triumph of the Innocents (William Holman Hunt)

As I read Matthew 2, I realise how much misery and hassle and stress Joseph and Mary and Jesus had to endure for no sin or mistake of their own—but purely because of their destiny, purely because of other people’s jealousy.

Herod was “disturbed” when the Magi asked, “Where is the one who has been born King of the Jews? We have seen his star in the east.”

He felt no excitement about the one chosen to be King by a higher power, the one whose birth had such cosmic significance that a new star appeared in the heavens.

Instead, he views Jesus as a threat to be eliminated, caring only for the security of his own position. He did not hesitate to murder to safeguard it (as people may not hesitate to slander or backstab anyone they perceive as a threat).

* * *

And so Joseph, Mary and Jesus go to Egypt, though they have done nothing wrong–leaving behind their friends and family, their familiar language, religion, food and customers–purely to escape Herod’s murderous, neurotic wrath.

Have you ever had a change forced on you because someone was jealous of your gifts? Threatened by you? Sadly, I have!

* * *

And the death of Herod does not mean instant safety either. They return to Israel when they hear the blessed words in a dream, “Those who were trying to take the child’s life are dead.”

But Judea is still not safe. Herod’s son was in charge.

And so, to protect their toddler, they relocate to an obscure town in Galilee, Nazareth, and bring him up there.

Exactly as foretold by the Prophet Isaiah.

All these detours, this apparent wasted effort, this obscurity, this ruination of a rooted career for Joseph, the upheaval for Mary and the toddler Jesus–all this was exactly in God’s plan.

Why?

We do not know.

We many never know.

* * *

Once we have reached “a certain age,” we look back at our lives, and say, “Oh, this worked out okay, because it led to this.” “Thank goodness that happened; it closed that door, and opened this.” “That worked out for good, because…”

But other things? Why did Milton– who was desperate to do just one thing: read and write–go blind? Why is my former pastor Dick Woodward a quadriplegic? Why did my mother lose her first-born son?

Why does God permit us to be blocked and thwarted through other people’s envy, fears and insecurities? Perhaps these blocks channel the force of the stream of our energy and talent into just the direction we were meant to go. Perhaps the stream goes underground and comes out stronger.

Or perhaps, and this is the truest answer, we just don’t know.

* * *

We are just characters in the drama of our lives. We don’t get to control where we were born, our parents, their wealth, social class, or our early education. We don’t get to control our IQ, our looks, our physique, our talents, or our disabilities.

We are but characters in a play someone one is writing and directing, and it is our job to play our part as beautifully as possible, and when it is left to us, to improvise. And since much of the story of our lives, many chapters, are left blank for us to fill in as we please–to improvise as beautifully as possible.

But someone else has written the play, someone else is directing it, and when the plot seems utterly senseless—we relax in the fact that we have had a sneak peek at the last act. According to the Book of Revelation, it will all end in celebration, in exultation, in a feast and rejoicing.

And so, when we do not understand the plot twists, we trust the brilliance of the author, the auteur, directing the story of our lives.

And despite all Herod’s machination, he just gets a chapter or so in Jesus’s story.

Jesus: He dominates history!

God Comes to Those Who Dare to be Different: Do Not Be Afraid

By Anita Mathias

And when God chose to become flesh and dwell among us, the angel wisely prefaces his glorious announcement, “You have found favour with God,” with “Do not be afraid.”

You, a “virgin,” will bear a child. Do not be afraid.

Oh, the looming scandal, what would people say?

Many might have politely rejected this “blessing,” but Mary did not baulk. She accepted the potential disgrace, the disapproval, the whispers. “I am the doulos, the servant of the Lord. Be it done to me, according to your word.”

I will not be afraid.

* * *

Potential scandal and disgrace: the price Joseph paid to live with God.

Mary, engaged, “showed.”

Joseph wanted to quietly break up, but the angel challenges him, “Do not afraid.” (Matt. 1:20).

“Your wife’s baby will come too early. She will be gossiped about. You will be gossiped about. But ‘he will save his people from their sins,’” (Matt: 1:22).

Do not be afraid.

* * *

Oh, wouldn’t we love to be grabbed by God, filled with his Spirit, to live seeing the whole earth and our whole lives filled with his glory?

To live seeing God with the eyes of faith, his joy bubbling up in our hearts.

To live in his presence, hearing his voice and brilliant guidance.

To live in the continual feast, which is worship.

* * *

Ah, guess what? Our path into experiencing the glory and joy and presence and power of God will not differ from Mary, or Joseph or Moses (Ex 14:13) or Jeremiah (Jer 1:18).

It will come with a cost. There will be a price. And the same imperative: Do not be afraid.

* * *

“Woe to you when all men speak well of you,” Jesus says (Luke 6:26). Woe to the impressive, to you who dazzle, who have it all, do it all, are the cleverest, thinnest, richest, the best-organized, best housekeeper, best cook, highest-achiever, if what you have sacrificed for all this glory is anonymous, unrecognized, unpraised, soul-blessing, joy-giving, time-consuming communion with Him who chose the dirt and mess and downward mobility of the stable floor.

* * *

Christian, if your current life isn’t giving you joy and peace and the soul-filling presence of God, you must do things differently. You must live differently. You must make room for Him.

Do not be afraid.

When Christ, the King on the white horse, whose name is faithful and true, comes to us, as he did to Mary, prepare to be shaken up.

We may ask his help to be a little thinner, a littler richer, a bit more successful, a bit more organized, for help to get our kids as shiny as other people’s Christmas-letter kids.

To get our house and garden and car and wardrobe and grooming enviable and irreproachable so all men speak well of us.

* * *

But, odds are, he has a different agenda. These things aren’t really giving us joy, are they?

“Woe to you when all men praise you,” (Luke 6:26), Jesus said. He may help us get our acts together so all men praise us. He may not. What’s important is following where he leads, step by step.

Do not be afraid.

God, I suspect, is totally unimpressed by the American Dream permeating the world—“prosperity, success and upward social mobility achieved through hard work.”

Why? Because he can give, at the snap of his fingers, all these things the pagans run after (Matthew 6: 32-33).

* * *

God’s dream for us is different. It does not involve the things we earn or achieve through spirit-numbing, joy-crushing, body-wearying, heart-atrophying hard work, but the things He wants to freely give.

Complete Joy (John 15:11)

Peace that the world cannot give (John 14:27)

Rest (Matthew 11: 28)

Our souls filled with a fountain of living waters. (John 4:13)

Light (John 8:12).

* * *

Christ will never agree to be an Add-On, a Plug-In to help make a life foolishly overloaded to collapsing work a little bit better, so that we can squeeze in even more.

C. S. Lewis writes: “Christ says ‘Give me all of you! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want you! All of you!

I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to kill it!

No half measures will do.

I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out!

Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams.

Turn them all over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image.

Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”

* * *

This year, in baby steps, let’s labour for the food which endures to eternal life (John 6:27).

Let Christ be our pace-setter, and let us march to his drumbeats, no faster.

For only the champagne of his joy can fill our soul. The things of this world—we’ve tried them: there is no peace, no joy, no rest in them.

And perhaps we will be a little bit fatter, and our houses a little bit scruffier, and our gardens less perfect and we will not buy the new car, furniture, kitchen and clothes (or consume our life with shopping and earning and paying for them) and our kids will be put into fewer frazzling extra-curricular activities that they will—guaranteed!!—eventually drop. If we don’t drop before they do!

God willing, we will slow down the pace of our treadmill, one by one dropping the activities and time-and-life-sucking trivial imposed “duties” we most despise.

We will become ourselves, as star differs from star in splendour (1 Cor: 15:41).

We will slow down; we will not conform; we will dare to be different; we will slowly exchange the crazy of our lives for the King.

Do not be afraid. Revise your life until is as slow, holy, star-filled, peaceful and dreamy as your soul desires.

Do not be afraid. Why not be totally changed into fire?

I Said to the Man who Stood at the Gate of the Year

By Anita Mathias

Image credit

I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’

And he replied,

‘Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!’

* * *

King George VI ended his famous 1939 Christmas message with these words. (Listen here.)

They were written by an unknown poet called Minnie Haskell. She wasn’t credited.

“I read the quotation in a summary of the speech,” she told The Daily Telegraph the following day. “I thought the words sounded familiar and suddenly it dawned on me that they were out of my little book.”

Minnie Haskell published 3 books, none of which were successful. Sadly, even the rest of this poem was not particularly good.

* * *

A lifetime of writing, and you are remembered for 4 lines.

Success or failure?

* * *

If you are a writer or an artist and say, “failure,” well, you are in trouble.

Because there is something mysterious about art.

Art is the spark

From stoniest flint

That sings

In the dark and cold, I’m light.

The craft can be learned by study and practice, but the spark in art which speaks to other people–that is a gift from God. It cannot be learned or simulated.

And we, ultimately, cannot control whether our work has that spark that will live longer than we do.

All we can do is tell the truth, as beautifully as we can.

* * *

And that is why these four lines, which are all that Minnie Haskell is remembered for, are apt as we enter a new year we cannot control.

‘Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!’

Opening a New Chapter, a New Year, under God’s Secret Service Protection

By Anita Mathias

Image: Christ in glory in front of the Heavenly Jerusalem, (Mosaic, Burne-Jones, St. Paul’s within the walls, Rome)

I listened to the entire Bible on my iPhone this year—the NIV’s dramatised edition– as I walked the country trails around Oxfordshire.

And the year dies spectacularly as one walks listening to Revelation—chilling, majestic, dramatic.

His eyes were like blazing fire, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. And coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.

¹⁷When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever!

Oooh, listening to it was like a worship experience in itself.

Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne⁸And the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. ⁹And they sang a new song, saying:

“You are worthy
because you were slain,
and with your blood you purchased for God
persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.
¹⁰You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God,
and they will reign on the earth.”

¹¹Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. ¹²In a loud voice they were saying:

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and praise!”

¹³Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, saying:

“To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honour and glory and power,
for ever and ever!”

¹⁴The four living creatures said, “Amen,” and the elders fell down and worshiped.

Doesn’t it make you just want to worship too?

Revelation is so sheerly beautiful that I was grateful I was alone as I walked through country footpaths, icy rain blowing into my face, along with hot spontaneous tears I could not hold back as I listened to the sheer chilling beauty of that mysterious book.

* * *

The door I close, no one can open, and the door I open, no one can close.

What a wonderful verse for the New Year!

No ramming open of doors shall be done this year; no time-consuming hustling; with God’s grace, no manipulation— just a gentle leaning into the force-field of God’s power, a gentle knocking, a gentle using of the greatest and most powerful lever in the world, which is prayer.

And the doors he opens not all the enmity or envy or malice in the world can close, and the doors he closes, we will have the sense not to try to force open.

* * *

The week between Christmas and New Year is a strange week, a melancholic, dreamy in-the-womb kind of week, a time of rest before new beginnings.

We consider our year, and relive the past, even as we look to the future.

And those who read (or listen) through the Bible in a Year listen to Zechariah, Malachi and Revelation, to the dramatic end of the world in eternal time, even while we prepare for a New Year, with new beginnings, new goals, the opening of new doors.

Christ’s amazing self-revelation repeated through Revelation is I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the A and the Z.

A year closes in which his grace has shielded us, and a new one opens, in which his love will protect us.

“Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders.” Deut. 33:12.

The goodness of God trails and shadows us throughout our lives. We are always under his secret service protection.

In which I Remember that God Loves Me

By Anita Mathias

Nowadays, when I look around my house and see mess, or when my eyes fall on expensive books I have bought but haven’t read, or I remember a project I started enthusiastically but haven’t completed, I tell myself the same thing: “God loves me.”

When my blog is not growing; or I have been snubbed; when I realize I came across too strong, like an exuberant puppy; when I have just indulged in momentary pleasure which will be pain on the scales, I remember it, and say, “God loves me.”

I started telling myself that to comfort myself. “Oh Anita, it does not look like you will achieve your writing goals today; God loves you. You haven’t lost weight this week; God loves you.” And I believed it intellectually.

But now, I truly believe it. The knowledge wells up within me. It is the beat my pulse returns to—God loves me.

God loves me, God loves me: it has become the cry of my heart, as if reminding myself of a floor beneath which I cannot fall. All shall be well because God loves me.

It is no longer something I consciously remind myself of. It is something my heart reminds me of: “Anita, God loves you.”

Oh girl with the messy house, God loves you. Oh girl so overwhelmed with her to do list that she’s stopped looking at it: God loves you. Oh sedentary girl who succumbed to sweet temptation, God loves you. Girl struggling with envy: God loves you. Girl who got distracted instead of writing: God loves you.

Groggy morning or too late night; disciplined day or fractured one; day when I made a fool of myself, or was ever so wise; good day, bad day, it a “God loves me” day.

It’s become the drumbeat of my heart, a reminder, comfort and also sheerest fact: “God loves me.”

Thank you to Kelli Woodford for her hospitality!

Anita’s Christmas Letter

By Anita Mathias

The mosaic of Christ Pantocrator which we saw last week (Monreale Duomo, Sicily)

Merry Christmas, dear readers, and here’s my short and sweet Christmas letter.

2013 was a full year, and a good one.

We put 2012 to bed in Malta, which we loved. Neolithic temples, Crusader towns, and fabulous beaches.

January

Zoe was accepted by Jesus College, Cambridge to read Theology.

February

We spent a few days in Fflad-y-Brenin, a retreat centre in Wales. Very wet.

Resolve: Do not go on holiday in England in February if you can avoid it.

March

Enjoyed my church’s (St. Andrew’s, Oxford) weekend away.

April

Enjoyed Handel’s Messiah at Good Friday at Royal Albert Hall. Foretaste of heaven.

We spent a week in Corfu—which I loved, gorgeous beaches and mountains.

May

My friend Jules invited me to the revival meetings at Cwmbran, where I experienced God’s presence.

June

Yeah, it’s been quite a year of God-chasing. I went on a retreat at Harnhill Retreat Centre, Gloucestershire, with powerful prayer ministry.

July

Zoe graduates from Oxford High School winning the Head’s Award for Academic Excellence, her school’s Award for Academic Excellence in Religious Studies, and a Commendation for Achievement in Philosophy and a commendation for progress in French,

Irene visits First World War battlefields; we stay home

Irene, who is growing in her faith, spends a week at Lymington Rushmore Christian Camp. She starts a baking blog, Life Among the Cupcakes.

I voluntarily took part in the Race for Life, first race since forced to run in school.

August.

We visit Switzerland, Italy (Lucca, Pisa and Genoa) and France—Laon, Troyes, all in our trusty campervan, which I love.

September

Roy and I visit the romantic walled cities of Tuscany with Kim and Penelope Swithinbank & their friends, on our first trip away without children in 19 years. Loved San Gimignano, Volterra, and Siena.

Zoe leaves to the School of Ministry at Catch the Fire, Toronto for her gap year. She has heard excellent speakers; has done some preaching; some prophetic evangelism and outreaches; and discovered nascent spiritual gifts of preaching, prayer ministry and prophetic ministry. She believes she would like to do some form of Christian ministry as her life work.

October

A week in Cornwall, for half term. Loved the beaches, but it was rainy.

Resolve: Do not go on holiday in Britain in October, if you can avoid it.

November

I was nominated for “Tweeter of the Year” and so attended the Christian New Media Awards Conference and dinner in London. Met lots of interesting British social media people.

And heard Heidi Baker in Birmingham. Heidi has made preaching into an art form (listen to her on Youtube), but listening to her is both utterly convicting and inspiring at the same time.

December

Zoe home for a week.

Roy, I and Irene have just returned from a week in Sicily. Enjoyed the ancient Greek Temples, and the nature reserves, and the Byzantine mosaics at Monreale.

Other highlights—I’ve lost 11 pounds this year, by eating a whole lot more vegetables and fruits (discovery: green smoothies!!) and a whole lot less sugar and white flour, and longish walks. Total weight loss since Nov. 2012—16 lb.

Doing a bit better with my perennial struggle to balance blogging with its attendant distractions (Facebook, Twitter, emails, comments) with serious reading and writing. Am getting going with my book.

Spiritually, I have reached a calm, settled place, and am really experiencing the love of God. Blogging with its introspection and encouragement to change has been psychologically and spiritually good for me, though since I am trying to write a book, it’s been more haphazard than I would wish.

Zoe will be volunteering in the Bridge, Gadsden, Alabama, in January. The rest of her gap year is still jelling, but we are sure that she and Roy, Irene and I will taste the goodness of the Lord next year too.

And this is my wish for you, friends—“to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13)

Happy Christmas, and very happy 2014

Anita

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