secrecy Archives - Dreaming Beneath the Spires

In which Christ Lures us to Secret Prayer, and Promises us a Reward for it.

“Come you apart from them and be secret,” Christ calls out to us. (Matt. 6 1-18)

We live in a world governed by “the rules,” described by Brene Brown in Daring Greatly: For women, “be naturally beautiful, thin, and perfect at everything, especially motherhood. Be sweet, stay quiet; be perfect moms and wives; don’t own your power.”

For men: “stop feeling, start earning, climb the way to the top, or die trying. Winning, emotional control, risk-taking, dominance, self-reliance, primacy of work, pursuit of status.”

And in the microcosm of church, do these rules still apply? Sure. Men who are wealthy, successful, dominant are feted, and elected as elders, never mind when they last opened their Bibles, or settled down for a time of prayer. For women, being fit, pretty, well-presented, and a perfect mom and housekeeper has become a subset of spirituality in a way the medieval mystics would not have recognized.

But we also uneasily respect those rare birds in our churches: the prayer warriors, the Bible mavens, the mission freaks. They may not be entirely accepted by the cool Christians to whom Sunday morning services are a respite from a week of getting and spending and managing, but we respect them in the way fifth century Christians respected St. Simon Stylites who spent 37 years on a pillar to escape worldly distractions.

But Jesus does not permit us to use our devotion to him as yet another means of gaining status and attention. He advises: Don’t publicly donate or serve on every board to gain a reputation for philanthropy. You might get the respect shallow people accord the rich if you do so, but not the unspecified (but undoubtedly marvellous) reward which your Father will give you. Give generously, but so secretly that your left hand does not know what your right hand is doing. Give for your Father’s reward, which will be wonderful, whether it be the success you crave, the wealth you need, the family closeness you want, or health, or, best of all, peace.

* * *

Similarly, with prayer. We might hold sway in prayer meetings, with long prayers whose secret, perhaps unconscious, objective includes impressing people with our soft heart, our passion for Christ, our theological understanding–or even to gossip through the tidbits we drop in, or subtly manipulate people by the things we pray for them. And people may be impressed by our long prayers. And that is all the reward we get. Pretty paltry, huh?

But what if we waste time with God, and–instead of earning, organizing, working, networking, promoting ourselves–spend time in prayer so secretly that no one knows, and no one will guess?

We get God’s reward.

Again, unspecified, but I think it will be really, really cool. It will be the right reward for us, and for our lives. He might crown our efforts with success. Grant us health like Caleb, who claimed he was as strong and vigorous at 85 as at 40 (Joshua 14:11).

He might bless our family with love. Deliver us from evil. Make our plans succeed. Guide us.

* * *

When Roy and I were newly-wed and newly committed to Christ, we joined a Christian “young marrieds” group.

Some of those people have soared the heights—were named by Christianity Today as young pastors to watch, became passionate career missionaries. Others just chugged along, same old, same old…

I noticed the same in Christian friends I’ve known for decades. A few have taken enormous spiritual strides, becoming people of wisdom and spiritual wealth with which to bless others; others remained apparently stagnant.

What makes the difference between a passionate Christian and an average one? I used to think it was whether one actually obeyed the “rhema” word of God–when God highlights certain passages of scripture to your spirit, or clearly speaks to you. And that’s part of it.

But the other thing which makes Christians sweet, rather than sour, and a pleasure to be with, like cool spring water on a hot day, is their hidden life of prayer.

Prayer running through the day like a quiet, underground river, guarding your heart, keeping you calm, giving you guidance.

Walking with Christ, an invisible friend, a secret sharer, who will at crucial times whisper, “This is the way; walk in it.”

And this guidance and direction makes all the difference between one life and another, between a blessed life and another.

* * *

The rewards of prayer include a quieter spirit, a more loving spirit, being saved from sin, God’s blessing, God’s guidance. These we can guess at.

But perhaps, once it’s all over, and the last curtain falls, we will see all the difference our secret life of prayer made to our actual life amid the hurly-burly. We will see all the blessings that came as a result of our secret life of prayer which we were unaware of; all the things we were saved from; all the times life-changing guidance welled up within our spirits–and how grateful we will be that we cultivated the habit of prayer that grew to be so sweet and necessary that we would have done it for its own sake.

But, in fact, God, who is infinitely generous, had rewarded us for our secret times with him in myriad ways we never guessed at on earth, but now see clearly.

On Public Rewards for Private God-Chasing & on Prayer as the Root of a Life

By Anita Mathias

I’ve been to some good church conferences, among them John Arnott’s International Leaders School of Ministry and Paul Miller’s A Praying Life and The Person of Jesus courses. However, the St Andrew’s church weekend away led by Rupert Charkham of Holy Trinity, Cambridge, was among the most refreshing and interesting among them.

Charkham talked about prayer, and about how prayer, by the strictest divine command, must be secret (Matthew 6:6). When we pray, or live a life of prayer, we are OHMSS, Oh His Majesty’s Secret Service, and none should know it but ourselves.

He went on to say that people–even (or especially!) the committed, bustling, ubiquitous church men and women, upfront, on stage, on every committee, running everything—are tempted to neglect the life of prayer because they feel “no one can tell.”

However, Charkham went on to say, “People can tell. Prayer has a profound effect on your life. And prayerlessness has a profound effect on your life. You can’t hide either of them.”

As 90 % of the bulk of an iceberg is below the water, so 90% of what happens in our lives, and what makes us the men and women we are, and makes our lives turn out the way they have, happens in the realm of prayer. Prayer is like the roots of our lives, hidden, but vital to the health and strength of the visible plant–or life.

That’s why there is a quietness about mature Christians. Their big work is done in prayer.

Like giving, like fasting, Jesus commands us to pray in secret, seen only by God (Matthew 6 1-18). As such, it is an act of pure faith, pure love.

We are promised a reward, though. A public reward—“and your father who sees what is done in secret will reward you openly.” (Matt. 6:6).

A reward from God. Wow, it makes me rub my hands in anticipation. I am happy to take whatever reward God chooses to give me–whether in the earthly realm of health, wealth and success, or the spiritual realm of good relationships, peace, joy, shalom and happiness. Or, God willing, both!!

The things we do in secret will be revealed openly, both the good things–our prayer lives, our giving, our fasting—and our hidden intrigues, manipulations, evil words and gossip. “There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.” Luke 12:1-3

* * *

When to Keep a Secret and When to Refuse To

By Anita Mathias

Image Credit

I once attended a rather toxic Charismatic church in England. There was a sentence you heard rather often there, and it was, “Don’t tell anyone.”

The leader’s wife (untrained, and not particularly intelligent, who proudly and accurately publicly described herself as a “rhino,”) was then the paid women’s “Pastor.” She was always meddling in church affairs and politics, causing messes and dramas , and then acting abusively and sadistically.

And then, after something cruel or stupid she said or did, came her trademark sentence, “Don’t tell anyone.”

* * *

I was chatting to a friend who had been emotionally abused and isolated by this woman, which seriously affected her health. Sure enough, she was asked “not to tell anyone” while the woman “sorted things out.” Which, of course, she had no intention of doing. My friend obeyed. So did I for a while when told the same thing, but then, I finally told my blog!! Obliquely, but not too obliquely!!

So there’s an example of a secret you should never keep: If you’ve suffered spiritual, emotional, verbal or physical abuse, or know someone who has, never agree to keep it secret. If you’ve been bullied to promise to keep the bad behaviour, abusiveness and wrong-doing of those in power secret, sin boldly, and let it be known. Appropriately and effectively though—and these aren’t always the same thing in a circle-the-wagons culture.

Keeping the secret of other people’s abusive behaviour will only enable them to continue and accelerate their spiritual or emotional abuse of other people. Never do so.

* * *

And when should you be silent? And secret?

Perhaps about sharing things which put you in a very good light. Which might make people envious of you.

And this does not come easily to me. Chronologically, I am middle-aged. Inwardly, I am a happy child. If I make unexpected money, or have unexpected success, or something wonderful and exciting happens, it comes naturally to me to bound up to all my friends and tell them. To tell my blog. And my facebook.

And expect everyone to rejoice with me at this magical event. Even if, well, windfalls are not falling around them too.

* * *

This excited expecting-the-whole-world-to-rejoice-with-you got Joseph into trouble.

He was the favourite son, who alone had a richly ornamented robe. His brothers hated him. And in this atmosphere, he excitedly shares his dream with them—his brother’s sheaves bow to his; the sun and moon and eleven stars bow to him.

Exciting dreams. Dreams which shouted out to be shared. But dreams which should not be shared. There was nothing to be achieved in sharing them; all that would happen is that the owners of the eleven sheaves would be put out and cross and feel insecure.

Which is what happened.

* * *

Joseph’s dreams were given to him for his own future preparation. And to strengthen him in the decades during which the destiny tarried. They were not to be shared, because there was nothing in them to build and strengthen anyone else. They were meant to be a private heads up and encouragement to Joseph.

* * *

And the reason that God sometimes reveals the dreams and destiny he has for us in advance is that dreams can be deferred—can take decades to be fulfilled.

Heidi Baker shares how God gave her a powerful vision of her destiny when she was 16, and some of those things took decades to be fulfilled—and some things have still not been fulfilled. But they are the North Star of her life.

For myself, I felt God tell me what he wanted me to do when I was 21—and it has still not been fulfilled, though I have proceeded more or less steadily in that direction.

Last summer, I spent a day lying on the rocks on the beach in Sweden where we were on holiday, and the sense of the presence of God was very strong. I could almost sense Jesus lying next to me, smiling, telling me his plans for the rest of my life, and smiling, almost laughing at my surprise.

I shared it with Roy, who told me not to share it, as some of my friends might not necessarily be pleased. And so I didn’t. That prophetic vision was given to me, and for me, and it’s changed the way I work and organize my life. It was not given for anyone else.

* * *

I have been reading R. T. Kendall’s brilliant book, The Anointing, which he defines as the presence of the Holy Spirit which makes difficult things easy when you are operating in it. And so I have been praying for an anointing, a filling of a Holy Spirit, on my life and work.

And I felt God give it to me, though not in the area in which I was praying for it–but in an area in which I am a whole lot less confident and more diffident (though in which I have worked successfully in the past). Again, I feel I received this to help me with bold, confident and decisive action—but that the specifics of this “anointing” are for me alone, and not to be shared.

I wonder if this is almost a rule of thumb in the spiritual life. The wonderful Norwegian writer, O. Hallesby, said that one’s secret life with Christ in the secret places of prayer is like a cosy, warm Norwegian cottage in a blustery winter. If you talk about your prayer life, you open the door, and cold wintry blasts enter.

Things which build other people up: share them. But things which make you look good—“Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.” Proverbs 27:2.

Children, of course, are unabashed about sharing their excellencies. Your own children will always happily tell you how great and marvellous are. And the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.

So I guess, we need to strike a balance between a childlike, happy spirit, and sharing too many things about which we are glad—but which might, by the very contrast, make other people feel sad. And so we might escape the traumas that Joseph’s jealous brothers put him through!!