• Facebook
  • Twitter

Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

  • Home
  • My Books
  • Essays
  • Contact
  • About Me

The Sensitivity of the Spirit and Decision Making

By Anita Mathias

The Sensitivity of the Spirit and Decision Making

Among the most formative experiences of my Christian life was a 5 year period of discipleship with my American friend, Paul. I edited and commented on the first draft of his manuscripts, which have now become two successful books, “Love Walked Among Us” and “A Praying Life.” He said in the former that he found his voice while working with me, and I am glad that happened. He was a skilled discipler– I guess an older tradition would have called it a spiritual director–and so we swapped spiritual direction for editing. He said, when we worked out our bargain, “Oh, I’ll come out ahead.” However, there is no doubt in my mind that I did that.

We studied Romans, Galatians and the Gospels over a period of 5 years, 1997 to 2002. Paul had written a 62 week study on the Gospels which I later taught, though not particularly successfully.  And there was homework. Lots of questions every week. I used to fax in 5 to 6 typed pages of my answers to the essay type questions, I sometimes got to 10 pages. I loved it; it made me think, which is one of my favourite activities– just thinking.

In discipleship, or spiritual direction, one has  to be honest (there is no sense going into it if one is not going to be as honest as it is humanly possible to be at that time. I get more honest about who I am each decade I live, as I care less about what people think of me.). So I handed in honest answers for a woman in her thirties.
* * *
An issue which came up was what a scientist friend of mine calls “dynamic equilibrium.” Holding in balance the two elements of my life–my call to write, and my call to be a wife and mother. Once I start writing and thinking, it is very hard for me to shift gears to laundry, dishes, house-keeping. I would resolve to balance my life better as Paul and I chatted for the weekly hour; resolve and fail.

Anyway, in our sessions, I would resolve to be the perfect housewife. To surrender my writing to God. How long would that last? Not very long. And I would fax in pages of homework on Romans, Galatians, the Gospels, the doctrine of sonship, whatever we were studying. (Paul was a theologian).

Finally, Paul said to me. “Anita, you should publish your homework. Just as it is.” (You know, I might, if I can bear to look back at it, and at that young spiritually struggling woman.)

Then he said, “Anita, your insights are priceless. But if you do not obey what the Spirit is saying, God will take them away, and not give you any more.”

And that was that. He was silent. And so was I.
* * *
I was chilled. It was one of the most formative sentences anyone has ever spoken to me.

I took it on board. It is one of my core convictions. That the most dangerous thing I can do is ignore what the Spirit is saying. Is to say,” I will obey in a little while,” as one of my daughters says when I say it’s bedtime.

Because, as R.T. Kendall, says in a book I have been leafing through,” The Sensitivity of the Spirit,” the Spirit is a gentleman. He gets up and leaves very quietly when he is ignored. And the worst thing is, you don’t even realize that he has got up and gone.
* * *
I have made many of the most significant decisions of my life because I heard the word of God telling me, sometimes in a clear memorable sentence, sometimes in an overwhelming impression, that that was what I had to do. I applied to (only!) the University of Oxford, when I lived in a small Indian town from where no one had gone to Oxford, because I heard God tell me to do that I decided to become a writer because I clearly heard the voice of God suggesting that I do that.  I married my husband, who was then just a good, dear friend, because again of an inner impression that I believed (and believe, was from God. I also fell in love, of course, once we started dating.) I started a unusual business because I heard clear directives from God on how to go about it. And we both left the 9-5 work world, again because I heard that directive from God in prayer. I took up blogging 5 months ago, because I heard God suggest it on a walk on a beach in France in April this year.

All these decisions have been good. What is the price for being able to hear vital, helpful, time-saving, very beneficial and blessed directions? This is it. Sigh. That when God says, “Anita dear, yes, that would be a lovely blog post, I agree, but please could you help Roy out with that messy room he’s trying to order,” I don’t say “in a bit,” but obey now. So the dreary obedience is the price of the amazing, pyrotechnic suggestions that the fun-loving Spirit delights in sharing.
* * *
On the subject of writing, my struggle was to surrender it to God, so that it was no longer MY writing. So that he could be my editor, literary agent, publicist. So that if was okay with me if I wrote loads of books, or none at all.

Praise God, that issue is no longer a live one in my life. How did that happen? Well,  I had to give up my writing for a period of almost 4 years–May 2006 until early Jan 2010. And when God returned my writing to me in January 2010, it was transformed. I wrote in an entirely different style, diametrically different from the literary style I had loved and aspired to before. I now write quickly, easily and a lot.

Something I have wondered about is the role of the Spirit in writing. Is good writing for a Christian the result of natural talent, much reading, much practice, much revision, hard graft, hard graft? Or can the Holy Spirit anoint you to write quickly, easily, and relatively well. I now know the answer. He can. He does. In his own time, and for his own purposes.

And the issue of balancing housekeeping and writing is also no longer a live issue. I am still Mary, I cannot help it, I am too dreamy to run a family’s life, leave alone my own. This issue has also finally been resolved this year. I have decided to write full-time; we have had a role reversal, and my husband is going to keep our house running, our lives orderly and only work very part time. Peace at last!! Both of us are totally thrilled with this decision.)

                                                                     * * *
I went through a period of turmoil over the last couple of weeks. What most disturbed me during this period was that I could not clearly hear what the Spirit was saying to me.

I witnessed what I considered an injustice, and wrote about it on this blog (posts now deleted, incidentally). Unfortunately, my writing bore a more than accidental resemblance to people living and not dead. Was I right? Or wrong? Should my post remain up? Or be taken down? I could think of compelling reasons on either side. So could everyone who advised me. I had an inbox full of emails, encouraging me to leave it up, urging me to take it down. And I could not hear what the Spirit was saying. And so I vacillated in a most uncharacteristic way for I am usually a decisive woman, who can make up my mind and act very quickly.
* * *
I was telling my husband, Roy this morning, that I wish I had written down the reasons for and against both courses of action. I have used that way of decision making for over 25 years, since another spiritual adviser suggested it to me. Once the reasons for a course of action fill a couple of pages, and the reasons against it are slim (I  include scriptural verses and principles in these columns), the commonsensical course is now clear.

Common sense is one element in discerning God’s will. One element. Not the only element, nor the crucial one. The crucial one, I believe, is what the spirit and the word say.

“Oh Roy,” I said. “I wish I had just written down the arguments for and against. My course of action would have been so much clearer.”

“Well,” he said, “The experience need not be wasted. You are a writer. Write a post about the wisdom and sanity of this method of decision-making. It will be an interesting post.”

And if it isn’t, friends, well, you know whom to blame!!

More from my site

  • The Best Thing You Can Do with your Life: Sign it Over. (Inspired by Bill Bright.)The Best Thing You Can Do with your Life: Sign it Over. (Inspired by Bill Bright.)
  • The Family For Whom Everything Went WrongThe Family For Whom Everything Went Wrong
  • What are your spiritual default settings?What are your spiritual default settings?
  • Time is Better Spent “Earning” Happiness rather than Additional MoneyTime is Better Spent “Earning” Happiness rather than Additional Money
  • How Prayer Raises One’s IQHow Prayer Raises One’s IQ
Share this...
Share on Facebook
Facebook
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter

Filed Under: random

« Previous Post
Next Post »

Sign Up and Get a Free eBook!

Sign up to be emailed my blog posts (one a week) and get the ebook of "Holy Ground," my account of working with Mother Teresa.

Join 643 Other Readers

Follow me on Twitter

Follow @anitamathias1

Anita Mathias: About Me

Anita Mathias

Read my blog on Facebook

My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

Wandering Between Two Worlds - Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

Francesco, Artist of Florence - Amazom.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

The Story of Dirk Willems

The Story of Dirk Willems - Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk
Premier Digital Awards 2015 - Finalist - Blogger of the year
Runner Up Christian Media Awards 2014 - Tweeter of the year

Recent Posts

  •  On Not Wasting a Desert Experience
  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
  • On Yoga and Following Jesus
  • Silver and Gold Linings in the Storm Clouds of Coronavirus
  • Trust: A Message of Christmas
  • Life- Changing Journaling: A Gratitude Journal, and Habit-Tracker, with Food and Exercise Logs, Time Sheets, a Bullet Journal, Goal Sheets and a Planner
  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
  • Shining Faith in Action: Dirk Willems on the Ice
  • The Story of Dirk Willems: The Man who Died to Save His Enemy

Categories

What I’m Reading

Apropos of Nothing
Woody Allen

Apropos of Nothing  - Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Amazing Faith: The Authorized Biography of Bill Bright
Michael Richardson

Amazing Faith -- Bill Bright -- Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Wanderlust
Rebecca Solnit

Solnit --  Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Acedia & me: A Marriage, Monks, and a Writer\'s Life
Kathleen Norris

KATHLEEN NORRIS --  Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Opened Ground: Poems, 1966-96
Seamus Heaney

Opened Ground: Poems, 1966-96 Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Archive by month

INSTAGRAM

anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
Load More… Follow on Instagram

© 2021 Dreaming Beneath the Spires · All Rights Reserved. · Cookie Policy · Privacy Policy

»
«