Sometimes, my tongue runs away with me, and I use my words to express anger and frustration rather than bestow grace and life, and those words steal life and strength rather than lavish them,
And I see the red flag of Jesus at the level crossing of my heart, and am stopped dead in my tracks.
But sometimes, I don’t stop, don’t listen to Jesus, and am out of control, a train rushing on…
I might eat whatever is quick and easy or delicious, rather than whatever is a blessing to my body.
Or my husband and I go on the attack
And there we go, rushing on, rushing on, knowing that no good can come from expressing runaway emotions, knowing that what one sows, one reaps…
On and on, we rush, speaking carelessly, smashing past the level crossing, speeding towards the onrushing train of consequences, heading for a crash.
And that’s when I understand grace.
For what I sow I should reap, right?
But that was before Jesus came.
* * *
My train hurtles on,
I drive recklessly, blinded by anger, negativity and despair
And Jesus sees that I am going to crash.
He steps in.
And still my train hurtles headlong; I am out of control. If I reap the consequences of everything I have sown, terrible things will happen.
But Jesus absorbs the crash in himself.
And I crash into grace; I crash into Jesus.
I am redeemed.
My marriage is redeemed
My mothering is redeemed.
Because of the grace Jesus died to give me.
Because of grace.
* * *
He keeps me on track, keeps my marriage on track,
Keeps me on the rails
Because he absorbed the impact at Calvary,
Of all this foolish, headlong sin.
Oh, I trust grace,
I trust mercy.
* * *
If the world were governed by dreary cause and effect,
And a woman could reap only what she sows,
Lord, who could stand?
But you stand between us and inexorable consequences
For this too we revere you.
For it’s not a mere mechanical world of crime and punishment.
It is a world of miracles.
It is the world of Jesus where he lives.
It is a world where Jesus stands in front of us,
Absorbs the impact of our bullet trains
Speeding at a million miles an hour towards self-destruction
He is smashed,
And in that resurrection is hope.
For the risen Jesus now lives in me, restraining me
Helping me die to my wild self, making ever more room for the risen Jesus in me.
Helping me bear “in my body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in my body,” (2 Cor. 4:10).
* * *
Lord, sharpen my eyesight
Help me to see your red flags in time,
To repent in time
And when I do not,
When I crash,
Let me crash into grace!
The seventy times seventh chance,
The four hundred and ninetieth chance,
The infinite chances you lavish on me in the land of the living,
Grace for the asking,
The Holy Spirit for the asking,
Because you love me.
Have you experienced the inexplicable grace and goodness of God when you least expected it?