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On the Surprising Physical and Mental Health Benefits of Forgiveness

By Anita Mathias

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Because of common grace, secular researchers and psychologists can offer us trenchant insights on the spiritual life.

I have long been interested in forgiveness (particularly HOW we do it) because it is one of the fundamental practices of Christ-followers (Jesus wants us to do it every time we pray!!) and because I do not find it easy. (Does anyone?)

I was fascinated by this article in the Atlantic on the physical and mental health benefits of forgiveness, as well as it in its practical left-brain analysis of how to forgive. Here’s a potted version.

* * *

Everett Worthington, a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University, researches the psychology of forgiveness (a process which gained personal impetus after his 78 year old mother was burgled, raped, and bludgeoned to death).

Worthington uses the memorable five step REACH method of forgiveness.

First, you “Recall” the incident, including all the hurt.

Then you “Empathize” with the person who wronged you.

Then give them the “Altruistic Gift” of forgiveness, maybe by recalling how good it felt to be forgiven by someone you yourself have wronged.

Next, “Commit” yourself to forgive publicly by telling a friend or the person you’re forgiving.

Finally, “Hold” onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you’ve already forgiven.

* * *

I have found the process very helpful, and now go through it whenever a memory which makes me angry surfaces (and, to be honest, I am surprised by how often such memories do surface!!). Sometimes, by the time I have tried to have empathy with the aggressor, I have understood why they acted as they did, and have already forgiven them!

Holding onto your decision to forgive is crucial. For feelings of anger will surface. It doesn’t mean your previous forgiveness was a failure. It just means you must forgive again to prevent reinjury to yourself, retraumatizing yourself. It’s like a decision to run must be followed up by actual running (alas!).

Worthington says there’s a sizable and immediate mental-health boost as we forgive and release angry memories which surface, and that an eight-hour forgiveness workshop can reduce subjects’ depression and anxiety levels as much as several months of psychotherapy would.

Forgiving people are markedly physically healthier than unforgiving ones, the article says. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that participants who considered themselves more forgiving had better health across five measures: physical symptoms, the number of medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and medical complaints. The study authors found that this was because the process of forgiveness tamped down negative emotions and stress.

“The victim relinquishes ideas of revenge, and feels less hostile, angry, or upset about the experience,” the authors wrote.

* * *

In marriage, when the “victims” of a fights respond peacefully, both their blood pressure and their partner’s blood pressure is lower; granting and receiving forgiveness seemingly brought down the tension level of the entire marriage, whether the instigator of the fight had tried to make amends or not. “The power to grant forgiveness (and its benefits) rests with victims,” the authors concluded.

Other research shows that “when study subjects were told to mentally rehearse a hurtful memory in a resentful way, versus an empathetic and forgiving way, they had faster heart rates and larger blood pressure changes. They also showed more tension in their facial muscles.

When someone holds a grudge, their body courses with high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. When cortisol surges at chronically high levels for long periods of time, Worthington says, it can reduce brain size, sex drive, and digestive ability.”

“Perhaps most surprisingly, though, forgiveness can also help with things that have nothing to do with physical or mental health.

“In a study recently published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 46 participants were divided into two groups: One set were asked to write about a time when someone wronged them and they forgave the person, and the other group was asked about a time when they did not forgive the offender. Afterward, all of the subjects were led outside to gaze upon a large hill. The “unforgiving” group thought the hill was about 5 degrees steeper than the forgiving group did. Then, all the participants were asked to jump up and down. The forgiving group jumped seven centimetres higher, on average.

The experiments showed how a grudge can weigh a person down—literally—says Ryan Fehr, an author of the study.

“If you’re primed with having a heavy burden, it makes you feel heavy,” he said.”

* * *

Importantly, the article goes on to note that there is a difference between forgiveness and accepting unrepentant behaviour. You release the injury, but do not need to put yourself in a position to be reinjured. As Anne Lammott says, “Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back; you’re done. It doesn’t mean that you want to have lunch with the person!” A crucial distinction!

More from my site

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  • On How Elephants Can Escape Their Chains, and We Can TooOn How Elephants Can Escape Their Chains, and We Can Too
  • The Best Way to Forgive–Bend in the Opposite DirectionThe Best Way to Forgive–Bend in the Opposite Direction
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Filed Under: In which I forgive Aught against Any (Sigh), random Tagged With: forgiveness, health benefits of forgiveness, mental health benefits of forgiveness

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Comments

  1. David C Brown says

    May 28, 2016 at 9:22 pm

    Very helpful, and as said, always needed. Did you see Malcolm Guite’s recent lines:?
    We set the limits on our own forgiveness;
    As generous or grudging as we are.

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 29, 2016 at 5:20 pm

      Thanks, David. I haven’t seen them, but am off to google now. Thank you for pointing me in their direction. BTW, I’ve had coffee with Malcolm a couple of times, and he is as inspiring in real life as in his poetry

  2. Jeena says

    May 20, 2016 at 4:38 am

    This article is very relevant – to everyone and at all times. Thank you for posting this. I wish to give a personal account of my journey of unforgiveness against my parents:

    I too have gone through months and years of unforgiveness. When I look back, all that built up a lot of bitterness, helplessness and arguments in my life. This even reflected in our husband-wife relationship. Then there came a time when God intervened in my life. I was told that I MUST forgive as God forgave. Sadly, the problem still lingered… in fact, for years. I wrestled to forgive, but a part of my heart was still unwilling. On one of those days, I got a revelation that totally changed my state – I realized that my unforgiveness can seep through me to my posterity. What I mean is that – my bitterness, when it comes out through my words and actions (even those inadvertant ones) will be noticed by my children and will affect their attitude towards the world. It came as a shock to me. I did not want to be held responsible for the physical and mental wounds that I might leave to the coming generation. This changed my view from within to the outside world.

    Well then, I genuinely decided to forgive. My heart was 100% willing then. So, God helped me forgive – with his grace – which felt like a magic wand that worked when I was fully willing.

    Now, whenever, I think of all the hurt, I dont feel a thing – I sense the work of God in helping me forgive. I feel so light!

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 20, 2016 at 7:43 pm

      “I feel so light!”
      What a lovely story; love it! Thank you so much for sharing it!

  3. Bev Murrill says

    May 19, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    Great job, Anita… Thanks for this. I know that the issue of forgiveness has been a key one for me for many years, since the Lord explained to me that it was an area I needed to sort out. That was early in my life and I have become a forgiver, but it has not been without having some massive struggles. Interesting that the Lord has led me through some similar steps… Not the same, but some quite similar and it has been an instrument of breakthrough.

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 19, 2016 at 11:26 pm

      Thanks, Bev! I too have struggled with forgiveness, and have paid the price! I now find the five step process so helpful that I go through it whenever negative memories surface, whether little or huge.

  4. Mollie Lyon says

    May 19, 2016 at 1:38 pm

    Love this and it is very timely for me.

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 19, 2016 at 11:21 pm

      Thanks Mollie, and thanks for your message too, to which I will reply. Much love, friend!

  5. Patty Schell says

    May 18, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    Thank you for lining out the steps for forgiveness. I believe most people do not know the abuse they are putting on the whole being–mind, body and soul–when they don’t or can’t forgive. If this were an ailment, they would seek out a treatment to be healed. Here’s the prescription.

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 18, 2016 at 4:55 pm

      Yes, I am finding it helpful to go through the steps for each injury and grievance I remember–when it comes to mind rather than go on a fishing expedition to find it. I do immediately feel lighter…as the article says!

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
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Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
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How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
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He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
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And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
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