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The Family For Whom Everything Went Wrong

By Anita Mathias

I once knew a family for whom everything went wrong. Consistently. For instance, the father of the family decided to retile the leaky roof on his house. But when winter came, it wasn’t done, and they all crowded into one room, and all got ill.
They had a massive vegetable garden, kept chickens (this was in America!) but somehow there was never any money. The mother of the family kept telling everyone how many years it was since she had bought a new dress.
If there was illness going around, they caught it. The children were scrawny and sickly. The mother had frequent psychosomatic illnesses which made it painful to her to move, and periodically the church pitched in, taking them meals and cleaning the house. |And then, the house was clean and the children well fed.
The father worked, but was adolescent, demanding home-made blueberry pies for dessert, for instance. The mother was overwhelmed. The children consequently were not particularly brought up, rarely helping about the house.
They switched churches frequently, once they guiltily felt they had exhausted the resources of love and compassion and helpfulness of their current church.
The father had a dead-end, low wage job. He wasn’t particularly bright, and probably didn’t have the greatest career prospects whichever field he entered.  And then he got a destructive promotion to an itsy-bitsy managerial position, which meant no paid overtime, which sent the family further downhill. They were never able to keep any cash in the bank.
I and my friends often discussed this family, and wondered why they were financially struggling, when apparently they worked as hard, or harder than other people.

* * *

Interestingly, there was another family in the same church we attended, whose sole breadwinner had exactly the same job. Neither man was particularly brilliant, and the second family had two more children.

Yet, this family thrived. The children worked hard and brought in money from their part-time jobs doing baby-sitting, and yard work. The mother was a genius of thrift. They had many friends who helped them.

What was the difference? Energy, survival smarts, practical intelligence?

And another small thing. I knew both families, and did various small favours for the first family—took meals over, gave them things, hired their kids at overly-generous rates. Nothing helped very much. The other family, when I thought of it, helped me, though I was better off–introducing me to writers they happened to know; giving me useful information on the town I was new to; and lots of practical tips.

The other was essentially a selfish family, never to my knowledge helping anyone, always absorbing the help of others, while not appearing grateful, simply because all the help was just a drop in the bucket compared to their needs. I don’t mean to imply that they decided to be selfish; I mean the struggle to keep their heads above water, and compete—for the mum did have aspirations for her children—absorbed all their energies.

Recently, I put my finger on the essential difference between two families. One was selfish, only looking out for itself. The family that sought to bless other with what they had, even if it was just information and connections, was blessed. They eventually bought a large house in a good part of town on one limited income. The children all went to college. The family that just looked out for itself, never volunteered in church, for instance, did not thrive.

But when I came upon that difference it was an ah-ha moment. Was the selfishness linked to the fact that there was no flow of blessings in their life? I thought of other families I knew, who may have had money, but did not have blessing, as defined by friends who love you, a loving family, an enjoyment of life, health, well-being, shalom.  They were all selfish.

Conversely, the families I knew, whether Christian or not, who were blessed with versions of the good life, which is, to my mind, a combination of success to some extent, financial sufficiency, friends, good family relationships, being respected for the content of one’s character, internal peace, were giving families, both on a personal level, and in involvement through volunteerism with the church, community and schools.

It’s the law of the tides. Give even when you are busy and overwhelmed, and blessings come back to you. What you sow, you reap.  But to sow sparingly or not at all in the field of life, means a meagre or non-existent harvest. And the surest way to be blessed is to bless.

I realised that the hardest, least blessed times in our family’s life was when we were selfish as a family, trying to conserve time, money and resources, chiefly because we were overwhelmed. Things changed when we decided to be generous and to bless other people in small ways, mainly with money, but also with time and energy.

And I became determined that we would certainly NOT be a selfish family. I began, to look out for small ways our family could bless others. Lending things, giving our things to people we knew who needed them (even buying a replacement on occasion!!),  rigorously giving away things we no longer needed, storing things for people, giving money, having people over for meals, helping people move, just sowing good seed into the field of life. Partly because one of the things I really want in life is God’s blessing, and it is in blessing that we are blessed; it is in giving that we receivel it is in sowing that we reap.

Sometimes, when one is busy and overwhelmed, one almost has to decide to, by faith, take the time to help and bless, knowing that that is the sure way to be blessed with the time, energy and blessing one desires oneself.

 

More from my site

  • Giving: A Counter-Intuitive Secret to “Getting Ahead”Giving: A Counter-Intuitive Secret to “Getting Ahead”
  • What We Sow, We Reap because God, the Great Mathematician, the Impartial Referee, Keeps ScoreWhat We Sow, We Reap because God, the Great Mathematician, the Impartial Referee, Keeps Score
  • Quit Worrying about your Savings Plan: JesusQuit Worrying about your Savings Plan: Jesus
  • Rich Christians and World Poverty. How much should we give?Rich Christians and World Poverty. How much should we give?
  • In which sowing goodness leads to a more abundant harvest that we could have imaginedIn which sowing goodness leads to a more abundant harvest that we could have imagined
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Anita Mathias: About Me

Anita Mathias

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My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

Wandering Between Two Worlds - Amazon.com
Amazon.com

Amazon.co.uk

Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

Francesco, Artist of Florence - Amazom.com
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Amazon.co.uk

The Story of Dirk Willems

The Story of Dirk Willems - Amazon.com
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Amazon.co.uk
Premier Digital Awards 2015 - Finalist - Blogger of the year
Runner Up Christian Media Awards 2014 - Tweeter of the year

Recent Posts

  •  On Not Wasting a Desert Experience
  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
  • On Yoga and Following Jesus
  • Silver and Gold Linings in the Storm Clouds of Coronavirus
  • Trust: A Message of Christmas
  • Life- Changing Journaling: A Gratitude Journal, and Habit-Tracker, with Food and Exercise Logs, Time Sheets, a Bullet Journal, Goal Sheets and a Planner
  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
  • Shining Faith in Action: Dirk Willems on the Ice
  • The Story of Dirk Willems: The Man who Died to Save His Enemy

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What I’m Reading

Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance
Barak Obama

Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance- Amazon.com
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H Is for Hawk
Helen MacDonald

H Is for Hawk - Amazon.com
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Tiny Habits
B. J. Fogg

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The Regeneration Trilogy
Pat Barker

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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