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He Was My Champagne; Now He Is My Bread. My Changing Experience of the Holy Spirit

By Anita Mathias

bridal veil fallsMy first conscious experience with the Holy Spirit was also my most dramatic.

I strayed into a Charismatic meeting at my ancestral hometown, Mangalore, India, when I was 17. My father was patronising and mildly amused, and flatly refused to take me again. And so I went to the visiting Spanish priest preaching the retreat, Father Marcellino Iragui, and asked him to pray with me for the Baptism of the Holy Spirit (about which I had just heard) and which he was to pray for on the last day.

“Are you hungry?” he asked. “Is she hungry?” he asked my friend with me. Upon deciding that I was, he prayed.

And I felt nothing.

And woke that night, about 3 a.m. with overwhelming joy, worshipping and praising God in childlike and incoherent English, and then in a spirit-language which has never left me. It was the gift of tongues, glossolalia.

* * *

And for many years, decades even, when I prayed “Come, Holy Spirit,” that was what I was praying for: joy, champagne, an experience.

Gradually, I changed, experimenting more with Oswald Chambers’ life-verse inscribed on his tomb, Luke 11:13: If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

“I am sad, I am depressed. I feel lifeless. My spirit feels dead. Come, Holy Spirit.”

The first time I prayed this, with faith, I was amazed to find that my mood had changed. Almost like magic.

Now that I pray that more expectantly. “I am sad and empty. Come Holy Spirit.”

“I know the core of following Jesus is love, but I feel no love. Come Holy Spirit.”

“I am supposed to love my husband, but at this moment, I feel anger, not love. And murder is totally illegal. Come Holy Spirit.”

“The temperature of family life is hotting up, and I cannot change it. Come Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. Come and change the atmosphere.”

“I have a call to blog and to write, and my piece is not developing. It’s slow, and I don’t know how to write. You are the fountain of ideas and beauty. Come Holy Spirit.”

“I know I need to pick up this room before the cleaner comes, but I am so bored, finding it so hard to focus on it. Come Holy Spirit, fill my spirit with new wine while I do so.”

“Chocolate will change my mood, oh yes, but is there an alternative? Come, Holy Spirit.”

It’s bread, it’s bread, the bread of the Holy Spirit, given to help me in my weakness, in my low moods, when I am angry, when I need inspiration.

The Holy Spirit is no longer just champagne. He is bread, he is fish and eggs and vegetables. If I went through my day without him, that day would be sad; that day would be stressful and empty. I would live that day weak, and without God’s power to help me.

Come, Holy Spirit.

 

Filed Under: In which I chase the wild goose of the Holy Spirit Tagged With: Charismatic experience, glossolalia, Marcelino Iragui, On experiencing the power of Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit as bread; the Holy Spirit helping us is our weakness, Oswald Chambers, the gift of tongues

The Best Thing You Can Do with your Life: Sign it Over. (Inspired by Bill Bright.)

By Anita Mathias

Bill BrightI read an arresting blog about Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, and one of the post-War generation of entrepreneurial American Christian giants—like Billy Graham, Bob Pierce of World Vision, Francis Schaeffer of L’Abri, or George Verwer of Operation Mobilization.

As newly-wed Christians, Bill and Vonette Bright were disappointed with each other. After a quarrel, Bill sensed God tell him, “I want you to make total, absolute surrender to my control.”

They made a list of their dreams—a home in a posh neighbourhood, cars, vacations, and were appalled at how materialistic these were.

So, they literally signed everything to the control of Christ. Home, car, business, all they owned, or would own.

And then they sensed that their future was brighter than ever.

* * *

Bill wrote, “Apart from my salvation, this was to be the most important decision of my life.  That day I became a slave of our Lord Jesus Christ, and for the first time in my life I was actually free.”

“We chose that day to put aside our own little dreams, our own aspirations, and our own little puny plans, and embrace his magnificent plans.  That day was the beginning of a whole new era, a whole new lifestyle.”

“It’s the greatest decision that we have ever made. It was a total, absolute, irrevocable commitment to the Lordship of Christ.”

“It was the most liberating thing you can imagine.” They committed to “never again seek the praise or applause of men or material wealth.”

And then, Bright said “God in a supernatural way seemed to open up my mind, to give me a vision which embraced the whole world—to reach the world through reaching college students. It was so intoxicating that I almost burst with joy. I wanted to shout the praises of God at the top of my voice. I appreciate the experience of the apostle Paul who spoke of being lifted onto a spiritual plane which could not be described by mere human words…. God showed me the whole world and gave me the confidence that He would use me to reach the multitudes of the world for whom Christ died.” In those few seconds, their lives changed forever. 

Campus Crusade for Christ now has a ministry presence in 191 countries, and has 80 ministries under its umbrella, including the Jesus Film.

* * *

Of course, this surrender to God was not without cost. Bill sold his business to focus on reaching college students. He left his course at Fuller where he was training to be a pastor. The Brights were plunged into the financial and career uncertainty.

It is a fascinating, paradoxical story. Bright literally signed over everything to Christ—and the future felt brighter, and he felt liberated.

I think of the lovely old hymn Only a Shadow, “The dreams I have today, my Lord, are only a shadow of your dream for me.”

Amazing thought, that!! Because His mind is exponentially bigger, creative, startling–so his dreams for my blog, or the books I want to write are so much bigger than mine. So, as Bill Bright says, the challenge is seek and “embrace his magnificent plans.” (One of Bill’s sayings was “think huge,” and “then huger still.”) So I need to train myself until it becomes second nature not to act until I sense his guidance, his wind in my sails. To sense his words and direction surge through me before I act.

* * *

When you surrender area after area or your life to God, two things are possible. The surrendered area can be super-enhanced. Or it can be taken away, in the way God led Oswald Chambers to drop the art career which he had trained in for years. Total surrender of your life to God is very dangerous, and, paradoxically, the safest thing there is.

“Ooh” said Susan. “Is Aslan-quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”..

“Safe?” said Mr Beaver …”Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”

* * *

Bill Bright tells us candidly that he and his amazing friends in The Fellowship of the Burning Heart failed in their total surrender, but they went right back and surrendered their lives again. And again. This gives me hope as I re-surrender areas of my life which I had surrendered before (unsuccessfully).

My blog, precious to me, which I believe I have surrendered, because, heck, I couldn’t write words which speak to others weekly without his help.

My writing, which has been an area of frustration, failure and sadness, and in which my dreams have NOT been fulfilled…so it is the highest of high time that I surrender it.

My health and weight. Ah, I desperately need God’s help in them. Cannot manage without God. Come, Lord, and control them.

My children and their futures, over which I am so opinionated. I have a University in mind which I would LOVE Irene to go to. Will have to surrender that desire to God.

My house, my possessions.

My precious garden which so little resembles my dream for it

My finances, my business. Oh direct me, Lord, and bless both.

The languages I want to learn. The places I want to see. My husband. My old age! Everything.

There is joy in surrendering it all, again, and again and experiencing the transition, in Bill Bright’s words, from our puny plans to God’s magnificent plans.

Filed Under: In which I surrender all Tagged With: Absolute Surrender, Bill Bright, Campus Crusade for Christ, Oswald Chambers

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Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India

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Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

Wandering Between Two Worlds
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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

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