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The “I Don’t Do” List Makes Possible the “I Do” List. You Must Revise Your Life

By Anita Mathias

Think Tank: Why we all need a 'To Don't' List, just like Moses

 Have you ever thought of creating “I Don’t Do” lists instead of being “crazy-busy?” Check out Shauna Niequist’s or Mary DeMuth’s or Ann Lamott’s.

These lists have humility at their heart. You realize that if your goals differ from every other mum’s in church or at the school gate you cannot do what every other mum at church or at the school gate does. And this fact will come with some sadness and a sense of failure, and you accept that.

You recognize that you are never, never going to do what God has called you to do if you try to do everything that everyone else does. You realize that you can, at most, do one thing well, and so you focus.

* * *

Here is my extreme list, formulated through trial and error, through doing the opposite, and wearing myself out.

What I Don’t Do

1)   I don’t cook. At all. I have never learned to. Fortunately for me, I am an erratic cook. And a messy one. Fortunately, for me, too, my husband Roy is an excellent cook.

2)   I don’t clean. At all. We do have a splendid cleaner, and have weekly four hour cleans.

3)   I don’t enter stores!! Roy buys food. I buy clothes, books, and everything else I need online. And I only shop online for a definite need, not even looking at catalogues or websites or sales. No frivolous shopping any more.

4)   I don’t volunteer at my children’s schools. At all. I did some when Zoe was little for the joy it gave her, but I did not enjoy the experience, and would rather relate to my kids one-on-one.

5)   I don’t do gyms any more, but walk and do yoga instead.

6)   I don’t take meals round for people, except for close friends or in cases of genuine need. I did do that for several women who were ill or had babies, but the sight of the husband lolling with the remote control while we rushed there with their dinner was too galling.

Men are not genetically incapable of boiling spaghetti, grating cheese and chopping  a salad, and women should not impose on the good will of other women by asking for meals to be brought around in an age of grocery stores with healthy cooked meals and delivery services. Rant over.

6B) I resent the trivia which churches decide is women’s work. I resist calls on women to serve coffee at church breakfasts; hot cross buns at Easter, and mulled wine at Christmas. Men can heft a decanter of coffee or mulled wine as well as I. Flowers, altar linen, laying out the elements—nah!!  Women’s poetry reading and carol services during the work day. Nah!

7) I don’t “do” Christmas. I treat it as a time for rest.

What I Do Do

1) I do pray every day.

Without it, I lose my way, get depressed, forget priorities, get angry about silly things (notice my rant about meals), waste my time, waste my life.

2) I pretty much read or listen to my Bible every day. Many small tweaks in my daily life spring from my daily Bible reading.

Without Bible reading, I would soon lose my enthusiasm and passion for Christ, and for living as a Christian. That’s a fact.

3) I write every day.

4) I read every day.

5) I exercise pretty much every day, as much for mental health as well as for physical health.

6) And I nap every day I need to. Essential if I am to drag myself from my bed somewhat early.

7) We eat a family dinner together almost every day, and family lunches at weekends.

7B I spend time with friends twice a week

(P.S. I’d love to say 8) I wake up at 5 a.m. every day, but sadly, that wouldn’t be true L

Gosh, how much I had to cut to get this into place, and how much more unnecessary “fat” there is to cut. Facebook and Twitter, anyone?

Anne Lamott again: Every single day I try to figure out something I no longer agree to do. You get to change your mind—your parents may have accidentally forgotten to mention this to you. I cross one thing off the list of projects I mean to get done that day. 

How about you? What’s on your “I Don’t list”, and on your “I Do list?” 

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Filed Under: In which I celebrate discipline Tagged With: Priorities and pruning, The I Don't List

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Comments

  1. Alison says

    January 12, 2014 at 7:08 am

    This post is chock full of food for thought, Anita. I’d love to try my hand at something similar. I need to mull over my “do’s” and “don’t do’s” for a bit. But I’m envious of you re: not cooking and cleaning. Boy, what I’d give to not do those two! LOL

    • Anita Mathias says

      January 12, 2014 at 9:22 am

      My husband took early retirement in his forties, and now works on our business part time from home!

      • Alison says

        January 14, 2014 at 12:45 am

        I plan to retire early too! Good for him, and for you, too!

  2. Erika Glenn says

    January 6, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    This is a great post Anita! I love the idea of making a “I Don’t List.” The more you know what you don’t do, the easier it will become to do what God wants you to do! Excellent post my friend!

    • Anita Mathias says

      January 6, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      Thanks much, Erika!

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Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
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For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
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To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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