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| Imae: Joyce Kimball Smith |
Roy and I were chatting with someone who’d worked as a psychologist. After an hour or so together, he guessed that on the Belbin Personality Inventory, I would be a Planter, and Roy would be a Completer/ Finisher.
According to Wikipedia, Planters are “creative, unorthodox, and a generator of ideas. If an innovative solution to a problem is needed, a planter is a good person to ask. A planter will be bright and free-thinking. Planters can tend to ignore incidentals, and refrain from getting bogged down in detail. A planter bears a strong resemblance to the popular caricature of the absent-minded professor.”
The Completer Finisher on the other hand “is a perfectionist and will often go the extra mile to make sure everything is “just right,” and the things he or she delivers can be trusted to have been double-checked and then checked again. The Completer Finisher has a strong inward sense of the need for accuracy, and sets his or her own high standards rather than working on the encouragement of others. They may frustrate their teammates by worrying excessively about minor details, and by refusing to delegate tasks that they do not trust anyone else to perform.”
Though Roy and I have extremely exasperated each other over the last 21 years–and might continue doing so for the next 21!!–we are, in many ways, a good team, a well-matched mixture of inspiration and perspiration, of ideas and detail-oriented, often boring and sweaty implementation.
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The psychologist was probably right. Whenever Roy and I have taken personality profiles, we turn out as diametrically opposite. On Meyers-Briggs I am ENTP. He was ISFJ, if I remember correctly.
A wonderful pastor of ours, Bob Hopper, who spent time with us when we fairly newly-wed gave us the DISC personality inventory.
I, interestingly, was at the extreme end of the charts for DI traits(dominance/dynamism, influencing). Roy, predictably, was at the extreme end of the charts of SC traits (steadiness, conscientiousness). Both of us were right at the bottom of the charts for the opposing attributes, DI for Roy, SC for me. (Bob pointed out that my psychological profile was the same as his, and typical of pastors!!)
Hey, I could sue the match-maker, were it not I myself!! And, if people who are diametric opposites manage to weather the years in which murder, bloodshed, and front page news are not remote possibilities, they have a good chance of having a balanced, creative and wise partnership.
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I have a first cousin, Chris whose passion is founding businesses. He has founded a large number which he has sold for staggering sums. Bought much an island off Spain, bred polo ponies, and then founded another company, and another and another, selling each as it was established and profitable. He’s now involved in social and philanthropic investment (which is something I would be very interested in, had I the funds).
Funnily enough, I know that impulse. I was consumed by establishing the publishing company which now supports our family. Lived, breathed it. In fact, once when while Roy and I animatedly discussed business at dinner, we saw tears stream down the face of Irene, aged 8. “She’s literally bored to tears,” Roy said, with amazement. She was!!
Now that it is established, I find it less interesting. I have been able to hand it over the daily details of running it to other people, which is fortunate, as I am now able to return to writing.
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But I understand well the impulse that makes the opening stages of a project more compelling than the mid or endgame.
But few of us can spend our lives starting things.
I have started three major enterprises (for me) in the last four years–a publishing company, blogging seriously, and a large garden, which is an experimental permaculture, forest garden, with perennial fruits and veggies. (Will blog later on that). And I am, of course, continuing to write, which is really my life’s deepest passion.
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I love the early stages of a project–the optimism, the hope, the dizzy excitement, the sense of unlimited potential, the thrill of hunches and intuitions working, how compelling it all is.
The later stages, however, offer rewards–more and more rewards for less and less work: the rewards of virtuous circles, of reaping what you have sown. More predictability. In a publishing company, your back list continues fruitful, so there’s less need to publish new titles; in a blog, if it’s compelling, your readers keep increasing so that successive posts find an ever larger audience; in a garden based on perennial fruits and vegetables, you harvest more and more with ever decreasing fresh plantings.
How strange to find the sowing phase more compelling.
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I said to Roy half-facetiously, “Roy, if I get any more ideas, for any more projects, stop me.”
The projects I have on hand are life-time projects–writing books, writing a blog, and gardening–and I honestly hope not to inaugurate any more, but see these to ripeness and fruition.
So help me God!
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) or UK
Ray, your comment made me remember Plato's theory of the hermaphrodite–that we are incomplete, and wander through life looking for the person who is our other half and might complete us!
Fascinating post Anita. You and Roy seem to be polar opposites, as were John and I. “chalk and cheese” my mother used to say of us, dont't know which was which, but it can work very well on many different levels.
Sometimes I imagine if there is true perfect match each one will complement the other to such a degree that they then make one perfect whole.
Well, it's a nice thought anyway!
Yeah, Roy stabilizes me, and talks me out of my crazier ideas and impulses; and I manage to talk him into some of them!
It's fascinating to see how different couples complement each other – sometimes I'll meet two people who seem completely at odds. But then, when you put them together, they just work. The things we love about each other are the same things that drive us mad..