Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

How I am Spending my Summer Holiday. And swap prayer requests?

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Zoe, our 17 year old has got her A-S results yesterday (penultimate high school year exams), and—phew!!—got all As (the highest possible grade) in all 5 subjects—Philosophy, Religious Studies, English, French and Critical Thinking. She got 100% in R.S. which I guess, incredibly, was the highest (equal) mark in the country. I was in shock, in delight, and in relief!!

We drove to Copenhagen in our new camper van, and I am fast in love with it, as with Stockholm, where we went last summer. Will go again, but take a ferry like sensible people next time. Copenhagen was a fascinating city, and my highlight was the pre-history exhibition in the Danish National Museum.

I am writing an essay for an anthology called “Letter to Myself,” (Christian writers write a letter to their younger selves) and it is taking longer than expected. Please pray for inspiration, and speedy writing. I would love it to be a classic, long-lasting essay after all my work and the rewrites.  

So, we’ve played hard in Copenhagen, and I’ve been reading hard, and writing hard, and even walking hard with the Bible and Flaubert on my iPod. The one thing I haven’t done is rest hard, and I desperately need to seriously rest for at least a week to get through the school term. So please pray that I force myself to take a week of serious rest.

I am planning my rest week for next week when we are going to a family camp to listen to Mark Stibbe and Heidi Baker at the RiverCamp. We will be “camping” in our motorhome. I am looking forward to the worship, good teaching, and in particular, soaking prayer, which really revives my soul.

Then two days at home, and we’re off to another family Christian conference, the Revival Alliance, this time to hear some of my favourite and most inspiring Christian speakers and authors (from the Charismatic end of the evangelical spectrum) Bill Johnson, Heidi Baker, Randy Clark, John Arnott, etc. We are staying in a hotel, but taking the motorhome to rest in between sessions of what sounds like a super intense conference. There are special children’s sessions, and I think it will be amazing for the girls.  And us!

Irene, 13 has firmly become a Christian. She has printed out Bible verses, and tastefully wall-papered her room with them, and put the Lord’s Prayer and Psalm 23 on the ceiling above the bed so she can pray them as she drifts off to sleep. I feel a bit nonplussed when the kids have a conversion experience and become super-sweet and helpful!! I hope she maintains this intensity about her faith, as she is loves academics too!

Copenhagen which I could have explored all day had I the energy helped me realize how physically unfit I am, and so I am walking every day, listening to the Bible or Flaubert’s A Sentimental Education. Please pray that I persevere in my goal of physical fitness.

And how may I pray for you?




On Razor-Blade Millionaires; the Moon on a Chain and Being Content with What you Have

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 I am listening to Gustave Flaubert’s A Sentimental Education on my iPod as I walk.

It opens with a steamboat journey from Paris:

“The hill on the right bank of the Seine dropped out of sight, and another one loomed closer on the opposite side.

This hill was topped by trees dotted between bungalows with hipped roofs. They had sloping gardens separated by newly built walls, iron gates, lawns, greenhouses, and puts of geraniums set at regular intervals on terraces with parapets to lean on and enjoy the view.

As they caught glimpses of these small country villas, so charming and peaceful, more than one of the passengers thought longingly of owning one, and living out the rest of his days up there, with a nice billiard-room, their own motor launch, a wife, or some such dream.”

* * *

Have you ever dreamed such a dream? I sure have. We have been to Scandinavia for the last three summers—Norway first, then Sweden, then Denmark.

Scandinavians take summer very seriously, because it is so brief. Whenever there is a lake or a river or a fjord, you see these red-roofed houses, with a canoe tied to the mooring pad.

Roy and I look at each other, and we each know we are thinking, “I’d like a little summer house on a large lake, or by the ocean, or by a mountain tarn, and a little canoe to mess about in.”

* * *

When Roy retired early, two summers ago, we got some counselling so two intense people living together 24/7 would not provoke each other to distraction.

The counsellor was good, and offered us much insight into ourselves,though he ultimately drove me to distraction.

One issue which came up was that now that my gifted husband was home, I wanted him to do, well, simply everything.

I had a dream of living near a stream. “Roy, please could you get a water pump, and rocks and concrete, and construct a waterfall,  which will lead to a stream which will go around the garden.” Our garden is 1.5 acre, so this was no small task.

But no, I wasn’t joking, and I bought a whole pile of books which showed how one could construct an artificial waterfall and stream.

Roy got very stressed. He had his own list of Must-Dos, and Would-Love-To-Dos, and could not give me a date for when construction would commence on my waterfall and stream.

I got frustrated. I sulked. I felt a bit outraged. Roy had endless free hours. Why was he saying No to this small matter of a waterfall and stream which he wanted as much as I?

So I brought up his unreasonableness with the counsellor.

* * *

In reply, he told us two stories, which I thought were very foolish, and at which I did not smile.

But I remembered them, and puzzled over them, so, I guess, they were not that foolish after all. More like koan.

* * *

One was a story of man who wanted to be a millionaire. But alas, he realised that he lacked the intelligence, talent, education, drive and resources to become one.

So he thought, “Well, what do millionaires have that I might be able to afford?”

And he thought, “Ah, I bet a millionaire could afford to change his razor blade every day.”

And he resolved, “Well, I realize I am never going to be a millionaire, but I can afford a new razor blade every day. So I am going to be a razor-blade millionaire.”

Moral: Not everyone can achieve their dream. Only one person will be the most famous writer in the world; there will only be one richest man in the world.

However, most of us can achieve some of our dream. We can write, though we may not be wildly successful. We can travel some, even if we do not get to see all the beauty we want to.

                                                       * * *

Story Two was James Thurber’s magical incantatory story Many Moons. Spoiled princess Leonore cries for the moon, but is tricked into happiness by the moon on a necklace around her neck.

Examine the dreams you are convinced will make you happy. Perhaps a simulacrum of them will work just as well. Examine exactly what you want and see if a much simpler, easier thing will make you just as happy.

* * *

I saw magical homes on the Bosphorus Cruise we went on last April, winding between Europe and Asia–beach homes, mountain homes, lake houses. I sort of coveted some of these for the dream or illusion of peace they represent.

But heck, two houses to be furnished, kitted out, made comfortable, and kept clean. One is time-consuming enough.

So, while I have not totally given up the dream of the beach house, I have put on a very distant back-burner. I can be perfectly happy without it, which is, of course, the most persuasive reason not to save up to buy it.

One of the brilliant sentences from Richard Foster’s brilliant book   Celebration of Discipline which have lingered with me is this, We don’t need to possess things to enjoy them.

And now, when material temptation assails, I decide instead to be a razor-blade millionaire, revelling in the sea, and mountains and lakes from the large picture windows of my camper van, and renting the occasional idyllic cottage for a week, wearing the moon on a chain, being contented with all the goodness life offers me, sharp razor-blades, peace around my neck, and eternity in my heart!

Best Blogs for Teenagers

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Irene’s room has a rotating series of inspirational quotes
I am compiling a list of blogs to recommend to my teenagers, ones they can subscribe to on Facebook—so their Facebook newsfeed has something of substance.
Fun-loving Irene, 13, has grown very keen on organization, efficiency and productivity, and blogging, so this is skewing my list.
1 Michael Hyatt—THE productivity, efficiency and intentional living guru. Very sensible and practical. And a Christian.
2 Zen Habits—On living efficiently and meaningfully and intentionally. Tips on everything from writing books quickly, to packing, to tweaking daily routines.
3 Life Hacker—Again, lots of practical efficiency and productivity tips and research. A bit on the techy side.
4 Gretchen Rubin, The Happiness Project—Another of those “good life” blogs, but in this case, focused on a happier life. Very sensible and practical. A happy life, according to Rubin (and me) includes exercise, reading, organisation, tidiness, creative work, friends and good family relationships. (And I would add God, Bible study, and prayer.)
5 Flylady. Net. Never too early to learn to be tidy, disciplined and organised. So, if you can stand it, teenagers, here’s one which help you keep your room tidy, and your life organised. Far better for moms, however.
6 A Holy Experience—I would prefer Ann to come to the point more quickly, and with fewer photographs, but her blog is the most God-filled, Christ-filled “real thing” I have encountered. She avoids controversy, and gives us Jesus and his Father and his Spirit every day. Wow!!
7 And the most brilliant Bible in a Year blog from Nicky Gumbel at Holy Trinity Brompton.
It’s my dream to blog through the Bible—I am going to have another bash next year. Nicky’s is an intimidating model of elegance and brilliance.
8 And if they are interested in health, healthy eating, healthy living and exercise, as Irene, in particular, is, I’d recommend Rick Warren’s The Daniel Plan.
Please tell me what you would suggest for serious-minded Christian teens!

When Spiritual Giftedness Outstrips Love: There’s Hope!

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Michaelangelo’s Painting of the Conversion of Paul

When Roy and I are cross with each other and have to drive places together, we pop a CD of the epistles of Apostle Paul into the car. It’s not safe to argue and drive, trapped in a car with no place to escape, while your adrenalin mounts–and so I don’t!

And sometimes, Paul is sublime, and his words and vision and adulterated brilliance wash over me like a vision of better, quieter, noble lands—lands open to me, lands of which I just have to claim citizenship of, and then behave like a citizen. And I quieten down, and let these lovely words and ideas wash over me, and sometimes drop the bone over which we were contending.

And sometimes, Paul is so combative and sarcastic—oh how biting his sarcasm, how utter his contempt for fools!!—that I just have to laugh. It’s an affectionate laughter. And then Roy says wryly, “He sounds a bit like you!”  (On a bad day!)

Paul was a grumpy guy; he did not tolerate fools gladly, or the illogical. I think we would have enjoyed chatting, and I think he would have had very sharp words for me, if we disagreed!

* * *

I recently listened to the whole of Romans on my iPod on one of these days on which I felt a bit discombobulated, and wanted sanity to return swiftly, and I listened to 1 Corinthians today.

Contentious, argumentative, dismissive, inspired, sublime! Loved it.

And then I come to its most famous chapter. If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

And I laugh. There are very few people on the planet so superlatively gifted, but I happened to have been listening to the words of one of them. Who did Paul know who could speak in the tongues and angels? Who had the gift of prophecy, and could understand mysteries and knowledge, and a faith that could begin moving the Roman Empire? Who owned nothing? Who subjected his body to unbelievable hardships?

Who was Paul describing but himself?

* * *

And human nerves can only be stretched so far. Then there is payback and it is painful.

Speaking and writing in the tongues of men and angels, prophesying, divining mysteries, pursuing and penning knowledge, the rigours of faith and asceticism—all these cause a natural reaction, overstrained nerves—and resultant grumpiness.

So I read it and think, “Oh Paul, sweetheart, you’re being too hard on yourself.”

* * *

But then, I wonder. I too have met those who are superlatively gifted, intellectually and spiritually. And if they are arrogant, or “full of themselves,” in that vivid phrase, or pompous or manipulative, or have time only for those they can use—they leave me cold. Utterly unimpressed!!

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am nothing. Sounds extreme, doesn’t it, but isn’t that how we rate people? Who has time for people who are impatient and unkind, envious, boastful and arrogant, rude and angry? No matter how brilliant they are! There is an instinctive recoil. We might rate their intellect or giftedness highly—but we do not rate them highly.

Patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not proud. Not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered. Forgetting wrongs.

How many of us can read this as a character sketch of ourselves?

What then should we do? We who use words well, and get weary in the penning of them? We who listen in to the spirit of God, and have prophetic insight, and leave our sessions of intense prayer a little exhausted, with our nerves a bit fragile? Who strive to understand spiritual mysteries and spiritual knowledge, and tire in the pursuit? Who pay the price of stepping out in faith, pay the price of our generosity with our time which makes our life more difficult, more challenging, more of a strain, sometimes?

Oh, we’ve got to the heights, the Omega of the spiritual life, and then find ourselves failing in the Alpha Beta of it, in patience and kindness and humility and consideration and keeping our temper—things, come on, which are just good manners!!

What then should we do?

* * *

Yes, there is hope for us.

I love Rolland Baker’s account of his healing from cerebral malaria and advanced dementia. Heidi Baker in her book There is Always Enough recounts her healing from dyslexia and chronic fatigue.

Yes, just as only God can heal the malfunctioning, worn-out cells in our brains or bodies, only He can heal the callouses in our hearts, the atrophied bits, where warm blood does not flow, and which are, consequently, slowly withering.

Only he who brought the dead to life can heal our small, cold and selfish hearts.

So do it, Lord! Create in me  a clean heart, oh Lord, and renew a right spirit within me. (Ps 51:10). Take out of my breast the heart of stone, and give me a heart of flesh. (Ez. 11:19).

Amen.

John Arnott, Bill Johnson, Randy Clark, and Heidi Baker: Who I will be listening to this summer!

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Mountain Stream
Okay, I am back from a summer adventure in Copenhagen, and learned lots, and thought lots, and saw lots, but spiritually, my cup is not overflowing!! And physically, I am still a bit tired—all that walking!! which I have valiantly tried to continue, counting steps on a pedometer.
I sense the autumn term is going to be full—of excitement and challenge and interest and new opportunity, and to cope with it, I need to rest spiritually and emotionally this summer, and let God refill my tanks.
So we are going to two Christian family camps/conferences this summer. The first is RiverCamp in Gloucestershire, where Heidi Baker will speak, and Mark Stibbe, whose book From Orphans to Heirs I enjoyed.
The books is about the Fatherhood of God, our adoption as sons and daughters. These are among the most life-changing theological concepts. I was discipled by Paul Miller, one of the writers of the immensely popular American Sonship Course, which helped the material get into my head.
It moved from head to heart during an amazing ILSOM week led by John Arnott in Oxford, during which I discovered soaking prayer.
I think learning to soak in God’s love, and just be, and not do, and just hang out with him, knowing he loved me was life-changing. So I am greatly looking forward to hearing John Arnott again at the Revival Alliance Conference.
   * * *
Bill Johnson will be speaking there. Bill Johnson is known as “the thinking man’s charismatic,” and I really like his speaking style, though from his Facebook postings, he seems to be getting a bit negative and jaded, perhaps burnt out. (Perhaps our heroes should not have Facebook and Twitter pages. Or perhaps they should, so that we have no heroes except the One who rides on a white horse and is called Faithful and True).
I have heard Bill Johnson speak at New Wine, and have read his books, like Dreaming with Godand Strengthen Yourself in the Lord. Reading him is mind-expanding. I suddenly sense there are vast oceans of intimacy with God and of experiencing his power and his glory stretching and rolling all around me while I paddle in the shore of a life of half-faith. Oh Lord, deliver me!!
I am also looking forward to hearing Randy Clark at the latter event. He had known much failure and sadness, but the Toronto Blessing descended when he spoke at the Toronto Airport Church in 1994, a revival which still continues (or so I’ve been told).
We are taking our children to both events. Please could you pray that they will be powerfully touched by God.
And that the spirit of God will once again refill this weary, half-empty, distracted heart of mine to overflowing.
Thank you!

 

How Spiritual Blogging Keeps One Honest!

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Image Credit

 Spiritual blogging is the most joyous and interesting thing I have ever done.
I embark on it with a sense of caution and diffidence though. For one, is it making something public which should be private?
Jesus stresses secrecy in spiritual practices—praying, giving and fasting—because if people are impressed, well, you’ve had your reward, and a pretty paltry reward it is compared to the mysterious, unknown and numinous rewards that the Lord himself might be planning to give you.
The wonderful Norwegian writer, O. Hallesby, said that one’s secret life with Christ in the secret places of prayer is like a cosy, warm Norwegian cottage in a blustery winter. If you talk about your prayer life, you open the door, and cold wintry blasts enter.
* * *
Ah, why do it then? Because it is my calling.
I have been helped by people’s spiritual autobiographies and journals–Hudson Taylor, George Mueller, Frank Laubach and Catherine Marshall come to mind—and their chronicles of their successes and failures, their highs and lows. Wow, so spiritual giants wobbled as I do? And are these heights of the spiritual life open to me? It spurs me on.
 * * *
And the worst thing about Christian blogging is when your life reproaches you. When you sit down to write your blog, and you realize you are angry with your spouse or children or a friend. That you feel spiritual empty and bereft and lifeless. What then are you to write?
I have committed to write every day I can, and I think the discipline and writing skills I’ve gained this way have been invaluable. When I have been feeling grumpy or spiritually limp, I’ve used archive posts, which I believed and felt when I wrote them, and still believe. However, I now think I will write a secular post, on a subject of general interest, and wait for the well to refill.
* * *
Spiritual blogging has helped my spiritual life, because when I feel distracted and discombobulated, it reminds me to enter by the narrow gate. And the narrow gate for me is surrender. Both “please make your will clear to me so I can do it,” and “Here’s my life; please work in it.”
It keeps me honest. I live with three other people, and have a group of close women friends whom I meet with regularly.  I want the online persona and the real person to match.  To be in real life and at home exactly as I am in my blog. I am working on getting more of the lows and dramas of my life in the blog (if I have discovered a way of dealing with them which may be helpful!).
* * *
When my spiritual life is limp and flaccid; when I am not truly pushing forward, learning and getting excited about new things about God, Scripture and the spiritual life; not following Jesus in new and challenging little ways; getting a bit stagnant–then writing my blog is almost a reproach to me.
When I pray well, new ideas for blog posts spring up; when I don’t I am a spider, not a bee.
However, when my spiritual life is exciting, writing my blog is exciting too—and it touches people.
 In fact, in spiritual blogging, the only way to get your blog interesting is to have spiritual adventures, to be continually filled with the spirit, and ask God for fresh ideas, and check out your ideas with Him. Otherwise, the writing can get a bit vapid and empty, a bit repetitive, yesterday’s melodies in yesterday’s words.

Christians, Quit Being so Oppositional!

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 So, on the 1st of August, on Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day hundreds of thousands of Americans bought sandwiches from the popular fast food chain. Chick-Fil-A made $30 million on that day, to be donated to anti-gay groups.


Dan Cathy and his chain were being appreciated because they were “guilty as charged” of donating a cumulative $5 million dollars of corporate money to anti-gay groups, including the Family Research Council, called a Hate Group by the Southern Poverty Law Centre.
And in my mind’s eye, I watch Jesus watch these snaking queues of Christians identify with him by buying these sandwiches, and I believe he is very sad. 
Why do I believe this?
Because it makes me and so many other Christianscry. And Jesus when he sees us care—enough to give good gifts to our children, to look for a lost coin, or sheep or son–uses the same phrase, how much more would his father care.
5 million dollars for the project of changing people’s sexuality, a project with limited and dubious success, and to oppose  gay marriage and gay rights!! 
Oh, how has the overwhelmingly positive message of Jesus—love one another; trust God; don’t worry, the Father cares; there is true life only in God; forgive aught against any—got reduced to being against gay marriage, against abortion, against gun control, against immigration, against Barack Obama, against the democrats?  Oh my fingers hurt just typing all this!
* * *
Five million dollars is both pocket change to God which he can give those who ask with a single good idea–and a significant sum of money.
It could sponsor 11,904 children for a year, providing them with food, education and clothing through World Vision at $35 a month. It can provide clean water to 250,000 people who might otherwise die young from preventable water-borne diseases, or spend many hours a day hauling water, exposing themselves to violence and sexual assault in the process. Nine year old Rachel Beckwith raised $1.2 million, providing clean water for 60,000 people in Ethiopa.
Because of early and unassisted childbirth, two million people suffer from fistulas.  “Women and girls with fistulas become pariahs. Their husbands divorce them, and they are moved to a hut at the edge of the village. They lie there in pools of their waste, feeling deeply ashamed, trying to avoid food and water because of the shame of incontinence, and eventually they die of an infection or simple starvation,” according to The New York Times.   Dr Steve Arrowsmith and volunteer doctors who work with the Fistula Foundation could heal 11,111 women for 5 million dollars
And if you believe, as I do, that man does not live by bread alone, but also by every word from the mouth of God, 5 millions dollars will pay for the translation of the entire Bible into 6.15 languages through Wycliffe Bible Translators’ The Seed Company (at $26 for a verse, painstakingly checked through a rigorous six step process). We’ve supported a small part of the Seed Company’s translations, and it’s very satisfying.
* * *
Which of these activities do you think is closer to the heart of Jesus?
Will funding anti-gay organizations make a gay person straight? Sexual desire stems from our unconscious limbic system and the autonomic nervous system. Attempting to change these is fraught with failure. Exodus International, (supported by Chik-fil-A) which attempts reparative, conversion therapy on gays, recently admitted that 99.9% of conversion therapy participants do not experience any change to their sexuality
And if they did? Is that what Jesus primarily came for? Called us to? To make gay people straight?
Or is his mandate that we follow him?
And, perhaps, in the process of following Christ some gay people might marry a heterosexual partner. And some might remain gay, but still love Christ.
 Lonnie Frisbee who was instrumental in the founding and flourishing of the Calvary Chapel Movement, and instrumental in the founding of the Vineyard when the spirit fell on hundreds of young peopleas he prayed, Come Holy Spirit was gay, despite his struggles, and died of AIDS.
The remarkable and saintly William Stringfellow was gay, and memorably wroteCan a Homosexual be a Christian? One might as well ask, can an ecclesiastical bureaucrat be a Christian? Can a rich man be a Christian?    Can anybody be a Christian? Can a human being be a Christian? All such questions are theologically absurd.
To be a Christian does not have anything essentially to do with conduct or station or repute. To be a Christian does not have anything to do with the common pietisms of ritual, dogma or morals in and of themselves. To be a Christian has, rather, to do with that peculiar state of being bestowed upon men by God….
Can a homosexual be a Christian? Yes: if his sexuality is not an idol.
                                           * * *
 
And when did following Jesus become synonymous with defending “traditional marriage?” Or disapproving of gays?
What did Jesus say for–or against gays? Nothing!!
His message was love. His message was Himself. Come to me. Eat me. Drink me. Abide in me.
And what happens when we do so? That’s his business. He will take each of us through different paths.
And so there will be rich Christians and poor Christians.
Republican Christians and Democratic Christians.
Christians who are pro-life, and Christians like Ann Lamott who believe, to quote “there are two lives involved in an abortion — one born (the pregnant woman) and one not (the fetus) — but that the born person must be allowed to decide what is right.”
Christians who cheered on George Bush as he bombed Afghanistan and Iraq, and people like our family who were so distressed by it that we immediately started applying for jobs in other countries.
Gay Christians perhaps, and straight Christians.
Christ is too wonderful a treasure, too rich a feast to limit himself or be limited to straight people.
Christianity is a relationship, not a cultural statement.  God will call Christians to be salt and light and sweetness in every area of society, among the rich and among the poor; among the highly educated intelligentsia, and those who follow the crowd;  among conservatives and among liberals; among the gay and among the straight.
                                               * * *
So what stand would Jesus take on gay marriage, and gay ordination, these schismatic issues?  We don’t know, but we can surmise from the four loving detailed biographies we have of him.
Above all things, he hated hypocrisy. He hated self-righteousness and holier-than-thouness. He opposed the unthinking group mind. When the Pharisees of his day all clung together, clucking their tongues, Jesus was on the outside with the least and the last.
And these were the people he sided with, reached out to, spent his time with: Zacchaeus, who was notoriously dishonest. A woman caught in adultery. A woman who had led a sinful life. A woman who had been serially married and now lived “in sin”. A hot-tempered, violent Peter. A friend of prostitutes and sinners, he was called.
And if he met a gay man or woman? He would have preached the gospel to him, as he would to anyone else. He would have loved them, overwhelmingly. And they might in response have adopted traditional marriage. Or perhaps, might not have. That is between them, Jesus, and his Spirit.
Being is a Christians is not about making gay people straight or picketing abortion clinics or defending the intent of the American Founding Fathers or American values.
It is about a relationship with a person. A relationship which turned the world upside down in the first century (Acts 17:6) and will, infallibly turn our world upside down if we let it have its way with us. 

His Grace is Sufficient in the Pursuit of Excellence

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 This has been a big year for sport in the UK. Andy Murray was the first Brit in the men’s singles in 74 years.
When we entered our church, St. Andrew’s, Oxford on July 8th, Wimbledon was on the big screen rather than Christian graphics.
Our sports-mad Vicar, Andrew Wingfield-Digby, was founder and National Director of Christians in Sport, chaplain at the Seoul and London Olympics, and chaplain to the England National Cricket Team. So we watched Murray  play Federer while the worship leaders strummed  worship songs. Very surreal!!
Everyone was gripped, so Andrew democratically asked for the vote as to who wanted to watch the final set at Wimbledon and who wanted to worship God. Wimbledon won (our family voted with the victors), so the worship leaders looking grumpy and resigned, continued strumming Be Thou My Vision, and I Surrender All, while we watched the screen, the sound now turned on, and church started at 6.20 p.m. instead of 6, with the TV switched off just as Andy Murray broke down.
I think crying is a natural, and not unmanly response to a loss made more terrible by the fact the hopes of a nation are pinned on you.
Loss in the Olympics are even sadder. Years and years of training and it’s all over in a few minutes, sometimes seconds. And only one gets the gold. 3 get medals. The rest have lost.
Is it worth it?
                                                     * * *
Yes, because the one loss at Wimbledon or the Olympics is preceded by a thousand victories. An elite athlete probably begins excelling in Kindergarten, winning numerous events in PE, for her house, her school, her town, her country, her country, internationally… Many successes for each big failure.
And so it is in anything competitive: we win some, we lose some, and when we do, we have to decide whether we are going to focus on the heartbreak of the loss or failure or rejection, or the joy of the thousand little successes that got us to the point of the big failure.
I was crushed by the rejection of a book manuscript I had written at great cost about 16 years ago. I told a kind lady who was mentoring me that I felt I was a failure. She reminded me of all my little achievements, the prizes I had won, the publications. “Many people would be green with envy to have achieved what you have,” she said kindly, but  it didn’t  help.
Now, years later, I have decided that, when I meet a setback, I’ll remember all the little successes which got me to the stage at which I credibly hoped for the prize, the acceptance letter. And thank God for them instead of sinking into despair.
And continue striving for excellence. For there is as much joy in the quest for excellence as attaining it.
Here’s a poem by Robert Francis called Excellence:
Excellence is millimeters and not miles.
From poor to good is great. From good to best is small.
From almost best to best sometimes not measurable.
The man who leaps the highest leaps perhaps an inch
Above the runner-up. How glorious the inch
and that split-second longer in the air before the fall.
* * *
 And another thing now keeps me light-hearted. I have given my writing and blogging to God and so do not feel that I own my writing, or that it is entirely my own responsibility. I am in Jesus, a branch in the vine, and will write as his sap and juice flow through me. His grace is sufficient for me.
Here’s my favourite Max Lucado story: 
Tom walks down the street and meets Dick, who is grinning from ear to ear.

Tom, “What are you so happy about?”

Dick, “Well, I’ve met a man who promised to do all my worrying for me for $80,000 a year.”

Tom, “$80,000 a year. How are you going to get that?”
Dick, grinning, “That’s HIS worry!”

This helped me hugely in my approach to money. Travel is expensive because it is all unfamiliar. One thing is guaranteed: mistakes. In the past, when I felt money haemorrhaging because of my mistakes or because I was ripped off, I would feel sad or annoyed. If it was Roy’s fault, I’d engage in mild recrimination.
Now I feel relaxed about it. I try to be wise, but have realized that stupidity is not a sin, and mistakes are part of being human. And it’s not really my money. It is God’s abundance temporarily in my hands. I am but a temporary conduit, and try to act wisely, but he will not hold mistakes and misjudgements against me.
And just as I have been blessed by other people’s errors (I own a publishing company, and people buy our books every day even though we are rarely the cheapest!) it’s okay if money flows through my hands to other people, willingly or unwittingly.  It’s not really my money, but God’s and he will look after it.  And me.
                                                  * * *
On this holiday, I made another cognitive shift which I sense will be important in my life.
I have unsuccessfully battled with weight for most of my life. And so, I made the sort of bargain with God which has transformed so many areas of my life. Somewhat as alcoholics say at AA, I said, “Lord, I have failed to eat healthily and exercise enough to be really fit. Lord, you step in and take over. Lord, empower and enable me to be healthy.”
And I know he’s heard my prayer, and so I am waiting to see how he will answer it.
His grace is sufficient.