Our family was discussing a writer who has done paradigm-breaking innovative work.
“Is she a Christian?” my daughter Irene asked.
“Yes. She’s a Christian. With a small C, I’d guess.”
“What’s that?” Irene asked.
“Hmm… Someone who goes to church, more or less respects Jesus and the Bible, but who does not see the existence of God, and the coming of Christ as the central axis on which their life spins.”
Irene: “Are you a Christian with a small c or a big C?”
Me, “Oh, I am hopelessly Christian. Christian with a Big C.”
Zoe adds, “Except you do not go to church.”
We all laugh.
* * *
This is slander, dear readers; I do go to church. But these splendid summer days often find me exhausted by 5.30 p.m. when it’s time to leave to church, and so I, on occasion, worship God by a long solitary walk through the fields around our house, or a nap, or gardening, or even quietly praying in the empty house.
Having grown up Catholic, there is glorious freedom in being able to skip church without guilt. I, however, truly believe in the value of Christian fellowship and in belonging to an excellent church; I frequently come back from services at our church, St. Andrew’s, Oxford, with peace in my heart, and a smile on my lips. However, a key life verse since my twenties has been “In repentance and in rest, you shall be saved. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength”(Is 30:15). So when I am tired, I try not to push, not even spiritually.
We talked about the writer’s brilliant book, Daring Greatly which I loved. It is about understanding and developing the self, and about bravery. Saying it’s about being your best self sounds too pop-culturish, but that’s one way of summarizing it. It is an excellent book, just not a Christian book, particularly: it isn’t one that Jesus would have written. Jesus would have said that we find our best selves in losing ourselves, in serving, in washing feet.
Oh Jesus! You do complicate a girl’s life, don’t you? I would be Christian with a small c if I could, but you have stretched my mind and spirit to a new dimension, and so I have to follow you, slow step by step.
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) or UK
Robyn Gibson says
This was good. I first saw Brene Brown on a TedTalk; it was fascinating subject matter.
Anita Mathias says
Love her. Need to read “Daring Greatly” again
John MacArthur says
I quite liked this. In an uncomfortable sort of way. The Antiochan pejorative “Christers” always made me uncomfortable. Apart from an almost pathological fear of being labelled – in Jerusalem I just described myself – in a city of labels – as a “believer” which I and others found comfortingly vague. What would you say to a non flag-waver like me? (:-)
Lilly Vasanthini says
Hmmmm…. Here I am reading your comment …Anita…In repentance and in rest, you shall be saved. In quietness and in confidence shall be your strength”(Is 30:15). So when I am tired, I try not to push, not even spiritually….and grinning…as I wake up this morning…
I was into bed past midnight… Could not get to open my eyes.. Even at 6 this morning… Which means I have to do a Mass later today… In the habit of going in for Mass everyday
And here I am telling Jesus… Thank you.. For the extra sleep…so “you Jesus” wanted me to rest right ?
Anita Mathias says
“Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest,” Matthew 11. 🙂
Lilly Vasanthini says
So true… Was fascinating reading the Gospel today on Assuaging Doubt.. The encounter with the Risen Lord and St.Thomas..
I learn… I know… I believe and I live…
But I am not consistent and Constant…
I plead… Lord help me do a complete surrender… I need to live you
Anita Mathias says
I think God is very kind with our waverings—the way he tenderly asks Thomas to touch his torn hands and know for sure that he is risen!
mari howard says
And I thought it was being raised Evangelical (which I was not, but I have walked that walk in my time!) which instilled guilt about not being in church (and being seen to be in church) EVERY SUNDAY!
How many denominations get this wrong!
The sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath … on the other hand, Sunday in church can provide food for thought to help us along the way, and give praise to God in the company of others … balance, as usual! How much of life is about balance … Blessings …
Anita Mathias says
Hi Mari, Yes, Lewis has an analogy–a log alone won’t burn for long, but when surrounded by many logs, it blazes brightly. I really do believe in church attendance,and do attend church (St. Andrew’s), but, as I said, am often out of energy, and then don’t drag myself there. Oddly, I am far more faithful about small group attendance, probably only missing one or two sessions a year!