Continued from In which I seek healing, and the healer says, Rise, take up your pallet, and walk.
So for ten days now, I have not had sugar or white flour (deciding to cut just these two things from my diet for starters) and have not eaten when I have not been hungry.
And I have been surprised by the strength of my desire for sweet things (for the first 4 days) or to eat when I have not been physically hungry (still struggling). Wow!
* * *
To break an addiction, we have to say NO and we have to say YESES we did not say before. Subtraction alone won’t work for long. AND what we say YES to has to be as powerful and pleasant as what we say no to.
We live by bread, we are physical beings, but not by bread alone. Our personalities have other powerful components–our minds, our emotions and our spirit–and they each need their own food, and it is not chocolate.
It takes time to ride out the desire to eat–instead of using food as an unimaginative Band-aid, whatever the wound–and instead to slow down and locate the source of the discomfort: Am I bored with my work, or weary, or stressed, or low blood sugar-y, and so wanting comfort and pleasure? Is my struggle with a particular writing task making me feel inadequate? What is prompting this desire to eat—conflict, self-doubt, tiredness, emotional discomfort, or a biggie: habit?
And it takes time to choose other sources of pleasure. I’ve lain down and prayed in tongues till I have felt filled with the Spirit and joyous again. And I believe this will be the slow and delightful way healing will come. Through being filled with the Spirit, just gulping in the Paraclete, literally Him who walks beside us; the Comforter, who is for us. In Him lies my healing, and in him I hope to find delight.
He is healing and food, without money and without price.
Without actual price, though not without perceived price. Seeking the filling of the Holy Spirit when I am tempted to eat involves introducing a hard full stop in my day and my drivenness, laying my writing aside for Him.
* * *
My personal trainer who is very savvy about the emotional aspects of health says that when people put too much pressure on themselves in every area of their lives, eating can end up being the area in which they relax.
So I am trying to restock the treasure box of my heart with things to do when the urge to eat to calm down, to relax, or because I am sad, or stressed, or bored, or flagging in my work becomes strong.
I’ve read a light delightful book Marley and Me and a book of adventures, physical and spiritual, The Resurrection Year by Sheridan Voysey. I’ve joined a book group and am reading Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly which is as stimulating as chocolate. I’ve read and commented on blogs, always a great source of stimulation and pleasure.
I’ve watched Junebug (which has an eccentric William Blake character transported to the American South) and, at my teenager’s insistence, for the first time ever, four episodes of Friends. And had real life Friends over to coffee. I have run, which makes me feel great, and I have walked, listening to the book of John, and the book of Joshua—fresh ideas, fresh grace.
I might try gardening, which is a joy I have largely given up.
So breaking the habit of munching when not hungry has involved a broadening and deepening of my life.
* * *
Oddly, relinquishing my eating to God will also mean relinquishing my ambition to God, taking time to appropriately feed my mind, spirit, body and emotions, rather than burrow away writing, while neglecting other parts of me.
And so by the grace of God, the daily manna God gives us, when tempted to eat sugar or eat when I am not hungry, I will eat the word of God, either by blogging about it, or listening to it when I walk, resisting temptation with Scripture as Jesus did. I will pray, filling my soul with the water of the Holy Spirit—which fills my soul completely as nothing else does. I will read good spiritual books, which make me as hyper as chocolate does (honestly!)
I will slow down, remembering I am not just a body, not just an ambitious human doing, but I have a mind, and spirit and emotions, and I need to feed all of these appropriately, with means better fit for purpose than calories.
My name is Anita M. and I am a recovering sugar addict and recovering emotional eater and I have been free for 10 days.
I am a free woman, set free by Christ.
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
Connect on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anitamathiaswriter/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anita.mathias/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/AnitaMathias1
My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) or UK
So proud of you Anita. I pray that God grants transformation as the result of your faithfulness. And your honesty about this will be healing for many.
Thanks, Shelly. It’s will be a constant process of saying “Yes,” sadly. Slipped off the wagon a bit over Christmas. Love New Year, a chance to clean up my act again, in so many ways!
Hi,
Just wanted you to know that stumbling upon your blogs was like an instant reply to my prayer… Made a moment before about God helping me to break my bad eating habits. I’m a similar age, have tried lots of diets but had a heart attack over a year ago. Although you’d think that would be all it shoudake a person to find the necessary will power, to my shame and desperation it didn’t have that affect on me. The cravings win out every day!
Reading the way you felt God reply to you about you making choices felt like it was Godrelaying the same reply to me! Thank you so much for sharing this. Now I need to start looking to him at those times of choice… Gulp! I know this is going to be tough…
Claire,
For me it took four days of no sugar to break the craving.
Not eating when not hungry also took about four days to break the habit, but, alas, i am still struggling with it, when bored, or stressed. It’s simply hard to break the habit of putting stuff I see out on the kitchen counters into my mouth!!
Jesus, please give Claire as much freedom as she wishes to have!
Thanks for this thoughtful & considered blog. Have struggled with comfort eating & weight loss clubs for a while. Lots to think about here!
I hope it helps–you and me, both!
Even better than part one. Well done Anita, you lead and many will follow. The Lord give you great and greater grace and strengthen you to go all the way. You can do it, we think so, and our prayers meet with yours. Onwards, for Jesus and all the ladies (and men) who would like your grace and will-power.
Thank you, Les, for your kind and encouraging words. I would be so grateful for your prayers 🙂
Hi Anita if it is there I can’t see it which is fine but I was commenting on a program called “Weigh Down Ministries” where the founder Gwene Shamblin encourages the participants to turn to God and Cry out to Him when BInge or impulse eating hits. It had done very well state side, but has dwindled from the media which is a good thing for the media had made it fairly circus . All that to say if you were looking for a read that went along with what it sounds like you are doing there are the books she had written first once being Weigh Down.
Emotional eating is so hard to walk out of.I shall lift you up as you walk it out strengthened by His words and comfort. It is the same journey I am on as well, so I think I understand the struggle. Bless you as you face each hour and each day.
Hi, Yes, I had done the Weigh Down workshop, and come to think of it, what I am doing now is a modification of it. No sugar or white flour, though, which isn’t good for my body, and besides, the sugar is addictive. But other than that, eat when I am hungry, but no snacks between meals, unless I am truly hungry. I am loving this way of living–and am losing weight!
Oh Anita–it is SO ironic that you are doing this right now–as
REbecca & I are going through a very similar time of re-thinking our choices about food and exercise. So respect your honesty, vulnerability–praying for you–will you plase pray for us?!
Hi Claire, from your most recent FB photos, I’d say you look gorgeous. Just eat and exercise for health and don’t worry about your weight??
But I will certainly pray for excellent health for you and Rebecca.
Anita, this is such a clear description of the “way of escape” that the Lord gives. It’s so good to remember it that way: addition, not just subtraction! Thanks again!
Thanks, Don. Welcome back to my blog!
Dear Anita, I enjoy your writing, it’s very down to earth, and yet full of God, you are a testiment of what it means ” to be a follower of Christ “
Thank you, Richard. That is very kind of you!
So that is why you needed book recommendations on the Spirit. I’m so pleased you are finding a way to connect and get filled that suits you. I personally pray in tongues for long periods, sometimes whilst listening to rousing worship like Jesus Culture. Food addiction for whatever reason is a strange western phenomenon, I think ultimately rooted in our autonomous modern mindset and having the freedom to choose the easy way out if facing trouble, be it emotional, physical, spiritual, comfort, habit etc etc. I found and read (most of) a book called ‘ Stop dieting and start living’ and it deals exactly with the things you struggle with, and it is written by Christians! That is one def recommendation. By faith and prayer all things are possible.
Cool. I do pray in tongues, but not for long periods. I pray to settle my mind, and then I pray in ecstasy, sort of at the foothills and peaks of prayer.
That’s so interesting that food addiction is a Western phenomenon. Food is certainly more easily available–one cannot drive ten minutes in Oxford without encountering food temptations, and the addictive stuff is cheap in addition to being palate-gratifying!
For Freedom Christ has Set me free, I have to keep reminding myself of that!
Thank you for your transparency concerning your struggle. I recently realized I struggle with food too, I just haven’t been able to identify the struggle specifically and especially the root cause of it. But I attend Celebrate Recovery and recently joined the food issues group so I trust God will help me discover the root cause so I may be delivered. Thank you again for sharing your journey. I will be praying for the joy of the Lord to manifest itself as strength in your mind, body, heart and soul. Love and blessings.
Thank you, Alya for your prayers. What and where is Celebrate Recovery?
You’re welcome 🙂
It’s a ministry birthed out of the beatitudes; basically a Christ-centered recovery program like AA etc but for all types of hurts, habits and hang ups. More information at celebraterecovery.com.
Thanks so much, Ayla!
Thanks Found this helpful this morning having just had a chocolate bar. I agree – very important to replace the desire with something better, rather than to just try and resist it. The same principle for every sinful struggle.
Ah, there is grace for that chocolate bar, Christina, for you and for me, and tomorrow is a new day to run with the Lord!
I have also cut out white flower following medical advice and can honestly say that the long term health impact far outweighs the initial ‘loss’. Keep doing what you’re doing and letting God fill the void left by comfort eating. It does get easier! Strength and healing are found in Christ alone.
Thanks for the encouragement, Mandy:-)
May God be filling you and renewing you moment-by-moment, Anita! May your hunger change and you come through the hard detox with joy! May you sense where God is leading you to His joy and comfort in new places, as He changes your habits. And may it all be done in His power, which is from everlasting to everlasting. I am inspired by your bravery.
Heather, thank you! What a beautiful prayer!