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In which I have my mind and experience broadened

By Anita Mathias

 Life in a small English village can have its surprises. We knock on our neighbour’ door (who runs multiple small businesses, jam, and eggs and hens) to discover he is in “a session.” A what? Turns out he is a medium, and is in a séance. He runs a spiritualist church. Oh!!

And, over the last month, I realized–somewhat to my embarrassment at how long I had taken to realize this–that the two of the people, outside my nuclear family who contribute the most to the smooth and happy (in one case) and wise and happy (in the other) functioning of my life were both gay!!
One of these is a lovely Eastern European who comes over two or three, times a week to help out with cleaning and odd jobs in our house and garden. He is very practical and basically does whatever needs to be done without being asked to, can fix anything, clean everything, make anything work. Builds things like bookshelves or raised beds for the garden, repairs garden equipment, mows grass, prunes hedges and brambles, converting it to mulch.
He drives the girls around when we need an extra pair of hands, runs the laundry when necessary, folding it beautifully, sorts out kitchen drawers and the fridge. He helps out with pet care. He tidies the girls’ rooms. I have come to rely on his visits, when he sweeps through the house, getting everything into the right place, and everything clean and well-functioning. He is the most likely person to know where things are in the house since he tidies it weekly. He housesits when we travel.  
I wondered why a pleasant, cheerful and superlatively kind man like him was not snapped up. He’s become a friend of ours, since he’s here so much, and as I said, has become quite indispensable to me. And so when I suddenly noticed a thick gold ring on his wedding finger, I asked, surprised, “You’re married?”
 He put his head to one side, and toyed with the ring almost coyly, rotating it lovingly. “It’s a ring,” he said, “A gold ring.”
Okaaayy, I left it at that.
And somewhat reluctantly googled him. Yes, he is married.  To a nice young man who had also come over to help him with some carpentry projects for us.  Oh dear. How clueless of me!
I am so glad I did not know until we had all got very fond of him, because, to be honest, I might not have hired a gay man to work so intimately with our family in our house and garden, and to drive our girls when necessary and tidy their rooms etc. etc.. Not out of homophobia, but because it would simply have been too exotic for me. Too unfamiliar. But now, of course, it makes no difference to me. He’s a fabulous person, and I know it.
·                                               * * *
There is another cool person I know whom I’ve recently discovered is gay: a senior and well-respected Anglican clergyman. Roy and I trust his wisdom, counsel, perspective and sense of humour. He can pick out blind spots in our peripheral vision, and help us see them. He can suggest very practical solutions to the problems we face, so much more that we are amazed we didn’t see them.  Can defuse tension with humour.  
His insight and wisdom is startling; I wish I had his ability to see people and their problems so clearly, and to suggest practical solutions. We value his blend of erudition, common-sense and humour, and are fond of him. Again, his sexuality, of course, does not matter to me at all now, but, had I known it because I came to respect and value this very clever man for his wisdom, experience, kindness and sense of humour, he would have seemed too exotic for us, his experience too alien to ours.
Sooo…. time for my mind to be broadened.
                                                                                                                                              * * *
Is homosexuality innate, ontological and genetic or a choice? With the 20/20 vision of hindsight, I would say ontological, rather than a choice. I am now amazed I didn’t immediately pick it up in both these superb people. (Neither did Roy, I hasten to add!)
                                                                                                                                                                                          


Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) or UK

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Comments

  1. Anita Mathias says

    August 18, 2011 at 9:47 am

    Thanks, Erika!

  2. Erika Baker says

    August 18, 2011 at 6:55 am

    What a lovely story, Anita, thank you for being brave enough to post it!

    Marcy, if you really want to find out more, there is a lot of good pro-gay writing out there, not all from the sector that is often dismissed as liberal=not accepting the authority of Scripture.

    There's Reluctant Journey, which you can read free online: http://www.reluctantjourney.talktalk.net/contents.htm

    There's Accepting Evangelicals: http://www.acceptingevangelicals.org/stories/

    At the very complex end of biblical hermeneutics, there is Tobias Haller “Reasonable and Holy”.

    You do not have to discard Paul or any other writer in order to come to a different view.

  3. Anita Mathias says

    August 16, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Hi Marcy,
    I am increasingly finding it more useful to see and think through Christ's eyes rather than through the prism of “the Bible” which is often Paul For instance, “the Bible” i.e. Paul says lots of unfriendly things about women, which I can't imagine Jesus saying!

  4. Marcy says

    August 15, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    I like this.

    Every so often I feel stymied in my attempts to think through homosexuality and God… ultimately, I try to remember that there are all sorts of sins, all sorts of deeply ingrained personality / character /self traits…

    (So far, I feel more persuaded by the logic, arguments, and evidence offered by the Bible-says-no crowd, even though part of me would like to find the Bible-says-yes logic, arguments, and evidence more compelling.)

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My Books

Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India

Wandering Between Two Worlds - Amazon.com
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Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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Premier Digital Awards 2015 - Finalist - Blogger of the year
Runner Up Christian Media Awards 2014 - Tweeter of the year

Recent Posts

  • “Rosaries at the Grotto” A Chapter from my newly-published memoir, “Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India.”
  • An Infallible Secret of Joy
  • Thoughts on Writing my Just-published Memoir, & the Prologue to “Rosaries, Reading, Secrets”
  • Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India. My new memoir
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  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
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anita.mathias

If you'll forgive me for adding to the noise of th If you'll forgive me for adding to the noise of the world on Black Friday, my memoir ,Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India, is on sale on Kindle all over the world for a few days. 
Carolyn Weber (who has written "Surprised by Oxford," an amazing memoir about coming to faith in Oxford https://amzn.to/3XyIftO )  has written a lovely endorsement of my memoir:
"Joining intelligent winsomeness with an engaging style, Anita Mathias writes with keen observation, lively insight and hard earned wisdom about navigating the life of thoughtful faith in a world of cultural complexities. Her story bears witness to how God wastes nothing and redeems all. Her words sing of a spirit strong in courage, compassion and a pervasive dedication to the adventure of life. As a reader, I have been challenged and changed by her beautifully told and powerful story - so will you."
The memoir is available on sale on Amazon.co.uk at https://amzn.to/3u0Ib8o and on Amazon.com at https://amzn.to/3u0IBvu and is reduced on the other Amazon sites too.
Thank you, and please let me know if you read and enjoy it!! #memoir #indianchildhood #india
Second birthday party. Determinedly escaping! So i Second birthday party. Determinedly escaping!
So it’s a beautiful November here in Oxford, and the trees are blazing. We will soon be celebrating our 33rd wedding anniversary…and are hoping for at least 33 more!! 
And here’s a chapter from my memoir of growing up Catholic in India… rosaries at the grotto, potlucks, the Catholic Family Movement, American missionary Jesuits, Mangaloreans, Goans, and food, food food…
https://anitamathias.com/2022/11/07/rosaries-at-the-grotto-a-chapter-from-my-newly-published-memoir-rosaries-reading-steel-a-catholic-childhood-in-india/
Available on Amazon.co.uk https://amzn.to/3Apjt5r and on Amazon.com https://amzn.to/3gcVboa and wherever Amazon sells books, as well as at most online retailers.
#birthdayparty #memoir #jamshedpur #India #rosariesreadingsecrets
Friends, it’s been a while since I blogged, but Friends, it’s been a while since I blogged, but it’s time to resume, and so I have. Here’s a blog on an absolutely infallible secret of joy, https://anitamathias.com/2022/10/28/an-infallible-secret-of-joy/
Jenny Lewis, whose Gilgamesh Retold https://amzn.to/3zsYfCX is an amazing new translation of the epic, has kindly endorsed my memoir. She writes, “With Rosaries, Reading and Secrets, Anita Mathias invites us into a totally absorbing world of past and present marvels. She is a natural and gifted storyteller who weaves history and biography together in a magical mix. Erudite and literary, generously laced with poetic and literary references and Dickensian levels of observation and detail, Rosaries is alive with glowing, vivid details, bringing to life an era and culture that is unforgettable. A beautifully written, important and addictive book.”
I would, of course, be delighted if you read it. Amazon.co.uk https://amzn.to/3gThsr4 and Amazon.com https://amzn.to/3WdCBwk #joy #amwriting #amblogging #icecreamjoy
Wandering around Oxford with my camera, photograph Wandering around Oxford with my camera, photographing ancient colleges! Enjoy.
And just a note that Amazon is offering a temporary discount on my memoir, Rosaries, Reading, Steel https://amzn.to/3UQN28z . It’s £7.41.
Here’s an endorsement from my friend, Francesca Kay, author of the beautiful novel, “An Equal Stillness.” This is a beautifully written account of a childhood, so evocative, so vivid. The textures, colours and, above all, the tastes of a particular world are lyrically but also precisely evoked and there was much in it that brought back very clear memories of my own. Northern India in the 60s, as well as Bandra of course – dust and mercurochrome, Marie biscuits, the chatter of adult voices, the prayers, the fruit trees, dogs…. But, although you rightly celebrate the richness of that world, you weave through this magical remembrance of things past a skein of sadness that makes it haunting too. It’s lovely!” #oxford #beauty
So, I am not going to become a book-bore, I promis So, I am not going to become a book-bore, I promise, but just to let you know that my memoir "Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India," is now available in India in paperback. https://www.amazon.in/s?k=rosaries+reading+secrets&crid=3TLDQASCY0WTH&sprefix=rosaries+r%2Caps%2C72&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_1_10My endorsements say it is evocative, well-written, magical, haunting, and funny, so I'd be thrilled if you bought a copy on any of the Amazon sites. 
Endorsements 
A beautifully written account. Woven through this magical remembrance of things past is a skein of sadness that makes it haunting. Francesca Kay, An Equal Stillness. 
A dazzling vibrant tale of childhood in post-colonial India. Mathias conjures 1960s India and her family in uproarious and heart-breaking detail. Erin Hart, Haunted Ground 
Mathias invites us into a wonderfully absorbing and thrilling world of past and present marvels… generously laced with poetic and literary references and Dickensian levels of observation and detail. A beautifully written, important, and addictive book. Jenny Lewis, Gilgamesh Retold 
Tormented, passionate and often sad, Mathias’s beautiful childhood memoir is immensely readable. Trevor Mostyn, Coming of Age in The Middle East.
A beautifully told and powerful story. Joining intelligent winsomeness with an engaging style, Mathias writes with keen observation, lively insight and hard-earned wisdom. Carolyn Weber, Surprised by Oxford 
A remarkable account. A treasure chest…full of food (always food), books (always books), a family with all its alliances and divisions. A feat of memory and remembrance. Philip Gooden, The Story of English
Anita’s pluck and charm shine through every page of this beautifully crafted, comprehensive and erudite memoir. 
Ray Foulk, Picasso’s Revenge
Mathias’s prose is lively and evocative. An enjoyable and accessible book. Sylvia Vetta, Sculpting the Elephant
Anita Mathias is an is an accomplished writer. Merryn Williams, Six Women Novelists
Writing a memoir awakens fierce memories of the pa Writing a memoir awakens fierce memories of the past. For the past is not dead; it’s not even past, as William Faulkner observed. So what does one do with this undead past? Forgive. Forgive, huh? Forgive. Let it go. Again and again.
Some thoughts on writing a memoir, and the prologue to my memoir
https://anitamathias.com/2022/09/08/thoughts-on-writing-a-memoir-the-prologue-to-rosaries-reading-secrets/ 
#memoir #amwriting #forgiveness https://amzn.to/3B82CDo
Six months ago, Roy and I decided that finishing t Six months ago, Roy and I decided that finishing the memoir was to be like “the treasure in the field,” that Jesus talks about in the Gospels, which you sacrifice everything to buy. (Though of course, he talks about an intimate relationship with God, not finishing a book!!) Anyway, I’ve stayed off social media for months… but I’ve always greatly enjoyed social media (in great moderation) and it’s lovely to be back with the book now done  https://amzn.to/3eoRMRN  So, our family news: Our daughter Zoe is training for ministry as a priest in the Church of England, at Ridley Hall, Cambridge. She is “an ordinand.” In her second year. However, she has recently been one of the 30 ordinands accepted to work on an M.Phil programme (fully funded by the Church of England.) She will be comparing churches which are involved in community organizing with churches which are not, and will trace the impact of community organizing on the faith of congregants.  She’ll be ordained in ’24, God willing.
Irene is in her final year of Medicine at Oxford University; she will be going to Toronto for her elective clinical work experience, and will graduate as a doctor in June ‘23, God willing.
And we had a wonderful family holiday in Ireland in July, though that already feels like a long time ago!
https://anitamathias.com/2022/09/01/rosaries-readi https://anitamathias.com/2022/09/01/rosaries-reading-secrets-a-catholic-childhood-in-india-my-new-memoir/
Friends, some stellar reviews from distinguished writers, and a detailed description here!!
https://amzn.to/3wMiSJ3 Friends, I’ve written a https://amzn.to/3wMiSJ3  Friends, I’ve written a memoir of my turbulent Catholic childhood in India. I would be grateful for your support!
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