Sometimes, going through my Facebook newsfeed, I see two narratives: Poor Me and Amazing Me.
Poor Me status updates are largely negative: ill-health, the misadventures of children, looming deadlines, crushing work loads, exhaustion, the intransigence of schools, employers, medical services; the inadequacy of tax-payer money funnelled towards their needs, the anguish of the entitled!
And then, there are Amazing Me status updates. Amazing Me won a prize; travelled to Antarctica; conjured up this gourmet creation; pulled off this domestic Goddess feat; moved mountains today, oh Amazing Me!
* * *
We started playing these roles in our childhoods. In my childhood, Poor Me would have met with no sympathy. I would have been scolded for whatever led to my Poor Me plight. Why did you allow yourself to gain weight? Get sick? Get writers’ block? Fail? Go, do something about it. Run a mile. Eat vegetables. Write a page.
And I too get impatient with Poor Me, and come up with solutions. (Though I am silent, and my tears flow freely when there are no solutions: an incurable illness like motor neurone disease; an inoperable tumour, or the sudden death of a loved one.)
Amazing Me was the script I was expected to follow in childhood. Amazing me, always winning prizes; Amazing Me, dazzling my teachers; Amazing Me, achieving, achieving, achieving.
* * *
Poor Me and Amazing Me have this in common. They are both symptoms of emptiness. They both want something from other people. Poor Me wants attention—and sympathy. Amazing Me wants attention–and praise. Both their cups are half-empty, the one who proclaims the emptiness of her cup, and the one who declares her cup runneth over, but still wants affirmation from other people.
* * *
In middle age, I am less interested in old scripts. I am not interested in Poor Me. When people Poor You me, I hate it. I want to shake off their sympathy, which feels like a clog on my feet (though in the case of tragedy I can do nothing about, yeah, I will accept sympathy, and cry on your shoulder–if I can).
And when I tend to Amazing Me, on the days I am smart, I remind myself of the eternal fountain always flowing, flowing to fill my empty places.
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And I tell myself, “Anita, you are indeed Amazing Me because you are a child of God. You are Amazing Me because you can climb into his lap and lean on his shoulder. You are Amazing Me because he sings over you; you are Amazing Me because he protects you; you are Amazing Me because no matter what goes wrong, he comforts you.
You are Amazing Me because when you blow it, he puts his arms around you, and blows his spirit into you, fills you with the water of the Holy Spirit to overflowing. You are Amazing Me because he patches you together again, and you are as good as new. You are Amazing Me because he will take you to places you never dreamed you’ll go. You are Amazing Me because he loves you.
Thank you, Kelly, for hosting the first version of this!
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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This was an amazing piece of writing until the very end. I thought you had a point and was excited to read it until you started praising the Lord, I feel like the two halves of your article are irrelevant to each other. Really? The solution to your overachieving complex is the fact that you are a child of God, and boom, all your problems and insecurities are solved?
It seems very weak to me to rely on just that and think that because you are reminding yourself that you’re a child of God, like everyone else, all of a sudden you are relieved of that mindset. You’ve inflated yourself with pride through your relationship with God, which is something everyone and thing has. I just don’t understand how repeating this to yourself strengthens you as you have said. Why is the source of your confidence through God? Why can’t it be on your own?
“Why is the source of your confidence through God? Why can’t it be on your own?”
Because God is more gifted than I am 🙂
What a timely moment, meeting with you, Anita, on Twitter. I was raised as a Poor Me in a family full of them. Gradually, over years and decades of life, I have built up an Amazing Me. They frequently battle one another so that I feel stuck in the middle ground or, worse yet, fluctuate between the two in unhealthy ways. The sentiments of the Apostle Paul, who did not do what he wanted to do but did what he did not want to do could well have been spoken by me. I am going to read and follow you for inspiration, Anita. Many blessings in Christ, Vera
Welcome to my blog, Vera. I tend to verbalise “Amazing Me” more than Poor Me, but I wonder if doing a bit of Poor Me might also be good for my psychological health!
Ideally, I think, as a Christian writer, I would love to grow beyond these roles and just write what might be a blessing to people, putting “Me” in the background! 🙂