Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Archives for September 2010

"Cheer Up, You Are Worse Than You Think."

By

“Cheer Up, You Are Worse Than You Think.”

When I was a member of the evangelical, conservative, theologically sound PCA (Presbyterian Church of America), I was influenced, as the entire denomination was, by the teaching of Dr. Jack Miller, especially on the doctrine of Sonship. His son Paul was a friend of ours, and went through the 16 week course one on one with me and Roy, so that it did begin to change our thinking, and our understanding of the Father heart of God.

One of Jack’s favourite sayings when anyone got too mournful, or too defensive about their sin was, “Cheer up, you are worse than you think,” a comment accompanied by loud, uproarious laughter. If you asked him what that meant, he simply laughed, just as heartily and uproariously (a most irritating response for someone as essentially serious-minded as I am).

I haven’t figured out this aphorism. The consensus is that there is far, far, far more room for the grace and mercy of God to transform you than you can ever guess. Your sin is worse than you can guess, and so there is more room for the Redeemer to redeem you than you can ever guess.

There was a related saying I heard in the PCA. When someone did something which made them look bad, or looked bad without, in fact, doing what they were accused of, people would say, “Well, if people knew the worst about me, I would look a lot worse.”

That has comforted me so often, both when I have done something I am ashamed of and everyone knows, and when people think I have done something, and judge me for it, though, in fact, they are misjudging me. If they knew the worst things I have done, they would judge more far more harshly than they are correctly or incorrectly doing at present, I tell myself. And then I smile and shrug!

So cheer up. You are worse than even your enemies think you are. And cheer up, you are worse than you think you are. In far greater need for a redeemer to redeem your lost heart than you imagine. And cheer up, and thank God–there is a redeemer, and He is ready!!

The Sensitivity of the Spirit and Decision Making

By

The Sensitivity of the Spirit and Decision Making

Among the most formative experiences of my Christian life was a 5 year period of discipleship with my American friend, Paul. I edited and commented on the first draft of his manuscripts, which have now become two successful books, “Love Walked Among Us” and “A Praying Life.” He said in the former that he found his voice while working with me, and I am glad that happened. He was a skilled discipler– I guess an older tradition would have called it a spiritual director–and so we swapped spiritual direction for editing. He said, when we worked out our bargain, “Oh, I’ll come out ahead.” However, there is no doubt in my mind that I did that.

We studied Romans, Galatians and the Gospels over a period of 5 years, 1997 to 2002. Paul had written a 62 week study on the Gospels which I later taught, though not particularly successfully.  And there was homework. Lots of questions every week. I used to fax in 5 to 6 typed pages of my answers to the essay type questions, I sometimes got to 10 pages. I loved it; it made me think, which is one of my favourite activities– just thinking.

In discipleship, or spiritual direction, one has  to be honest (there is no sense going into it if one is not going to be as honest as it is humanly possible to be at that time. I get more honest about who I am each decade I live, as I care less about what people think of me.). So I handed in honest answers for a woman in her thirties.
* * *
An issue which came up was what a scientist friend of mine calls “dynamic equilibrium.” Holding in balance the two elements of my life–my call to write, and my call to be a wife and mother. Once I start writing and thinking, it is very hard for me to shift gears to laundry, dishes, house-keeping. I would resolve to balance my life better as Paul and I chatted for the weekly hour; resolve and fail.

Anyway, in our sessions, I would resolve to be the perfect housewife. To surrender my writing to God. How long would that last? Not very long. And I would fax in pages of homework on Romans, Galatians, the Gospels, the doctrine of sonship, whatever we were studying. (Paul was a theologian).

Finally, Paul said to me. “Anita, you should publish your homework. Just as it is.” (You know, I might, if I can bear to look back at it, and at that young spiritually struggling woman.)

Then he said, “Anita, your insights are priceless. But if you do not obey what the Spirit is saying, God will take them away, and not give you any more.”

And that was that. He was silent. And so was I.
* * *
I was chilled. It was one of the most formative sentences anyone has ever spoken to me.

I took it on board. It is one of my core convictions. That the most dangerous thing I can do is ignore what the Spirit is saying. Is to say,” I will obey in a little while,” as one of my daughters says when I say it’s bedtime.

Because, as R.T. Kendall, says in a book I have been leafing through,” The Sensitivity of the Spirit,” the Spirit is a gentleman. He gets up and leaves very quietly when he is ignored. And the worst thing is, you don’t even realize that he has got up and gone.
* * *
I have made many of the most significant decisions of my life because I heard the word of God telling me, sometimes in a clear memorable sentence, sometimes in an overwhelming impression, that that was what I had to do. I applied to (only!) the University of Oxford, when I lived in a small Indian town from where no one had gone to Oxford, because I heard God tell me to do that I decided to become a writer because I clearly heard the voice of God suggesting that I do that.  I married my husband, who was then just a good, dear friend, because again of an inner impression that I believed (and believe, was from God. I also fell in love, of course, once we started dating.) I started a unusual business because I heard clear directives from God on how to go about it. And we both left the 9-5 work world, again because I heard that directive from God in prayer. I took up blogging 5 months ago, because I heard God suggest it on a walk on a beach in France in April this year.

All these decisions have been good. What is the price for being able to hear vital, helpful, time-saving, very beneficial and blessed directions? This is it. Sigh. That when God says, “Anita dear, yes, that would be a lovely blog post, I agree, but please could you help Roy out with that messy room he’s trying to order,” I don’t say “in a bit,” but obey now. So the dreary obedience is the price of the amazing, pyrotechnic suggestions that the fun-loving Spirit delights in sharing.
* * *
On the subject of writing, my struggle was to surrender it to God, so that it was no longer MY writing. So that he could be my editor, literary agent, publicist. So that if was okay with me if I wrote loads of books, or none at all.

Praise God, that issue is no longer a live one in my life. How did that happen? Well,  I had to give up my writing for a period of almost 4 years–May 2006 until early Jan 2010. And when God returned my writing to me in January 2010, it was transformed. I wrote in an entirely different style, diametrically different from the literary style I had loved and aspired to before. I now write quickly, easily and a lot.

Something I have wondered about is the role of the Spirit in writing. Is good writing for a Christian the result of natural talent, much reading, much practice, much revision, hard graft, hard graft? Or can the Holy Spirit anoint you to write quickly, easily, and relatively well. I now know the answer. He can. He does. In his own time, and for his own purposes.

And the issue of balancing housekeeping and writing is also no longer a live issue. I am still Mary, I cannot help it, I am too dreamy to run a family’s life, leave alone my own. This issue has also finally been resolved this year. I have decided to write full-time; we have had a role reversal, and my husband is going to keep our house running, our lives orderly and only work very part time. Peace at last!! Both of us are totally thrilled with this decision.)

                                                                     * * *
I went through a period of turmoil over the last couple of weeks. What most disturbed me during this period was that I could not clearly hear what the Spirit was saying to me.

I witnessed what I considered an injustice, and wrote about it on this blog (posts now deleted, incidentally). Unfortunately, my writing bore a more than accidental resemblance to people living and not dead. Was I right? Or wrong? Should my post remain up? Or be taken down? I could think of compelling reasons on either side. So could everyone who advised me. I had an inbox full of emails, encouraging me to leave it up, urging me to take it down. And I could not hear what the Spirit was saying. And so I vacillated in a most uncharacteristic way for I am usually a decisive woman, who can make up my mind and act very quickly.
* * *
I was telling my husband, Roy this morning, that I wish I had written down the reasons for and against both courses of action. I have used that way of decision making for over 25 years, since another spiritual adviser suggested it to me. Once the reasons for a course of action fill a couple of pages, and the reasons against it are slim (I  include scriptural verses and principles in these columns), the commonsensical course is now clear.

Common sense is one element in discerning God’s will. One element. Not the only element, nor the crucial one. The crucial one, I believe, is what the spirit and the word say.

“Oh Roy,” I said. “I wish I had just written down the arguments for and against. My course of action would have been so much clearer.”

“Well,” he said, “The experience need not be wasted. You are a writer. Write a post about the wisdom and sanity of this method of decision-making. It will be an interesting post.”

And if it isn’t, friends, well, you know whom to blame!!

Ole Hallesby on Prayer, and Random Thoughts on Christian Writing

By


My friend Paul Miller, a Christian writer (of “Love Walked among us,” the first drafts of which I edited, “A Praying Life” etc) told me about the Norwegian pastor, Ole Hallesby’s wonderful book on prayer.

In particular, Paul pointed out a paragraph. I paraphrase: Your secret life with Christ in the secret places of prayer is a cosy, warm Norwegian cottage in a blustery winter. If you talk about your prayer life, you open the door, and cold wintry blasts enter.

I am sure Hallesby is right. The risk of talking about spiritual adventuring is putting oneself on a pedestal. Look at Paul the Apostle in this amusing passage, struggling with dual impulses,
a) to tell all–to describe his amazing spiritual experiences, probably among his most precious possessions,
b) to keep secret this sacred, precious and most dear thing.

Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. 5I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say. (2 Cor. 12).

He has it both ways, doesn’t he? Both tells, and doesn’t tell. As most of us do when we war with the impulse to show off.
* * *

The spiritual life is full of highs and lows. One moment, you are with Christ on the mountain, seeing him and everything else transfigured; you behold his glory; you behold Moses and Elijah; you see reality in a different light; you are transformed.

And then you walk down the mountain, and you are now cocky and arrogant, and presume to advise Christ, and to your horror, he, who once said to you, “Blessed are you, Simon Bar-Jonah” now says, “Get behind me, Satan, for you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of man.”

So how does a Christian writer chronicle her spiritual life without the appearance of showing off? Or without, in fact, showing off!  Is it even appropriate to write about a deep, sacred, intimate and precious relationship on the web? It would be like writing about the most private moments of marriage, which even I, who am always writing, would never dream of doing.

I don’t have an answer, but I think I might use the blessing test more severely. If what I am writing is, or might be a blessing to my readers, I’ll press, “Publish Post.” If not, it joins my multi-volume drafts folder!

* * *

If one is looking for a business niche, the best way to find it is to look for the intersection of your own deep joy (interests, abilities, talents) and the world’s deep need, to quote Frederick Buechner.

The same is true for a writer looking for a subject. Though, of course, after a certain age, one doesn’t look for subjects any more, they come up and grab your by the throat, many of them, all at once.

I have both studied and taught Creative Writing at universities. A common writing adage goes like this, “If there is a book you would like to read, and it does not exist, why then, of course, you must write it.”

If there a blog you would like to bookmark, an unfailing source of refreshment to your tired spirit, and it doesn’t exist, then, well, you will have to write it!

"SIN BOLDLY" –MARTIN LUTHER

By

“SIN BOLDLY” –MARTIN LUTHER


The fascinating, complex German reformer Martin Luther was many things. One of them was quotable!


 Luther’s views were condemned as heretical by Pope Leo X in the bull Exsurge Domine in 1520. He was, consequently, summoned to either renounce or reaffirm them at the Diet of Worms on 17 April 1521. When he appeared before the assembly, Johann von Eck, acting as spokesman for Emperor Charles the Fifth, showed Luther a table filled with copies of his writing. Eck asked if he still believed what these works taught. Luther requested time to think about his answer. Granted an extension, he prayed, consulted with friends and mediators, and presented himself before the Diet the next day.


The counselor put the same question to Luther. Here is Luther’s famous answer, “Unless I am convinced by proofs from Scriptures or by plain and clear reasons and arguments, I can and will not retract, for it is neither safe nor wise to do anything against conscience. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me. Amen.“


On May 25, the Emperor issued his Edict of Worms, declaring Martin Luther an outlaw.



And here is Luther’s famous statement to Philipp Melanchton: “If you are a preacher of mercy, do not preach an imaginary but the true mercy. If the mercy is true, you must therefore bear the true, not an imaginary sin. God does not save those who are only imaginary sinners. Be a sinner, sin boldly, and let your sins be strong, but let your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides. We, however, says Peter (2. Peter 3:13) are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth where justice will reign.” [Letter 99.13, To Philipp Melanchthon, 1 August 1521.]

Jake and Us

By

Roy, I & Jake just went for a lovely moonlight 9 p.m. run down our dirt country lane–access only, no cars.

He says I am just like Jake the Collie, in that I love to curl up all day, and pretend I like runs.

I said HE was like Jake the Collie, in that he loves to curl up all day, the only difference being that Jake loves runs, & Roy loves tea.

Having agreed on this, we both petted Jake, who happily wagged his tail!

 

Theophanies: St John at Patmos, A Sermon at St. Aldate’s

By

St John at Patmos,

John’s vision of Patmos (a vision rather than a theophany, incidentally!)

Among the lampstands was someone “like a son of man,” dressed in a robe reaching down to his feet and with a golden sash around his chest.14His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire. 15His feet were like bronze glowing in a furnace, and his voice was like the sound of rushing waters. 16In his right hand he held seven stars, and out of his mouth came a sharp double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.
 17When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. 18I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.

John was exiled to Patmos. Ostensibly, the end of influence, the end of his ministry, the end of his life. His life had ended. (I have so often felt like that, that my life as I had envisioned it has come to to a dead end, and failed!).

Yet, because of the word of God, which can be spoken even in the absence of the written Scripture, when you think your influence and ministry is over, it can be the strongest. (Another example is the wonderful, soul-nourishing letters Paul wrote in the desert of prison.)

(Patmos was hot and barren, incidentally. It informed John’ss vision of heaven–Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”)

And in this desert place, in this wilderness season, he received a vision of God, and it made everything different. He saw Christ--pure, passionate, powerful, eternal, beautiful.

And with the the Revelation, the despised, forgotten, powerless prisoner becomes a prophet and a pastor, a pastor for the ages, as the best spiritual writers are.

The most important things happen on the inside.Our spiritual life is the most important dimension of our lives–not the intellectual, not the physical, not even love and friendship.

And these are the words Christ said to John which changed everything
“Do not be afraid.
I am the Alpha and the Omega. I encompass everything.
The alphabet, all human learning, everything that happened, is happening, can happen, and will happen, is in my hands.
I am the Living One.
And I see you. I control your life, and I will control your death.”

John gains strength. The powerless prisoner becomes a writer and a prophet with a gift for 21 centuries.

And everything can change in the desert, for there you have the best possible conditions for seeing God.

Thoughts on Women and Islam

By

    A policeman gives a woman a public whipping for wearing trousers underneath her Islamic clothing in Sudan (YouTube)
A A policeman gives a woman a public whipping for wearing trousers underneath her Islamic clothing in Sudan (YouTube) Woman publicly whipped for wearing trousers in Sudannderneath her Islamic clothing in Sudan (YouTube)

                     I


Women in Afghanistan, even doctors, not allowed to work. Male doctors not allowed to examine women. Single female doctors forced to beg. Acid thrown in the faces of young girls who go to school. 
http://articles.sfgate.com/2010-07-21/news/21991344_1_afghan-women-women-s-rights-troop-withdrawal


Unbelievably high rates of depression among women in Afghanistan.  
“At one of the rare hospitals for women, a reporter found still, nearly lifeless bodies lying motionless on top of beds, wrapped in their burqua, unwilling to speak, eat or do anything, but are slowly wasting away. Others have gone mad and were seen crouched in corners, perpetually rocking or crying, most of them in fear”

http://www.breakthechain.org/exclusives/womenwar.html


Forced kidnappings of women, including university students on the way home, to become 3rd or 4th wives in Chechnya and Kazakhstan. If they don’t settle down happily to do the housework in their in-laws’ houses, they are taken to an Islamic Medical Centre to be exorcised.

Observe this 17 year old woman, flogged and whipped on her buttocks 34 times surrounded by a group of silent men. She screams and begs for mercy. To no avail. She had a boyfriend.

Honour killings in Turkey. A 16 year old buried alive for talking to boys.

Lifelong pain while urinating or during intercourse after female genital mutilation. Lasting psychological trauma.

Twelve women on death row in Iran, awaiting death by stoning for adultery. How does one commit adultery alone?

Women forced to wear a burkha in the stifling heat of summer in Asia, the Middle East and Africa.

Billy Graham’s son Franklin took a lot of flak for his statement, Islam is a “very evil and wicked religion”. Then in an interview with CNN’s Campbell Brown in December 2009, he said: “True Islam cannot be practiced in this country. You can’t beat your wife. You cannot murder your children if you think they’ve committed adultery or something like that, which they do practice in these other countries.”  (Verse 34 in the fourth Surah (chapter) in the Quran which says that if a man’s wife is not obedient, he is allowed to beat her.)


                                                                           II
Because of its regrettable and reprehensible role in slavery and colonialization, the West, understandably, is hesitant to criticize those with darker skins from the formerly colonized nations, not wanting to be accused of ethnocentricity, paternalism, racial superiority and racism, which have come to be associated with the uneducated and ignorant. 

But, let’s say that in Great Britain, Ireland or France, women were flogged, stoned, mutilated, buried alive, forced to wear heavy black burqas, forbidden to get an education or to work. What outrage would there be!

In my opinion, the West should be equally outraged about what is happening to women in Pakistan, Iran, Chechnya, Kazakhstan, Somalia, Afghanistan–I could go through the World Book and add dozens of Islamic nations.

                                                                   III

One should never hate. As Christians, we should aspire to follow Jesus, who taught that “God is Love” and told us God loved the world.

But we do need to take arms against a system which degrades many women, while of course, of course, not hating the victims.

For instance, it would be right for Christians to do everything they could to oppose Hitler, or Stalin,  or Kim Jong of North Korea or Pol Pot or Mao while, of course, not hating Germany’s Jews or Germans, ordinary Russians, or North Koreans, or Cambodians or Chinese.
                                                                     IV

If you see something evil in a social system or religion, it takes courage to point it out, even if when doing so is uncool and unfashionable.

However, one needs to keep a cool head, and point out the evil in the system you are opposing,  while not encouraging hatred of its adherents.

Both Christianity and Islam are exclusive religions, unlike, say, Hinduism which is wide and all-encompassing. “There is One God and Muhammed is His Prophet” Islam claims. “Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one come to the Father except through Him,” Christians  believe. Insofar, as their claims are irreconcilable, the two belief-systems are natural opponents.

So if Christians truly believe they have a more excellent way, it is honourable and kind to engage Islam, and share their truth with Muslims. While, however, never, ever inciting hatred for the ordinary adherents of Islam, the “tired, poor, wretched, huddled masses yearning to breathe free.”

Christian activists should point out and protest and see if they do anything to ameliorate the sufferings of many women in many Islamic nations. 

However, the inflammatory way Terry Jones of Dove World Outreach Centre has chosen to go about it–burning an object as precious to Muslims, presumably, as the Bible is precious to us Christians–could incite hatred of ordinary Muslims in ordinary Christians.

And that would be a tragedy because Christians are called to dwell in God, and God is love. 

Lolly Woodward Dunlap 1/2/1922-9/8/2009

By

My thoughts have been full of Lolly Dunlap who left this life on the 8th of September. We met weekly almost exactly 8 years ago during a difficult season of my life. We met to pray, study Scripture, and talk–i.e. me soaking in her wisdom and loving spirit.

She was one of the most generous people I have ever met–like Heidi Baker in Mozambique, she sought nothing from anyone, not help, or affirmation, appreciation, approval or attention, all of which were richly deserved. Her thought in all her relationships was how she could bless people. When I think of God’s promise to Abraham, “I will bless you, and you will be a blessing,” I think of Lolly who was a blessing because of her gentle, humble, loving spirit and her immersion in God’s word, a blessing simply because of who she was, over and above what she did. I do not use superlatives lightly, but she was one of the few true saints I have met in my life ( which can also be said of her brother Dick Woodward and his wife, Ginnie).

I have the sweetest memories of walking into her sunny bedroom, and of her looking up from Ephesians, or whatever she was studying, and telling me of her insights, then of looking up the verse in other translations. She rambled a bit, and I smiled to myself, for I am 40 years younger, ramble too, and that’s okay. Each sentence of my spiritual rambles with her was interesting and enriching, and the dots connected into a rich pattern.
There is life and enrichment and joy in God alone, in Scripture alone. One can have a rich inner life when there is little happening in one’s outer life, when material things do not abound. I learnt this from Lolly. She knew, to use one of her favourite Scriptures, “the river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.”
She was one of those rare Christian women who acknowledged her lack of interest in cooking, and house-keeping (something I have in common with her, alas!) “I just kept a trail clear when the boys were young, and we had guests in and out of the house all the time,” she said. So saints can adopt that approach to house-keeping?! What joy and liberation!
I ask for a double portion of her spirit.
She was utterly humble, had long left self and its boastfulness behind, so what I heard of her exploits with her husband John Dunlap I mostly heard from others: establishing a mega-church in Norfolk, the spiritual mothering of many, including Dick Woodward, Bill Warrick, and her own children (Dick described her son Don, in print, as “the most sinless human being I have ever known.” (with such a mother, I am not surprised!), the establishing of Norfolk Christian School, of the Triple R Ranch, work with Billy Graham Crusades, a successful radio programme, programmes for those with learning disabilities. Did these come up in our conversations? Only slightly. Her focus was on the present, on her Lord, on the conflicted young woman who sought to absorb her wisdom and her spirit.
She knew Christ, and told me of instances when she saw him almost tangibly, when he, so to say, tapped her on her shoulder and spoke to her in the succinct one-liners He specialises in. ” The more I think of the Lord, I realise how good-natured he was. Those disciples must have tried his patience!” she said, when I grumbled on about someone getting on my friable nerves. The good-natured Christ! Lolly had a gift of making the esoteric practical :How can we love like Christ, for heaven’s sake, and what exactly is love?.
I loved her Lollyisms, ” I am all right, because He is all right.” or ” The Lord knows.”
I am rambling on in the way that inwardly amused me when Lolly did it! She often told me that she had no fear of death, and so wanted to see Jesus.
I want to, too, every day, though I am quite content to see Him in this wild, weird, wonderful, God-made, God-blessed earth for four or five decades more. But heaven will be wilder, weirder, more wonderful still, and I look forward to seeking out Lolly again!