Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Archives for 2012

A Contemplative in the World

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Angelus, Millet


 One of my personal spiritual ambitions is to live as “a Contemplative in the World.”
I want to live quietly and peacefully. Rooted in Christ. Immersed in Scripture. And right in the force field of the vibrant radiation of the Spirit.
I want to pray through my day. To seek God’s wisdom on my thinking and actions. Both the little and trivial, and the large. And not to have thoughts in my mind which are not in God’s.
I want to lead a quiet life. To do some work with my hands in my garden as the monks of old did.
I want the words and ideas of Scripture to run through my mind through the day, like a quiet underground musical stream.
                                    * * *  
Some contemplatives, for instance, the Trappists, take an additional vow of stability. Stability of place. They commit themselves to live in a particular monastery until they die.
This monastic ideal is very appealing to me. I’ve moved around so much–I have lived in 13 towns in 3 countries–India, England, and America–which is less than some people, but more than most. And for me, it feels like too much.
I have a longing now for rootedness. To stay in a place for a long time. To know its seasons. Its plants and trees and flowers and  wildlife. Its history. To know, love and invest in the same people over a period of years. To settle down.
When Thoreau was asked if he had travelled much, he answered in the affirmative. “I have travelled a great deal in Concord,” he said. I want to travel a great deal in Oxford, especially in my garden, an acre and a half in Garsington. To really know it. 
                                        * * * 
Most monastic life is based on the Rule of St. Benedict. A day held sleep, prayer and study, and manual labour in roughly equal balance.
Their waking hours held a balance of prayer, study and manual labour. It’s amazing that Benedict stumbled upon this perfect balance of mind, spirit and body. 
The one weakness of monastic life is relationships–it does not allow for marital relationships, parent-child relationships or one on one friendships. I would be lonely and bereft without these–which is why I would like to be ” a contemplative in the world.”
However the monks and nuns did live together in community, which is a stabilizing influence, and a safeguard against nuttiness, extreme selfishness or against undisciplined excesses in food, sleep, prayer or study. The anonymity of the monastic life also provided a safeguard against the treadmill and drudgery of ambition. 
                                            * * *
I find I need the manual labour, which was part of monasticism, for mental, psychological, spiritual health besides, of course, physical health and strength. It rounds out and completes my cerebral, incredibly intense, wired, and often highly-strung personality.
I do my best thinking and praying while working in the garden, or pottering about the house, (though I do have a cleaner and get a gardener occasionally, since I don’t potter regularly enough).
                                           * * * 

I committed my life to the lovely Jesus when I was 17, and then and now being ardent, asked, “What should I do?” So momentous a decision had to express itself in action I felt.

And so, being a novice Christian, and not realizing the importance of the seeking the whole counsel of God, I picked up a bit of the jigsaw.

Jesus said, “Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do to me.” And so I decided to serve the least of these.  I lived near Calcutta, and so at 17 and a half, went off to become a nun and work with Mother Teresa.

It was a temperamental mismatch. I had spent my childhood in an exclusive dreamy boarding school in the Himalayas, run by Irish, English and German IBMV nuns, and where I read, and read, and read. I was reading Thomas Hardy, George Eliot, Matthew Arnold, Galsworthy, Shaw, James Joyce, Joyce Cary…

Suddenly, I joined a community where many people were just learning English, literacy was basic, there was no reading except spiritual reading. I had been so used to living in my mind, in books, in language, and I felt bereft of that.  I took an old Bible which had both Latin and English and patiently taught myself some Latin by matching the words!

The hardest part was living in community. This was community in extreme–25 women sharing a single room, which with a constant moving of furniture became a dormitory, refectory, class-room, living room. No privacy, except at times of prayer and meditation–and then, it was your mind and thoughts which were at rest, your body was with 400 others.

Phew. I loved God, loved thinking of Him, talking to Him, learning about Him. Still do. Loved Scripture. Still do. But I just needed a lot more solitude and quiet than I could get in a service-oriented community.

After 14 months there, I realized it was not for me. Mother Teresa had another order, called Sisters of the Word, devoted to a contemplative life. They spent their mornings in prayer and reading Scripture, and their afternoons in proclaiming the Word to the poor, the” spiritually poor,” on the streets, wherever. I fancied it would be just the thing for me.

Mother Teresa had her doors open all day. I asked her if I could either leave and go home or if  I could transfer to her contemplative branch from her active branch. She thought I was too young–at 18–for a contemplative life which is generally considered psychologically, spiritually and emotionally more difficult than an active religious life, and asked me to apply to that order when I was 21.

When I was 21, of course, English in Oxford absorbed all my thoughts. My faith was virtually non-existent. And that was that!!

                                                             * * * 
But now, in a quiet season of my life, I am living a fairly contemplative life—while writing a rapidly growing blog, and living in a family with two teenage girls. So I guess I am “a contemplative in the world,” a category unknown to Benedict.

Andromeda and Me

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A friend’s husband is the chair of a important UK government agency. He has a position of power and prestige at Oxford University. His books are well-received, and he appears on television regularly. You get the picture…
His youngest daughter was unhappy at University, and despite all his national and university politics and his own books and media work, he was extremely worried about her. And took time off on the weekend to drive down with my friend to see their daughter.
He was simultaneously concerned with politics, with his books, his academic work, his university admin, with keeping all those glittering balls in the air, and with the happiness of his youngest daughter. All those thoughts in his head, and one thought, an unhappy girl, superseded them!!
* * *
Beautiful Andromeda is home to several galaxies. God named each of the stars in each of these galaxies, long before astronomers dreamed of their existence. “He calls each of the starry host by name,” Isaiah writes (Is. 40.26).
God is the ultimate multi-tasker. He controls the storehouses of the snow and the storehouses of the hail, Job 38:22.  He tips over the water jars of the heavens  when the dust becomes hard and the clods of earth stick together. Job 38:38. The fall of evil regimes at the prayers of God’s people is inevitable. He is in the coincidences of our lives.
And he who created Andromeda tells us that nothing is too small for us to request him for it, Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it. John 14:13,14.
He holds so many thoughts in his head, simultaneously. He is a force in world politics when people pray; he loves Andromeda, and knows its billion stars by name, and he loves me, and answers my silly little prayers, and even asksme to ask, “Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession.” Psalm 2:8.
Wow!

The Parable of the Thornbush and the Seeking of Power and Significance in the Christian World.

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Thornbushes in Samaria 

Jotham, in the Book of Judges, tells The Parable of the Thornbush. The trees want to anoint a king. However, all the useful trees don’t want to give up their pleasant, beneficial work for power.
The olive tree says, “ ‘Should I give up my oil to hold sway over the trees?’ The fig tree says ‘Should I give up my fruit, so good and sweet, to hold sway over the trees?’  The vine says ‘Should I give up my wine, which cheers both gods and humans, to hold sway over the trees?’
However, the thornbush, agrees to be king, provided that the other trees “take refuge in his shade” (which is negligible, and means they will remain stunted, and never grow taller than the thornbush). And for those who did not agree, he says, “let fire come out of the thornbush and consume the cedars of Lebanon!”
What a brilliant description of controlling, toxic church leadership. Submit, hold yourself back, minimize who you are, pose no threat, or be destroyed. What is important in such a church is not encouragement of the spiritual gifts of the congregation, but submission to the leader–to be less than “the thornbush,” to be in his shade.
And the only people who would seek power and significance in such an environment are those who have no useful role to play at work, in society, or in their own families or circles of friendship. Insecure people needing validation. People, who for that very reason, should not be leaders, or in positions of significance or power.
If you are an olive tree, a fig tree, or a vine in a church in which the leader is an insecure thornbush who wants you to be in his shade or be destroyed, you will never flourish. Flee, oh man and woman of God!
* * *
We are each significant to God, and so he designed us to be born into little circles of significance: the apple of our parents’ eyes, our friends’ beloved friend, and to steadily develop circles of significance and influence in which we can be a blessing. The desire to be significant is a natural, not an unnatural desire.
But we Christians live in an upside Kingdom. If one wishes to be significant in one’s church, or in the body of Christ, one way to go about it is the way of the politician. Find out who’s important, toady up to them, drop them when they lose significance, manoeuvre, volunteer, be humble until you can afford not to be. And sure, you can work your way up the church’s inner power structure that way.
But not peacefully. You will surround yourself with other Inner Ringers (in C.S. Lewis’s phase) who also desire power. You may be friends with them, but you will be dropped once you are no longer significant, or potentially useful to them. You have to keep on the right side of the king-makers, and what shifts and compromises and flattery and biting back of your true self that will take. Oh horror!!
I once attended an Anglican charismatic church which was run like a court (with a mediocre, insecure king and queen, sort of Macbethish.) Stephen Arterburn notes in his book Toxic Faith that those deeply involved with toxic churches were “physically ill, emotionally distraught, and spiritually dead.”
I was at lunch with a group of inner circle people from my old church recently and was surprised by two things.  One, as Arterburn says, almost all of them were ill with a variety of psychosomatic, but painful, illnesses. Many were unhappy, overwhelmed and distraught, as he observes.
Secondly, much of the talk was about power—their relationship with the Rector, the small groups, women’s groups, prophecy groups they were leading, or angling to lead… “No, no, no, first things first,” I wanted to say. “Flee to the secret places for real strength, not to leadership.”
* * *
Jesus understands the human drive to be significant. It’s universal—because he put it in our hearts. No one wants to be the least interesting person at the party, the last one picked. He watches guests angle for “places of honour” at a party, and observes that seeking honour is fraught with danger and humiliation—for there will, sooner or later, be someone “more distinguished” than ourselves, and we’ll be told, “Give this person your seat.” Don’t seek honour, Jesus advises; instead, take the lowest place, so your host cries out, ‘Friend, come higher.’ “Then you will be honoured in the presence of all the other guests.” 
So when we move to a new town or a new church, and no one knows our name, or our talents, or our specialness, and we don’t like being anonymous and invisible, the stressful, pointless thing we can do is to elbow ourselves next to the important people, like the banquet guests Jesus wryly observed. 
But there are useful ways of being significant. Seek out those you can be a blessing to. Whom you can bless with your extra-virgin olive oil, figs and wine. And you will be precious and beloved to them. In accordance with your free time, seek one-on-one ministry, or the ministry of meals, the ministry of the welcome team, or the ministries the church implores for help with, unheeded, Sunday after Sunday, until such time as, if God wills, when his time is ripe, you hear him say, “Friend, come higher.”
And inevitably, He will, because that is the way the Kingdom works.

Chocolate and Grace

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A friend told me yesterday about their family’s chocolate box. Twice a week, they gave their young children chocolate after dinner.  To teach them about grace.
They said, “Have some chocolate. Whether you’ve been good, or whether you’ve been bad. Whether you are glad, or whether you are sad, God loves you anyway. And so do we.”

Not surprisingly, my daughters are very eager for this sweet instruction in grace. 

William Booth, Inspiring Founder of the Salvation Army (A Guest Post by Kimberley Sullivan)

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William Booth

“While women weep, as they do now, I’ll fight; while children go hungry, as they do now I’ll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I’ll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I’ll fight, I’ll fight to the very end!”  And these are the words I grew up with.  They were spoken by William Booth the founder of the Salvation Army.  
My grandparents were Salvation Army ministers, and my parents were entrenched in the fight for racial equality in a very racially tense Chicago at a Salvation Army youth mission. Even as a young girl, the passion of this man inspired my heart.  Oh to live life so full of fire!
                                                     * * *
 In 1852, William Booth began his ministry with the Methodist Church in England.  Later, he would fall in love and marry Catherine Mumford who proved to be his perfect match, for her passions were the same as his: the underdog and the down and out.
“Go for souls, and go for the worst!” was one of Booth’s favorite mottos.  The Methodist Church wasn’t in favor of sending Booth out as an evangelist, although he had proven himself successful in doing so, drawing thousands to meetings. So they assigned him to church after church as pastor.  Finally, the couple decided that it was time to step away in faith and fulfill the call of God on their lives: to love the unloved in the service of the Lord.
After years of street witnessing and preaching, the couple had a small following.  It wasn’t long after that they had coined themselves the Salvation Army.  We are all familiar with the uniformed men and women who serve humanity at their darkest hour.  But imagine for a moment that they were not the highly respected charitable Christian organization that they are.  
Suddenly, street preachers have organized, calling themselves an Army with ranks and uniforms!  People were concerned to say the least.  There were riots and disturbances everywhere these early soldiers went.  But nothing could cause General Booth and his ranks to retreat from their objective to reach the world for Christ. They were radical, risky and revolutionary!
* * *
 Social issues had always caught the attention of General Booth.  Now he was determined to provide a Soup, Soap and Salvation Army.  For how can one truly listen to the Gospel if they are hungry? Or in need of a bath?  His idea was that by meeting the physical needs of the lost, lonely and poor that he was opening the door to their hearts so that they might truly hear about the love of Christ.  
His hunger for souls intensified rather than diminished over the years.  It is said that one of his sons caught his father pacing in the middle of the night.  When asked what was troubling him, he answered, “Ah, Bramwell, I’m thinking about the people’s sin. What will people do with their sin?” He wept over sinners; lost sleep over sinners; and made the ultimate sacrifice for sinners: he lived for them.
When I consider whether a man or woman is great, I often think of the legacy that they leave behind.  William Booth leaves behind a charitable organization with the highest standards of integrity financially, socially and most importantly spiritually.  Found in over 124 countries, with 15,765 churches this army of compassion has become the hands of God to anyone who finds themselves lost and destitute.  160 years later they are still going strong.  
When asked how the Army became so successful, William Booth declared: “If there is anything of power in the Salvation Army today, it is because God has had all the adoration of my heart, all the power of my will, and all the influence of my life.”For as the fine General also once said, “The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.”

If you’d like to read more about William Booth there is a fine biography written here.
And more about the Salvation Army, you can go to their international website here.


*******
Kimberley Sullivan
Kimberley Sullivan

The wife of the friend she could not live without, and mother of the three most wonderful children in the world, kd sullivan is always searching for overlooked lessons in life. As a recently retired homeschool mom, she is busy trying to figure out, “What now?” Journey Towards Epiphany, kd’s spiritual journal blog, is where she regularly bares her soul.  She also has a second blog, What In The World R U Doing For Christ’s Sake?, which chronicles the stories of everyday people who are doing amazing things for the kingdom of God.  But perhaps her greatest joy is found working on her first YA historical fiction book.  She hopes to finish it sometime before her 80th birthday…She’s currently 44.

A new heart and spirit: A Promise. A new mind: An exhortation. A different body? Adventures in Prayer and Bible listening on the hoof

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A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you is the promise of the new covenant. And we are exhorted to do all we can to have a new mind. 

How am I doing this? Well, I have turned my daily quiet time into a prayer walk. I had been praying face down after learning soaking prayer from John Arnott, and so for the first few days, this was a wrench. I found it hard to focus my thoughts out of doors; they wandered.
But everything in life is habit, and I gradually got into the habit of praying out of doors. I accepted that I prayed differently while walking from field to field in South Oxfordshire. That my spirit soaring in joy and praise and happiness was prayer—just not organized or cerebral.   And I understood that this was going to be the prayer I would pray for a while—praise, thanksgiving, joy. I might not be diligent in praying through lists, but I would convert the random thoughts that came into my head into prayer by praying about them.
I have also started listening to a dramatized reading of the Bible on my iPhone as I walk. I listen for 45 minutes which means I get to listen to several chapters. It’s a wonderful way of getting the big sweep and the large themes of scripture, though, of course, there is slightly less pausing to reflect, and no checking footnotes, commentaries, concordances, Bible dictionaries etc. Oh well, I have done a lot of that for 22 years, but have rarely been as immersed in Scripture as when I listen to several chapters during my walks.
Hopefully, this increased exercise will begin to give me a different body—at least will build muscle mass, and increase fitness, strength, health—and build a stronger immune system because of walking out of doors in all weathers. It does appear to give me a new perspective, optimism and resilience. 
And, after a month or two of practice, I have actually been praying better. I am a classic night owl. I wake up a bit groggy and mentally slow. Prayer in the mornings can be unfocussed; I can “run out of conversation.”  But the fresh air, and the endorphins generated while walking actually help me pray better.
And when I return, I can concentrate on my work so much better! That praying and listening to scripture while walking would help me concentrate better and for longer on my reading and writing is an unexpected side benefit–and one for which I am very grateful. 

The Favourites of the Lord

By

Correggio

Who wouldn’t want a unique vision of angels?
Who wouldn’t want a cutting-edge vision of Jesus and to hear his compelling, electrifying, history-making, immortal words?
Who wouldn’t want to be the first to hear the biggest story of all time? To be entrusted to sharing it with the church and the world?  To have the most compelling vision and revelation there ever was? And be eternally famous as a result?
* * *
Ah, who would want to hang out alone in a place where there is no guarantee Jesus will show up, but where you last saw him?
And if he is not there, then there is no reward, nothing achieved from your trek to the secret place, no church status gained, no literary or blogosphere status gained.
It is time wasted; it is self wasted; it is discouraging.
You will perhaps have expended time seeking him whom your heart loves in the secret places—and returned without honey. As all spiritual seekers sometimes ostensibly do.
* * *
To whom did the Risen Christ reveal himself? To those who sought him, even though, evidently, there was nothing to be gained from the quest. To those who sought him for himself. 

To Mary, who went to the garden tomb, because that was where she had last seen Jesus, without any thought that she might see him there again. Alive!
To the three Marys who come with spices and perfume to him they loved so much in the place they last saw him with no expectation that they would see or hear the living Christ.
In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy and Susan are the first to see the risen Aslan, because they were there on the morning after.
Did he pick out Mary (or Lucy or Susan) because they were his favourites?
No, I believe anyone who loved him enough to take the time to be there would have seen and heard the risen Aslan/Jesus.
Revelation and blessing come to those who hang out, slow down and linger.
* * *
Many seek significance in the church, and the Christian world. Many want to be someone, to be praised, respected, admired. To be important.
And these are instinctive human desires. Each of us is significant in God’s sight. And he designed us to be born into little circles of significance: the apple of our parents’ eyes, our friends’ beloved friend, and to steadily grow circles of significance and influence in which we can be a blessing.
But significance cannot be grabbed; it has to be given to us. It is given to us as we put first things first; as we seek the significant.


And if the tree of our life is to tower high, to bless many, to be significant in the body of Christ, our roots must go correspondingly deep into the secret places of Christ. We must drink of his sweet words, his life-giving waters.
Mary seeks Jesus in the garden tomb with perfume and spices because she loves him. She has no thought of reward. He rewards her with himself. She sees him, he speaks to her; she pounces on him. He gives her a vision, which spread far and wide among the disciples and reverberates twenty centuries later.
So if you feel unknown, unheard, insignificant, put first things first.
Go to him who has never doubted your significance, just hang out with him,
God gives himself, his wisdom, his vision, his revelations to those who hang out with him.
Just as Pharaoh’s magicians could mimic what Moses did, many can speak thundering or eloquent words. What ultimately cannot be mimicked is the validation of God, the blessings God showers on you, and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon your life and ministry making it powerful. What cannot be mimicked is love, joy, peace, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
And these things come, in the measure that pleases God, to those who take the time to hang out with him for no reward other than his sweet self. 

And to those who thus seek him in a noisy world of competition and hustling (even within the church), he has promised a reward.
When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you openly. (Matthew 6:6).
  

The Secret Spiritual Power of Helplessness: A Lesson from the Life of Gideon

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Battle of Gideon Against the Midianites - Nicolas Poussin
As part of my ongoing battle for physical fitness, I have been listening to a dramatized reading of the Bible as I walk, instead of reading the Bible while seated. There are gains and losses.

One gain: I am certainly going to listen to the entire Bible this year. Another: I am gripped by the spellbinding sweep of the stories.

I listened to Judges today, captivated by the story of Gideon.

* * *

 God sees potential in us which neither we ourselves, nor others see. He calls into existence the things that do not exist. (Romans 4:17). So the angel of the Lord greets the faintly ridiculous, terrified Gideon threshing wheat in a winepress, so as to be unobserved by the Midianites, with words, which sounded ironic, but are, in fact, his new destiny: “The Lord is with you, Mighty Warrior.”

And then Gideon is commissioned to do a task, which humanly speaking, he cannot do. “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hands. Am I not sending you?”

But Gideon has no strength.

“But Lord” Gideon asked. “How can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the weakest in my family.”

Just as we crave for love and significance, God desires our love—and our faith!  For us to know him. To believe in him. To believe in who he is. In his goodness and power.

And so he frequently gives us a task too big for us, precisely so that we will have to rely on his power to do it. And then give him the glory, so that his character might be known among the men and women he loves.

And God answers Gideon with an answer most reassuring, if we have faith, “I will be with you.”

Gideon understandably, wonders if he is hallucinating. And so God gives him signs, the famous Gideon’s fleece (Judges 7 36-40.)

* * *

Later, God says something very interesting, “You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands.

In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her,” send back the fearful. The fearful volunteer to go home.

So Gideon’s army is reduced from 32,000 to 10,000.

The next test reduces the army from 10,000 to 300. The Midianites, on the other hand, were “thick as locusts. Their camels could no more be counted than the sand on the seashore.”

And with this vastly reduced army of 300, God is prepared to act.

* * *

 Sometimes, we experience God’s provision most vividly when we are desperate. I received business ideas and guidance after I tried and failed to create a viable business with my own strength.

It exhausted me, so I had to cry out to the Lord in my distress for a sustainable idea which He gave.

We are so self-sufficient that we need to reach the point of desperation—of being confronted with tasks too great for us before we turn to God.

I am seeking God about this blog because my stats have been dropping. I don’t want to spend more than an hour a day on it. But I feel tempted to spend more time on my blog when my stats drop.

At the prophetic conference I went to recently, Patricia Bootsma pointed out that roots are invisible, but for a tree to be visible, and tower over the rest, it needs a deep, massive root structure for strength, stability and nourishment. Our roots lie in the secret hours we spend with God.

For a Christian blogger, the secret to growing an audience may not lie in working more, working harder, or even working smarter (though the latter helps).

It may well lie in hearing the voice and words of God, overhearing his whispers, knowing his heartbeat, so that what you write are words of life, comfort, encouragement, wisdom and strength. Shrewd marketing cannot give you this, or social media savvy, or hard work; it comes from hanging out with God.

* * *

So Gideon sends back 9700 men, asking them to leave behind their trumpets. Normally, there are just a few trumpeters in an army, but now each of the 300 men has a trumpet, giving the impression of a far larger army.

And God delivers them in one of his trademark ways: An idea so good, so unusual, so startling, so clever that men wouldn’t have thought of it themselves.

Gideon tells his three hundred men, “Get up. The Lord has given the Midianite camp into your hands.” Talk about positive, faith-filled thinking!!

So Gideon divides his men into three groups of a hundred, with torches in empty jars and trumpets. At a signal, they were to smash their jars, flash their torches, blow their trumpets and shout, “A sword for the Lord, and for Gideon.”

And because of the proliferation of trumpets, the racket of the broken jars, and the sudden shock of the torches and war cries in the darkness, they created the impression of a massive army.

Groggy and terrified by this middle of the night awakening, the darkness, trumpets and battle cries, the Midianites fled. And Gideon won, delivering his people through an outrageous, God-given strategy.

* * *

The story reminds me not to rely on my natural gifts, such as they are, or on free time or hard work to achieve my goals, but to continue asking God for his strategy, his ideas, and his blessing.

And to never forget that one of God’s blessings are good ideas and good strategy, which he gives to those who ask him.