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In Which I Boast of my Weaknesses

By Anita Mathias

489px Arcimboldo Summer 1573

Summer (Archimboldo, 1573, from the Louvre, via wikipedia)

Paul describes “a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me.” Three times he pleaded with the Lord to take it away from him, but Christ simply says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Perhaps Christ said: If you were never weak, my Paul, you who speak in the tongues of men or of angels; you who have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and have a faith that can move mountains; who possess nothing and give over your body to hardship–where would be my entry point? How would you ever feel the need of me? What would remind you to call out for me?

* * *

I have steadily gained weight since I left school which means I am now 115 pounds heavier than I was then! I have been tempted to consider my tendency to gain weight as a thorn in my (literal) flesh, a weakness. You know, bad metabolism, low thyroid, la-di-da.

Well, all somewhat true, and I could accept it as a thorn in the flesh to live with, as people accept ME or CFS—except that, in my case, there is some sin involved, and sin is never, never to be accepted, but to be striven against, and conquered (I believe!).

I recently admitted the part sin had played in my weight gain and repented deeply. For me, eating chocolate or sweet treats is sin because my body simply does not need it. So I am abusing a body which is already slowed down with extra weight. Similarly, eating for pleasure when not hungry, or to medicate low spirits, stress or boredom–especially eating things not super-nutritious for my body–is abusing the body and “temple” God gave me.

Or to put it another way, it’s the sin of seeking comfort in anything except other than the Comforter. Idolatry: “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. (Jer: 2:13).

(And since that deep repentance in mid-October, I have not bought chocolate or sugary treats, save for a magnificent Pere Noel Stollen in Luxembourg, shaped like a huge Santa Claus that ogled me!!)

Believe it or not, I only acknowledged that comfort eating or emotional eating was a weakness of mine earlier this year. I am not yet wholly free of it–it was a habit of decades after all–but do substitute raisins or popcorn for chocolate or crisps (potato chips for Indian and American readers!)

And perhaps the next step will be not to eat at all if I am not hungry, but do something else. Run, perhaps, which also gives a high and a healthy one.

* * *

This is how I am now training myself to think about food. Is what I am planning to eat a blessing or a curse to my body?

What’s a curse to my body?—sugar, chocolate, white flour, white rice, high-fat foods, and anything eaten when I am not hungry. What is a blessing to my body?—Fruit, vegetables, beans, legumes, and seeds.

I’ve been vegan for 3 weeks, following Dr. Furhman’s brilliant diet which is fruit, vegetables, beans, soups, and salads as a main meal. However, salads without feta, and a bit of fish or meat or egg were a bit too hard for me, so I have gone to his 90% vegan plan. Going low-carb vegan was cutting out too many food groups –meat, fish, diary, eggs, carbs and sugar, though I did lose 8 pounds on it.

* * *

Peter in Acts 10 sees a great sheet lowered from heaven with clean and unclean animals. He refuses to eat.

“Then a voice told him, “Get up, Peter. Kill and eat.”

14 “Surely not, Lord!” Peter replied. “I have never eaten anything impure or unclean.”

15 The voice spoke to him a second time, “Do not call anything impure that God has made clean.”

For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving. 1 Tim 4:4.

No food God made is “bad.” On the other hand, many foods man has made—sugar and high-fructose corn syrup which is smuggled into pretty much every processed or fast food, are deeply addictive, and according to the New York Times, toxic, and so our family is cutting out sugar and as many processed foods as possible, even making our own hummus and dressings. Yeah, hard-core!!

* * *

Alcoholics Anonymous is a brilliant organization, and much of their wisdom can be applied to self-medication with food. Realize that you cannot break this habit on your own, and that you need help.

They have an acronym HALT for times when alcoholics might be most tempted to have a drink—when they are hungry, angry, lonely or tired. These are also times when those who seek comfort in food might be tempted to a massive food blowout.

My struggle for health is now becoming so entwined with my spiritual life, that are almost one and the same. It’s like a conversion experience—being transformed by the renewal of the mind. Cultivating new responses. Practicing a new way of living. Tuning in to how I am really feeling instead of numbing my emotions with a bar of chocolate, or a high carb emotion-numbing feast.

You know how impressed we are with David praying seven times a day. Well, I have an inbuilt call to prayer now that I have given up sugar and chocolate and white carbs and am trying to stop all “comfort eating”. Cravings become a reminder to pray.

Feel the need to eat when sad or bored or stress or angry—but not hungry? Well, I try to slow down and take the time to “eat Jesus”. Eat his flesh, drink his blood. Ask his Holy Spirit the Comforter to fill me.

And so my weakness provides a reminder and pathway for me to seek God and experience his power, and so, when I am weak, I will be strong.

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Filed Under: random Tagged With: HALT, Joel Fuhrman, Veganism, weight loss

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Comments

  1. Emily Wierenga says

    November 30, 2012 at 3:34 am

    oh anita, i love this. would you mind if i shared it on my ED blog? if so, could you email it to me at [email protected]? thank you friend. bless you.

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

      Hi Emily, thank you for reading. I woud be honoured if you shared it. I will do a quick read-through and email it to you,
      Blessings,
      Anita

  2. Glen Scrivener says

    November 29, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    Hi Anita – as an recovering anorexic I come at this one from a slightly different angle – but I think many of the issues are very similar: e.g; using food to handle emotion but then looking to Jesus instead: to have a renewed mind and change old habits and responses. Thanks for your honesty and wisdom. Emma Scriv

    • Emily Wierenga says

      November 30, 2012 at 3:34 am

      hi emma, i just happened to read your comment, and wanted to share that i’m a recovered anorexic too, and have just released a book called Chasing Silhouettes: How to help a loved one battling an eating disorder (www.chasingsilhouettes.com). I agree, many of the issues are very similar. bless you, and let me know if you ever need to talk. e.

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

      Hi Emma, “using food to handle emotion but then looking to Jesus instead: to have a renewed mind and change old habits and responses. ” It’s really, really hard to change old habits and responses. Sort of like– look at Jesus and keep walking on water; take your eyes off him, and sink. For me, breaking the habit of eating in response to stress, sadness or feeling overwhelmed is like a daily conversion!!

  3. LA says

    November 29, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    one of the things I love about the Orthodox Jewish experience is that injection of prayer into everyday activities so that God and His presence is never forgotten. He is present when we dress for the day, when we enter and exit our house, when we make dinner,etc. And having prayers at all those times, I feel the Orthodox Jews have a great idea in keeping God at the forefront at all times. For you, starting the habit of praying when craving is equally telling…that God is with you at all times and in all places. Excellent hearing your progress. Stateside, we have 12 step eating programs modeled after the AA system. They’re called overeaters anonymous. Our church houses several meetings – I hear they’re very successful when the reason for the weight gain is more than just “eh, I eat awful and I don’t have time to exercise” …when the overeating is emotional and craving-based, that’s when they shine.

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 30, 2012 at 2:47 pm

      Hi LA, We have an Overeaters in Oxford, but I haven’t gone. Perhaps it would be good for me to swallow my pride and go–because comfort eating in times of stress is such an engrained response in me. Let’s see how the weight loss continues to go!

  4. Tara_pohlkottepress says

    November 29, 2012 at 3:48 am

    i really liked the HALT portion, because no matter what it is that we substitute instead of dealing with the underlying issues, that second look, the thinking it through is a wonderful, wonderful practice. All the best to you on this journey!!

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 29, 2012 at 10:33 am

      Exactly–we need to find a healthy substitution that does not add calories to our body because of emotional imperatives!

  5. Kati Woronka says

    November 28, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    This is an interesting perspective. I too have been pondering the line between the “thorn” and my unwillingness to do something to change a situation. I think I too justified for way too long certain things about my life because I chalked them up to being my ‘thorn’

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 29, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Yes, the craving for chocolate or alcohol or whatever can be the thorn, but giving in to it is optional, and our choice!

  6. Chris Olson says

    November 28, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    ha – fight the good fight –

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 29, 2012 at 10:35 am

      Yeah! Indeed!

  7. messymarriage says

    November 28, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Blessings to you in this endeavor, Anita. It is a lofty goal. Keep us informed on your progress and I will continue to pray for your perseverance. Thanks for being vulnerable about this problem. It’s one that affects many.

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

      Thank you, Messy Marriage!

  8. Jennifer says

    November 28, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Very timely! Thanks!!

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 29, 2012 at 10:36 am

      Thanks, Jennifer!

  9. Jo Duckles says

    November 28, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Great and inspirational post! I work on a 20/80 rule – 80 per cent good, healthy stuff and exercise and 20 per cent wherever my cravings take me. So last night instead of doing a speed running session I crashed out when I got home from work and ended up eating lamb chops with chips as a response to the ‘tired and hugry’ bit of HALT. However, after nine hours sleep, today I got up with a determination to eat healthy fresh fruit and veg and to do a swim session tonight. Because I know I let myself be lazy last night, I’m refreshed and motivated for the rest of the week. Like Mary below, I’m also about to start using weights again!

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm

      I like the 80/20 rule. It makes it sustainable. YOU are inspirational, Jo!

  10. marywperry009.wordpress.com/ says

    November 27, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    Thanks for writing this, Anita. My husband and I have just begun a weight loss journey together and enlisted a “trainer”. I have much farther to go than he has, and was pleasantly surprised to have him sign on with me for six weeks. It will mean giving up his cookies and my chocolate (like you) but your post was a great encouragement. I’d given up many of the other things and was thinking I just needed to exercise more…however after a session with the weight trainer, I hope he’s right, he says that we need to add muscle by working out with weights. Sooo….we’ll be trying this. I’ll be calling on your post for extra incentive. Blessings! (I’ll let you know how it goes!)

    • Anita Mathias says

      November 28, 2012 at 10:37 am

      Yes, weights. Definitely the way forward. I am currently increasing the steps I walk per day (as measured by my pedometer) by 100 a day, and am on 7400. The ideal for fitness is 10,000. Once I reach 10,000 (in 26 days, hopefully), I will be adding weights.
      Blessings, Mary, and welcome to my new blog!

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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