Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

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When Shackles become Wings: On Domesticity, Creativity, and Me

By Anita Mathias

saxifrage_anita_mathias_com

wedding-1-235x300I was married 25 years ago, while in a Ph.D programme in Creative Writing at the State University of New York Binghamton. I had just earned a BA and an MA in English from Somerville College, Oxford, then an MA in Creative Writing from Ohio State University.

My husband probably hoped for a traditional marriage, though he never actually said so. You know–I would do the dishes, and laundry and shopping and cleaning and cooking, and he would have a career. In the early years, I urged him to try a role reversal; to let me have a try at a career and at supporting us (and to accept the consequent drop in our standard of living), but he would have none of it.

For the first decade or so of our marriage, I bitterly resented domesticity. My mother had a full-time cook, a full-time maid, an “ayah,” and a gardener (whereas my husband’s mother had done everything herself.) Had I gone through all this higher education to become a cook/maid, I’d sign? My husband insisted that a cleaner was a waste of money, saying that he could easily whisk through the house and clean it. Well, I’ll credit him with good intentions!

We feminist writers in graduate school used to tell each other, “The dishes can wait; the poem cannot wait.” And too often the dishes waited, for days and days, and the resultant domestic and marital stress affected the poetry too.

I found it impossible to keep up with housekeeping. The further behind we got, the harder it was to catch up. Which caused stress and chaos and unhappiness which affected my creativity far more than if I took the bit between my teeth, and simply did what had to be done.

* * *

Finally, about 18 years into our marriage, Roy did what I had been urging him to from two years into our marriage—took early retirement, and tried to be a house-husband.

Well, well, well, turns out he was only a wee bit better as a house-husband than I was as a housewife!! He promptly got the cleaner and gardener I had so long desired!

But he does do enough housework so that we do not live in mess and chaos.

* * *

And since, it now takes just an hour or two to get to the reasonably orderly tidy household we both crave, rather than an apparently infinite task, I, ironically, often spend an hour or two in housework and gardening.

And I have discovered a strange thing. The days I do not spend an hour or two around my house and garden, weeding, sorting laundry, tidying up, my spirit feels slightly out of sorts. My mind is active, as I read and write; my spirit, not so much. I feel a bit out of touch with God. A bit unaligned with him. A bit overwound. It’s as if I need the downtime of traditional “women’s work” to really pray.

It as if I needed the things I despised—folding laundry, putting things back in the right place, pulling weeds—to be able to think, to pray, to right myself with God, to position myself in God, to surrender my life to God again, to seek his wisdom.

Breathing place, sanity-savers, time for thinking, time ironically for creativity, time for repentance, time for surrender—gifts offered by the mundane tasks of folding clothes, tidying rooms, prettying a garden.

I wish I had embraced it from the start. I would, ironically, have been a more productive writer.

A house, living in a house, doing some of the work living in a house demands—this is the life God has given me, mountaintops and valleys, and as I embrace it, I find that, like saxifrage, tiny alpine plant that splits rocks, creativity blooms in the apparently unpromising nooks and crannies of duty!

 

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Like saxifrage, tiny alpine that splits rocks, creativity blooms in the rocks of duty! NEW from @anitamathias1 Tweet: Like saxifrage, tiny alpine that splits rocks, creativity blooms in the rocks of duty! NEW from @anitamathias1 http://ctt.ec/SRPbg+

It’s as if I need the downtime of traditional “women’s work” to really pray. NEW from @anitamathias1 Tweet: It’s as if I need the downtime of traditional “women’s work” to really pray. NEW from @anitamathias1 http://ctt.ec/5ig55+

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Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity, In which I explore writing and blogging and creativity, In which I play in the fields of prayer, In which I pursue happiness and the bluebird of joy Tagged With: Creativity, domesticity, duty, Prayer

Housework as a Pathway to Prayer—with Vermeer’s Women

By Anita Mathias

Johannes Vermeer - Het melkmeisje - Google Art Project

You can almost hear the silence. The milkmaid is quiet, so quiet, and time is suspended as she pours  milk.

The hands work while the mind thinks.

Is it a life of drudgery, or is it a gift–her trivial chore a window into eternity, time to think, to pray, to look out of the window into God?

300px-Jan_Vermeer_van_Delft_019
Vermeer’s women lose themselves in: housework.  It glows!  Is this domesticity?  Can it be?  That’s the way I want to live my life, slowly, tranquilly, not fighting the irrelevant relevant, the distracting, trivial and necessary tasks of my days, but embracing them as an oasis of contemplation in which desert flowers may bloom.I gaze at Vermeer’s women.  I trust things that help me lose track of time–reading, writing, gardening, hiking, the sea, art galleries, prayer, good movies, good conversation.

Vermeer’s paintings, poems one might say, on the radiance of domesticity are more moving when we learn of the hurly-burly of his household–a wife, eleven children, and a feisty mother-in-law.

Those paintings that could have been called “Shanti, shanti, shanti” or “Tranquility”  are probably sighs of yearning, images of an elusive Eden.  They hint how manual work–if used as time for contemplation–might be redeemed.

lacemaker

 

I now view the trivial necessary tasks of life which I used to bitterly resent—as (in small doses) gifts: time to pray, time to seek direction, time to worship, time to sense God’s love.

I am reading Pete Greig’s Red Moon Rising about the birth of 24/7 prayer movement in Britain. “Pray constantly,” the exhortation of the apostle Paul has challenged and puzzled us through the centuries.

As my life grows busier, I relish these accidental windows into prayer: rooms to be tidied, gardens to be weeded, laundry to be sorted, little windy passages into contemplation, to situating myself again in the love of God, and finding peace.

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity, In which I play in the fields of prayer Tagged With: 24/7 Prayer, contemplation, domesticity, Pete Greig Red Moon Rising, Prayer, Vermeer

The Church That Had Too Much

By Anita Mathias

On holiday in Ireland in 2010, I woke up from a vivid dream, which I have here written down. It’s available on Amazon.com and on Amazon.co.uk.

The church that had too much -- 9781849026567 front cover

The Church That Had Too Much

Once upon a time,
there was a church
that Had Too Much.

Now the members of this church worked very hard
with great rectitude, and they had a good reputation
with believer and townsman alike,
and the work of their hands was blessed,

and they grew very rich.

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And whenever the members of the church saw each other,
they said, “Oh, we must have you over.”

And then those who heard this
smiled a tight little smile,
and said, “Yes, and we must too.”

And each went away sad,
because they knew it would probably never be.
Because the lovely couches from Liberty
with toy helicopters from Hamley’s which really flew,
and dolls which laughed and wetted themselves,
and handheld computers and Nintendo, and their living rooms
had toy cars which moved and beeped,
and toy kitchens with ovens which lit up and nearly cooked,
and intricate monster doll houses,
and if other little children came,
their children would cry if their toys were touched,
or, heaven forbid, broken.

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And in the study,
the shelves overflowed
with books bought which had been read,
or had been meant to be read,
but interests had changed,
and besides, with the demands of life and maintenance,
there was simply no time to read.

And littered in the family room,
were dvds which had been watched once,
and probably never would be again:
grimly educational documentaries and silly soaps,
still shrink-wrapped; VHS cassettes, but the VCR was broken,
and few stores sold one, and old cassettes and cds
listened to once, whose sound one no longer liked.

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And scattered lay iPod Shuffles,
unused because the kids had bought iPod Touches
because everyone else had them,
and then upgraded to the sleek
iPod Nano for the video camera,
and then an iPhone 4,
and finally,  an iPad to stand-out,
be distinguished, and the envy of their form,
in a way far more easily accomplished
by kids whose parents have more than enough
than by the hard slog of swooping up all the prizes
(though with a status just as hollow–
but better a cool kid than a geek!)


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And in little piles lay
old mobile phones (wasn’t there was a charity
which recycled them) and old laptops, ditto,
and coins in currencies no longer legal tender,
and gold watches which merely needed a new battery.

And in the kitchen,
the counters were cluttered–
visual stress, visual stress–
because the cabinets had ice cream makers and fondue sets,
and candyfloss makers and chocolate fountains,
and the shelves were cluttered with
low fat cookbooks and French cookbooks,
and dessert cookbooks and Weight Watchers
and barbecue and vegetarian and Atkins cookbooks,
and Indian, Thai, Chinese and Italian.

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And then, just when you were nearly organized
Christmas came,
With sweaters and books and toys and games,
There was simply no room to store

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And if after a dozen “We must have you overs,”
you finally did,
you felt you should produce a meal worthy
of this protracted invitation,
and where did you find the energy to do that?

And guests meant stress,
stuffing stuff into closets
from which the stuffing fell out if they were opened,

And one couldn’t put them in the garage
Which was cluttered with mulchers and jigsaws
and strimmers and shredders and mowers.

And at the end, just before your guests came,
you could never find anything to wear
because clothes, outgrown, or too expensive
to just give away, or too worn and stained to give away,
but not worn and stained enough to toss
cluttered the closets so that
the elegant clothes could never be found,
and you felt that you had simply nothing to wear
and so bought some more, which were somewhere,
(but where?) And were always late while you extricated
Something which matched from your disorganized abundance.

*  *  *

 

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 *  *  *

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Mrs. Hadenough had had enough and more than enough.
Her big house with its crystal and chandeliers and cuckoo clocks;
its antique furniture, original paintings,
Pietre dure marble chests,
Murano paperweights and vases
brought her no peace,
but ruined her rest–
just brought her stress,
because it was simply too much.

And when she went to her women’s Bible study,
her friends talked about things–
things on sale, things on Freecycle,
things they had bought, or wanted to buy,
and how busy and overwhelmed they were,
sorting out their houses full of things,
trying to make time to take them to the charity shops
to make room for more things,
and about where to find nifty little organizing boxes,
clothes boxes, tool boxes and craft boxes to store
the simply too many things.

And then she read what the native Americans
of the Pacific Northwest did
when they had simply too much.

They had a potlatch,
grandly sharing their amassed possessions,
and then resumed their simple happy lives,
tidepooling on the Oregon Coast,
enjoying salmon, oysters, mussels and crab.

But how does one have a potlatch
like the North American Indians?

image10

And in the bulletin, that Sunday,
she put an announcement
about a kitchen gadget exchange.

The next Sunday, along with the tithe
each family was to bring something
they never used: cappuccino makers
and coffee grinders, in newly decaffeinated families;
yoghurt makers, omelette pans, electric spice graters,
asparagus or fish steamers to give and to take.

And when after the service, impatient queues formed,
she was sad to spot the acquisitive eyes of the hunter,
when what she wanted to learn and to teach was
that it is in giving that we receive.
she suggested that to force themselves to become givers,
people first offer each item they really wanted
to a couple of others before accepting it.

 

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And so, in a spirit of jollity, people offered
each other good gifts, so that everyone
who, in a moment of folly,
had bought a ravioli maker or an oyster shucker
could now give to those who always had wanted
a ravioli maker or an oyster shucker,
until they too passed it on.

And so everyone went home with something
They really wanted out of the community’s abundance.

And then it was the turn of books.
Those who had bought Money, Sex and Power,
The Freedom of Simplicity
, The Mustard Seed Conspiracy,
Or Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, but realized that
That they made being simple no easier
but being complex a guiltier undertaking
put them on the table, so that those who instinctively
began a new undertaking by reading a book
could now get them for free.

And everyone went home smiling,
as they did on DVD Sunday.

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And outgrown toys were shared,
so that every child had fascinating things to play with,
until they outgrew them,
and then they swapped.

And lovely expensive clothes
which no longer fitted
could be swished with other people:
cashmere sweaters in the wrong colour
or just a little too tight or too loose
and so when one’s style changed
and one began to dress up or down or bright or old,
the change could bless to someone else.

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And so each Sunday, the congregation brought
a designated item along with the tithe,
blessing each other with their surplus,
and the church rented a storehouse for what wasn’t taken.

And soon, people got rid of
A shirt saved for when they painted,
or scruffy shoes to wear if they gardened,
or the Christian book you’d read when you had time,
because you could always pick one up from the storehouse.

And people began to go to the church’s storehouse first,
instead of the stores, thereby boosting their budgets,
and eventually everyone had everything they really needed
and donated the rest to the storehouse,
decluttering until everything in their houses
was both beautiful and useful.

 

image14

”If you want a golden rule that will fit everything, this is it: Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful.”William Morris

 

And once a month, the doors of the storehouse
were opened to the community.
you could bring your surplus, or take
other people’s, no strings or questions,
so that the church became known as The Giving Church

And because there was always the storehouse,
where in lean seasons, you could get the beans,
quinoa, amaranth and orzo your friends had bought
in fits of healthfulness, but never ever cooked,
or the electric saw or strimmer you needed once a year,
people no longer held onto everything
for fear they might one day need it,
or worried about their budgets quite so much
because in a pinch, you could get stationery,
clothes and food—most things you needed–from the storehouse.

And there were no poor among them.

And in the newly sleek houses,
hours of maintenance were released
and people entertained their friends,

 

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Consider the Lilies

And once letting go became a habit,
people discovered to their surprise
that they were valued for the content of their characters,
that people actually liked them
even when they no longer subtly showed off
about what they had or did.

And then, having happily shed so much,
they decided to shed a little more,
and Mrs Shortnplump forgave Mrs Tallnthin
who had manipulated the Bible study they co-led
out of her dreamy hands with Machiavellian  whispers,
and back-stabbing worthy of a presidential campaign.
Mrs Tallandthin had won that power struggle,
and she had lost.
And so what?
In the Upside Kingdom, schemers and manipulators
did not inherit the reward of the meek,
and those who lost the world might gain their soul,
and, in mysterious ways, inherit the world besides.
And Mrs Brown forgave Mrs Black who, working
the vicar’s wife and everyone else, swiped the leadership
Of the Friday women’s coffee group
(in formally known as sit and bitch)
from her.  And so what?
And Mr Doeverything decided that since he came home
at nine, after his children were in bed, he really
did not need to run the building programme too,
that he could shed his campaign to be Someone Very
Important in the very small world of the church
and instead spend his time with those he really loved.

And Mr. Ineverypie who was away from home for about 99 days
each year, swallowed his pride, and resigned as Chair
of the Development Committee, letting go of the fear
that no one would know who he was, if he were not always
onstage (oh, they did, they did, they surely did!) and instead
rediscovered his delight in his wife
and littlest minx, whom he adored,
when he let his eyes linger on her.

And following their lead,
those who were ambitious to strut their stuff
slowly grew willing to wait for the “Friend, Come Higher,”
trusting their PR to God,
never seeking, never refusing, a position of greater influence.

And the church was no longer a seven storey mountain,
of social ascent, and when they got together
people no longer reserved their warmest smiles
and shiniest manners for those at the top of the ant-heap,
as if one could absorb significance by association.


“He that is down needs fear no fall;
He that is low, no pride;
He that is humble ever shall
Have God to be his guide.

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In The Valley of Humiliation, a man shall be free from the noise and from the hurryings of this life.  All states are full of noise and confusion, only the Valley of Humiliation is that empty and solitary place. Here a man shall not be so let and hindered in this contemplation as in other places he is apt to be.  This is a valley that no one walks in, but those that love a pilgrim’s life.  I must tell you that in former times men have met with angels here, have found pearls here, and have in this place found the words of life. John Bunyan, Pilgrim’s Progress


They surrendered their longing to belong to
the church’s inner circle: Those who knew who
was who, and what had happened,
was happening, and would happen,
and instead hung out with those they really liked,
and so in time formed their own inner circles,
not necessarily important ones in the eyes of the church
but just people who enjoyed being with each other.

And so everyone looked forward to social gatherings,
even fund-raisers, for they would get to relax
with those they loved being with,
Instead of seeking out those
More important than themselves
Who, in turn, looked restlessly around, scanning the crowd,
For someone still more important.

 

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    I believe that in all men’s lives at certain periods, and in many men’s lives at all periods between infancy and extreme old age, one of the most dominant elements is the desire to be inside the local Ring and the terror of being left outside.  

    The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it.

   And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the centre of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ringer can ever have it.                                           The Inner Ring by C.S. Lewis

.
And when the church decided to close the storehouse,
because fewer and fewer people visited it,
since all had all they needed and had given away
all they did not, so that everything left in their houses
was both beautiful and useful,
people did not even notice,
for they now lived in the new way
of Content.

image18

Letting go, letting go,
of everything they no longer needed,
blessing others with it,
and, in turn, being blessed
in the mysterious divine economy
no economist can fathom.

Letting go
of old grievances,
chucking people into the waterfall of grace,
letting God deal with them,
letting go of the desire to be a big deal,
accepting that they belonged to a Kingdom
which already had a King.

image19

 


Pressing on, pressing on,
to know God more,
to love God more, and
to love people more.

And they were known as Christians by their love.

 

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If you or a friend would like to have this as a book, it is available on Amazon.com here and on Amazon.co.uk here.

Filed Under: In which I decide to follow Jesus Tagged With: decluttering, domesticity, housework, Simplicity, the pearl of great price

Decluttering: An Easy Way to Start a Virtuous Circle in Your Life

By Anita Mathias

Vermeer, Music Lesson,

 

Until 2008, one of our greatest sources of sadness and irritation was the fact that we were rather messy and disorganised. And, as for the girls, well, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

But we have gradually changed. If you show up unannounced, or better still, with 15 minutes warning, you will find an acceptable house, not immaculate or even particularly tidy, but not disgraceful either.

* * *

 What changed? Partly getting a cleaner which motivated us to get everything in the right place for them to clean. And going through the house, tidying every room, once a week, motivated us to begin getting rid of things.

And space and order is addictive. Once you start decluttering, it becomes a habit to ask “Do I really need this? Is it beautiful? Is it useful?”

And how old were we when we finally got our acts together, and became tidy grown-ups? Mid-forties!!

Which shows it’s never too late to change.

* * *

And, interestingly, the last five years have also been a period of blessing and productivity for us, in many ways.

Messy, disorganized people will never achieve as much as they could, though they may be achieving enough!

* * *

 One of my inspirations was Marla Cilley, Flylady. Marla in her mid-forties was depressed, overweight, in debt, and surrounded by chaos, mess and clutter.

“Enough,” she said, one day. There was too much clutter and mess for her to clean it all up in a day, or a week, or a month, and, besides, she was depressed! However, she shone her sink, and resolved that she would continue shining her sink, if it killed her. Gradually, she began picking up the dishes around the sink, sticking them in the dishwasher, and order and beauty spread outwards.

She attributes her success at becoming a tidy, organised home-dweller to two things—consistency and persistence.  Anyone she says can run a tidy, organised home, if they work at it with consistency and persistence.

Her website flylady.net is full of practical ideas. She will email these to you if you would like to follow her way to domestic order and peace. She has worked out where to start to get out of chaos, and the most leveraged first steps. Her way definitely works!!

* * *

 Which of her tips have helped me?

1)  Anyone can do anything for 15 minutes at a time. So when a room gets messy, or when there are rooms I have never tidied properly, like the library or the garage, or the barn, I set a timer for 15 minutes. I never do more than 15 minutes on a room, so there is no risk of boredom setting in.

2)  She has cool suggestions for crisis cleaning–if guests are due, for example. Work on 3 separate rooms for 15 minutes each, take a 15 minute break. Repeat.

3) She also suggests focusing on hot spots—you know, where clutter gathers all by itself. We don’t have these any more, since we work on them weekly.

4) Most useful of all, perhaps is the concept of baby steps. Your house didn’t get messy in a day, and won’t get tidy in a day. Take small, but consistently maintained steps to get it all tidy again.

The confidence she gained in getting her domestic act together spilled over into a writing ministry. She next tackled her overweight body, “cluttered” she called it, and wrote a book about that too.  She got out of debt.

It’s amazing how confidence breeds confidence. For instance, I’ve noticed this syndrome in several people, and have sunk into it myself (except for the debt): sleeping in, a messy house, being overweight, and substantially in debt.

How to get out of it? The answer is: Start anywhere. Start with what bugs you most. Getting your house tidy or waking early will give you the time and confidence to lose weight. And the discipline and organizational skills and confidence you gain in one area will spill over to others.

* * *

For myself, getting our family business into profit gave me the confidence to get the house together (and helped pay for the cleaner) which gave me the peace and mental space to launch a reasonably successful blog, which gave me the confidence and drive to wake earlier, which gave me extra time, and I am now working on the weight, and have lost 16 pounds! You see, a virtuous circle!!

Anyway, have a look at Flylady.net. You will be entertained, and perhaps educated!!

 

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity Tagged With: decluttering, domesticity, Flylady, housework, losing weight, waking early

In which I am Determined to Declutter

By Anita Mathias

Today was my decluttering morning.

We finally broke down and decided we needed more help than a cleaner. So we have a young Polish man come a couple of times a week, to clean, and do various housekeeping chores–he assembled bookshelves today.

And so I have designated the morning he comes as my decluttering morning. Which feels SO good.

Getting rid of things, and having a sparse household is linked to one’s faith in God. I often think of a lovely story Jack Miller tells. He and his wife Rosemarie founded World Harvest Mission and were visiting Uganda. They come late to a meeting, and every seat is taken, except the ones right in front, next to President Idi Amin. Rose Marie nervously tells Jack, “I’ll sit on the grass.” Jack says, “Rose Marie, no! You are wearing a lovely dress. You are a daughter of the King. Be brave. We will sit in front.” And they go and sit next to Idi Amin, who is gracious to them.

I have said that to myself numerous times–when nervous, when beyond my depth, when dealing with rude, overbearing or condescending people, when travelling, when insecure.  “Anita, you are a daughter of the King.”

And when decluttering.

Because there are two principles at work in decluttering. As Thoreau rightly observes, the true cost of everything is “the life” which goes into earning and replacing it. If I tidy a closet by taking its entire contents to the Charity shop (a solution I’ve contemplated, believe me!) the cost of that will be the time it takes me (or more likely, my long-suffering husband, Roy) to earn the money to replace these things.

Conversely, I am a daughter of the King. I do not need to have clothes which are worn, or ill-fitting or ugly. I do not need to have things which are ugly, or chipped or broken lying around waiting to be mended. I can throw away lonely things and throw away the missing parts when they surface.

So I am consistently giving or chucking at least one thing a day, generally far more. Not selling, no time for that; besides, it is more blessed to give than sell.

And why am I decluttering? Actually, a wise person we sought spiritual advice from three years ago suggested it. “Let’s start establishing the Kingdom of God in your physical surroundings,” he said, “and other things will fall into place.” And I am doing that.

And order feels so good. For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. I have never known how to combine writing and housekeeping. Because the thought of having to do housework so depresses me that I do neither the writing nor the housekeeping,  So carving out one morning a week to just keep up with the house, and not doing much housework for the rest of the week, seems to be working. And hopefully, within the year or so, I will get it all done.

I am a bit cross with myself for having accumulated so much stuff. We spent 9 years in our last very large house in America which had a large attic and garage. So we basically stuffed things there to be dealt with later, which never came. Our bedroom was a suite, with a room-sized walk-in closet, a room sized dressing room, and an attached bath. And the house was in the modern affluent American style–a formal living room, and a family room, a formal dining area, and a family dining area. Duplication of furniture and stuff!

When we visited England and decided to stay, I did not even go to America to move us. Since the university was paying, we paid movers to pack up our house, lock, stock and barrel, and move it here. Which they did. Unread magazines, trashcans with trash in them, pantries with out of date food, garden compost bins, hoses–no kidding! It was the biggest van the UK movers had ever seen–and eight years later, I still haven’t unpacked everything

But I am determined to declutter. My maternal grandparents were pack-rats. When my aunt died, my parents inherited a house in which two bachelor brothers, a spinster sister, and their parents had a lifetime of stuff, nothing ever thrown out. The strain of sorting and donating all that literally killed my father who had been superlatively fit before those killing months.

I intend to die with a relatively spare, relatively minimalistic house so that no one else will have to waste their life sorting out what I was too lazy to!

Inside/outside, body/spirit, house/spirit, it’s really all of a piece, isn’t it?

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity Tagged With: decluttering, domesticity, housekeeping

Flylady and Hospitality: An Idiosyncratic Approach!

By Anita Mathias

 Flylady, the spunky North Carolinian housekeeping guru has this amusing advice–if your house gets messy invite someone to visit to motivate you to clean it up. If it gets really messy, really desperate, invite someone to stay.

Last Sunday, we hosted a tea party today for 14 adults & 17 children, all of whom got on well & none of whom were scratched by rabbits, chased by horses, barked at by the dog, scratched by nettles, or slipped into ponds.
The party motivated us to mow our grass, trim our shrubs, re-do our rock garden, paint our kitchen & walls; take trash to tip, unpack some book boxes and get rid of 10 loitering boxes of stuff, none of which our guests would have noticed either way, but it’s good to have it done!

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity Tagged With: domesticity, Flylady, housekeeping

In Which Teenager’s Rooms are Like Rooms of Requirement

By Anita Mathias

Zoe says Irene’s room is like the Room of Requirement in Harry Potter. Whatever we needed and missed is to be found there–under her bed!!
It can be like the Chamber of Horrors in Harry Potter, I say.
And since we have a three day Bank Holiday weekend, guess what we are going to do!

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity, In which I pursue happiness and the bluebird of joy Tagged With: domesticity, Irene

Flylady, Domesticity and Housework.

By Anita Mathias

 

Our cleaning lady from Zimbabwe is singing in rich, high voice as she cleans. She is singing worship songs; I believe I have heard the melodies before.

She reminds me of Lena, our previous Brazilian cleaner who also sung as she worked. I love the sound of their singing. It has such a happy feel. Reminds me of Cinderella singing with her broom. Lovely to bring joy, happiness and music into domesticity!

 
Sadly, we are still spending 3-4 hours a week on housework. It’s partly because we are still decluttering the stuff we brought from America, when, because the University was paying, I got movers to pack up our whole house and send it on, without even going to America. (I stayed in England). And that they did–trash cans with trash in them, piles of old newspapers, boxes I had collected to donate. Oh well! A mistake probably!
I like the Flylady.net system of a little bit every day. But since I have started writing again in January, I find it too painful, depressing and boring, to break my writing to do housework. So I leave the whole thing for this one day (on which Roy and I do everything–change lightbulbs, sort laundry, fix stuff, and get rid of more and more stuff we do not actually use, or can upgrade in the interests of aesthetics.
But since I find 15 minutes on a daily basis depressing, guess what I find a whole day? 🙂
Actually, it takes me a while to get into it, a few hours, and then I find I am enjoying it, enjoying that everything is so much more decluttered than the last week.
But I am going to try to do a little bit every day. Never have found it easy. Stay tuned.

And even if I do find a dreamier dream house, I doubt I am ever going to move. Just the thought of spending years setting up house again is daunting. I am amazed by people who say they do it in weeks.

And getting a house just right is very satisfying–among our spring projects–change carpeting upstairs, frame pictures, give away framed pictures we no longer like or care for (yay!), change a fogged window in the bedroom, repaint bathroom, kitchen and upstairs landing, revamp garden.

Can we do it all in a spring?
As well as run a publishing company and write.
Well, I am not going to get involved in any of the above projects beyond choosing colours, so it may, it may be feasible!

Filed Under: Finding God in Domesticity Tagged With: decluttering, domesticity, Flylady, housework

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  • Christ’s Great Golden Triad to Guide Our Actions and Decisions
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  • Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
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Dorothy Day

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anita.mathias

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Oxford, England. Writer, memoirist, podcaster, blogger, Biblical meditation teacher, mum

Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen a Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen at this link: https://anitamathias.com/2025/04/08/the-kingdom-of-god-is-here-already-yet-not-yet-here-2/
It’s on the Kingdom of God, of which Christ so often spoke, which is here already—a mysterious, shimmering internal palace in which, in lightning flashes, we experience peace and joy, and yet, of course, not yet fully here. We sense the rainbowed presence of Christ in the song which pulses through creation. Christ strolls into our rooms with his wisdom and guidance, and things change. Our prayers are answered; we are healed; our hearts are strangely warmed. Sometimes.
And yet, we also experience evil within & all around us. Our own sin which can shatter our peace and the trajectory of our lives. And the sins of the world—its greed, dishonesty and environmental destruction.
But in this broken world, we still experience the glory of creation; “coincidences” which accelerate once we start praying, and shalom which envelops us like sudden sunshine. The portals into this Kingdom include repentance, gratitude, meditative breathing, and absolute surrender.
The Kingdom of God is here already. We can experience its beauty, peace and joy today through the presence of the Holy Spirit. But yet, since, in the Apostle Paul’s words, we do not struggle only “against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the unseen powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil,” its fullness still lingers…
Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of E Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of England in June. I have been on a social media break… but … better late than never. Enjoy!
First picture has my sister, Shalini, who kindly flew in from the US. Our lovely cousins Anthony and Sarah flank Zoe in the next picture.
The Bishop of London, Sarah Mullaly, ordained Zoe. You can see her praying that Zoe will be filled with the Holy Spirit!!
And here’s a meditation I’ve recorded, which you might enjoy. The link is also in my profile
https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Ma I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Matthew 23, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Do listen here. https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
Link also in bio.
And so, Jesus states a law of life. Those who broadcast their amazingness will be humbled, since God dislikes—scorns that, as much as people do.  For to trumpet our success, wealth, brilliance, giftedness or popularity is to get distracted from our life’s purpose into worthless activity. Those who love power, who are sure they know best, and who must be the best, will eventually be humbled by God and life. For their focus has shifted from loving God, doing good work, and being a blessing to their family, friends, and the world towards impressing others, being enviable, perhaps famous. These things are houses built on sand, which will crumble when hammered by the waves of old age, infirmity or adversity. 
God resists the proud, Scripture tells us—those who crave the admiration and power which is His alone. So how do we resist pride? We slow down, so that we realise (and repent) when sheer pride sparks our allergies to people, our enmities, our determination to have our own way, or our grandiose ego-driven goals, and ambitions. Once we stop chasing limelight, a great quietness steals over our lives. We no longer need the drug of continual achievement, or to share images of glittering travel, parties, prizes or friends. We just enjoy them quietly. My life is for itself & not for a spectacle, Emerson wrote. And, as Jesus advises, we quit sharp-elbowing ourselves to sit with the shiniest people, but are content to hang out with ordinary people; and then, as Jesus said, we will inevitably, eventually, be summoned higher to the sparkling conversation we craved. 
One day, every knee will bow before the gentle lamb who was slain, now seated on the throne. We will all be silent before him. Let us live gently then, our eyes on Christ, continually asking for his power, his Spirit, and his direction, moving, dancing, in the direction that we sense him move.
Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.co Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.com/2024/02/20/how-jesus-dealt-with-hostility-and-enemies/
3 days before his death, Jesus rampages through the commercialised temple, overturning the tables of moneychangers. Who gave you the authority to do these things? his outraged adversaries ask. And Jesus shows us how to answer hostile questions. Slow down. Breathe. Quick arrow prayers!
Your enemies have no power over your life that your Father has not permitted them. Ask your Father for wisdom, remembering: Questions do not need to be answered. Are these questioners worthy of the treasures of your heart? Or would that be feeding pearls to hungry pigs, who might instead devour you?
Questions can contain pitfalls, traps, nooses. Jesus directly answered just three of the 183 questions he was asked, refusing to answer some; answering others with a good question.
But how do we get the inner calm and wisdom to recognise
and sidestep entrapping questions? Long before the day of
testing, practice slow, easy breathing, and tune in to the frequency of the Father. There’s no record of Jesus running, rushing, getting stressed, or lacking peace. He never spoke on his own, he told us, without checking in with the Father. So, no foolish, ill-judged statements. Breathing in the wisdom of the Father beside and within him, he, unintimidated, traps the trappers.
Wisdom begins with training ourselves to slow down and ask
the Father for guidance. Then our calm minds, made perceptive, will help us recognise danger and trick questions, even those coated in flattery, and sidestep them or refuse to answer.
We practice tuning in to heavenly wisdom by practising–asking God questions, and then listening for his answers about the best way to do simple things…organise a home or write. Then, we build upwards, asking for wisdom in more complex things.
Listening for the voice of God before we speak, and asking for a filling of the Spirit, which Jesus calls streams of living water within us, will give us wisdom to know what to say, which, frequently, is nothing at all. It will quieten us with the silence of God, which sings through the world, through sun and stars, sky and flowers.
Especially for @ samheckt Some very imperfect pi Especially for @ samheckt 
Some very imperfect pictures of my labradoodle Merry, and golden retriever Pippi.
And since, I’m on social media, if you are the meditating type, here’s a scriptural meditation on not being afraid, while being prudent. https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
A new podcast. Link in bio https://anitamathias.c A new podcast. Link in bio
https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
“Do not be afraid,” a dream-angel tells Joseph, to marry Mary, who’s pregnant, though a virgin, for in our magical, God-invaded world, the Spirit has placed God in her. Call the baby Jesus, or The Lord saves, for he will drag people free from the chokehold of their sins.
And Joseph is not afraid. And the angel was right, for a star rose, signalling a new King of the Jews. Astrologers followed it, threatening King Herod, whose chief priests recounted Micah’s 600-year-old prophecy: the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem, as Jesus had just been, while his parents from Nazareth registered for Augustus Caesar’s census of the entire Roman world. 
The Magi worshipped the baby, offering gold. And shepherds came, told by an angel of joy: that the Messiah, a saviour from all that oppresses, had just been born.
Then, suddenly, the dream-angel warned: Flee with the child to Egypt. For Herod plans to kill this baby, forever-King.
Do not be afraid, but still flee? Become a refugee? But lightning-bolt coincidences verified the angel’s first words: The magi with gold for the flight. Shepherds
telling of angels singing of coming inner peace. Joseph flees.
What’s the difference between fear and prudence? Fear is being frozen or panicked by imaginary what-ifs. It tenses our bodies; strains health, sleep and relationships; makes us stingy with ourselves & others; leads to overwork, & time wasted doing pointless things for fear of people’s opinions.
Prudence is wisdom-using our experience & spiritual discernment as we battle the demonic forces of this dark world, in Paul’s phrase.It’s fighting with divinely powerful weapons: truth, righteousness, faith, Scripture & prayer, while surrendering our thoughts to Christ. 
So let’s act prudently, wisely & bravely, silencing fear, while remaining alert to God’s guidance, delivered through inner peace or intuitions of danger and wrongness, our spiritual senses tuned to the Spirit’s “No,” his “Slow,” his “Go,” as cautious as a serpent, protected, while being as gentle as a lamb among wolves.
Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://a Link to post with podcast link in Bio or https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/22/dont-walk-away-from-jesus-but-if-you-do-he-still-looks-at-you-and-loves-you/
Jesus came from a Kingdom of voluntary gentleness, in which
Christ, the Lion of Judah, stands at the centre of the throne in the guise of a lamb, looking as if it had been slain. No wonder his disciples struggled with his counter-cultural values. Oh, and we too!
The mother of the Apostles James and John, asks Jesus for a favour—that once He became King, her sons got the most important, prestigious seats at court, on his right and left. And the other ten, who would have liked the fame, glory, power,limelight and honour themselves are indignant and threatened.
Oh-oh, Jesus says. Who gets five talents, who gets one,
who gets great wealth and success, who doesn’t–that the
Father controls. Don’t waste your one precious and fleeting
life seeking to lord it over others or boss them around.
But, in his wry kindness, he offers the ambitious twelve
and us something better than the second or third place.
He tells us how to actually be the most important person to
others at work, in our friend group, social circle, or church:Use your talents, gifts, and energy to bless others.
And we instinctively know Jesus is right. The greatest people in our lives are the kind people who invested in us, guided us and whose wise, radiant words are engraved on our hearts.
Wanting to sit with the cleverest, most successful, most famous people is the path of restlessness and discontent. The competition is vast. But seek to see people, to listen intently, to be kind, to empathise, and doors fling wide open for you, you rare thing!
The greatest person is the one who serves, Jesus says. Serves by using the one, two, or five talents God has given us to bless others, by finding a place where our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. By writing which is a blessing, hospitality, walking with a sad friend, tidying a house.
And that is the only greatness worth having. That you yourself,your life and your work are a blessing to others. That the love and wisdom God pours into you lives in people’s hearts and minds, a blessing
https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-j https://anitamathias.com/.../dont-walk-away-from-jesus.../
Sharing this podcast I recorded last week. LINK IN BIO
So Jesus makes a beautiful offer to the earnest, moral young man who came to him, seeking a spiritual life. Remarkably, the young man claims that he has kept all the commandments from his youth, including the command to love one’s neighbour as oneself, a statement Jesus does not challenge.
The challenge Jesus does offers him, however, the man cannot accept—to sell his vast possessions, give the money to the poor, and follow Jesus encumbered.
He leaves, grieving, and Jesus looks at him, loves him, and famously observes that it’s easier for a camel to squeeze through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to live in the world of wonders which is living under Christ’s kingship, guidance and protection. 
He reassures his dismayed disciples, however, that with God even the treasure-burdened can squeeze into God’s kingdom, “for with God, all things are possible.”
Following him would quite literally mean walking into a world of daily wonders, and immensely rich conversation, walking through Israel, Lebanon, Syria, and Jordan, quite impossible to do with suitcases and backpacks laden with treasure. 
For what would we reject God’s specific, internally heard whisper or directive, a micro-call? That is the idol which currently grips and possesses us. 
Not all of us have great riches, nor is money everyone’s greatest temptation—it can be success, fame, universal esteem, you name it…
But, since with God all things are possible, even those who waver in their pursuit of God can still experience him in fits and snatches, find our spirits singing on a walk or during worship in church, or find our hearts strangely warmed by Scripture, and, sometimes, even “see” Christ stand before us. 
For Christ looks at us, Christ loves us, and says, “With God, all things are possible,” even we, the flawed, entering his beautiful Kingdom.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-th https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-the-freedom-of-forgiveness/
How to Find the Freedom of Forgiveness
Letting go on anger and forgiving is both an emotional transaction & a decision of the will. We discover we cannot command our emotions to forgive and relinquish anger. So how do we find the space and clarity of forgiveness in our mind, spirit & emotions?
When tormenting memories surface, our cortisol, adrenaline, blood pressure, and heart rate all rise. It’s good to take a literally quick walk with Jesus, to calm this neurological and physiological storm. And then honestly name these emotions… for feelings buried alive never die.
Then, in a process called “the healing of memories,” mentally visualise the painful scene, seeing Christ himself there, his eyes brimming with compassion. Ask Christ to heal the sting, to draw the poison from these memories of experiences. We are caterpillars in a ring of fire, as Martin Luther wrote--unable to rescue ourselves. We need help from above.
Accept what happened. What happened, happened. Then, as the Apostle Paul advises, give thanks in everything, though not for everything. Give thanks because God can bring good out of the swindle and the injustice. Ask him to bring magic and beauty from the ashes.
If, like the persistent widow Jesus spoke of, you want to pray for justice--that the swindler and the abusers’ characters are revealed, so many are protected, then do so--but first, purify your own life.
And now, just forgive. Say aloud, I forgive you for … You are setting a captive free. Yourself. Come alive. Be free. 
And when memories of deep injuries arise, say: “No. No. Not going there.” Stop repeating the devastating story to yourself or anyone else. Don’t waste your time & emotional energy, nor let yourself be overwhelmed by anger at someone else’s evil actions. Don’t let the past poison today. Refuse to allow reinjury. Deliberately think instead of things noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
So keep trying, in obedience, to forgive, to let go of your anger until you suddenly realise that you have forgiven, and can remember past events without agitation. God be with us!
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