“WHY should I spend an hour in prayer when I do nothing during that time but think about people I am angry with, people who are angry with me, books I should read and books I should write, and thousands of other silly things that happen to grab my mind for a moment?
The answer is: because God is greater than my mind and my heart, and what is really happening in the house of prayer is not measurable in terms of human success and failure.
What I must do first of all is be faithful. If I believe that the first commandment is to love God with my whole heart, mind, and soul, then I should at least be able to spend one hour a day with nobody else but God. the question as to whether it is helpful, useful, practical, or fruitful is completely irrelevant, since the only reason to love is love itself. Everything else is secondary.
The remarkable thing, however, is that sitting in the presence of God for one hour each morning — day after day, week after week, month after month — in total confusion and with myriad distractions radically changes my life. God, who loves me so much that He sent His only son not to condemn me but to save me, does not leave me waiting in the dark too long.
I might think that each hour is useless, but after thirty or sixty or ninety such useless hours, I gradually realize that I was not as alone as I thought; a very small gentle voice has been speaking to me far beyond my noisy place.
So: Be confident and trust in the Lord.”
From The Road to Daybreak, by Henri Nouwen (New York: Image Books, 1989).
In real life, amusingly, Nouwen was a fidgety pray-er. Michael Andrew Ford writes, “Nouwen could rarely sit still for long. When he was in prayer, he fidgeted, coughed and moved but seemed to have no awareness he was doing it. His apparently restless and distracted prayer nurtured him. While his body was twitching, his spirit could be deeply present to God.”
The writer Parker Palmer describes Nouwen at a Quaker retreat centre where the traditional gathering in silence was practised for 45 minutes every morning:
“I was conscious of being in the company of a world-class contemplative and I was expecting to have an extraordinary experience sitting next to him during worship. But as we sat in this plain, unadorned room and settled into the silence, I realised that the bench was jiggling. I opened my eyes, glanced to my left and saw Henri’s leg working furiously. He was anxiously trying to settle but without much success. As time went on, the fidgeting got worse. I opened my eyes again only to find him checking his watch to see what time it was.”
Ford continues, “Nouwen’s primary need for prayer meant he was completely oblivious to more mundane things. He would dash to the bathroom wherever he was staying and shower without closing the curtain, soaking the place in water. Then, without looking in the mirror, he would shave as quickly as possible, so he could get downstairs and be with God. As a result, he often ended up with a one inch patch of old whiskers on his neck and fresh soap in his ear.
“Contemplation was at the heart of Henri Nouwen’s life. It was a discipline of dwelling in the presence of God. Nouwen was convinced that Christian leaders need to reclaim the mystical so that every word they speak, each suggestion they make and every strategy they develop, will emerge from a heart which knows God intimately.”
More from my site
On the Benefits of Writing Down Our Prayers
Analysing my Experience of Prayer over the Last 19 Years
Housework as a Pathway to Prayer—with Vermeer’s Women
The Only Form of Multitasking that makes you Cleverer
When Shackles become Wings: On Domesticity, Creativity, and Me
Making a Difference Through Prayer and Writing: In Praise of Julian of Norwich
Thank you, Anita. I shared the link to this post on my FB page with the comment “Awesome Anita, again!”
I was typing rather quickly, and I didn’t press hard enough on the comma. I intended to type “Awesome, Anita!” But that didn’t happen. I sat back and looked at what was on the screen, and decided I liked that even more. *grin*
I simply LOVE Fr. Nouwen! I have one of his books next to my bed, for just-in-case reading. I have been struggling with regular prayer for decades. God and I have had many, many conversations about that. What you mention in your post is a good thing for me to remember when I feel discouraged–as I do from time to time. Thanks! @chaplaineliza
I am reading “The Life of the Beloved” by Nouwen. Lovely, and so simple.
“Awesome Anita,” yeah, let’s go with that, as long as I don’t get too swollen-headed :-). Thanks for sharing, Elizabeth!
That’s my absolute favorite book! I found myself deeply moved just by seeing the title on the book’s spine in the bookstore.
I’m reading “The Life of the Beloved;” well, it’s one of the books I’ve got on the go. Just lovely!
Anita, thank you for this article.. It helped me think of my own prayer life and my own discipline on reflecting and dwelling in the presence of God.
Thanks, Jeff. Glad you liked it!
That is amazing, profound and so encouraging. I have been coming more and more to realize that. Even as a teen, every thought or distraction while I was praying, I turned over to God.I was immature and felt a failure. I learned it is being in His presence that matters. When I didn’t work afternoon turn, in the summer, I grabbed a chair or sometimes just plopped on the step on the porch and think of God and thoughts of Him. I think often of the pray continually. I think it is having God on your mind at all times, ready for that breath, that comment and listening to His Holy Spirit.
it is being in His presence that matters. Yes!! ” it is having God on your mind at all times, ready for that breath, that comment and listening to His Holy Spirit.” Inspiring. I aspire to that, but haven’t reached it!