Today at River Camp, this lovely Irish guy called Simon Foster, who looks a bit like Hugh Grant, walks on stage to preach, and something about his bleached blonde hair, his walk, his face, alerts my gaydar.
I whisper to Roy, “He’s gay.”
“Ssssh,” Roy says.
And then Simon sweetly giggles a little bit. Laughs. Says a few sentences, flings his head back, then bursts into song in the most gorgeous singing voice .
There’s an indefinable something…
“He’s definitely gay,” I whisper to Roy.
Roy says, “Sssh. He’s an Elim Pentecostal leader.”
I am chastened. So did my gaydar gave a false reading?
Nope.
And then Simon says, “Well, I was trapped in a homosexual lifestyle from many years, but now am married.”
“What did I say, Roy?” I whisper triumphantly, and now Roy looks properly flabbergasted.
* * *
Simon Foster has told his story here. He was a Eurovision contestant, and came 10th with his band, the Duskeys, and then stepped into a life of show-biz, singing in nightclubs and cruises, drinking, substance abuse and homosexuality, which he gives up after an encounter with the love of God, and after he reads the Bible verses about homosexuality which he becomes convinced is sin.
In his case, the move was definitely a blessing. It released him to a fruitful ministry (prophecy, healing, and preaching) in the body of Christ, which is unavailable to non-celibate gays in most every Christian denomination.
He said yesterday, “All my life I have been waiting for a man to ravish me. And in Jesus, I’ve found him”
What? Several people look affronted, and Simon laughed and said, “Oh, I see your religious spirit rising.”
* * *
This is how Simon explains his homosexuality “I was set up for homosexuality through circumstances of life. I had a dysfunctional relationship with my dad, which left me feeling unloved and unwanted. My attempt to connect with others boys at school failed which only compounded my feeling that males rejected me. The name-calling and continued rejection left me with nowhere to belong.
Years of living with this identity problem produced a fantasy life in which I dreamed of men desiring me. The pull to engage with men sexually followed. The father I desired became the man of my dreams and led me to develop homosexual relationships.”
I am sure he believes this narrative of his childhood leading to his homosexuality, but that does not explain how within minutes of observing his face, his hairstyle, make-up, gait, demeanour, speech, voice, laugh, I realised he was a gay man–or post-gay in this case.
It seemed an ontological, as well as circumstantial part of his identity to me.
However, for each Christian gay man or woman who marries and becomes heterosexual, there are many who fail in their quest to do so, to their own heart-brokenness (and their spouses’).
And I thought of Lonnie Frisbee, the most influential gay man in twentieth century Christianity, a key person in the Jesus People or Jesus Freak movement, who unleashed a wave of the Holy Spirit which was instrumental in the founding, and phenomenal growth of two major Christian denominations, the Calvary Chapel, where he attracted thousands to his Bible Study, and the Vineyard, which was established after Lonnie Frisbee asked youth, 25 and under, to come forward, then prayed, “Come Holy Spirit.” And those so filled, baptised others in hot tubs and swimming pools!!
Lonnie resisted his homosexuality, to the point of marrying a woman who left him after she had an affair with their pastor; was sad and guilty about his repeated homosexual flings; was rejected by both denominations he helped found and flourish when his homosexuality became obvious; and died broken-hearted of AIDS, yet forgiving those whose careers and denominations he had established, but who ostracised him and almost wrote him out of their histories for a sin he could not shake.
And yet he was responsible for thousands of people being converted and filled with the Holy Spirit, and changed the direction of twentieth century Christianity through the millions influenced by the Calvary Chapel and the Vineyard Movement.
God’s blessing and anointing was on his life, perhaps because of his brokenness; perhaps because his unsuccessful struggle with his homosexual longings convinced him he needed a saviour and needed forgiveness, and led him to intensely love the one who forgave him.
* * *
What interests me is that Lonnie partied on Saturday, including promiscuous gay sex, and preached powerfully on Sunday.
I doubt he was a hypocrite. I fancy it’s like the overweight who eat chocolate, and then preach; or those who have a drink too many and then preach; or those who are foul to their spouses and kids and bully their parishioners, and then preach.
And sometimes God blesses their preaching for the sake of those who will listen to them, as he blessed Lonnie Frisbee. Or because we see the one sin and are shocked, but God sees their hearts, the whole man or woman, and sees someone he can use as his conduit of grace.
We see sin on a continuum with abortion and homosexuality at the far end of the spectrum. Jesus did not see sin on a continuum. One should not murder nor be angry, he teaches. One should not commit adultery nor lust, he teaches. (Matt 5 21-27).
Perhaps Jesus did not see Frisbee’s sin of promiscuous gay sex as worse than the gossip, pettiness, envy and meanness which good church people are guilty of.
Of all the people he could have chosen to unleash the wave of the spirit which reached the nations through the Vineyard, he chose a tormented gay person, Lonnie Frisbee.
Was He perhaps trying to tell us something?
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Poor Simon is just kidding himself.He will remain a gay man to the end of his days.
It’s just a shame he can’t accept himself for who he is.His wife must be one sexually frustrated woman!.
But he is trying to conform to what he believes God requires of him, and there must be some blessing in that, however it turns out in the end?
Sue, Yes, I know of disasters when gay people marry someone of the opposite gender because of their Christian beliefs. It's often tragic for both parties, IMO.
ENID, welcome to my blog. I didn't know you read it. It's true, Jesus would hang out with gays who feel condemned by the church; or women crushed by the abortion they feel they can never mention in Bible study. We must guard against the narrowing of the heart which Pharisaicism brings!!
P.S. Anon, Lonnie Frisbee was raped at the age of 8 according to the online biographies I've read. So I guess both the gay or post-gay people I've mentioned in this post had sexuality rooted in trauma.
A gay Christian psychotherapist I know, Rev. Canon Dr. Beau Stevenson has written a paper http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/pdf/Beaumont%20Stevenson%20Healing%20by%20Paradox%20in%20the%20Christian%20Tradition.x.pdf
about how the mind deals with trauma such as rape and abuse by taking it and making it a positive. So the raped woman might become a submissive; the raped man, homosexual.
Just his theory!
Thank you Anita for having the courage to compare homosexuality to gossip or drunkenness or unforgiveness. I saw a post recently that said, “Don't judge me because I sin differently than you.” I think the Christian focus has become much to pinpointed to the “major” sins and giving everyone a pass on the “minor” ones. We need to be careful that we don't become the older brother in the tale of the prodigal son. I know I have been both the prodigal and the other brother. If Jesus were alive today, He would be hanging out with all of “those people” we in the church think we are better than. I could go on and on but I will stop with a “bravo” to you for stepping out and giving such a balanced account of what I consider an important truth.
Anonymous wrote: “Perhaps the great turmoil men like Frisbee undergo is because they are convinced by the evangelical template/mindset that they need to deny their sexuality.”
I do agree with that. Of the many LGBT people I know (through involvement in Changing Attitude, Courage and the Gay Christian Network) some are celibate, others in relationships and others have married – and a good number of those have then found they should never have married anyway and have divorced and formed same sex relationships.
The happiest people in these organisations seems to me to be those who came to terms with their sexuality in time and choose to have committed same sex relationships. That does not mean that LGBT people in other situations or describing other experiences do not deserve and need support and affirmation as well though – they very much do.
Anon. Thanks.
Lonnie Frisbee birthed two movements….perhaps God was making a statement here?
Yes, indeed.
“Whilst this article makes helpful comparison with other 'sin'”
The “sin” I was referring to was the promiscuous, casual sex on Saturday nights before preaching on Sunday. And then I tried to work out why God might have blessed his preaching anyway.
Perhaps the great turmoil men like Frisbee undergo is because they are convinced by the evangelical template/mindset that they need to deny their sexuality. Authentic Homosexuality is not a choice…to therefore deny it is to state that God made a mistake…or lots of mistakes. Perhaps, also, it may be helpful to avoid the stereotypical examples of those who have had abusive beginnings as reason for particular sexuality. Interesting how we tend to reinterpret scripture to suit our bias. So much in scripture we bypass because it is so beyond our cultural view…hats…women…eating habits…nocturnal emissions…etc…yet we continue on favorite roundabouts without really addressing the issues. I am not gay…but recognize that we have done great disservice to those who are through no choice. Whilst this article makes helpful comparison with other 'sin' it still follows the well worn track of cliche and sound bites the evangelical ''right' like to travel without addressing the interpretational / contextual aspects of scripture as we so readily do in other areas…(women for example). Lonnie Frisbee birthed two movements….perhaps God was making a statement here?
I was half joking about the book. In the picture, though, he does look like Brad Pitt and I think as an actor, he could get the conflict.
Interesting in church today we had a couple named Mathias leaving for the mission field. She is a professor and he is a librarian. Two small girls. Our sermon was on grace from John 8. The songs had to do with breaking chains, giving our all to Jesus and of course, Amazing Grace. I thought of you the whole time.
Thanks, everyone. Yes, I think Lonnie's story is really heart-breaking. Mollie, was just thinking of another post on Lonnie, not a book. There is a good documentary out on his life.
And Brad Pitt could play Lonnie Frisbee in the movie adaption of your book.
My jury's still out. After reading and listening to Chris Yuan, who believes we are called to holy sexuality, I think that is the answer. Out of a Far Country, is the name of his and his mother's book. Not my only source. The Bible promotes marriage between a man and a woman, but Philip was sent to the eunuch. God loves and calls us, He ravishes us and wants us to be filled with Him. All sin is equal in His sight, which is why Jesus died on the cross. We cannot live by the law. But we are called now to be holy as God is holy. Set apart, different. Yes, He will use a donkey or rocks if He has to to get His message across. But we are called to be His witnesses.
Just think how much more Lonnie Frisbee could have done (without feeling constantly like a hypocrite, which must have taken on incredible toll on his ministry
) if he was allowed to get married to a man.
This was excellent.
God is love
jpu
I loved this. It resonates a lot with what I recently wrote on my blog.
Maybe God doesn't see things as we've interpreted them after all these years…you were just a whole lot more graceful in how you wrote it. That Elim preacher sounds awesome!