Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

In which I have my mind and experience broadened

By

 Life in a small English village can have its surprises. We knock on our neighbour’ door (who runs multiple small businesses, jam, and eggs and hens) to discover he is in “a session.” A what? Turns out he is a medium, and is in a séance. He runs a spiritualist church. Oh!!

And, over the last month, I realized–somewhat to my embarrassment at how long I had taken to realize this–that the two of the people, outside my nuclear family who contribute the most to the smooth and happy (in one case) and wise and happy (in the other) functioning of my life were both gay!!
One of these is a lovely Eastern European who comes over two or three, times a week to help out with cleaning and odd jobs in our house and garden. He is very practical and basically does whatever needs to be done without being asked to, can fix anything, clean everything, make anything work. Builds things like bookshelves or raised beds for the garden, repairs garden equipment, mows grass, prunes hedges and brambles, converting it to mulch.
He drives the girls around when we need an extra pair of hands, runs the laundry when necessary, folding it beautifully, sorts out kitchen drawers and the fridge. He helps out with pet care. He tidies the girls’ rooms. I have come to rely on his visits, when he sweeps through the house, getting everything into the right place, and everything clean and well-functioning. He is the most likely person to know where things are in the house since he tidies it weekly. He housesits when we travel.  
I wondered why a pleasant, cheerful and superlatively kind man like him was not snapped up. He’s become a friend of ours, since he’s here so much, and as I said, has become quite indispensable to me. And so when I suddenly noticed a thick gold ring on his wedding finger, I asked, surprised, “You’re married?”
 He put his head to one side, and toyed with the ring almost coyly, rotating it lovingly. “It’s a ring,” he said, “A gold ring.”
Okaaayy, I left it at that.
And somewhat reluctantly googled him. Yes, he is married.  To a nice young man who had also come over to help him with some carpentry projects for us.  Oh dear. How clueless of me!
I am so glad I did not know until we had all got very fond of him, because, to be honest, I might not have hired a gay man to work so intimately with our family in our house and garden, and to drive our girls when necessary and tidy their rooms etc. etc.. Not out of homophobia, but because it would simply have been too exotic for me. Too unfamiliar. But now, of course, it makes no difference to me. He’s a fabulous person, and I know it.
·                                               * * *
There is another cool person I know whom I’ve recently discovered is gay: a senior and well-respected Anglican clergyman. Roy and I trust his wisdom, counsel, perspective and sense of humour. He can pick out blind spots in our peripheral vision, and help us see them. He can suggest very practical solutions to the problems we face, so much more that we are amazed we didn’t see them.  Can defuse tension with humour.  
His insight and wisdom is startling; I wish I had his ability to see people and their problems so clearly, and to suggest practical solutions. We value his blend of erudition, common-sense and humour, and are fond of him. Again, his sexuality, of course, does not matter to me at all now, but, had I known it because I came to respect and value this very clever man for his wisdom, experience, kindness and sense of humour, he would have seemed too exotic for us, his experience too alien to ours.
Sooo…. time for my mind to be broadened.
                                                                                                                                              * * *
Is homosexuality innate, ontological and genetic or a choice? With the 20/20 vision of hindsight, I would say ontological, rather than a choice. I am now amazed I didn’t immediately pick it up in both these superb people. (Neither did Roy, I hasten to add!)
                                                                                                                                                                                          

Blogging and Thick Skin

By

I Am A Woman No Matter What You Say
Rachel Held Evans observes:It’s no secret that blogging requires thick skin. 

Each post subjects your ideas, interests, and feelings to the scrutiny of other people, who through the anonymity of the internet are more likely to tell you exactly what they think. A single post might lead some to call you a hero and others to question your humanity.
  
I used to be incredibly sensitive to criticism.  So one of the many reasons I love blogging is that it has forced me into a healthier relationships with feedback.
I’ve started owning what I have to say and I’ve stopped taking criticism so personally. I’ve become less swayed by the reaction of other people, less vulnerable to the ups and downs of public opinion.
In short, I’ve grown thicker skin. 
Reading her post, I reflected that very personal blogging—shared with tout le monde— on a daily basis, as Anne Jackson did in Flower Dust is an unprecedented experiment in the history of mankind. It requires considerable nervous energy—to not only come up with a thought worth sharing, but cast it into a form worth sharing, and then put it out there for the world’s admiration (or secret contempt or pity). And then do it again, the very next day. And again!!
Every now and again, you witness a blogger you follow, Anne Jackson, in the now deleted Flower Dust, temporarily fragment, go through a very, very dark and rough patch—while they keep blogging and facebooking about it—and you read with the grim and horrified fascination of one watching a car crash in slow motion.
And even if one does try to project a favourable image to the world, any personal blogger ends up making witting or unwitting revelations about her character, and blind spots….
Read enough blogs, and you will realize which posts don’t quite ring true—mainly those in which the blogger attempts to project an image to the world which is more favourable than the reality or attempts to preach, rather than share her struggles.
There is nothing like blogging to toughen one up.
It definitely forces one to grow up and, as Rachel says, own what you have to say.
We are all probably born with an innate desire for approval; it’s probably a biological survival instinct.
However, nobody, not even Jesus (who had a perfect character, except that his outspokenness would be considered a flaw by many) won everyone’s approval.
If one blogs every day—as I try to, while at home—one will inevitably write the occasional trite, boring, poorly written post, and one has to make peace with it.
Additionally, you open yourself and your ideas up to the world, and are guaranteed to sometimes disappoint.
I realize that some of my posts will disappoint readers who seeking inspiration—and I myself often read many blogs looking for just that: reminders and encouragement to continue on the narrow road of discipleship.
Some will disappoint those seeking distraction or stimulation, originality or cleverness –and I too read some blogs simply because they make me think.
I have, a couple of times, mentioned the one issue on which I depart from evangelical orthodoxy, and have known my more conservative friends would disapprove if they read it—and they did, and did!
My (on the whole) evangelical orthodoxy probably annoys some of my liberal friends.
And, it’s struck me, that I haven’t yet begun blogging on the whole charismatic side of my faith, though I have been a charismatic with a small c for as long as I have been a Christian.
While, theologically, I am an orthodox evangelical, I am politically rather left-wing, and viscerally opposed to much of American foreign policy, which probably annoys some of my American readers.
Some posts don’t have much to them, and probably disappoint everyone!!
Blogging teaches one to be oneself—knowing that no one will like all your posts or ideas; but all the same, it is important to own them.
I remember an axiom while I was doing a Masters in Creative Writing—one has to write the bad poems, and get them out of the way to get to the good poems.
It’s the same with blog posts. It’s sometimes good to write down an idea that keeps recurring to you, even if it seems unpromising. Perhaps it is calling out to be explored in greater detail; perhaps it needs to be written down so that you think it through more clearly.
Interestingly, the discipline of writing my ideas down and publishing daily has made me more outspoken and self-confident in real life, and far more willing to express my own ideas with quiet confidence, and to own them.

Dreaming in Stockholm

By

   








Dreaming in Stockholm
Well, Stockholm was a surprise—totally enchanting: a third
water, and a third parks. Hiked yesterday in a virgin forest National Park,
Tyresta within the limits of Stockholm!! 

Wandered today around Gamla Stan,
Stockholm’s medieval quarter, really, really narrow side streets—3 feet across
sometimes, and interesting churches and monuments. Alleys overshadowed by
overhanging pastel coloured buildings.
Then canoed on Stockholm’s canals. Impossibly beautiful.
Interesting Russian style viridian and gold domes—I suppose Stockholm is just across
the Baltic Sea from Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania.

The women for the most part are beautiful—in the blond,
blue-eyed, high browed, high cheekboned, oval faced style that Hollywood and
supermodels have made the norm of female beauty. Lots of golden-haired, very
tall Thor-like Scandinavian giants around. The difference from the Russians is
striking, given that that narrow-ish Baltic Sea separates the two peoples. I
guess the Russians are Slavs, while the Scandinavians are Nordic.

I love Scandinavia—our 2009 summer trip to Norway was one of
our travelling highlights. Finances and health permitting, I would like to
explore Iceland, Denmark and Finland over the next 2-3 summers.

Swedish food is surprisingly good. We’ve enjoyed
salmon, crayfish and, of course, Swedish meatballs with lingonberries in
various cafes. Their heavy seeded bread is brilliant with basic cream cheese,
and dilled smoked salmon.  Doing some
self-catering. Like the simplebut very high-quality food.

  

Exploring Sweden in a Motor Home

By

Okay, we are exploring Sweden in a camper van. We’ve done 6 motor home holidays (Switzerland, Norway, New Zealand, Ireland and two trips to France). I mostly love camper van holidays—long dreamy days of watching the scenery go by, long times of lying down and praying while we get to places, writing on my laptop while dinner simmers, camping free in lonely wild places, waking up by the sea or lakes or waterfalls, a different one each day, seeing an enormous number of beautiful landscapes in one trip.
The girls though are 12 and 16 and we are in our late forties; are our days of this sort of holiday numbered? I miss my 24/7 internet coverage. Miss spacious showers and baths; there is more clean up in a camper; more opportunities to show grace.

First night was in a 4 star Stockholm hotel with a wonderful breakfast. Sweden is twice the size of England, with a population of 9 million rather than 60 million. 20% of the population are born elsewhere. I guess that is necessary given the low Scandinavian birthrate (a consequence of the high status of women). Sweden was (as a result??) the first country to outlaw the spanking of children.
There is an untranslatable Swedish word lagom, which expresses the essence of Swedishness, medium, not too much, not too little. We found that in renting our motor home, they went reasonably far in helping us (gave us modems and sims, but the tour was rushed and we are finding out that various things don’t work as they should.
Explored a National Park in Stockholm today—Tyresta. Perfect silence, birds, virgin forest, in one of Europe’s great cities. Wow!!

Please pray that our trip goes well, that we remain conscious of the presence of God through it, and that we show grace to each other, and that we use the opportunities of character development and consideration that spending time in confined quarters offers us.

Can an Individual Change Another Through Prayer Alone?

By


I have a good friend, who prays constantly. 


He married, when very young, a woman who’s “feisty,” in his words, and bossy and critical. (They have 6 children, and not much money, so my sympathies are with her).

Anyway, my friend told me that when he sees something he does not like about his wife, or one of his children, he makes a note of it on the little index cards he uses to pray, and takes it up with God.

For instance, he started praying that his wife would be more gentle with him. 

That his son, whose ambition it was to own Microsoft would love God more than money. 

That his children would be less mean to each other. 
                                           * * * 

And most of these things came to pass. 

But not without several changes in my friend himself. These included an emotional and nervous breakdown during which he was unable to work and accepted the Kingship of Jesus over himself (the very Lordship he had so wanted his children to acknowledge.)
                                                     * * * 

Back to my question. Can an individual change another through prayer alone?

Yes, I believe so.  

If prayer works, and is for real–and the whole thrust of Scripture tells us that does and is–than prayer can change anything, including the people we love.

It takes a while, it takes faith–and since God has a sense of humour which borders on the perverse–it might often involves changes in the deep structure of our own personalities. 
                                                              * * *

Prayer is dynamite–explosive in its power–and we are invariably caught in the friendly fire of our prayer for another.

And change, the shedding of our dragon skin–is never without pain.
                                               * * * 

When I see a desperate need for change in someone else, which neither my advice, nagging, bullying or manipulation can bring about, I resort to prayer. (As I get wiser, I am glad to report, this is becoming more of a first resort rather than a last resort.)  And it does work, invariably, in surprising ways.

Hudson Taylor had this amazing goal and motto, “To Move Man, Through God, by Prayer Alone.” He used this in small things (when his employer forget to pay him) and in large, to raise tens of thousands of pounds for the China Inland Mission.

The hearts of people are in the hands of God, and he sways them how he wills. And an old adage goes, “Prayer is the hand which moves the hand of God.”

 

Christian Blogging and Holiness

By

Image by Fitzy

Blogging –A Matter of Words

Holiness–A Matter of Heart
Anyone who has known many writers, preachers, and bloggers will know that the characters of those gifted with words–preachers, or Christian writers or bloggers–does not necessarily match their eloquence.
But we want it to match up, don’t we? 
I think it would be dreadful if my blog ran ahead of me. If the insights I developed and shared in my blog did not more or less match the insights I was living. If I were not making a serious effort to walk what I blogged.
                                   * * *
This blog, while steadily growing and finding its audience, is doing so more slowly than I would have liked.
And so when I go to Christ and ask for ideas, strategy, redirection (for, like everyone else, I do not like to fail at what I undertake–nor do I want to invest my time and energy in an enterprise which does not have God’s blessing) my session of prayer and discernment comes to this:
That I should seek to be filled with the Spirit each day, and that filling will pour out into blog posts.
That I should seek to follow Christ each day, and that adventure can then be recorded in my  blog.
That I should seek to love people–and that quest will stretch, shape, mould and refine me.

And from that will come blog posts with life.

Now, being me, I am likely to forget this in a couple of months when my blog stats displease me, and so I am recording it now, so that I can re-read it and again try to live it then.