Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

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Archives for 2012

Giving Thanks at Thanksgiving

By Anita Mathias

DSCN5231 crop useThanksgiving is a beautiful and psychologically healthy holiday. Imagine, a whole day devoted to thanksgiving. And here’s my grateful list for the year:

1 Roy who is thoroughly enjoying his early retirement, and finding an outlet for his mathematical orderliness in running our house in an orderly fashion, and for his creativity in very creative vegan cooking. Yay for role reversals.

2 Zoe—Who did brilliantly in her A-S’s including getting 100% in Religious Studies, and has got her first University offers. She is enjoying her last year in school, running Crossfire, the school’s Christian Union, and is the form leader.

3 Irene—is thoroughly enjoying school, has a hyper group of 7 friends called “The Motley Crew” and won an Achievement award for outstanding performance in her year-end exams in July.

Jake in the buttercups

4 Pets—Jake, my dog, who is with me almost 24/7, and teaches me why dog is such a good anagram for God. My four sweet, friendly rabbits, Empress, Bandit, Sunshine and Lightning. My ducks, who faithfully lay, Buttercup and Daisy, an Aylesbury and an Indian Runner, who are immensely comical and amusing

DSCN2014 ducks

5 Health—In particular, going vegan on the 4thof November, and losing 8 pounds since then!!
Taking up running.  I’m don’t go terribly fast, or terribly far, but I still find it exhilarating.
“Early” rising–I’ve always wanted to be a lark, but the trouble is I love being a night owl too. Have begun to wake up at 7.35 a.m., which, while not terribly early, is, believe me, earlier that I used to wake up.
I am also going to sleep earlier, and cutting out caffeine after 4 p.m. “Mum, you’ve become so virtuous,” Zoe says.
6 Gardening–Getting back into it. We had let our garden get shaggy and overgrown, but now with the help of Daniel who comes once or twice a week, we are beginning to tame it. Resolution: I shall not let my garden go. Just grow!
7 Reading—I realized last year that I had begun to speed-read and tear the heart out of books rather than reading them, and basically, like many people, was doing most of my reading online; So decided that I was going to finish a book in 30 days in January, 29 days in Feb, 28 in March to get back into the habit of reading. It’s worked. I am now finishing a book in 17 days (though I still have several on the go), and will, God willing, be back to finishing a book a week by April :))

8 Writing has been a deep joy—both this blog, and the memoir I have slowly eased back into writing.

9 Travel—lots of it this year. Ffald-y-Brenin in Wales, the New Forest, magical Istanbul in April, Ireland in June, Denmark in August, and equally magical Luxembourg and Germany in October. (And I’ve worked hard between trips, I promise!!).  I love travel!!

10A St. Andrew’s Church—Love my new church, and love the women’s group I’ve been co-leading this year, though I have just stepped down from leading it as writing is becoming more consuming.

10B Spiritual Adventures–But the most significant things that happened to me this year have been spiritual—and many have happened on our travels.

Receiving healing from adrenal fatigue at Ffald-y-Brenin last December. The prophecy of Patricia Bootsma from Catch the Fire, Toronto (the Toronto blessing church) about Zoe, which changed her outlook and ours in April. Encountering the angel of writing at River Camp in August. Learning about a praise timer, and being filled with the Holy Spirit to bouncing point at a Revival Alliance Conference in September (John Arnott, Heidi Baker, Bill Johnson, Che Ahn). Chatting to Wayne Negrini in Germany in November, who suggested the vegan diet which has helped me sleep 95 minutes less at night, and lose 8 pounds in less than 3 weeks.

Of course, I took the trouble to chase the wild goose of the Holy Spirit, and put myself in the likely force field of God’s presence and power.  Ah, intersecting with God—for that I am so grateful.

 

Filed Under: random

The Power of Praise, Even in the Animal Kingdom

By Anita Mathias

hoefnagel oprheus charming the animals

“Orpheus Charming the Animals”Jacob Hoefnagel ( credit ) 

 

I keep learning and forgetting and learning again the spiritual power of praise and gratitude—eucharisteo.

It’s one of those spiritual practices that unleashes disproportionate power—like prayer, or the power of love.

Why it even works in the animal kingdom.

Several feisty horses live in the field behind my garden.  Many villagers bring them apples and carrots, and stroke them. But I have not grown up with horses, and while I enjoy looking at them, and love the placid, gentle, almost bovine look in their eyes, I do not voluntarily pet  them. I consider my small delicate hands, and their long mouths and enormous teeth, and the disproportion alarms me.

Well, as I cross their field on my walks across country footpaths, the horses come up to me, snorting, snuffling me to see if I have brought them crunchy treats. If I have a water bottle, they go for it, assuming it’s a treat for them. They surround me, I freeze, and they come closer, putting their noses into the red hood of my coat, as if it’s a nosebag! Talk about up close and personal!

I have called Roy on my mobile to come and rescue me, the horses trying to get hold of the mobile, and have then just stood there frozen, waiting, snuffled by horses, because if I moved, they followed me.

And then I took to avoiding the field behind our orchard, the natural gateway to field after field with public footpaths through them. Garsington has more public footpaths through fields than any other Oxfordshire village!

* * *

Well, this week, the horses came, majestic and determined, with their characteristic snort. “He sayeth among the trumpets, Ha, Ha.” (Job 39:25.)

I decided not to give way to fear, because they probably smell it. All animals instinctively seek dominance, and to assert a pecking order (the bullying primate behaviour which Frank Schaeffer sees in conservative Christians who insist on male headship and female submission. Okay, digression over 🙂

And so this week, instead of turning around as the horses trot towards me from every corner of the field, or saying, in a somewhat quavery voice any horse worth its salt could hear through, “Nice horse, good horse, let me go,” I decided to genuinely praise the God who made them.

And so I stroked that long, long nose, as long as my arm, and said aloud, gingerly at first, but gaining conviction, “Lord, I praise you for this beautiful horse. I praise you for its tranquil, dreamy eyes. I praise you for its strong body. I praise you for its (oops, over-) friendly temperament.”

And as I stroked, and praised, I genuinely began to calm down, and to see the beauty of that huge, gentle plaintive-eyed horse, and it too  began to calm down, and—hallelujah!!–let me go on my way without following me.

Wow, he had realized that I wasn’t afraid, that I had grown to like him. He had sensed that I was calm, and so did not feel the need to bully me by following me, in his snorty Ha-Ha way.

The music of Orpheus was meant to calm the animals. Well, apparently, so is the music of praise to their creator.

Filed Under: In which I bow my knee in praise and worship, In Which I Count my Blessings, random Tagged With: animals, gratitude, The power of praise

The Church That Had Too Much

By Anita Mathias

On holiday in Ireland in 2010, I woke up from a vivid dream, which I have here written down. It’s available on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk.

The church that had too much -- 9781849026567 front cover

The Church That Had Too Much

Once upon a time,
there was a church
that Had Too Much.

Now the members of this church worked very hard
with great rectitude, and they had a good reputation
with believer and townsman alike,
and the work of their hands was blessed,

and they grew very rich.

image1

And whenever the members of the church saw each other,
they said, “Oh, we must have you over.”

And then those who heard this
smiled a tight little smile,
and said, “Yes, and we must too.”

And each went away sad,
because they knew it would probably never be.
Because the lovely couches from Liberty
with toy helicopters from Hamley’s which really flew,
and dolls which laughed and wetted themselves,
and handheld computers and Nintendo, and their living rooms
had toy cars which moved and beeped,
and toy kitchens with ovens which lit up and nearly cooked,
and intricate monster doll houses,
and if other little children came,
their children would cry if their toys were touched,
or, heaven forbid, broken.

image2

 

image3


And in the study,
the shelves overflowed
with books bought which had been read,
or had been meant to be read,
but interests had changed,
and besides, with the demands of life and maintenance,
there was simply no time to read.

And littered in the family room,
were dvds which had been watched once,
and probably never would be again:
grimly educational documentaries and silly soaps,
still shrink-wrapped; VHS cassettes, but the VCR was broken,
and few stores sold one, and old cassettes and cds
listened to once, whose sound one no longer liked.

image4

 

And scattered lay iPod Shuffles,
unused because the kids had bought iPod Touches
because everyone else had them,
and then upgraded to the sleek
iPod Nano for the video camera,
and then an iPhone 4,
and finally,  an iPad to stand-out,
be distinguished, and the envy of their form,
in a way far more easily accomplished
by kids whose parents have more than enough
than by the hard slog of swooping up all the prizes
(though with a status just as hollow–
but better a cool kid than a geek!)


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And in little piles lay
old mobile phones (wasn’t there was a charity
which recycled them) and old laptops, ditto,
and coins in currencies no longer legal tender,
and gold watches which merely needed a new battery.

And in the kitchen,
the counters were cluttered–
visual stress, visual stress–
because the cabinets had ice cream makers and fondue sets,
and candyfloss makers and chocolate fountains,
and the shelves were cluttered with
low fat cookbooks and French cookbooks,
and dessert cookbooks and Weight Watchers
and barbecue and vegetarian and Atkins cookbooks,
and Indian, Thai, Chinese and Italian.

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And then, just when you were nearly organized
Christmas came,
With sweaters and books and toys and games,
There was simply no room to store

image7

 

And if after a dozen “We must have you overs,”
you finally did,
you felt you should produce a meal worthy
of this protracted invitation,
and where did you find the energy to do that?

And guests meant stress,
stuffing stuff into closets
from which the stuffing fell out if they were opened,

And one couldn’t put them in the garage
Which was cluttered with mulchers and jigsaws
and strimmers and shredders and mowers.

And at the end, just before your guests came,
you could never find anything to wear
because clothes, outgrown, or too expensive
to just give away, or too worn and stained to give away,
but not worn and stained enough to toss
cluttered the closets so that
the elegant clothes could never be found,
and you felt that you had simply nothing to wear
and so bought some more, which were somewhere,
(but where?) And were always late while you extricated
Something which matched from your disorganized abundance.

*  *  *

 

image8

 

 *  *  *

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Mrs. Hadenough had had enough and more than enough.
Her big house with its crystal and chandeliers and cuckoo clocks;
its antique furniture, original paintings,
Pietre dure marble chests,
Murano paperweights and vases
brought her no peace,
but ruined her rest–
just brought her stress,
because it was simply too much.

And when she went to her women’s Bible study,
her friends talked about things–
things on sale, things on Freecycle,
things they had bought, or wanted to buy,
and how busy and overwhelmed they were,
sorting out their houses full of things,
trying to make time to take them to the charity shops
to make room for more things,
and about where to find nifty little organizing boxes,
clothes boxes, tool boxes and craft boxes to store
the simply too many things.

And then she read what the native Americans
of the Pacific Northwest did
when they had simply too much.

They had a potlatch,
grandly sharing their amassed possessions,
and then resumed their simple happy lives,
tidepooling on the Oregon Coast,
enjoying salmon, oysters, mussels and crab.

But how does one have a potlatch
like the North American Indians?

image10

And in the bulletin, that Sunday,
she put an announcement
about a kitchen gadget exchange.

The next Sunday, along with the tithe
each family was to bring something
they never used: cappuccino makers
and coffee grinders, in newly decaffeinated families;
yoghurt makers, omelette pans, electric spice graters,
asparagus or fish steamers to give and to take.

And when after the service, impatient queues formed,
she was sad to spot the acquisitive eyes of the hunter,
when what she wanted to learn and to teach was
that it is in giving that we receive.
she suggested that to force themselves to become givers,
people first offer each item they really wanted
to a couple of others before accepting it.

 

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And so, in a spirit of jollity, people offered
each other good gifts, so that everyone
who, in a moment of folly,
had bought a ravioli maker or an oyster shucker
could now give to those who always had wanted
a ravioli maker or an oyster shucker,
until they too passed it on.

And so everyone went home with something
They really wanted out of the community’s abundance.

And then it was the turn of books.
Those who had bought Money, Sex and Power,
The Freedom of Simplicity
, The Mustard Seed Conspiracy,
Or Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, but realized that
That they made being simple no easier
but being complex a guiltier undertaking
put them on the table, so that those who instinctively
began a new undertaking by reading a book
could now get them for free.

And everyone went home smiling,
as they did on DVD Sunday.

image12

And outgrown toys were shared,
so that every child had fascinating things to play with,
until they outgrew them,
and then they swapped.

And lovely expensive clothes
which no longer fitted
could be swished with other people:
cashmere sweaters in the wrong colour
or just a little too tight or too loose
and so when one’s style changed
and one began to dress up or down or bright or old,
the change could bless to someone else.

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And so each Sunday, the congregation brought
a designated item along with the tithe,
blessing each other with their surplus,
and the church rented a storehouse for what wasn’t taken.

And soon, people got rid of
A shirt saved for when they painted,
or scruffy shoes to wear if they gardened,
or the Christian book you’d read when you had time,
because you could always pick one up from the storehouse.

And people began to go to the church’s storehouse first,
instead of the stores, thereby boosting their budgets,
and eventually everyone had everything they really needed
and donated the rest to the storehouse,
decluttering until everything in their houses
was both beautiful and useful.

 

image14

”If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”William Morris

 

And once a month, the doors of the storehouse
were opened to the community.
you could bring your surplus, or take
other people’s, no strings or questions,
so that the church became known as The Giving Church

And because there was always the storehouse,
where in lean seasons, you could get the beans,
quinoa, amaranth and orzo your friends had bought
in fits of healthfulness, but never ever cooked,
or the electric saw or strimmer you needed once a year,
people no longer held onto everything
for fear they might one day need it,
or worried about their budgets quite so much
because in a pinch, you could get stationery,
clothes and food—most things you needed–from the storehouse.

And there were no poor among them.

And in the newly sleek houses,
hours of maintenance were released
and people entertained their friends,

 

image15

Consider the Lilies

And once letting go became a habit,
people discovered to their surprise
that they were valued for the content of their characters,
that people actually liked them
even when they no longer subtly showed off
about what they had or did.

And then, having happily shed so much,
they decided to shed a little more,
and Mrs Shortnplump forgave Mrs Tallnthin
who had manipulated the Bible study they co-led
out of her dreamy hands with Machiavellian  whispers,
and back-stabbing worthy of a presidential campaign.
Mrs Tallandthin had won that power struggle,
and she had lost.
And so what?
In the Upside Kingdom, schemers and manipulators
did not inherit the reward of the meek,
and those who lost the world might gain their soul,
and, in mysterious ways, inherit the world besides.
And Mrs Brown forgave Mrs Black who, working
the vicar’s wife and everyone else, swiped the leadership
Of the Friday women’s coffee group
(in formally known as sit and bitch)
from her.  And so what?
And Mr Doeverything decided that since he came home
at nine, after his children were in bed, he really
did not need to run the building programme too,
that he could shed his campaign to be Someone Very
Important in the very small world of the church
and instead spend his time with those he really loved.

And Mr. Ineverypie who was away from home for about 99 days
each year, swallowed his pride, and resigned as Chair
of the Development Committee, letting go of the fear
that no one would know who he was, if he were not always
onstage (oh, they did, they did, they surely did!) and instead
rediscovered his delight in his wife
and littlest minx, whom he adored,
when he let his eyes linger on her.

And following their lead,
those who were ambitious to strut their stuff
slowly grew willing to wait for the “Friend, Come Higher,”
trusting their PR to God,
never seeking, never refusing, a position of greater influence.

And the church was no longer a seven storey mountain,
of social ascent, and when they got together
people no longer reserved their warmest smiles
and shiniest manners for those at the top of the ant-heap,
as if one could absorb significance by association.


“He that is down needs fear no fall;
He that is low, no pride;
He that is humble ever shall
Have God to be his guide.

image16

In The Valley of Humiliation, a man shall be free from the noise and from the hurryings of this life.  All states are full of noise and confusion, only the Valley of Humiliation is that empty and solitary place. Here a man shall not be so let and hindered in this contemplation as in other places he is apt to be.  This is a valley that no one walks in, but those that love a pilgrim’s life.  I must tell you that in former times men have met with angels here, have found pearls here, and have in this place found the words of life. John Bunyan, Pilgrim’s Progress


They surrendered their longing to belong to
the church’s inner circle: Those who knew who
was who, and what had happened,
was happening, and would happen,
and instead hung out with those they really liked,
and so in time formed their own inner circles,
not necessarily important ones in the eyes of the church
but just people who enjoyed being with each other.

And so everyone looked forward to social gatherings,
even fund-raisers, for they would get to relax
with those they loved being with,
Instead of seeking out those
More important than themselves
Who, in turn, looked restlessly around, scanning the crowd,
For someone still more important.

 

image17
    I believe that in all men’s lives at certain periods, and in many men’s lives at all periods between infancy and extreme old age, one of the most dominant elements is the desire to be inside the local Ring and the terror of being left outside.  

    The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.

   And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ringer can ever have it.                                           The Inner Ring by C.S. Lewis

.
And when the church decided to close the storehouse,
because fewer and fewer people visited it,
since all had all they needed and had given away
all they did not, so that everything left in their houses
was both beautiful and useful,
people did not even notice,
for they now lived in the new way
of Content.

image18

Letting go, letting go,
of everything they no longer needed,
blessing others with it,
and, in turn, being blessed
in the mysterious divine economy
no economist can fathom.

Letting go
of old grievances,
chucking people into the waterfall of grace,
letting God deal with them,
letting go of the desire to be a big deal,
accepting that they belonged to a Kingdom
which already had a King.

image19

 


Pressing on, pressing on,
to know God more,
to love God more, and
to love people more.

And they were known as Christians by their love.

 

image20

If you or a friend would like to have this as a book, it is available on Amazon.com here and on Amazon.co.uk here.

Filed Under: In which I decide to follow Jesus Tagged With: decluttering, domesticity, housework, Simplicity, the pearl of great price

The Easy Yoke

By Anita Mathias

 

 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy
and my burden is light.” Matthew 11.

“Jesus, you are joking!
I am overwhelmed
I don’t know how
I am going to do all
The things I should do,
And all the things I want to do.

And this is what you offer me?
A yoke?

But I am already heavily laden
By the imperatives of my own ambition.

How take on an additional yoke?”

* * *

“Take it.
Take it.

For then
You will no longer be alone.

I will walk with you through the weary way
Shouldering half your yoke.

Let me guide you.
Let me astonish you with the efficiency
When you and I walk together,
In the unforced rhythms of grace.

When you refuse to rush ahead,
Without waiting for me to walk beside you.

We will go only as far as necessary
Do only what is necessary.

We will go through our day
In a slow measured pace.

Taking rest breaks,
Food breaks, drink breaks,

Chewing the cud breaks.
You will talk to me through our day,
Asking advice as we travel the narrow way
And I will answer,

And when the day is done,
We will rest together,
And I will comfort you.”

Filed Under: random

7 Bits of Technology which have Enhanced my Life

By Anita Mathias

audible1 AntiSocial and Rescue Time

AntiSocial turns off the most distracting sites you specify for as long as you like, between 15 minutes to 8 hours. You cannot get on without rebooting your computer.

Rescue Time tracks your time usage through each day, and tells you how much time you spent actually writing, and how much on facebook, twitter, blogs, newspapers, magazines, websites. Try it.

The results are shocking. It also blocks every site it thinks distracting, but you can unblock it. If serious, use Antisocial as well. Both these have free versions, though I use paid versions.

My productivity has increased since I have started using them, though I still have WAY to go!

And, oh, the joy and peace of working with 100% focus!!

2 A pedometer.

I’d recommend my Omron pedometer. It tracks my daily steps, startling me with the realization of how sedentary I’ve become. 10,000 steps are meant to be optimal for physical health. I started building up at 4000 and have reached 7800 steps a day (and I need to walk outside for that; won’t get it in the course of my daily life!)

It’s changing my life. For instance, when we travel, we used to try to park as close to the museum or botanical garden or church as possible to save our strength for the attraction. Now, I don’t care where we park; it’s going to be challenging to get my 7900 steps anyway—which is about 4 miles! Similarly, if I haven’t got my goal steps by the night, I walk around tidying the house until I get my steps, and walk down with each stray item, instead of leaving them by the steps. You get the picture.

3 Audible.co.uk or Audible.com.

I’ve always loved audiobooks, and at times when I’ve been depressed, or low-energy, or ready to give up writing, they have helped me fall in love again with books, and words and writing.

Audiobooks help enormously with writing style, as you subliminally pick up style, rhythm and tone. Stylists, in particular, come to life on audiobooks—such as Toni Morrison, Salman Rushdie, Chang-Rae Lee or Kazuo Ishiguro.

I download Audible books to my iPhone, and play them from my pocket as I walk around the house, or walk outside. I probably listen to more books than I read as I use fallow time to do so.

Our family subscribes to the 24 book plan, for £110, about 4.58 a book. Not dirt-cheap, but not expensive either if you consider the pleasure a book gives you.

4 Satnav—We got ours a few years ago, and it’s magic. We go to Europe a lot, and really enjoy driving without continually looking at maps or getting lost.

Well, the satnav does get us a bit lost, sometimes, or into  “no-drive without permit” zones, but basically, the pleasure of being able to get step by step driving directions in unfamiliar medieval cities or metropolises—for that I could forgive my satnav a lot.

5 MiFi—A little gadget that creates a portable hotspot wherever I am, so that I gets fast WiFi on the go. It certainly makes travel more fun, as I love researching things, and, besides, don’t have to be parted from my blog or my social media networks of friends and acquaintances when on the hoof. It’s an amazing thing. Ours is from 3 and costs £9 a month. We recommend the gadget and company.

6 I use a little worship timer which I bought from Catch the Fire which beeps every ten minutes and reminds me to pray and be thankful. It keeps me positive, happier, and far more energetic. Brother Lawrence would have loved it, I think.

7 My iPhone.

I’ve had it since 2009, and it still seems magical to me—a phone, a camera, iPod, email, facebook, twitter… It also has the Runkeeper app which tells me the speed at which I am running, or not running; my Bible on text and audio, and audiobooks. Amazing. All this is a sleek palm sized gadget. I totally understand the outpouring of grief at the death of Steve Jobs.

8 Other favourite bits of technology—my laptop, and digital camera. I might have added my iPad and my Kindle, except that daughter number 2 and 1 stole each of these on the day they entered the house, and I’ve hardly been on them. Perhaps I’ll recapture them before my next tech update!

What are your favourite gadgets and apps? I.e. what should I ask for for Christmas?

Filed Under: random Tagged With: Antisocial, Audible, iPhone, mifi, pedometer, praise timer, rescuetime, satnav

The Poet, the Albatross and the Christian

By Anita Mathias

albatross wandering1

                                                                                                           The Albatross

Sometimes, to entertain themselves, the men of the crew
Lure upon deck an unlucky albatross, one of those vast
Birds of the sea that follow unwearied the voyage through,
Flying in slow and elegant circles above the mast.

No sooner have they disentangled him from their nets
Than this aerial colossus, shorn of his pride,
Goes hobbling pitiably across the planks and lets
His great wings hang like heavy, useless oars at his side.

How droll is the poor floundering creature, how limp and weak —
He, but a moment past so lordly, flying in state!
They tease him: One of them tries to stick a pipe in his beak;
Another mimics with laughter his odd lurching gait.

The Poet is like that wild inheritor of the cloud,
A rider of storms, above the range of arrows and slings;
Exiled on earth, at bay amid the jeering crowd,
He cannot walk for his unmanageable wings.

— George Dillon, Flowers of Evil (NY: Harper and Brothers, 1936)

 

We saw huge, white albatrosses glide on their giant wings in New Zealand in 2009. Aloft, in their native element, they are majestic, sublime.

Once captured, and mocked by sailors who force them to waddle on deck where their giant wings hamper their walk, as Baudelaire describes, they are piteous and comic. The gigantic wings which helped them soar are now comic impediments

* * *

 God designs an ideal medium, aerial, terrestrial, submarine, for each of us, and we are at home and happy when we are in it. God determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live (Acts 17:26). When we are in the right place, doing what we are meant to do, there is a sense of ease, a sense of soaring.

I have finally found this place. I am living in the town in which I have most longed to live, Oxford, with its heady combination of history, architecture, art, Christian and literary history, beauty, nature and stimulation.

I am beginning to get back into the work I most enjoy, creative prose, and am enjoying my blog. I am again enjoying reading. And I am enjoying the brainy, creative community in my church, St. Andrew’s, Oxford.

Of course, it took years for the pieces of the puzzle to fit together, and for me to discover work and a place which make me very happy.

Taking the time to discover the roles God has created us for, and the work which makes our souls sing—ah, these are worthwhile quests, for when we are doing the right work, and are in the right place and the right relationships, we can soar in the way we are designed to.

How about you? Have you discovered what you would like to make your life’s work? A church which permits your fullest flourishing? What are the dreams which God has placed in your heart, and are you able to work on them daily or weekly, at least a little?

What a string of personal questions! I’d love to hear your answers!

 

Filed Under: In which I Dream Beneath the Spires of Oxford, In which I explore writing and blogging and creativity, In which I play in the fields of poetry, Writing and Blogging Tagged With: Baudelaire, blogging, Oxford, Poetry, writing

Six Reflections on Spiritual Growth

By Anita Mathias

 

acorn oak

Image credit

 

Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? 19 It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

 

20 Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? 21 It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty poundsa of flour until it worked all through the dough.” Luke 13

 

1 Spiritual growth is gradual, incremental and, in the short run, invisible. Even if we sat watching the mustard seed or the yeast all day, we would not be able to pinpoint their growth or rising.

 

Similarly, we cannot gauge our own spiritual growth as it is occurring. But we should be able to look back to who we were at the start of our journeys, and realize that the Spirit of the LORD has come upon us, and we have been changed into a different person. (1 Sam 10:6).

 

2 We cannot control our own spiritual growth.

 

Human effort cannot neither produce yeast and the mustard seed nor control their growth. All we can do is provide favourable conditions.

 

Once we have asked Jesus and the Holy Spirit into our hearts, as long as we are repenting of any known sin, we can leave the pace of our spiritual growth to him.

 

3 Spiritual growth is uneven, and that’s okay. Growth rings in ancient trees show there is rapid growth in the growing season, alternating with slow growth in winter. Cold years, or years of drought leave narrow rings behind.

 

We don’t always live on the heights, spiritually. We would burn out. Highs and lows, summer and winter are built into creation—and into our spiritual lives. Sometimes God takes us through periods of intense spiritual growth and change, and sometimes through slower periods of consolidation.

 

4 We each have unique spiritual trajectories

 

Homemade yeast bread tastes slightly different each time. So too, the spirit works uniquely in each individual, convicting us of different things at conversion, and throughout our lives. We grow at different paces. Some make rapid, seismic changes at conversion. Others, like me, change slowly throughout our Christian lives, though occasionally suffering, or seeking God, intensely leads to intense change.

 

5 The most powerful things in the spiritual life are often invisible–like prayer and like surrender. In fact, we are told our spiritual activities—prayer, giving, fasting– are more powerful, more blessed and more rewarded when they are secret. (Matthew 6 1-6).

 

Invisible things, like the yeast in bread, or the seed in the earth have a disproportionate influence in the spiritual life.  About one percent of a loaf of bread is yeast, and it is indistinguishable from flour, but it makes the entire loaf light. It is analogous to the power of prayer, the secret roots beneath a life, which gives us good ideas, strength, and grace, divine enablement. Secret prayer makes the difference between a life filled with blessing, joy and peace, and a more mediocre Christian life.

 

6 One’s trajectory is more important than where one currently is since the Kingdom of God, rising yeast and growing mustard trees are works in progress.

 

There is this repeated phrase in Kings and Samuel: The House of David grew stronger and stronger, while the house of Saul grew weaker and weaker. And David became more and more powerful, because the LORD God Almighty was with him. (2 Sam 3:2)

 

As long as the mustard seed, the yeast of the Kingdom of God dwells within us, and we are providing them favourable conditions, we can relax, and God will ensure growth.

 

Because growth is invisible, when discouraged, we need to look at our trajectory, and compare ourselves to where we were five years ago, one year ago.

 

And when tempted to judge another Christian, we need to remember that we are all works in progress, the yeast is rising, the mustard seed is growing in each of our lives, and we have not yet seen the end of the story.

 

 

 

Filed Under: In which I explore the Spiritual Life, In which I play in the fields of Scripture Tagged With: Luke. Parables, mustard seed, spiritual growth, yeast

Invaluable Advice on Creativity for Bloggers and Poets from the Poet, William Stafford

By Anita Mathias

stafford.jpg

I learnt this liberating writing tip from the poet, William Stafford, when he was a visiting writer at Ohio State University where I was doing a Masters in Creative Writing: You need to write the bad poems to get to the good poems. 

Get the bad poems out of the way; express the ideas however slight they might initially seem, for perhaps the idea you are conscious of is but the tip of the iceberg of the idea you are not conscious of. Write it down; sharpen your writing skills; improve your technique. And then you are ready for the good poems when they come.

If, however, you second-guess the poems: the subject is slight, it’s sentimental, it’s boring, it’s done before, it’s too abstract, too cliched–you become a critic, rather than a creator. More and more embryonic poems will have this shadow of judgement thrown over them. Your mind will become a self-cancelling system. Ideas will go from your mind to the waste-paper basket without ever having been written down.

And good poems may go this way too. You may begin to lose the confidence and self- belief to write them down.

William Stafford’s famous advice for dealing with writer’s block helps me as a blogger: to be willing to lower my standards. To be willing to write slight posts, express slight thoughts.

Then writing becomes as instinctive as breathing, my brain moves to my finger tips, and I keep current with the flow of my inner life and thoughts. Not being willing to post slight posts leads to perfectionism which as Ann Lamott says is the voice of the oppressor and the enemy of the people.

The willingness to fail. The willingness to take risks. The willingness to try something new, even if it is far below your usual standards. These are all essential elements of creativity.

And they keep blogging easy, pleasant and a joy, rather than one more self-imposed chore.

* * *

I love William Stafford’s liberating essay, A Way of Writing.

“A writer is not so much someone who has something to say as he is someone who has found a process that will bring about new things he would not have thought of if he had not started to say them. That is, he does not draw on a reservoir; instead, he engages in an activity that brings to him a whole succession of unforeseen stories, poems, essays, plays, laws, philosophies…

Back in school, from the first when I began to try to write things, I felt this richness. One thing would lead to another; the world would give and give. Now, after twenty years or so of trying, I live by that certain richness.

The importance of just plain receptivity… When I write, I like to have an interval before me when I am not likely to be interrupted. For me, this means usually the early morning, before others are awake.

I get pen and paper, take a glance out of the window (often it is dark out there), and wait. It is like fishing. But I do not wait very long, for there is always a nibble–and this is where receptivity comes in.

To get started I will accept anything that occurs to me. Something always occurs, of course, to any of us. We can’t keep from thinking. Maybe I have to settle for an immediate impression: it’s cold, or hot, or dark, or bright, or in between! If I put down something, that thing will help the next thing come, and I’m off. If I let the process go on, things will occur to me that were not at all in my mind when I started. These things, odd or trivial as they may be, are somehow connected. And if I let them string out, surprising things will happen.

If I let them string out…. Along with initial receptivity, then, there is another readiness: I must be willing to fail. If I am to keep on writing, I cannot bother to insist on high standards. I must get into action and not let anything stop me, or even slow me much.

By “standards” I do not mean “correctness” spelling, punctuation, and so on. These details become mechanical for anyone who writes for a while. I am thinking about such matters as social significance, positive values, consistency, etc…. I resolutely disregard these. Something better, greater, is happening!

I am following a process that leads so wildly and originally into new territory that no judgment can at the moment be made about values, significance, and so on. I am making something new, something that has not been judged before. Later others–and maybe I myself–will make judgments. Now, I am headlong to discover. Any distraction may harm the creating.

So, receptive, careless of failure, I spin out things on the page. And a wonderful freedom comes. If something occurs to me, it is all right to accept it. It has one justification: it occurs to me. No one else can guide me. I must follow my own weak, wandering, diffident impulses.

A strange bonus happens. At times, without my insisting on it, my writings become coherent; the successive elements that occur to me are clearly related. They lead by themselves to new connections.

Sometimes the language, even the syllables that happen along, may start a trend. Sometimes the materials alert me to something waiting in my mind, ready for sustained attention. At such times, I allow myself to be eloquent, or intentional, or for great swoops (Treacherous! Not to be trusted!) reasonable. But I do not insist on any of that; for I know that back of my activity there will be the coherence of my self, and that indulgence of my impulses will bring recurrent patterns and meanings again.

This attitude toward the process of writing creatively suggests a problem for me, in terms of what others say. They talk about “skills” in writing. Without denying that I do have experience, wide reading, automatic orthodoxies and manoeuvres of various kinds, I still must insist that I am often baffled about what “skill” has to do with the precious little area of confusion when I do not know what I am going to say and then I find out what I am going to say. That precious interval I am unable to bridge by skill.

What can I witness about it? It remains mysterious, just as all of us must feel puzzled about how we are so inventive as to be able to talk along through complexities with our friends, not needing to plan what we are going to say, but never stalled for long in our confident forward progress. Skill? If so, it is the skill we all have, something we must have learned before the age of three or four.

A writer is one who has become accustomed to trusting that grace, or luck, or–skill.”

 

Filed Under: In which I explore writing and blogging and creativity, Writing and Blogging Tagged With: "A Way of Writing", blogging, William Stafford, writing

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anita.mathias

My memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets https://amzn.to/42xgL9t
Oxford, England. Writer, memoirist, podcaster, blogger, Biblical meditation teacher, mum

Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen a Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen at this link: https://anitamathias.com/2025/04/08/the-kingdom-of-god-is-here-already-yet-not-yet-here-2/
It’s on the Kingdom of God, of which Christ so often spoke, which is here already—a mysterious, shimmering internal palace in which, in lightning flashes, we experience peace and joy, and yet, of course, not yet fully here. We sense the rainbowed presence of Christ in the song which pulses through creation. Christ strolls into our rooms with his wisdom and guidance, and things change. Our prayers are answered; we are healed; our hearts are strangely warmed. Sometimes.
And yet, we also experience evil within & all around us. Our own sin which can shatter our peace and the trajectory of our lives. And the sins of the world—its greed, dishonesty and environmental destruction.
But in this broken world, we still experience the glory of creation; “coincidences” which accelerate once we start praying, and shalom which envelops us like sudden sunshine. The portals into this Kingdom include repentance, gratitude, meditative breathing, and absolute surrender.
The Kingdom of God is here already. We can experience its beauty, peace and joy today through the presence of the Holy Spirit. But yet, since, in the Apostle Paul’s words, we do not struggle only “against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the unseen powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil,” its fullness still lingers…
Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of E Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of England in June. I have been on a social media break… but … better late than never. Enjoy!
First picture has my sister, Shalini, who kindly flew in from the US. Our lovely cousins Anthony and Sarah flank Zoe in the next picture.
The Bishop of London, Sarah Mullaly, ordained Zoe. You can see her praying that Zoe will be filled with the Holy Spirit!!
And here’s a meditation I’ve recorded, which you might enjoy. The link is also in my profile
https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Ma I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Matthew 23, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Do listen here. https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
Link also in bio.
And so, Jesus states a law of life. Those who broadcast their amazingness will be humbled, since God dislikes—scorns that, as much as people do.  For to trumpet our success, wealth, brilliance, giftedness or popularity is to get distracted from our life’s purpose into worthless activity. Those who love power, who are sure they know best, and who must be the best, will eventually be humbled by God and life. For their focus has shifted from loving God, doing good work, and being a blessing to their family, friends, and the world towards impressing others, being enviable, perhaps famous. These things are houses built on sand, which will crumble when hammered by the waves of old age, infirmity or adversity. 
God resists the proud, Scripture tells us—those who crave the admiration and power which is His alone. So how do we resist pride? We slow down, so that we realise (and repent) when sheer pride sparks our allergies to people, our enmities, our determination to have our own way, or our grandiose ego-driven goals, and ambitions. Once we stop chasing limelight, a great quietness steals over our lives. We no longer need the drug of continual achievement, or to share images of glittering travel, parties, prizes or friends. We just enjoy them quietly. My life is for itself & not for a spectacle, Emerson wrote. And, as Jesus advises, we quit sharp-elbowing ourselves to sit with the shiniest people, but are content to hang out with ordinary people; and then, as Jesus said, we will inevitably, eventually, be summoned higher to the sparkling conversation we craved. 
One day, every knee will bow before the gentle lamb who was slain, now seated on the throne. We will all be silent before him. Let us live gently then, our eyes on Christ, continually asking for his power, his Spirit, and his direction, moving, dancing, in the direction that we sense him move.
Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.co Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.com/2024/02/20/how-jesus-dealt-with-hostility-and-enemies/
3 days before his death, Jesus rampages through the commercialised temple, overturning the tables of moneychangers. Who gave you the authority to do these things? his outraged adversaries ask. And Jesus shows us how to answer hostile questions. Slow down. Breathe. Quick arrow prayers!
Your enemies have no power over your life that your Father has not permitted them. Ask your Father for wisdom, remembering: Questions do not need to be answered. Are these questioners worthy of the treasures of your heart? Or would that be feeding pearls to hungry pigs, who might instead devour you?
Questions can contain pitfalls, traps, nooses. Jesus directly answered just three of the 183 questions he was asked, refusing to answer some; answering others with a good question.
But how do we get the inner calm and wisdom to recognise
and sidestep entrapping questions? Long before the day of
testing, practice slow, easy breathing, and tune in to the frequency of the Father. There’s no record of Jesus running, rushing, getting stressed, or lacking peace. He never spoke on his own, he told us, without checking in with the Father. So, no foolish, ill-judged statements. Breathing in the wisdom of the Father beside and within him, he, unintimidated, traps the trappers.
Wisdom begins with training ourselves to slow down and ask
the Father for guidance. Then our calm minds, made perceptive, will help us recognise danger and trick questions, even those coated in flattery, and sidestep them or refuse to answer.
We practice tuning in to heavenly wisdom by practising–asking God questions, and then listening for his answers about the best way to do simple things…organise a home or write. Then, we build upwards, asking for wisdom in more complex things.
Listening for the voice of God before we speak, and asking for a filling of the Spirit, which Jesus calls streams of living water within us, will give us wisdom to know what to say, which, frequently, is nothing at all. It will quieten us with the silence of God, which sings through the world, through sun and stars, sky and flowers.
Especially for @ samheckt Some very imperfect pi Especially for @ samheckt 
Some very imperfect pictures of my labradoodle Merry, and golden retriever Pippi.
And since, I’m on social media, if you are the meditating type, here’s a scriptural meditation on not being afraid, while being prudent. https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
A new podcast. Link in bio https://anitamathias.c A new podcast. Link in bio
https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
“Do not be afraid,” a dream-angel tells Joseph, to marry Mary, who’s pregnant, though a virgin, for in our magical, God-invaded world, the Spirit has placed God in her. Call the baby Jesus, or The Lord saves, for he will drag people free from the chokehold of their sins.
And Joseph is not afraid. And the angel was right, for a star rose, signalling a new King of the Jews. Astrologers followed it, threatening King Herod, whose chief priests recounted Micah’s 600-year-old prophecy: the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem, as Jesus had just been, while his parents from Nazareth registered for Augustus Caesar’s census of the entire Roman world. 
The Magi worshipped the baby, offering gold. And shepherds came, told by an angel of joy: that the Messiah, a saviour from all that oppresses, had just been born.
Then, suddenly, the dream-angel warned: Flee with the child to Egypt. For Herod plans to kill this baby, forever-King.
Do not be afraid, but still flee? Become a refugee? But lightning-bolt coincidences verified the angel’s first words: The magi with gold for the flight. Shepherds
telling of angels singing of coming inner peace. Joseph flees.
What’s the difference between fear and prudence? Fear is being frozen or panicked by imaginary what-ifs. It tenses our bodies; strains health, sleep and relationships; makes us stingy with ourselves & others; leads to overwork, & time wasted doing pointless things for fear of people’s opinions.
Prudence is wisdom-using our experience & spiritual discernment as we battle the demonic forces of this dark world, in Paul’s phrase.It’s fighting with divinely powerful weapons: truth, righteousness, faith, Scripture & prayer, while surrendering our thoughts to Christ. 
So let’s act prudently, wisely & bravely, silencing fear, while remaining alert to God’s guidance, delivered through inner peace or intuitions of danger and wrongness, our spiritual senses tuned to the Spirit’s “No,” his “Slow,” his “Go,” as cautious as a serpent, protected, while being as gentle as a lamb among wolves.
Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://a Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/22/dont-walk-away-from-jesus-but-if-you-do-he-still-looks-at-you-and-loves-you/
Jesus came from a Kingdom of voluntary gentleness, in which
Christ, the Lion of Judah, stands at the centre of the throne in the guise of a lamb, looking as if it had been slain. No wonder his disciples struggled with his counter-cultural values. Oh, and we too!
The mother of the Apostles James and John, asks Jesus for a favour—that once He became King, her sons got the most important, prestigious seats at court, on his right and left. And the other ten, who would have liked the fame, glory, power,limelight and honour themselves are indignant and threatened.
Oh-oh, Jesus says. Who gets five talents, who gets one,
who gets great wealth and success, who doesn’t–that the
Father controls. Don’t waste your one precious and fleeting
life seeking to lord it over others or boss them around.
But, in his wry kindness, he offers the ambitious twelve
and us something better than the second or third place.
He tells us how to actually be the most important person to
others at work, in our friend group, social circle, or church:Use your talents, gifts, and energy to bless others.
And we instinctively know Jesus is right. The greatest people in our lives are the kind people who invested in us, guided us and whose wise, radiant words are engraved on our hearts.
Wanting to sit with the cleverest, most successful, most famous people is the path of restlessness and discontent. The competition is vast. But seek to see people, to listen intently, to be kind, to empathise, and doors fling wide open for you, you rare thing!
The greatest person is the one who serves, Jesus says. Serves by using the one, two, or five talents God has given us to bless others, by finding a place where our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. By writing which is a blessing, hospitality, walking with a sad friend, tidying a house.
And that is the only greatness worth having. That you yourself,your life and your work are a blessing to others. That the love and wisdom God pours into you lives in people’s hearts and minds, a blessing
https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-j https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-jesus.../
Sharing this podcast I recorded last week. LINK IN BIO
So Jesus makes a beautiful offer to the earnest, moral young man who came to him, seeking a spiritual life. Remarkably, the young man claims that he has kept all the commandments from his youth, including the command to love one’s neighbour as oneself, a statement Jesus does not challenge.
The challenge Jesus does offers him, however, the man cannot accept—to sell his vast possessions, give the money to the poor, and follow Jesus encumbered.
He leaves, grieving, and Jesus looks at him, loves him, and famously observes that it’s easier for a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to live in the world of wonders which is living under Christ’s kingship, guidance and protection. 
He reassures his dismayed disciples, however, that with God even the treasure-burdened can squeeze into God’s kingdom, “for with God, all things are possible.”
Following him would quite literally mean walking into a world of daily wonders, and immensely rich conversation, walking through Israel, Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan, quite impossible to do with suitcases and backpacks laden with treasure. 
For what would we reject God’s specific, internally heard whisper or directive, a micro-call? That is the idol which currently grips and possesses us. 
Not all of us have great riches, nor is money everyone’s greatest temptation—it can be success, fame, universal esteem, you name it…
But, since with God all things are possible, even those who waver in their pursuit of God can still experience him in fits and snatches, find our spirits singing on a walk or during worship in church, or find our hearts strangely warmed by Scripture, and, sometimes, even “see” Christ stand before us. 
For Christ looks at us, Christ loves us, and says, “With God, all things are possible,” even we, the flawed, entering his beautiful Kingdom.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-th https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-the-freedom-of-forgiveness/
How to Find the Freedom of Forgiveness
Letting go on anger and forgiving is both an emotional transaction & a decision of the will. We discover we cannot command our emotions to forgive and relinquish anger. So how do we find the space and clarity of forgiveness in our mind, spirit & emotions?
When tormenting memories surface, our cortisol, adrenaline, blood pressure, and heart rate all rise. It’s good to take a literally quick walk with Jesus, to calm this neurological and physiological storm. And then honestly name these emotions… for feelings buried alive never die.
Then, in a process called “the healing of memories,” mentally visualise the painful scene, seeing Christ himself there, his eyes brimming with compassion. Ask Christ to heal the sting, to draw the poison from these memories of experiences. We are caterpillars in a ring of fire, as Martin Luther wrote--unable to rescue ourselves. We need help from above.
Accept what happened. What happened, happened. Then, as the Apostle Paul advises, give thanks in everything, though not for everything. Give thanks because God can bring good out of the swindle and the injustice. Ask him to bring magic and beauty from the ashes.
If, like the persistent widow Jesus spoke of, you want to pray for justice--that the swindler and the abusers’ characters are revealed, so many are protected, then do so--but first, purify your own life.
And now, just forgive. Say aloud, I forgive you for … You are setting a captive free. Yourself. Come alive. Be free. 
And when memories of deep injuries arise, say: “No. No. Not going there.” Stop repeating the devastating story to yourself or anyone else. Don’t waste your time & emotional energy, nor let yourself be overwhelmed by anger at someone else’s evil actions. Don’t let the past poison today. Refuse to allow reinjury. Deliberately think instead of things noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
So keep trying, in obedience, to forgive, to let go of your anger until you suddenly realise that you have forgiven, and can remember past events without agitation. God be with us!
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