Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Jacob is reunited with Joseph, Genesis 46

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Genesis 46

Jacob Goes to Egypt

 1 So Israel set out with all that was his, and when he reached Beersheba, he offered sacrifices to the God of his father Isaac.

 2 And God spoke to Israel in a vision at night and said, “Jacob! Jacob!”
   “Here I am,” he replied.
 3 “I am God, the God of your father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. 4 I will go down to Egypt with you, and I will surely bring you back again. And Joseph’s own hand will close your eyes.”
The Lord speaks to Jacob with his trademark greeting, “Do not be afraid.”
His ability to hear God’s voice–even in the middle of his own sin and scheming–was one of Jacob’s greatest gifts–and this he retains through life.
And God’s kindness to Jacob remains throughout his long life.  

At Beersheba, where Abraham and Isaac had also worshiped the Lord, the Lord reiterates his covenant promises.
God would be with Jacob when he went south to Egypt, as he was with him when he went north to Haran.

 5 Then Jacob left Beersheba, and Israel’s sons took their father Jacob and their children and their wives in the carts that Pharaoh had sent to transport him. 6 So Jacob and all his offspring went to Egypt, taking with them their livestock and the possessions they had acquired in Canaan. 7 Jacob brought with him to Egypt his sons and grandsons and his daughters and granddaughters—all his offspring.
 8 These are the names of the sons of Israel (Jacob and his descendants) who went to Egypt:
   Reuben the firstborn of Jacob.
 9 The sons of Reuben:
   Hanok, Pallu, Hezron and Karmi.
 10 The sons of Simeon:
   Jemuel, Jamin, Ohad, Jakin, Zohar and Shaul the son of a Canaanite woman.
 11 The sons of Levi:
   Gershon, Kohath and Merari.
 12 The sons of Judah:
   Er, Onan, Shelah, Perez and Zerah (but Er and Onan had died in the land of Canaan).
   The sons of Perez:
   Hezron and Hamul.
 13 The sons of Issachar:
   Tola, Puah,b]’>[b] and Shimron.
 14 The sons of Zebulun:
   Sered, Elon and Jahleel.
 15 These were the sons Leah bore to Jacob in Paddan Aram,d]’>[d] Haggi, Shuni, Ezbon, Eri, Arodi and Areli.
 17 The sons of Asher:
   Imnah, Ishvah, Ishvi and Beriah.
   Their sister was Serah.
   The sons of Beriah:
   Heber and Malkiel.
 18 These were the children born to Jacob by Zilpah, whom Laban had given to his daughter Leah—sixteen in all.
 19 The sons of Jacob’s wife Rachel:
   Joseph and Benjamin. 20 In Egypt, Manasseh and Ephraim were born to Joseph by Asenath daughter of Potiphera, priest of On.f]’>[f] who had been born to Joseph in Egypt, the members of Jacob’s family, which went to Egypt, were seventyh]’>[h] and wept for a long time.
Joseph, the great and soft of heart.
 30 Israel said to Joseph, “Now I am ready to die, since I have seen for myself that you are still alive.”
 31 Then Joseph said to his brothers and to his father’s household, “I will go up and speak to Pharaoh and will say to him, ‘My brothers and my father’s household, who were living in the land of Canaan, have come to me. 32 The men are shepherds; they tend livestock, and they have brought along their flocks and herds and everything they own.’ 33 When Pharaoh calls you in and asks, ‘What is your occupation?’ 34 you should answer, ‘Your servants have tended livestock from our boyhood on, just as our fathers did.’ Then you will be allowed to settle in the region of Goshen, for all shepherds are detestable to the Egyptians.”
Joseph uses his God-given administrative skills to ensure that his family settles safely in Egypt. He decides that Goshen would be the best location for them (thus preventing them assimilating into Egyptian society) and through skilful preparation and diplomacy, he ensures that Pharaoh confirms this choice of territory.

What I am Giving up for Lent: Internet Addiction

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Image–Neurocritic




No, I am not giving up anything to make there be less of me. I have had such a fraught relationship with food for many years that I now think of food more in terms of health, and life-long dietary modification rather than a short-term abstinence (with a longer term rebound, perhaps).


No, I am going to give up a minor addiction. I have broken a serious coffee addiction, and milder addictions to chocolate and sugar, and thought I was addiction free, but no.


The mild addiction I have, which I hadn’t realized was one until recently, is a mild internet addiction. 


Quaerentia, (which is the fanciful blog name of a priest called Mark Meynell who writes a very interesting literary/Christian blog) has an article called Webwise.


In it, he talks of 
“ADDICTIONS – Surfing is addictive: like a infinitely-channelled TV where you keep flicking over in the vain hope that there may be something more interesting to look at. Furthermore, you can get sucked into thinking that just because information is available, it is necessarily important or useful. [NB Wurman’s Information Anxiety (Indianapolis: QUE 2001):  I haven’t even mentioned the more obvious porn or gambling addictions that the internet can feed. I’m just talking about plain old surfing.”


I co-own a small publishing company with my husband, I am an active blogger on lightly monetized blogs, I keep in touch with many people. So, much that is interesting to me comes via the internet–business news, money earned, blog comments, emails.


And when there is nothing of interest–which is, of course, the case for more minutes than not?


I surf. Click to the New York Times for something fascinating, to the Guardian, to Christianity Today, to my own blog, to Lesley’s blog, other friends’ blogs, blogs on my blog roll, to Facebook, to my personal email, to our business email.  A little internet fox’s trail. All this will yield something of interest probably.  And then, when it is time to get up, exercise, do some housework, stretch and do some real writing, I can repeat the little fox’s trail. Find something else of interest or distraction. And then do a last email check before I get up. Some has come in, deal with it. And then….


I do most things with a timer on, count up or count down, and when I look at the timer, I am frequently baffled. Did I really need to read the New York Times article on the 87 year old billionaire planning his 125 birthday, or the global cash flow from immigrant women in domestic work abroad (half the GDP of the Philippines, incidentally, 35% of Tajikistan) or how men’s sexual prospects are increasing even as their job prospects diminish?  http://www.slate.com/id/2286240// Apparently, I thought so at the time.
                                                                        * * *


Now, if I am to be a writer as well as a blogger–and write more books rather than just blogs–I obviously need to break this time-consuming addiction.


And I now think that with soul perturbations as with bodily dysfunctions, much time can be saved by getting a correct diagnosis. 


Jesus had one in John 6, Unless you eat my flesh, and drink my blood, you have no life in you. As the living Father sent me, and I live because of the Father, so he who feeds on me will live because of me.


So, this is temporary emptiness of soul. I am trying to fill it with blogs, and newspapers, and magazines, and news, and twitter and facebook checks and rubbish.


Will it work? Will it fill my soul? No. I hope not. It cannot. 
                                                                              * * * 


So since the lights came on after reading Quaerentia’s article, I close my laptop when I notice I am aimlessly surfing, and pray for the Holy Spirit. 


I often think of a lecture illustration I once saw. A woman filled a goblet with car keys, and house keys medals and coins and notes and necklaces and rings and bling and there was still room. Still emptiness.


She then poured water–and every atom of space was filled.


So that is what I need–not distraction, not surfing, but the water of the Holy Spirit filling my restless soul.


And fortunately, Jesus promises that his Father WILL give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asks for it.


And I know that is true because I have asked many times. And received.


As I will do again and again when I find myself aimlessly surfing on dry ground, with a laptop on my lap.




                  
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Proverbs 5

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Proverbs 5

Warning Against Adultery

 1 My son, pay attention to my wisdom, 
   turn your ear to my words of insight, 
2 that you may maintain discretion 
   and your lips may preserve knowledge. 
3 For the lips of the adulterous woman drip honey, 
   and her speech is smoother than oil; 
4 but in the end she is bitter as gall, 
   sharp as a double-edged sword. 
5 Her feet go down to death; 
   her steps lead straight to the grave. 
6 She gives no thought to the way of life; 
   her paths wander aimlessly, but she does not know it.
A woman or man who can seduce a partner from their first love is honeyed at first, but in the end there is bitterness in the new relationship. It starts sweetly, but ends bitterly–because of the guilt involved.
Adultery with its promise of newness is always tempting, but needs to be rigorously avoided–starting with the first temptations to it, which originate in the mind.

 7 Now then, my sons, listen to me;
   do not turn aside from what I say.
8 Keep to a path far from her,
   do not go near the door of her house,
9 lest you lose your honor to others
   and your dignity to one who is cruel,
10 lest strangers feast on your wealth
   and your toil enrich the house of another.
Don’t take on responsibilities not your own.


11 At the end of your life you will groan,
   when your flesh and body are spent.
12 You will say, “How I hated discipline!
   How my heart spurned correction!
13 I would not obey my teachers
   or turn my ear to my instructors.
14 And I was soon in serious trouble
   in the assembly of God’s people.”

 15 Drink water from your own cistern,
   running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
   your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
   never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
   and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
   may her breasts satisfy you always,
   may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
20 Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
   Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
A poignant appeal to marital faithfulness.

 21 For your ways are in full view of the LORD,
   and he examines all your paths.
22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
   the cords of their sins hold them fast.
23 For lack of discipline they will die,
   led astray by their own great folly.

Grace and Peace, Paul’s Letter to the Romans

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Romans Word Cloud




In most of the New Testament letters,  rather than the typical Greco-Roman greeting chaire,   literally joy, one finds the formula “grace and peace” (charis kai eirene).


The typical Jewish greeting is shalom, which the Greek Old Testament usually translates eirene. “For the Hebrews and the people of the New Testament peace was not so much the absence of war or strife as the presence of positive blessing” (Wright, 53). 

Thus Paul incorporates a variation of the usual Greek greeting and the usual Jewish greeting into the blessing that he offers these Roman Christians–Grace and Peace. 


Grace (charis) is central to the Book of Romans.   

Christ encompasses both worlds, the Greek and the Jews. He offers unmerited free grace, and peace for the soul.

Immense concepts worth lingering and praying over.

Paul wrote immensely long sentences. Some of his sentences are the longest in the entire Bible, particularly those in Ephesians. It sometimes helps one to grasp his thought better if we split them up, almost as if they were a poem.

And so–deep breath– I embark on the Book of Romans. 

Romans 1

 1 Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus,
called to be an apostle
and set apart for the gospel of God—
2 the gospel he promised beforehand
 through his prophets in the Holy Scriptures
3 regarding his Son,
 who as to his earthly life was a descendant of David,
4 and who through the Spirit of holiness
 was appointed the Son of God in power
 by his resurrection from the dead:
Jesus Christ our Lord.

5 Through him we received grace and apostleship
to call all the Gentiles to the obedience
 that comes from faith
 for his name’s sake.
 6 And you also are among those Gentiles
 who are called to belong to Jesus Christ.

 7 To all in Rome
who are loved by God and called to be his holy people:
   Grace and peace to you from God our Father and from the Lord Jesus Christ.

Why is Forgiveness so Difficult?

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 What’s so hard about forgiveness? Partly, that it is an offence against justice. Someone has wronged us, someone owes us, and we simply have to let it go.

Not a good business practice. And on the face of it, a risky relational practice.
Not let it go once, but seventy times seven. Seventy times seven.
Sheer madness.
Like, like,  um… um…
Giving money generously when you still have a mortgage to pay, children to educate, an old age without adequate stock and shares to see you through? That dream holiday which may never become a reality.
And more, you give it to faceless people you will never see, this side of eternity.
Why?
Compassion. And….When I force myself to be generous to those in greater need,  with money I should rationally keep for myself, I remind myself that someone sees. An mighty, magnificent audience. Of One.

Who sees what I have done in secret.And in my time of need will give me what I need, full measure, pressed down, flowing over.

How do I know this?
Two ways. Because Jesus says so, and I believe what Jesus says by faith. Everything he says which I have tested empirically has been true, so I also believe what I haven’t had empirical evidence of. (Like, um… hell!)
The other way is I know it’s true is that in my own experience, I have received what I have given many times over. Not necessarily from those I have given to, in fact, generally not. Someone was watching; someone was keeping track, that someone gave me what I needed when I needed it, many times over, that Someone is good and I trust him.
                                                                              * * *
One of the hardest things about forgiveness sometimes is our sense that if we are silent, no one will ever know how we were wronged.
And if the injury or abuse happens in a church context, that the perpetrators will continue to sport burnished haloes in front of the church, while we, well, we know that inside they are “full of dead men’s bones and wickedness.”
It hurts when people have got away with sinning against us. When everyone thinks they are very fine people indeed, while we, we know otherwise.
That’s where faith comes in, and the connection between giving and forgiving. Just as we are content to give knowing that no one will ever know but Christ alone, so too we forgive knowing that God saw everything, he observed it, and it is in his hands. And he will see justice done.So we are releasing the debt owed us, the sins against us into the hands of a powerful God. He will deal with them with the same combination of justice and mercy as he deals with us.

We can forgive, partly because we are transferring our case to a higher court. And the verdict is up to it.

The Father saw, the Father knows, the Father will deal with it as he thinks best. And that is enough.

This is Stage 1 of forgiveness. Stage 2 is to love your enemies. I haven’t reached there. And the parable which I am considering in my Blog Through the Bible Project merely considers Stage 1.

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
 Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Yeah, he’s showing off. Showing off his magnanimity. Hasn’t got it. ESV note: Within Judaism, 3 times was enough to show a forgiving spirit. 

 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Don’t keep track. Keeping track reveals that you might not have really got the heart of forgiveness, which is letting go of wrongs in mercy, as God lets go of your offences
Love means losing track. Love means a lifestyle of forgiving. Letting offences go almost as soon as they occur. Which is the royal road to happiness. 

23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
A talent was worth about 20 years of a day laborer’s wages.

   26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.


I grow more aware of cancelled debts as I grow older. I am amazed at the things God hasn’t punished me for, which he overlooked, which I appear to have got away with it. At his loving kindness, mercy and forgiveness of me, despite the many wrong things I have done.
   28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.i]”>[
A denarius was the usual daily wage of a day laborer
He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
   30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
   32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’
That is the motivation for forgiveness which Christ offers us. That God has had mercy on us. That we haven’t had to pay up for all our sins and offences. So we just have to let some things go, into oblivion, or into God’s hands. 

34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
   35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
v.34 is almost literally true. We do live in a kind of torture, until we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. 
Wherever we go, if the offence comes to memory, it brings pain with it, and we re-injure ourselves.
As long as the memory of something makes you really angry, you have not totally forgiven–and are therefore liable to re-injury from the memory of the old offence. 
                                                                       * * * 
Forgiveness is ultimately a miracle. We can only do it if God gives us the grace to be able to. If God changes our hearts.Change my heart, oh Lord. Give me some of your grace and graciousness.


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What do a medieval church in Oxford and an Indian orphanage have in common?

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I read a chapter from my first book, Wandering Between Two Worlds at St. Nicholas Church, Oxford, last Saturday at a benefit reading for Divya Shanti, an orphanage in Bangalore.


One gets spoiled in Oxford, as events are rarely mediocre. My fellow readers included the poet, professor and editor, Jon Stallworthy– I owned anthologies of his when an undergraduate!–the novelist, Lorna Fergusson; a GP who writes about snails, and an American poet and playwright. And a minor bonus is that my book is now in the top 60 in the Religion section in Amazon. Not bad for a book published 4 years ago!!


Another way one is spoiled in Oxford is the wealth of history. St. Nicholas is a pre-medieval church, granted in 1122 to the canons of St. Frideswide’s Priory by Henry I. It has the oldest continuously used chalice in Britain, I was told–continuously used from the middle ages.


Since, for now, we go to an enormous church, 1200 or so regular attenders, we have had no experience of small Anglican parish churches. This congregation seemed lovely, warm, and supportive, and I was really impressed that they have adopted Divya Shanti, an Indian orphanage which they support regularly. It must be easier to get things done in a small church. They seemed cheery and good-natured, and worked together happily.


The reading raising over £1000 for a library for the school and orphanage.  It illustrates Mother Teresa’s axiom that perhaps all we can do is remove drops from the ocean of misery–but the ocean would be greater were they there. 


I thought too of Loren Eiseley’s starfish story.


Loren Eiseley, while writing his book The Unexpected Universe, was walking along the ocean in Costabel early one morning. It was shortly after a storm had subsided and as he continued walking, he noticed that thousands of starfish had been washed up on the beach. Ahead of him was a gigantic rainbow of incredible perfection shimmering into existence. At the base of the rainbow stooped a little boy, gazing fixedly at an object in the sand. Eventually, he flung the object far beyond the breaking surf.

Eiseley went up to him and asked, “Son, what are you doing?” The little boy answered, “I’m throwing starfish back into the sea because if I don’t they’re going to die.” “But there are thousands of starfish. In the larger scheme of things you’re not going to make much of a difference to all these starfish.”

 The little boy looked up at him, stooped down again to pick up another starfish and, gently but quickly, flung it back into the ocean. “It’s going to make a big difference to that one” he replied.

Eiseley was embarrassed, uncomfortable with the contrast of the little boy’s youthful, innocent love for the living with his own hardened, “mature” indifference to death. He had nothing to say and left, continuing to walk on the beach but unable to get the picture of the little boy out of his mind. It was a moment of truth for Eiseley, of deep soul searching and self-confrontation. In time, he returned to the star thrower, silently picked up a starfish and spun it far out into the waves. “I understand.” he said quietly. “Call me another thrower.” Together, still under the hues of the rainbow, they spent hours throwing starfish back into the ocean.




  Here’s a couple of links to Divya Shanti, the orphanage the church supports.


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The Greatest Secret in the World by Og Mandino

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The Greatest Secret in the World
by Og Mandino
I greeted this day with love in my heart.
I praised my enemies.
I thought “I love you” silently to all I met today and I loved myself enough to protect my body from overindulgence and my mind from evil and despair.
I kept myself away from those whose weeping and complaining are contagious.
I avoided negative thoughts or words.
I tried to complete one more task when it was time to journey home and I did not allow the day to end in failure.
I refrained from all self-praise.
I learned at least one new thing about my profession today.
I concentrated on making each project better than the last.
I kept the market place and home separate from each other in my thoughts.
I greeted this morning with gratitude for the gift of another day.
I mourned not yesterday’s mistakes and defeats.
I wasted none of my precious time on foolishness.
I treated everyone with tenderness as if I would see them no more, and I truly lived this day as if it were my last.
I avoided all negative thoughts of failure and despair by making my actions control my thoughts.
I smile often.
I moved swiftly.
I raised my voice to strengthen my confindence.
I made allowances for the moods of others and I refused to allow any setback or problem to discolor my day.
I laughed at the world and at myself today.
I refuse to take too seriously my petty understandings.
I laughed at my problems, my heartaches, my failures, even my successes.
I maintained my perspective by telling myself throughout the day, “This too shall pass.”
I put off no distasteful chore for another time.
I moved swiftly from task to task to avoid diversion and temptation.
I overcame my fears through action.
I prayed today. I repeated a familiar prayer but I also spoke a few words of my own asking for guidance and thanking my Creator for giving me the privilege of making something of this day, and my life.
* * *I looked up this book after reading this review. It sounds intriguing.
David Cooke writes “I was intrigued by Mandino when the author of a book I found helpful said he has read this over a 100 times and it was the most life-changing book he had ever read. It is a very profound little read and I read it in one sitting. There is a nugget or two that could really make a difference to the way you do life. The book contains twelve ‘habits’ that you are encouraged to get into your thinking  over a period of 45 days. He promises you will end up earning more money at the end of reading it!! The idea was born as a book to help salesman become more effective but has since been extended as a life manual. Now, of course we already have a life manual don’t we (well done, class) but this book is not without considerable merit. Reading this might change your life and Mandino certainly wrote it for you hoping so.”

 

 

Why is forgiveness so difficult?

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null

What’s so hard about forgiveness? Partly, that it is an offence against justice. Someone has wronged us, someone owes us, and we simply have to let it go.
Not a good business practice. And on the face of it, a risky relational practice.

Not let it go once, but seventy times seven. Seventy times seven.

Sheer madness.

Like, like,  um… um…

Giving money generously when you still have a mortgage to pay, children to educate, an old age without adequate stock and shares to see you through? That dream holiday which may never become a reality.

And more, you give it to faceless people you will never see, this side of eternity.

Why?

Compassion. And….


When I force myself to be generous to those in greater need,  with money I should rationally keep for myself, I remind myself that someone sees. An mighty, magnificent audience. Of One. 

Who sees what I have done in secret. 


And in my time of need will give me what I need, full measure, pressed down, flowing over.

How do I know this? 

Two ways. Because Jesus says so, and I believe what Jesus says by faith. Everything he says which I have tested empirically has been true, so I also believe what I haven’t had empirical evidence of. (Like, um… hell!)

The other way is I know it’s true is that in my own experience, I have received what I have given many times over. Not necessarily from those I have given to, in fact, generally not. Someone was watching; someone was keeping track, that someone gave me what I needed when I needed it, many times over, that Someone is good and I trust him.
                                                                              * * * 

One of the hardest things about forgiveness sometimes is our sense that if we are silent, no one will ever know how we were wronged.

And if the injury or abuse happens in a church context, that the perpetrators will continue to sport burnished haloes in front of the church, while we, well, we know that inside they are “full of dead men’s bones and wickedness.”

It hurts when people have got away with sinning against us. When everyone thinks they are very fine people indeed, while we, we know otherwise.

That’s where faith comes in, and the connection between giving and forgiving. Just as we are content to give knowing that no one will ever know but Christ alone, so too we forgive knowing that God saw everything, he observed it, and it is in his hands. And he will see justice done. 


So we are releasing the debt owed us, the sins against us into the hands of a powerful God. He will deal with them with the same combination of justice and mercy as he deals with us.


We can forgive, partly because we are transferring our case to a higher court. And the verdict is up to it.


The Father saw, the Father knows, the Father will deal with it as he thinks best. And that is enough.


This is Stage 1 of forgiveness. Stage 2 is to love your enemies. I haven’t reached there. And the parable which I am considering in my Blog Through the Bible Project merely considers Stage 1. 
The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant
 Matthew 18
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
Yeah, he’s showing off. Showing off his magnanimity. Hasn’t got it. ESV note: Within Judaism, 3 times was enough to show a forgiving spirit. 

 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Don’t keep track. Keeping track reveals that you might not have really got the heart of forgiveness, which is letting go of wrongs in mercy, as God lets go of your offences
Love means losing track. Love means a lifestyle of forgiving. Letting offences go almost as soon as they occur. Which is the royal road to happiness. 



23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
A talent was worth about 20 years of a day laborer’s wages.

   26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.


I grow more aware of cancelled debts as I grow older. I am amazed at the things God hasn’t punished me for, which he overlooked, which I appear to have got away with it. At his loving kindness, mercy and forgiveness of me, despite the many wrong things I have done.



   28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[
A denarius was the usual daily wage of a day laborer
He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
   30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
   32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 
That is the motivation for forgiveness which Christ offers us. That God has had mercy on us. That we haven’t had to pay up for all our sins and offences. So we just have to let some things go, into oblivion, or into God’s hands. 

34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
   35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
v.34 is almost literally true. We do live in a kind of torture, until we have forgiven those who have sinned against us. 
Wherever we go, if the offence comes to memory, it brings pain with it, and we re-injure ourselves.
As long as the memory of something makes you really angry, you have not totally forgiven–and are therefore liable to re-injury from the memory of the old offence. 


Forgiveness is ultimately a miracle. We can only do it if God gives us the grace to be able to. If God changes our hearts.


Change my heart, oh Lord. Give me some of your grace and graciousness.