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Woe to you when all men praise you: The Upside of Disapproval

By Anita Mathias

Woe to you when All Men Praise you: The Upside of Disapproval


Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets. Whoa! Unintentional homonymic pun!


This is one of Jesus’s harder saying because we humans are social animals, we are gregarious, we instinctively like other people (which is one explanation for the success of Facebook, for instance).  We need approval.  And so much of human endeavour is motivated by the desire for approval.  People at the receiving end of the Amish practice of “shunning” developed depression, mental illness, and died before their time.


The moon has its dark side, and so do most things on earth. People’s approval, for instance. I led women’s groups over a period of seven years. This blog would never have been successful if I had still been leading them. (Is it successful? Well, it’s in the top 25 religion blogs according to Wikio’s rankings released yesterday and it is not yet 7 months old.)


The blog might not have been particularly unique or interesting if I had still been teaching women’s groups. Now I am just a voice crying in the wilderness (sometimes, literally, on both counts!) Some groups I taught had 25 women.  If I were still teaching, I would have been afraid to share my struggles and doubts and sadnesses and failures openly for fear that it may not have been inspiring or edifying, that it may have been discouraging, that it may lead to second-guessing me when I did teach, and so what I taught might have been less effective.


Since churches are lead by human beings (i.e. by sinners), no church gets everything right. I would not have been able to point out where I thought we were deviating from the plumbline if I felt I was leading something and was under authority. There is one issue on which I deviate from orthodox Christian doctrine. I would not have been able to blog about that issue. (And I still haven’t–coward!!–but soon will. I think.)


When everyone approves of you–and I have noticed this in other people as well as in myself–to some extent, you lose yourself. You pretend to be nicer, sweeter, smilier than you really are. My own danger signal that I am acting nicer and sweeter than I really am is when my cheek muscles start hurting. I am smiling so much in a not entirely natural way!


And when I sense disapproval? Well, I return to the healing fountain, to the one who knows the worst and still accepts me. I allow him to cleanse me and fill me. I say, “Well, this is what they 
think of me.  There may well be some truth in it. But what do you think of me? And thank you for loving me, whatever you think of me. Fill me again with your spirit, to overflowing. Help me to follow you.” 

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Comments

  1. Anita Mathias says

    November 8, 2010 at 7:57 am

    Thank you, Simon. I had heard of “Toxic Faith” and will research it. Your summary is intriguing.Cults operate on those principles!!

    I will look up “The Undefended Life.” I had not heard of it.

  2. Simon Cozens says

    November 7, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    One of the major things that came out of the course I've just taken, for me personally as well as academically, was the danger of leading when you're in need of the approval of others. You can't make the tough and potentially unpopular decisions that are sometimes necessary if you're craving the aproval of those you lead.

    I don't mean that you need to be indifferent to the voices of people around you, but that someone who is operating out of insecurity to the extent of needing others' approval for their own personal fulfillment can be a very dangerous person in leadership. A church leader, for instance, who makes decisions out of his own insecurities can make some impressively bad decisions and can rightly be called a toxic leader. (See my quote from Toxic Faith.)

    Simon Walker has done a great series of books on “undefended leadership” (and now “The Undefended Life”) which relates to all of this – leading and living without the need for the approval of others.

  3. Anita Mathias says

    November 7, 2010 at 11:08 am

    Yeah, 'tis. Thanks, Louise!

  4. Louise says

    November 7, 2010 at 8:53 am

    so very true Anita…

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Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Recent Posts

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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