Rereading: Doctor Zhivago

Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires
Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art



Woe to you when All Men Praise you: The Upside of Disapproval
Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. Whoa! Unintentional homonymic pun!
This is one of Jesus’s harder saying because we humans are social animals, we are gregarious, we instinctively like other people (which is one explanation for the success of Facebook, for instance). We need approval. And so much of human endeavour is motivated by the desire for approval. People at the receiving end of the Amish practice of “shunning” developed depression, mental illness, and died before their time.
The moon has its dark side, and so do most things on earth. People’s approval, for instance. I led women’s groups over a period of seven years. This blog would never have been successful if I had still been leading them. (Is it successful? Well, it’s in the top 25 religion blogs according to Wikio’s rankings released yesterday and it is not yet 7 months old.)
The blog might not have been particularly unique or interesting if I had still been teaching women’s groups. Now I am just a voice crying in the wilderness (sometimes, literally, on both counts!) Some groups I taught had 25 women. If I were still teaching, I would have been afraid to share my struggles and doubts and sadnesses and failures openly for fear that it may not have been inspiring or edifying, that it may have been discouraging, that it may lead to second-guessing me when I did teach, and so what I taught might have been less effective.
Since churches are lead by human beings (i.e. by sinners), no church gets everything right. I would not have been able to point out where I thought we were deviating from the plumbline if I felt I was leading something and was under authority. There is one issue on which I deviate from orthodox Christian doctrine. I would not have been able to blog about that issue. (And I still haven’t–coward!!–but soon will. I think.)
When everyone approves of you–and I have noticed this in other people as well as in myself–to some extent, you lose yourself. You pretend to be nicer, sweeter, smilier than you really are. My own danger signal that I am acting nicer and sweeter than I really am is when my cheek muscles start hurting. I am smiling so much in a not entirely natural way!
And when I sense disapproval? Well, I return to the healing fountain, to the one who knows the worst and still accepts me. I allow him to cleanse me and fill me. I say, “Well, this is what they
think of me. There may well be some truth in it. But what do you think of me? And thank you for loving me, whatever you think of me. Fill me again with your spirit, to overflowing. Help me to follow you.”
The Good Books Blog is #23 in Wikio’s Top UK Literature Blogs, November 2010–down from #16 alas
The Remains of the Day by Kazuo Ishiguro
This novel is a truly astonishing act of ventriloquism.
Ishiguro, doomed to be a perpetual outsider in England, by virtue of race, has used the outsider’s gifts of ventriloquism and distance to produce an extraordinary study of aspects of the English.
Stevens, the perfect English butler, looks back on a life he cannot bring himself to admit was wasted. He served, with unwavering devotion, a man whose sympathies were with the Nazis, who inexplicably dismissed the Jewish housemaids, for instance. He struggles to bring himself to admit to himself that he has sacrificed his own chances of happiness on the altar of duty, professionalism and loyalty to a master who deserved none of the above.
It is an interesting study of painful repression and reserve which has become part of the personality to the detriment of happiness.
The novel is a remarkably accurate study of an English type from an immigrant, and of an era of history before the author’s birth. When you factor in Ishiguro’s perfect pitch, and the pervading elegaic atmosphere of sadness he admirably conveys, you have, in my opinion, a great novel.
Bookmark this on Delicious
“I care very little if I am judged; indeed, I do not even judge myself”
I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. 5 Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart. At that time each will receive their praise from God. I Cor 4
We are listening to the New Living Bible in the car. This passage stood out from 1 Cor.4.
It would be wonderful to truly reach this spiritual level– I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. 4 My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.
And when, on occasion, I do reach it, it is a place of freedom and joy. Few people are subtle enough that what they feel or think about another is entirely hidden. We generally instinctively know who likes or respects us–and who does not (though there are always awful revelations–when one suddenly loses power, position, money, one’s faculties etc.).
Being judged by another is painful–because you have been judged in a court of no appeal, and for a crime you do not know. It’s Kafkaesque territory.
What should one do when one senses the weight of not entirely favourable judgement?
What one should always do: return to the fountain of mercy and acceptance. Cleave to him whether everyone praises you–or no one does.
And what of the painful times when our hearts condemn us (which, interestingly, does not always coincide with external praise or blame).
19 This is how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.
1 John 4
We are not our own, we belong to Christ. So we throw ourselves on his mercy, whether we stand or fall, and whether everyone else believes we have stood–or fallen!
We listened to the opening chapters of Captain Corelli’s Mandolin by Louis Bernieres yesterday. What a captivating opening, and how well it drags you into the story. I was enchanted by the exotic setting, the close attention to character, the wry narratorial humour, the polysyllabic Latinate words which added such an interesting texture to his prose. This is going to be a book which I am so going to enjoy listening to, and then reading.
The Royal Hunt of the Sun by Peter Shaffer