Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Friend, Come Higher

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Peter, from Franco Zeffirelli’s Jesus of Nazareth
  
“You are Simon son of John. You will be called Cephas” (which, when translated, is Peter, the rock). John 1:42

Yes, I do know you.
I see you
and know you better than you know yourself.
I know you are friable.
I know you can crumble,
though these things may surprise you.
But your strength shall emerge from the weakness
you shall thoroughly conquer,
and thoroughly renounce.
I am calling you
from being Peter, the impulsive,
to becoming Peter who unshakeably loves me,
who is built rocklike on the bedrock of me.
I am calling you from being a fisherman
to being a fisher of men.
Following my will
will always lead you upward and onward
to a higher place.
Friend, come higher.
Come follow me.

What Do You Really Want? (John 1:37)

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What do you want? John 1:37

 

And no-nonsense, getting down to business,

the first thing you ask us,

in this most beautiful of books.

is a question.

What do you want?

 

I am today ashamed of the smallness

of my desire.

But I must be honest about it.

Here it is.

I place it in your hands.

Please grant it.

 

But if you transform it,

or deny it,

still, be thou blessed.

 

Just give me your joy.

Give me yourself.

 

A Famine of the Word of God

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Sweeter than honey; stronger than a lion (Image credit)

11 “The days are coming,” declares the Sovereign LORD,
“when I will send a famine through the land—
not a famine of food or a thirst for water,
but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.
12 People will stagger from sea to sea
and wander from north to east,
searching for the word of the LORD,
but they will not find it. Amos 8
I was immersed in Scripture until July this year, since I was attempting to Blog Through the Bible.
I had gone through a rough time emotionally last year, and turned to Scripture to put myself together. I was inspired by how Martin Luther was delivered from his religious perfectionism and guilt by lecturing through the Bible as a Catholic seminary professor at Wittenberg University (thereby stumbling upon the great truth that a man is saved by grace, through faith alone).
Scripture rescues him again from adrenal fatigue, nervous exhaustion, fear and depression–what we would today call a nervous breakdown–through his project of translating Scripture in the Wartburg.
I probably went at my Blog Through the Bible project too whole-heartedly, and was exhausted by July. My nerves needed a break from the project, though I didn’t realise the break would stretch to four and a half months!
For the last three months, I have felt an almost physical longing to be soaked in scripture. I have been feeling famished for it. We’ve been playing it in the car, and in rooms I tidy.
It’s the longest time I have gone without daily study of scripture in my almost 23 years as a Christian.
Well, it’s Advent, the start of the Church Year, and I am celebrating it by blogging through the Gospel of John–just looking at the words of Jesus. I will be sharing it on this blog, and here’s the first post.

 

Two Good Voices in My Head. Two Pills: Red and Blue

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In Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus, good and bad angels speak persuasively to Faustus. He chooses the path of adventure, exploration and experience.

Two voices, saying different and opposite things. It’s a more common experience than I had realised. Billy Graham had a crisis with two voices--reason and Charles Templeton; orthodoxy and Henrietta Mears. He chose to believe in the literal inspiration of the Scriptures. He moved upwards into fame and adulation. Templeton lost his faith, and ended up bitter, because you see, he really did love Jesus, and felt he had lost something.

I have two voices in my head both two real life friends, both Christians. One voice says “Don’t question. That’s too painful.” The other says, “Think for yourself.”
Hmm.
Our family watched “The Matrix,” a couple of days ago, at the insistence of my daughter, Zoe, 17. Morpheus offers Neo two pills: take the blue pill, and continue believing in what you’ve always believed. Take the red pill, and you will see truth.
Of course, there is always the possibility that one can take the red pill, and continue believing what you’ve always believed, if what you believed was the truth.
So…blue pill or red pill? Which should I take? Continue believing what I’ve been taught?

Or pray, think, study scripture and think for myself? Encounter Scripture for myself. One is easy; one can be difficult and painful.

But, of course, if the truths of evangelical and Christian orthodoxy are the truth, they will withstand questioning. And Christ himself will withstand all questioning, of that I have no doubt!

So today, in my quiet time, one of those blessed times, in which I can actually see the face of Jesus (with the eyes of faith!) I asked Christ the question.
Should I pray, think, study and explore and encounter Scripture for myself? Blue pill or red pill?
                                                                           * * *
The interesting thing about asking Christ questions is that he does not give two people the same answer. His varied responses to different people as recorded in Scripture stagger me.
And in Christian memoir, autobiography and biography, I’ve noticed the same thing: Christ’s hugely varied responses to the same existential questions put to him by wildly different people.
So, I ask him my question, and I see him smile. And I know his answer.
I am instinctively a rebel. I have a restless mind. I cannot but think for myself.
T.S. Eliot writes in Little Gidding,
We shall not cease from exploration,
and the end of all our exploring
will be to arrive where we started
and know the place for the first time.
May it be so for me.

Superlatively gifted–and grumpy!

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1 If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels,

 but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

 2 If I have the gift of prophecy
 and can fathom all mysteries
 and all knowledge,
 and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
 but do not have love, I am nothing.

 3 If I give all I possess to the poor 
and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,
 but do not have love, I gain nothing.
(I Corinthians 13).

This is a passage I frequently remind myself of, and if I fail to do so, Roy very kindly reminds me of it!!

The other day, I realized that 1 Corinthians 13 is not just brilliant rhetoric. 

The I Paul refers to is a real person. Himself!

Paul was the man who spoke in tongues of men and of angels, who had the gift of prophecy, and could fathom mysteries (he talked of being snatched up to heaven) and had spiritual knowledge. His faith sowed the seeds of Christianity throughout the Roman Empire. He owned little, and tells us of his shipwrecks, beatings, floggings, hunger, thirst, illnesses and sleeplessness.

His faith and spiritual insights, his lofty conceptions and brilliant and poetic expression of them all shine through his letters. As does his irascibility.

 Watch out for those dogs, those men who do evil, those mutilators of the flesh.  Phil, 3:2. 12 As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!  Galatians 5:12. He falls out with Mark, and splits up with his beloved Barnabas rather than give Mark a second chance. He laments later that everyone has deserted him.

He does, however, realize what was really important. 

 4 Love is patient,
 love is kind.
 It does not envy,
 it does not boast,
 it is not proud.
 5 It is not rude,
 it is not self-seeking, 
it is not easily angered,
 it keeps no record of wrongs.
 6 Love does not delight in evil .


What’s beautiful is that these traits–being patient, kind, not indulging in envy or boasting, not being proud, or rude, or self-seeking, or easily angered–are all behavioural traits.


So the gifts which God gives you, which you can do nothing about either way–eloquence in speech, spiritual gifts like tongues, prophecy, spiritual wisdom, understanding and discernment, faith, the ability to endure heroic self-sacrifice– have nothing to do with character, with the kind of person you really are.


What matters is the behaviour that the wise man of the age, as well as the simplest and least privileged of God’s children can adopt–being patient and kind, not arrogant or boastful or rude or easily angered, not keeping a record of wrongs.


Easy, isn’t it? 


Except when someone takes it upon themselves to be just the opposite to us. To be impatient and unkind, to be jealous of us, to boast, to show off, be rude, self-seeking and irascible. 


Our reactions reveal to what extent we are really controlled by the spirit of God.


And if, we fail?


We repent, pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again.


And that is the true beauty of the Christian life.
   
  

Spirit speaks to Spirit, Heart to Heart and Mind to Mind.

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This is true of bloggers as well as preachers. That which comes from the heart and spirit speaks to the heart and spirit. That which comes from the mind and intellect speaks to–at most–the mind and intellect.


“That which comes from the heart will most likely go to the heart, though I know God can take that which comes but from the lips and carry it to the heart when he pleases, yet ordinarily that which comes from the heart goes to the heart, therefore ministers when they come to speak the great things of the gospel should not seek so much for brave words, and convincing ways of man’s wisdom but let them get their own hearts warmed with that grace of the gospel, and then they are most like to speak to the hearts of their auditors…. 


Otherwise they speak with the tongues of men and angels, yet become like the sounding of brass and the tinkling cymbal. You must be desirous of such kind of preaching as you find speaks to your hearts, not that comes merely to your ears: how many men love to have the word jingle in their ears, and in the mean time their hearts go away and not one word is spoken to them? But when you find a minister speak to your hearts, close with it, bless God for it, and count it a sad day when you go from a sermon and there is not one word spoken to your hearts in that sermon.”
JEREMIAH BURROUGHS ON HOSEA, P495.
H/t Dave Bish,
who further quotes Jeremiah Burroughs


Christ as soon has he is married to the soul takes it as it were by the hand and walks to the Galleries and there opens his heart to her. There is many a sweet tune that a gracious heart has with Christ in his Ordinances, where Christ opens even his whole soul to it… Here is the fruit of our union with Christ. Oh that our hearts were inflamed with desire after further conjugal communion with him!” 


Surely the Sovereign LORD does nothing without revealing his plan to his servants the prophets. Amos 3:7

Prophets, Deserts and Alternative Power

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Prophets, Deserts and Alternative Power Sources


I was thinking last evening of prophets. It is interesting how many of them had to go out into the Judean desert to hear the word of God.


Why? I used to wonder. Why did one need to go into the desert–outside, often in opposition to the traditional power structures of the day–why did one need to be powerless, lonely, quiet, possibly hungry and thirsty, and sensorily deprived to hear God?


I now realize that, of course, one has to. It is the best, if not the only, way. The voice of God, a well-bred, considerate, gentle voice for the most part–a gentle whisper, Scripture calls it–is not easily heard amid the noise and clamour of popularity, friendship, social life–all good things, all good things. Except they do militate against the solitude one needs to hear God. Almost to a man, prophets don’t choose the desert. They are only human. God has to call–sometimes push–them into the desert.  Because it is in the desert that a prophet develops his greatest and priceless gift: his ability to hear the voice of God. 


Let’s consider Moses. An interesting part of his story is that he did not choose to go into the desert, nor does he go there in obedience to the voice of God. He is pushed there by his own sin. He loses his temper, takes the law into his own hands, kills a man, and flees to the desert in terror when this is discovered.


And in the desert, outside the court  to which he had once belonged, and its power and pomp, he experiences God, and in a dramatic way that could only have happened in the desert. A fire that steadily burned and was not consumed. Continually renewed energy. A manifestation of infinite Power. And with it, a simple new name for God, I AM WHO I AM.


And in contradistinction to the power of Pharaoh, Moses is given power, a shadow of God’s power. He can turn sticks to snakes, turn the Nile bloody, summon locusts and frogs and pests, turn the land dark at noon. He is a man to be listened to–and he finally is. 
                                                                      * * * 


Elijah also operated outside, and in opposition to, the normal centres of power–Kings, who were anointed, but who, continuing in sin, had lost their ability to hear the word of God. Ahab interestingly calls him, “You troubler of Israel.”


He is given power of his own. He can command the rain. He can command fire. He can do what 400 false “prophets” could not.


David, Daniel, the list goes on. Men formed in the desert, operating outside normal locii of power, often in opposition to them, yet gifted by God with such extraordinary and startling power that people had to sit up and pay attention. 




Because power eventually comes from God. Comes from the Lamb who has all “power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honour and glory and praise.” Comes when the Holy Spirit comes upon us.


And, interestingly, looking at prophets from both Old Testament and the New (John the Baptist, and later Paul and John who both had amazing Christophanies) this divine power always, I think, falls on the powerless who operate apart from and often in opposition to the normal locii of power. It falls on those who have learnt to hear God’s voice in the solitude and loneliness of the desert. 

"Roots of Bitterness" and Water from the Sanctuary

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  “Roots of Bitterness” and Water from the Sanctuary



Hebrews 12 14-15
Make every effort to live in peace with all men
 and to be holy; 
without holiness no one will see the Lord.
 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God 
and that no bitter root grows up
 to cause trouble
 and defile many.


Here is a beautiful verse I have been thinking about for the last few weeks. 


Make every effort to live in peace with all men.


Interesting. Not “live in peace with all men,” but “make every effort to live in peace with all men.”


There is a time for confrontation when necessary. When? When someone else’s sin is affecting you, for one. What about on a larger sphere, in a church, for instance, or an organization? Sometimes–and one needs to make doubly sure that this is indeed the case–one is picked to be the one to say something. By and large, the prophets in the Old Testament who were picked to say something could have done without the responsibility: Moses, Jeremiah, Isaiah, for instance. They were scared. So make every effort to live in peace with all men. When something is patently wrong, and everyone seems to be silent, IF you hear the Lord’s voice telling you that you are the one to speak up, and see a change happen, then it would be disobedience not to speak.
                                                   * * * 




And to be HOLY. Without holiness, no one will see the Lord.
Holiness, a beautiful and old-fashioned word. Can one handle confrontation with holiness? Gosh, it’s difficult, it’s beautiful when one manages it, and one can only do with a lot of prayer.









 See to it that no bitter root grows up
 to cause trouble
 and defile many.

This is where we need to pray with David,
Search me, oh Lord,
And know my heart,
Try me and know my anxious thoughts,
See if there be any wicked way in me.
                                                   * * *

My strong emotions, where are they coming from? Is there a bitter root beneath my anger? What is it?

Is there an unforgiven injury? Then I need to stop, drop everything, and forgive those who hurled me into a pit (to use the metaphor from Joseph) because standing over them, looking at me with sad eyes of love, stood One who saw, who allowed this to happen, because He had lessons to teach me, that I could only learn in the silence, solitude, obscurity, time for concentrated thought and prayer and the sensory deprivation of the pit. The pit was part of the blueprint all along. He permitted it. So I forgive, tear up the You-Owe-Me cheque, owed me by those who wilfully hurled me into the pit of suffering, because I am turning my eyes from them to Him who stood and watched, with sad, tear-filled eyes, and let it happen, because it was the only way the beautiful story he had outlined for me could be written.
                                                    * * * 


Bitter roots of unforgiveness not dealt with defile many.
                                                
I have been thinking of bitter roots because of a sad unfolding situation I have been observing in a community I belong to, with little filaments of bitterness  spreading and spreading. Two leaders publicly wronged another leader. The community took sides, most on the side of the individual who was, as far as one can tell, patently wronged (this is England, after all, and there is the great British tradition of fair play, and sympathy for the underdog). People who had been friends for years found their relationships strained as they took opposite sides. “Those who take the sword will perish by the sword, those who sow the wind will reap the whirlwind”–these scriptural principles will work themselves out, sooner or later. Suddenly, many stories of similar spiritual and emotional abuse on the part of this duo spread around the community–reaching people who had never guessed at them,  me including me. Defilement spreads, for we might never again listen to these individuals or read their words with the same innocent spirit.

What is the Spirit saying to the Church? What are we to learn from this? What am I to learn? One thing is to recognize and deal with bitterness within oneself immediately, so that it does not spread and defile many. Who knows what the roots were of this sad action which has divided the community. Bitterness?

                                                        * * *

                                                     
And how does one change a bitter heart? How does one uproot bitterness from the deep and secret places of one’s own heart?

I have one answer. Come with me to the sublime Ezekiel 47. The prophet, in a vision, sees water flowing from the sanctuary, steadily increasing in power, until it becomes a river that no one could cross. 

What is the water? Among other things, the Holy Spirit in an increasing revelation–both historically to the church, and individually in the lives of desperate seekers.

And it is magic water. It changes the chemical properties of the hearts it irrigates. When it empties into the Sea, the water there becomes fresh. Wow, the sea, the epitome of saltiness, becomes fresh and sweet again. The bitter heart, the world-weary heart, the angry heart, the disappointed heart, the frustrated heart can again become fresh and sweet and childlike. Wow!!

Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows, everything will live. 

I have read this passage so many times this year, and it still makes me cry. It is so beautiful and so full of promise. 

 Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing.” 

Creativity. Creativity that can only come from the Holy Spirit. < i>Every month they will bear. Creativity from the Creator,  freed from the normal cycles of the seasons (bud-flowers-fruit). Creativity of the  fruitful trees whose leaves never wither, but are always green, and who never fail to bear fruit because they are planted in streams of living water, trees described in Psalm 1, and Jeremiah 17. Creativity that is God’s gift, and the sign of his presence as in Aaron’s rod which budded, blossomed and bore fruit, all in a night.


Come Holy Spirit, flood this heart. Let me walk in your ways. Let your waters make the salty waters of my heart fresh again. Let me bear fruit every month. And let the fruit serve for food, and the leaves for healing. Amen.