Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

George Herbert. Love

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     LOVE (III)
        by George Herbert

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
        Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack
        From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
        If I lack’d anything.
“A guest,” I answer’d, “worthy to be here”;
        Love said, “You shall be he.”
“I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
        I cannot look on thee.”
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
        “Who made the eyes but I?”
“Truth, Lord, but I have marr’d them; let my shame
        Go where it doth deserve.”
“And know you not,” says Love, “who bore the blame?”
        “My dear, then I will serve.”
“You must sit down,” says Love, “and taste my meat.”
        So I did sit and eat.


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Antaeus and Strength from the Earth and Being Down to Earth

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 Antaeus, in Greek mythology, was a Libyan giant, the son of Gaia, the Earth Goddess. He was invincible because when thrown to the ground, he derived strength from the earth, his mother, and returned stronger than before.
And that too is a secret of strength.
When under stress, I tend to “run” (metaphorically speaking!)—to travel, to take a day out in a National Trust or RHS garden, or just sleep.
Nothing wrong with that, but “down to earth” ways of decompressing are often surprisingly healing and refreshing. A landmark UCLA study, which looks at women under stress observes that the first thing women under stress do is clean (followed by making coffee, and bonding with other women).
And oddly, for both me and Roy, tidying up is one of our most therapeutic activities. There is something so peaceful about order gradually emerging, and the gentle movement involved in it, especially if one has worship music on the stereo. It’s actually restful, provided there is no time pressure, and one has not allowed one’s surroundings to get too out of control.
Gardeningtoo is an immensely peaceful activity, restful, therapeutic, an opportunity for quiet contemplation. Just the sound of bird song, and the gentle activity calms me. Similarly, the gentle walk, and the natural sounds of the wind and birds settles the spirit. 
As Gretchen Rubin writes in her Happiness Project, the endorphins generated during exercise help people think clearly. Even ten minutes of daylight stimulates production of serotonin and dopamine, brain chemicals that improve mood. And a ten minute walk clarifies thinking and boosts energy.
 The rate of depression in the West has increased ten fold in two generations, partly because of the increased time spent indoors, and the light deprivation and sedentary hours.
And Scripture mentions the best source of energy. This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In returning and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength,” (Is. 30:15).
 * * *
I have had a very busy fortnight—with some lovely things, a couple of parties, one of which I hosted, hosting people for lunch, coffee with others; and some stressful things, buying a motor home, which is out of our area of expertise, and a family member who is in a very bad mood!!
But there have been more positive than negative things (as there generally are in life!) Irene my 13 year old won two end-of-year prizes: one for Achievement (given to those with the highest marks in the year end exams) and one in a Speech Contest. She spoke on the importance and loveliness of chocolate!!—not on reading or exercise or healthy eating or any of the subjects I helpfully suggested.
Anyway, I am slightly off keel and stressed, so I guess I need to practice some of Antaeus’s stress reduction strategies—keep close to the earth, tidy up, garden, walk (and pray)!!

Chronos and Kairos–The Mysterious Right Time

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Koine Greek has two words for time, Kairos and Chronos. Chronos was clock time, chronological time. Kairos was special: “the right time,” God’s Time.

Jesus highlights the difference when he tells his disciples.  “The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right,” John 7.6. In fact, there are constant references throughout the Gospel to his kairos time, as when Mary tries to hurry her miraculous baby into action in the marriage of Cana, and he restrains her, “My time has not come.”
Kairos. Chronos. I have many ideas, many things I want to do. I can’t do all of them right now. So, I am learning to wait for Kairos, the right time, God’s time.
How? Hands wide open, ready to receive, ready to work.


But not fists closed in the act of grabbing.
                                            ~ ~ ~
Roy and I own a small business. We are champing at the bit to expand it as we have lots of exciting ideas, but though the kairos time to expand is very close, each time, I pray about it, I sense it is not yet at hand.  
Roy took early retirement in August 2010, after 21 years as a mathematician–all-consuming work. We are still recovering: there is still some sorting out in the garage; still about ten boxes not unpacked since we moved here from America in 2004. Our investments should be looked at; the house could do with a bit more organizing and decluttering. A little more work will make the garden truly a pleasure. The business has some nuts and bolts to be tightened. Roy wants to see to all this…
We talked over our lives with an older and wiser friend, a vicar, who, somewhat to my surprise, said that when one establishes the Kingdom of God (order, tidiness, serenity) in one’s external surroundings, other things fall into place. It resonated with me. First things first. External peace and order facilitates, enables and eases internal peace and order (though it cannot create it).
 So it’s not yet kairos time to expand our business. Soon, however–in a matter of weeks–it will be.
                                                               ~ ~ ~
When it is God’s time, it’s amazing how everything falls into place. Finance connections, friends appear, out of the blue, to help you; there are numerous coincidences–God-incidences.
So it is best to wait for kairos time before you force something through.
And the idea of kairos time explains why sometimes one might wait  and pray a very long time for something to happen–with no apparent results–and then it happens very quickly. For me, the times when things fall into place very rapidly, efficiently, almost magically is a hallmark of God’s activity.
                                    ~ ~ ~
I think of a reflection by Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision.


God answers all prayer.  He does not answer our selfish, materialistic begging.  He does not move into our sinful situation.  He moves us out of our sinful situation into Himself.  God sometimes moves slowly.  Sometimes we don’t lack faith, but patience.  Wait patiently for Him, and He will give you your heart’s desire.

1) If the request is not right, He will answer, “No.”
2) If the time is not right, He will answer, “Slow.”
3) When you are not right, He will answer, “Grow.”
4) When the request, the time and you are right, God will say, “Go.”
That’s when miracles happen.  
                                      ~ ~ ~

 When the girls were young, I desperately wanted to write, and trying to do so with young children, exhausted me, and not that much got read, or written. The state of the house was a constant source of irritation and contention, and in retrospect, I should have prioritized getting the house together, and put my writing on the slow track, as life had decreed it should be.
Now, however, is the kairos time to write. I don’t have many other  demands on me; the girls are quite independent; Roy does not need support from me in what he does; in fact, having retired early, he is able to run the house and the girls, and even help me.

So now, in the kairos time to write–I just have to shrug off distraction–and get down to it.
                                                                                               * * *
So how does one know if it’s the kairos time, the right time to pursue or achieve one’s heart’s desire?
You put first things first. You seek the kingdom of God in your life—what your life would look like if God were ruling it. If your heart’s desire is not appearing, you accept that it is not yet the right time for it, and continuing preparing, and waiting and praying and working towards–patiently.

And give us grace, Lord, for this is easier said than done!!

Are the Words of Paul and the Words of Jesus Equally Important?

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David O’Connell

Are the Words of Paul and the Words of Jesus Equally Important?
Were we baptised in the name of Paul? Did Paul die for us?
Would Paul, who called himself a bondservant of Jesus Christ, be horrified to find that his words were given equal weight with his Master’s?
Or in some circles, greater. For the words of Jesus cause little controversy. They are just death to obey.
But all our bitter theological disputes, today and through the centuries—whether women and gays today, or disputes over infant baptism, justification by faith alone etc.–are over the words of Paul, never the words of Jesus.
When there is a conflict between the words of Paul and the spirit of Jesus, what should we do?
                                                  * * *
                  
Paul says, I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be silent. (1 Tim 2:12).
 
He speaks about women in harsh, misogynistic, almost contemptuous terms. Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the law says.  If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.  Or did the word of God originate with you? Or are you the only people it has reached?  But if anyone ignores this, they will themselves be ignored. (1 Cor 14 34-38).
  
 But Jesus’s ministry was an inclusive one.  After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God. The Twelve were with him, 2 and also some women who had been cured of evil spirits and diseases: Mary (called Magdalene) from whom seven demons had come out; 3 Joanna the wife of Chuza, the manager of Herod’s household; Susanna; and many others. These women were helping to support them out of their own means. (Luke 8 1-3)
We always see Jesus take the side of women. “Leave her alone,” said Jesus as the woman impulsively spent a fortune in anointing his feet. “Why are you bothering her? Wherever this gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her” (Matt 26:13). He takes the part of the woman who has led a sinful life (Luke 7:50). He finds a way to save the woman caught in adultery (John 8). And tells the outcast woman at the well the way to be permanently spirit-filled (John 4 13-14).
Jesus does not rebuke Martha who gently reproached him, “Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Mary received more thorough commendation than any of the disciples, “Mary has taken the better part.”  
Women stood by him at the cross, buried him. And after his resurrection, he appears first to women, before he appears to his beloved disciples.
Can you imagine Jesus speaking in the harsh dismissive tone of 1 Cor 14 34-38? Me neither. I believe he would wince.
                                                       * * *
Jesus is silent on homosexuality. How would he have treated homosexuals? We do not know, but can make an educated guess based on the way he treated other folk whom the religious people of his day considered outcasts–tax collectors, prostitutes, sinners, the woman caught in adultery, the woman at the well, or embezzlers like Zaccheus.
So this issue which is splitting denominations was never mentioned by Jesus, but largely by Paul!
                                                       * * *
Was every word that Paul wrote in his letters personally dictated by the Spirit of God? Could there have been occasional errors in the transmission? Could he have been certain that he was discerning the mind and will of God—and simply have been wrong—as every human before and after him was?
While he was mostly in step with the Spirit, was he capable of interjecting his own opinion, prejudices, anger, harshness, and misogyny into his letters, just as no matter how much we have prayed, human personality, prejudices and preconceptions creep into our blogs, books and sermons?
Were his instructions to women to cover their heads in church dictated by God? We now read it as a directive to first century women. As we should read his directives that women do not speak or teach or lead in church.
He split with Barnabas rather than give Mark a second chance. Later in his life, Mark became invaluable to him.
Could he not have been wrong about other things?
                                                   * * *
I believe that Paul’s letters were inspired by God. But I  do not believe that every syllable Paul wrote was personally dictated by God. For instance, did the Holy Spirit, for instance, dictate, Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh. Phil 3:2 Or “I wish those troublemakers would castrate themselves.” Gal 5:12.
When there are contradictions between harsh Pauline statements, and the gentleness of Jesus, isn’t it wise to go with the spirit and practice of Jesus, rather than the letter of Paul’s letters?
                                                           * * *

Paul had an intense experience of Christ on the road to Damascus. He spent fourteen years in the desert getting to know him better. He had visions and revelations. He knew the love of Christ deeply, and discovered joy in appalling circumstances, for instance in the Mamertine dungeon. I have the deepest respect for Paul, and love for almost all his writings.

But Paul was a human being. He was not God. Jesus was.
It is when we take his words addressed to first century churches as normative for twenty-first century churches–his instruction to slave to submit to their masters; to women to submit to their husbands in “everything;” to cover their heads in church; to be silent; to not teach or have authority over men–that we get ourselves in a tangle.

For these are letters addressed to particular first century churches, not normative for all Christians for all time.
                                                      * * *
 People say, “How do you know which directives were addressed to the Ephesians and which to women of all time?”
People say, “Oh, will you pick and choose what to believe?”
People say, “Beware of the slippery slope.”
But Jesus says, “Do not be afraid.”
I trust the Holy Spirit who led me to love and revere Christ and Scripture will enable me to read it accurately
And if—after sincere prayer and diligent study–I get it wrong? Well, intellectual error is not an unforgiveable sin.
There was grace for the Prodigal Son, and there will be grace for the stupid daughter.
As there will be grace for the Women who Dare to Speak in Church.

Your Trajectory is What Matters, Not Where you Currently Are

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I love King David. Who doesn’t?

I spoke about Saul and David to my small group, five years ago, and loved preparing the talk from Samuel and Kings.  One of the things which struck me was that your trajectory is far more important than where you currently are.

* * *

Saul, to all appearances, was at the top of the heap. He had power, prestige, wealth, good looks, a large family, kingship and a palace.

And yet… and yet. Instead of enjoying what he had, he was, almost incredibly, tormented by jealousy and insecurity, by the fear of losing it, the fear that someone would come up from behind and take what he had.

He could see clearly that God’s favour and blessing was increasingly on David, and not on himself. He could presciently see what God was doing and did not like it one bit. Being aligned with God’s purposes was all very well when it exalted him, but he could not face the fact that his time in the sun was coming to its natural conclusion.

And so he tries to block what God is doing. Saul hounds David, and, in the short run, is triumphant. David is on the run. He hides in caves, afraid, cold and hungry.

While Saul is at the very top of the heap, David, declared the enemy of the King of Israel–and without resources, patrons, wealth, power or position–is at the very bottom of the heap.

As we read Kings, we realise that, in the long run, where Saul and David currently stood meant nothing. What mattered was their trajectory–where they were going.

David: consistently growing in inner strength, as he learns to strengthen himself in the Lord, and eventually in obvious strength.

Saul: consistently losing, first, inner strength, and eventually obvious strength.

* * *

Two phrases often repeated in the Book of Samuel and the Book of Kings give us an insight into why David’s life was successful in the eyes of God and man, and why he eventually was blessed in his military, political, administrative, literary and spiritual endeavours: “God was with David.” ” David walked with the Lord.”

And because of that, we also read this frequently repeated phrase, ”the House of David grew stronger and stronger, and the House of Saul grew weaker and weaker.”

The house of the down and out, the man who had no wealth or  political support, nothing but the Lord, grew stronger and stronger, while the house of the King, with wealth, power,  courtiers, an army, sycophants and tax revenue grows weaker and weaker.

Because David walked with God. Because God was with David.

* * *

I was electrified by the study. I was depressed when I prepared the study, creatively blocked, not writing at all, miserable in the large charismatic, rather toxic, Oxford church I then attended, and overworking at my own business which was suddenly and overwhelmingly taking off.

I wasn’t where I wanted to be in external, visible terms. Inwardly though, I was seeking God, seeking to hear his voice, to rest in his presence and love, to grow fat on his word, and to align my life with him. And I realised forcibly that what matters is your trajectory, where you are going, not where you currently are.    

As long as I was walking with God in humility and repentance, seeking his blessing, trying to do his will, continually revising my life when I realised I was not aligned with him, then, if it pleased him, “my house” like David’s, would “grow stronger and stronger.”

So be it, Lord. Amen.

* * *

When we play the deadly, destructive, dispiriting game of comparisons, we often compare our beginning or mid games, let’s say in blogging or writing, with other people’s end games and feel dissatisfied.

But what we really need to look at is our trajectory. If it’s healthy, we will eventually, inevitably, be okay. And if it is not satisfactory, we need to seek God. Repent where we need to repent, change where we need to change. And walk with God upwards into the light.

Whether we are seeking to lose weight, or to establish a blog, or a business, don’t get discouraged about where you are. Look at your trajectory. It’s that’s good, you’ll be okay. If your trajectory is disheartening, but you are walking with God, you will be okay too.

* * *

Wherever you are today in your life and career, walk with God. Ask him to reveal his ideas, plans and strategy to you, and align your writing, your blogging, your finances and your life with his ideas. And then, as you walk with God, you too will grow stronger and stronger, because you will be walking with God, and God with you.

Must Love Always Trump Inerrancy?

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Most burning theological issues are neither burning, nor theological, Brennan Manning. 

When John Piper resigns because his son was unbelieving,

When leading churches lose all their assets to leave denominations too liberal on gays

When theological colleges lose their faculty over the issue of women teaching men,

And dissentient clergy need their own flying Bishops,

Let us remember that inerrancy is not as important as love.

 

Christ never commanded us to believe in the inerrancy of Scripture.

He did command us to love.

 

When theology births self-righteousness,

And we judge those more liberal then ourselves,

And we judge those more conservative than ourselves,

And we judge those more Words-Visions-Tongues-Prophecy than ourselves,

And we judge those less spirit-propelled than ourselves,

And we get so intense about our ideas that we forget the One we are following

Help us remember,

It’s not about theology.

 

There will be no theology exam when we meet you,

You will not ask if we have got our beliefs right,

You will—you have told us—welcome us if we have loved

And believed.

Prayer is not bound by the laws of space and time. A tale of a hot water bottle in the Congo.

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I love “ Is it worth it?” this story about Helen Roseveare. As her name came up in Bible study today, my co-leader, Bridget, whose maiden name was Roseveare, mentioned that Helen was her father’s cousin. England is a relatively small country, and one stumbles on these sort of serendipitous connections all the time.

Bridget told us about this remarkable story, which Helen has recounted in her book, Living Faith. I quote

“One night, in Central Africa, I had worked hard to help a mother in the labor ward; but in spite of all that we could do, she died leaving us with a tiny, premature baby and a crying, two-year-old daughter.
We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive. We had no incubator. We had no electricity to run an incubator, and no special feeding facilities. Although we lived on the equator, nights were often chilly with treacherous drafts.

A student-midwife went for the box we had for such babies and for the cotton wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly, in distress, to tell me that in filling the bottle, it had burst. Rubber perishes easily in tropical climates. “…and it is our last hot water bottle!” she exclaimed.

As in the West, it is no good crying over spilled milk; so, in Central Africa it might be considered no good crying over a burst water bottle. They do not grow on trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways. All right,” I said, “Put the baby as near the fire as you safely can; sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job is to keep the baby warm.”

The following noon, as I did most days, I went to have prayers with many of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about the tiny baby. I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough, mentioning the hot water bottle. The baby could so easily die if it got chilled. I also told them about the two-year-old sister, crying because her mother had died.

During the prayer time, one ten-year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual blunt consciousness of our African children. “Please, God,” she prayed, “send us a water bottle. It’ll be no good tomorrow, God, the baby’ll be dead; so, please send it this afternoon.” While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added by way of corollary, ” …And while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so she’ll know You really love her?”

As often with children’s prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly say, “Amen?” I just did not believe that God could do this. Oh, yes, I know that He can do everything: The Bible says so, but there are limits, aren’t there? The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by sending a parcel from the homeland. I had been in Africa for almost four years at that time, and I had never, ever received a parcel from home. Anyway, if anyone did send a parcel, who would put in a hot water bottle? I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses’ training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door. By the time that I reached home, the car had gone, but there, on the veranda, was a large twenty-two pound parcel! I felt tears pricking my eyes. I could not open the parcel alone; so, I sent for the orphanage children. Together we pulled off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking care not to tear it unduly.

Excitement was mounting. Some thirty or forty pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box. From the top, I lifted out brightly colored, knitted jerseys. Eyes sparkled as I gave them out. Then, there were the knitted bandages for the leprosy patients, and the children began to look a little bored.

Next, came a box of mixed raisins and sultanas – – that would make a nice batch of buns for the weekend. As I put my hand in again, I felt the…could it really be? I grasped it, and pulled it out. Yes, “A brand-new rubber, hot water bottle!” I cried. I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.

Ruth was in the front row of the children. She rushed forward, crying out, “If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too!” Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small, beautifully dressed dolly. Her eyes shone: She had never doubted! Looking up at me, she asked, “Can I go over with you, Mummy, and give this dolly to that little girl, so she’ll know that Jesus really loves her?”

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my former Sunday School class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God’s prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator. One of the girls had put in a dolly for an African child — five months earlier in answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it “That afternoon!” “And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24 ”

When Was it Ever About My Deserving? Or Why The Gospel is Good News

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I had a fail on holiday.  For perhaps the longest period since I became a Christian, I neglected sitting down with my Bible, or having a dedicated period of prayer. I got annoyed with one, then two, then perhaps even three members of my family. The only reason I didn’t get annoyed with any more is that we left the pets at home!

 

And we were on holiday in a campervan (RV for American readers) which meant that I would feel odd reading my Bible or praying in semi-public if I hadn’t repented and made nice. And so….oops, I didn’t read my Bible! I didn’t set aside a time for prayer. I re-read Wuthering Heights instead!

* * *

And so I was less internally happy, less able to see the world charged with the grandeur of God, singing and bathed in his glory. Normally, on a nature holiday, I sense and worship God deeply while surrounded by beauty.

Yes, I was out of sorts, not really enjoying myself, not totally happy. I had got out of alignment with God, my friend, the ocean in whom I normally try to live.

* * *

And now, I am finding it hard to abide again in the centre of God, as a molecule in the vine. I am blogging on a Biblical passage, and realize I am approaching it with my left-brain, rather than my right; with my mind rather than my heart, spirit and soul.

That’s not a problem for God: he made both sides of the brain, and our minds, as well as our bodies, souls, and spirits. But he might like us to approach his Holy of Holies with our whole selves. (And approaching the Bible that way touches people’s spirits and hearts, as well as their minds.)

* * *

And I say, “Oh Lord, can you bless me?” And then I chide myself, “You’ve not dwelt in the heart of worship for a couple of weeks, Anita. You could have repented and surrendered and returned to live in Christ so much sooner!” And I think “I don’t really deserve God’s help and blessing….”

And then I realize, “When was it ever about my deserving?”

                                               * * *

And I think again about the most incredible thing I know. That when I realize I have blown it, and return, you are full of compassion, you run to me, throw your arms around me, and kiss me.

You barely listen to my litany of failure. Instead you clothe me in your best robes. You put a ring on my finger, and sandals on my feet. You set out a feast and celebrate, serving the best steak. There is music and dancing.

All because I have returned?  

This is incredible, Lord. I don’t deserve it.

And you say, “When was it ever about your deserving?”

And I repent again. Totally.

I will live in the heart of worship, live in you, a molecule of sap in your vine, a happy red blood cell in the beautiful Body of Christ.

And if I fall, I will not delay in fleeing to the sanctuary, to the joyous heart of worship, to the embrace of the Father.