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17255: Numbering my Days to Learn Wisdom

By Anita Mathias

tumblr_mkdr7qm52F1rqqedro2_r1_1280Joash shooting the arrow of deliverance. William Dyce

 Last week, during a 72 hour worship festival, I found myself thinking of a dominant woman in my life, who apparently delighted in blocking my ideas. Off and on, I mentally composed apparently innocuous emails to her, sardonic and biting in a veiled way, emails I would “accidentally” CC to everyone in the email chain. Completely accidentally, you understand!Yes, in the middle of beautiful soulful worship that thought crossed my mind.We are made of mud and the breath of God, we are told in Genesis. That is the only way to understand us humans.

* * *

And the image I kept “seeing” was of me standing with a great golden bow and arrow, pulling back the bow, the arrow poised at the bow-string, about to shoot my arrow at that uber-annoying woman.

But no, I would not.

I thought of where that image might have come from. The gift of words can be used for a livelihood, as Ishamel kept himself and Hagar alive in the desert with his bow and arrow. It can protect oneself or one’s family, as Elisha instructed the naïve King Jehoash to shoot his arrows, declaring as he did so, “The Lord’s arrow of victory, the arrow of victory over Aram!”

Or we can waste our arrows on sniping, conflict and negativity.

* * *

We are finite beings.  But we find it hard to remember that our time is limited, our energy is limited, and our abilities are limited. We continually believe we can squeeze in one more thing, say one more “yes.”

Then suddenly in middle age, these limitations of energy become very real to us, and realize that we are in the land of trade-offs. If we do A, we will not get to do B: we realize this through bitter experience. We have to choose carefully!

We have a finite number of arrows. Spending our energy in petty hostility and arguments and conflict, whether online, or in real life, means we will have less time and energy to do what we really want to do, the one thing we’ve been put on earth to do with our one wild and precious life.

A limited number of arrows, a limited number of hours. I come from a line of long-lived women on both sides of the family. My grandmother Josephine Mathias died at 98. I remember visiting her mother, my great-grandmother Julianna Lobo who died at 102. My mother’s grandmother, Alice Coelho, also lived to be 100.

If I live to the average age of my grandmothers and great-grandmothers—and I have better medical care, a more careful diet, more exercise, but far more self-imposed stress—I might live for another 17255 days. A lot, but not infinite.

Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom, the Psalmist cried.

* * *

I noticed something else. Each time I thought of writing my silly snarky little email, all peace left my heart, I felt out of alignment with the worship around me. When I decided to send a tactful non-distressing email, peace and joy returned and I could worship. And then the naughty writer in me slyly suggested yet another sardonic wisecrack, and the white dog and the black dog wrestled.

I thought of an overstatement quoted in John Arnott’s excellent book, Grace and Forgiveness.

“Every negative thing and thought is always of the Enemy, and every positive, life-giving, up-lifting thought is always of the Holy Spirit.

“Settle this issue in your heart. The Holy Spirit is always positive, and Satan is always negative.”

*  * *

How will I spend my limited arrows, my limited hours?

I don’t want to waste any of them in conflict, hostility or shooting down enemies, instead of leaving God to deal with them, or (sadly!) to allow them to remain in my life for my growth in strength, patience and wisdom?

I decided. I would send no foolish emails, none at all.

I want to steward my time and energy wisely, using my arrows to open up deep life-giving wells of beauty, wisdom, peace, and joy for myself and for other people. To create something beautiful.

* * *

I no longer live, but Christ lives in me (Gal 2:20). In my early years as a Christian, that statement mystified me. It seemed extreme and theoretical.

I now think it’s a choice. We choose to be aligned with Jesus, we choose to live and move with his grace that so powerfully works in us. When it’s difficult—in diet, or exercise, or writing, or relationships–we rely on his grace to help us, step by step, relying on his benevolent “possession”. And if the very thought of doing something makes us lose our sense of peace and joy, we do not do it.

We choose the positive, and not the negative. We number our days that we might apply our hearts unto wisdom.

Filed Under: Applying my heart unto wisdom Tagged With: Applying our hearts unto wisdom, Black dog and white dog, Counting our days, John Arnott, King Joash, positivity and negativity

In Which All Our Faith is Patchy, But Even That is Potent

By Anita Mathias

My eighteen-year old daughter, Zoe, is at the School of Ministry at Catch the Fire, Toronto.

She and the other School of Ministry students ministered at the same Catch the Fire conference as John Arnott and Heidi Baker. They were told to pray boldly, that everyone gets to play, that everyone was equal before God.

However, she said, when John Arnott, a stocky matter-of-fact Canadian, stands before someone, hold out his hand, and declares, “Fire,” they fall down, “slain in the spirit.” However, when the 18-year olds hold out their hands and say “Fire,”—well, it’s not the same!

I laughed.

It is a problem in the spiritual life, isn’t it?

* * *

Why are some people’s prayers answered, and not others? Why are we healed when some pray, but not when others pray? Why do you know the prayer will be answered when you hear by a certain timbre in a woman’s voice that she has entered the throne room –but when another prays, you think, “Aw, sound nice”?

The pray-ers life has something to do with it. “For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” 1 Peter 3:12. Wilfully persisting in sin creates a massive barrier between us and God.

But it also comes down to faith. Arnott has no doubt the Holy Spirit will come on request. He is sure the Fire wants to dwell within us, and he prays fervently, and it comes.   Bill Johnson has no doubt God will heal, and so he does when Bill prays.

Last year, I heard Isabel Allum riff on all the lost objects which miraculously turned up as she prayed for them—contact lenses, medicine, satnavs, diamond earrings. She has no doubt they will be found, and God arranges this.

I am reading Mark Batterson’s The Circle Maker. Mark believes that God will give him horrendously expensive properties in Washington D.C. (where land goes for $14 million an acre) and God does–through a combination of donations, sheer chutzpah, persistence, and the wild success of Mark’s books, a significant portion of which he donates to the Church.

Heidi Baker tells stories of the dead being raised, of an orphanage gift of used stuffed dogs (feared in Africa) being changed to beads at her prayer, of the dead being raised to life, the blind seeing, the deaf hearing. She knows God, she has no doubt that God will step down to help us on request, and so he does.

* * *

The way to form a new habit is to take a goal (lose a pound a week, wake a hour earlier, read a book a week, write a thousand words a day) and divide it to its smallest measurable increment (250 words a day, wake 5 minutes early, read 5 pages a day, lose half a pound a week) and go from there.

In prayer, however, the opposite is true. Pray as big as you dare believe. Write down your dreams. If you desire to see what you’ve written doubled (and you may not!!), then pray that. Daily or weekly, pray through your lists of prayer-dreams. And take steps of faith in accordance with them.

Praying to lose weight? Eat more veggies. Praying to finish your book? Write first thing in the morning. Praying to become organized? Get rid of one thing a day. Praying to wake early? Well…do so.

* * *

We tend to see God’s hand in the areas in which we have the greatest faith that surely he will act. I have seen his miracles and deliverances in my finances most often, because, most of the time, I have an expectant faith that he will help me.

I have begun to pray with faith in creative areas, for God to give me books and for the first time in my life, am experiencing an anointing in writing. You know, when “the right words in the right order” come quickly and easily, as if from a power beyond myself.

After reading The Circle Maker, I have created prayer lists–a page for each of the 30+ areas or people I am praying for–and am praying through every dream, worry or ambition in my life. I am seeing things shift, expand, change at an accelerated rate. Small changes, but so many changes, coincidences and God-incidences, in so many areas, that I can hardly believe it! My faith is growing.

According to your faith be it done to you. Perhaps that’s why we see answers and miracles in one area in which we can see the kind face of Jesus as we pray, and know he will answer our prayers, and, yet remain stuck in another, in which we have less faith that he will help us.

Prayer is truly the greatest force in the world. I have long believed it intellectually. I am now gradually believing it with all my heart.

Filed Under: In which I play in the fields of prayer Tagged With: Bill Johnson, Catch the Fire Toronto, Faith, Isabel Allum, John Arnott, Prayer, School of Ministry

On “Soaking Prayer”

By Anita Mathias


Four years ago, I went to the grandly titled “International Leaders School of Ministry,” led by John Arnott of Catch the Fire (the new name of the Toronto Airport Fellowship, famous for the Toronto Blessing.)

They taught us a form of prayer called soaking prayer.

Basically: lie down on the floor, often facedown. The position is important; the physical attitude of surrender makes it easier to arrive at the mental attitude of surrender.

In C. S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape advises his nephew Wormwood to get the new convert to scorn the importance of physical position in prayer,  to forget that “they are animals and whatever their bodies do affects their souls.”  We were taught to wriggle and squirm until our bodies were comfortable. A comfortable, relaxed body makes it easier to hear God’s voice.

* * *

And then, once comfortable, relaxed, face down on the floor, we do…basically…nothing!

We listen, we rest, we are conscious of our Father’s love for us. If our thoughts wander like wild falcons, then like a falconer, we gently bring them back. God may speak full of directions or wisdom, or he may not. Our prayer is a matter of abiding, of hanging out, rather than a shopping list of requests and queries.  We are in the Presence, resting in the Presence, and what happens there is up to him, not us.

This is how John Arnott describes it:

Soaking is simply spending time in God’s presence, rather than striving. It’s about resting in His Presence, experiencing Him and choosing to be intimate with Him.   While we base our theology on the Bible, our experiences with God make the truth come alive in our hearts. When we soak, we focus on Him. 

Soaking puts us in a position where we are often more able to hear His voice and receive His love. It is also an opportunity for us to pour out our hearts to Him. It’s about living in and enjoying an on-going relationship with our creator. 

As people have soaked in God’s Presence, they have experienced profound heart changes, marriages have been healed, fears dispelled, depression and sickness have left and their lives have been transformed.

Or “Soaking prayer is a modern form of contemplative prayer … People put themselves in an attitude of stillness, focusing on Jesus and open to the Holy Spirit but with no requests or agenda. The aim is to be still in God’s presence, ‘waste time with Jesus.’ The Toronto church sees soaking prayer as one of the main ways in which they encourage people to be open to the Holy Spirit.”  From “Soaking Prayer” by Roger Harper.

* * *

 It is prayer for contemplatives, right-brain peoples, nascent mystics, a different form of prayer from a more activist model.

For me, it involves lying face down, getting physically comfortable, and just relaxing. Doing nothing.  Just being. Being surrendered in the presence of God. Thirsty ground soaking in invisible waves of slow love and grace and Spirit.  Inviting the Father into my heart, to perform his surgery in his time.

No agenda. Nothing as entrepreneurial as prayer lists for my business, or my children, or my marriage or my blog or writing, or my home or garden. Just face down in worship. Or surrender. Or sometimes emptiness.

It is prayer beyond words. It is waiting.  Speak Lord. Thy servant is listening.

Nothing in the realm of the spirit is quantifiable, of course, but this practice of rested, surrendered prayer has changed me.

* * *

I gained a deeper conviction of God’s love for me. Experienced his love far more deeply. Begun to experience deep healing (intellectually, and creatively, interestingly. I was burnt out when I started.) I became aware of a new boldness, and fearlessness, and disregard for what people think of me.

It’s a place of peace.  When the timer goes, it’s a wrench and sadness. For someone as cerebral as me, it’s a surprise to realize that I have been deeply in the presence of God, though nothing much was said, or done, or ostensibly “happened.”

I just love to hang out with you.

Nothing much is said.

Nothing much is done.

Apparently nothing happened.

Yes, somehow, I am different.

Filed Under: In which I play in the fields of prayer Tagged With: C. S. Lewis, Catch the Fire, Contemplative Prayer, John Arnott, Screwtape Letters, soaking prayer, Toronto Blessing, Toronto Revival

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My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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Runner Up Christian Media Awards 2014 - Tweeter of the year

Recent Posts

  •  On Not Wasting a Desert Experience
  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
  • On Yoga and Following Jesus
  • Silver and Gold Linings in the Storm Clouds of Coronavirus
  • Trust: A Message of Christmas
  • Life- Changing Journaling: A Gratitude Journal, and Habit-Tracker, with Food and Exercise Logs, Time Sheets, a Bullet Journal, Goal Sheets and a Planner
  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
  • Shining Faith in Action: Dirk Willems on the Ice
  • The Story of Dirk Willems: The Man who Died to Save His Enemy

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What I’m Reading

Childhood, Youth, Dependency: The Copenhagen Trilogy
Tove Ditlevsen

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Amazing Faith: The Authorized Biography of Bill Bright
Michael Richardson

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On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
Stephen King

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Acedia & me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life
Kathleen Norris

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Andrew Marr


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Opened Ground: Poems, 1966-96
Seamus Heaney


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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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