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Chasing the Wild Goose of the Holy Spirit: In Praise of Retreats

By Anita Mathias

A Canada goose flies under a clear blue sky. In traditional Chinese culture, the wild goose symbolizes a letter or an exchange of correspondence due to its use by the ancient Chinese to carry messages over long distances. (Janet Forjan-Freedman/Photos.com)

 Is God more present in one place than another?Does it make sense to leave the comfort and familiarity of your daily surroundings to seek God in places—retreat centres or pilgrimage spots– “where prayer has been made valid,” in T. S. Eliot’s phrase? Where God was rumoured to have shown up in the past, or to be currently showing up?Does it make sense to go to conferences to listen to other people’s deep, life-changing experiences of God rather than stay home and experience him quietly for yourself?

For most of my life, my answer to these questions was No.

I wanted to experience God in my daily life, amid the wear and tear of marriage and parenting and housekeeping and writing and church.

I was wary of seeking mountain-top experiences which would fade once I got down to the valley simply because they often had, leaving me discouraged. Far better to experience God little by little in the valleys, and have this experience permeate my whole life.

I guess you could say I was not really hungry.

* * *

It’s the rare person who’s hungry for God while you still hope that your life can work very well, thank you, without God.

So it took a period of brokenness—of a manuscript being rejected; of having to totally lay my writing aside to found a business to pay for private school for the girls; of being purified in the crucible of marriage—for me to want to be filled to overflowing with the Holy Spirit, and his gifts of love, joy and peace more than I wanted to be a successful writer.

And this God-longing is revealing itself in my use of time.

* * *

The ancient Celtic symbol for the Holy Spirit was a wild goose.

If the wild goose did not grace your backyard, you searched for him in places where he was last rumoured to have been.

And so when I run out of energy, of love, of joy, of a steady sense of shalom and the presence of God, I am happy to take time out, to seek the wild goose of the Holy Spirit once again.

* * *

And spiritual quests, luckily, are not the quest for the Holy Grail, where you either find the Grail, or you don’t. They are not all or nothing.

They are like treasure hunts in which one might pick up one gleaming golden feather one time, or a fistful of them the next, or bits of delicate down. And each of these makes your life more beautiful.

And finally, you chance upon the shimmering wild goose itself

* * *

Healing comes layer by layer. Revelation and clarity and guidance come layer by layer.

The Holy Spirit like water floods the soul of the seeker, sometimes in a trickle, sometimes a stream, sometimes a mighty flood.

I like the way the ancient Israelites constructed a cairn of stones to remember significant spiritual encounters.

* * *

Here are some of my cairns:

Learning soaking prayer at a Catch the Fire Conference with John Arnott, and somehow catching a deep awareness of the Father’s love for me, through the week-long conference, and through the practice of soaking prayer they taught. Receiving healing from adrenal fatigue at a healing prayer session. Receiving partial healing from emotional eating at Cwmbran and Harnhill Retreat Centre. Beginning to radically change my diet after a visit to His Place, Saarland, Germany, a holistic Christian retreat centre.

* * *

If you feel stuck in your personal life, or goals, or relationships, or feel the need of physical or emotional or mental healing, or would like to experience more of the presence of God who is energy and joy and peace, I would highly recommend going away for a retreat, personal or guided,  or a conference with speakers with an attested track record of fruitfulness and integrity (I find Bill Johnson, John and Carol Arnott, and Heidi Baker worth listening to.)

 

Why go away to experience God when God is everywhere?

1 God honours the humility it takes to inconvenience ourselves to seek him.

Namaan the Syrian has leprosy. His slave girl tells him about the prophet, Elisha in Samaria who can heal, and off he goes pompously with chariots and horses and silver and gold and clothing to be healed.

But Elisha merely send him word  to bathe seven times in the Jordan.

Namaan is furious: “Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?”  

His servants tell him, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” 

So Naaman bathes in the Jordan, and is cleansed.

Sometimes, God heals us in response to our own prayers, and, sometimes, in response to other people’s prayers. Both happen in Scripture— the second far more frequently.  Who knows why? I think God honours the humility it takes to ask for prayer.

It also ensures that we cannot position ourselves as some sort of super-prayer-warrior who can cure all our own diseases and ailments, physical, mental and spiritual by our own prayers.

 

2 We hear God better when we set aside time to do so.

Mark Batterson in The Circle Maker: Praying Circles Around Your Biggest Dreams and Greatest Fears has a formula

Change of pace + change of place=Revelation.

Come on, be realistic. Home can be a talking-to-do list of duties and distractions. And there’s the phone, and mobile phones, and the internet. A good retreat centre will infuriate you by cutting wifi, thereby ensuring that you hear God rather more than you bargained for!!

If we struggle with making time and space and silence for God in our daily life—but feel the need for clarity, peace, blessing, healing, guidance—it makes sense to go away and seek these things.

 

3 God honours the sacrifice of money, time, convenience and career advancement that we make in seeking him.

 

4 Going away to seek God has been built into Judeo-Christianity from the very earliest days when the Jews went on pilgrimage to Jerusalem three times a year. A kind of holy-day, exercise,  community and God all thrown in.

 

5 It is generally so worth it.

I was talking to a woman who had spent thousands of pounds last year on a forthnight in the Bahamas, and came back with no more peace or joy than she had before.

Then she went on a weekend retreat at Waverly Abbey, and came back glowing, couldn’t stop talking about it, felt spiritually full and somehow different.

I love travel—it energizes me. However, etymologically, the English word travel is derived from travail: trouble, sorrow, suffering, hassle. It’s not always a spiritual experience for me (though it often is).

A silent retreat however clears my mind of all my whirling thoughts and worries, gives me clarity, and fills me again with the spirit of Jesus. It’s  a great investment of time.

* * *

Bird watchers are amazing. All they want to do is to see the bird—the kingfisher, the toucan, the macaw or the albatross and the penguins which I saw in New Zealand.

And I want to similarly seek the wild goose of the Holy Spirit until I have all of him, and he has all of me, and says, “Okay child, I have seen your heart. I will make you my dwelling place. I will come and fill you, and you will be my Anita, and I will be your God.”

Filed Under: In which I chase the wild goose of the Holy Spirit Tagged With: Bill Johnson, cwmbran revival, Harnhill Centre, Heidi Baker, His Place Saarland, John and Carol Arnott, Mark Batterson, retreats, Revival Alliance, The wild goose of the Holy Spirit

On Absolute Surrender. Killing “Isaac” for God’s Fullest Blessing.

By Anita Mathias

The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed   because you have obeyed me.” (Gen 22 15-18)

I loved Rabindranath Tagore’s Geetanjali as a teenager (and see no contradiction between his lovely poems, and Christian thought. He could just as easily have been a Judeo-Christian poet).  Here’s a beautiful Tagore poem on the blessings of surrendering everything to God.

I had gone a begging from door to door in the village path, when your  golden chariot appeared in the distance like a gorgeous dream, and I wondered who was this King of all kings!

My hopes rose high, and I thought my evil days were at an end. I stood waiting for alms to be given unasked and for wealth to be scattered on all sides in the dust.

The chariot stopped where I stood. Your glance fell on me, and you came down with a smile. I felt that the luck of my life had come at last. Then all of a sudden you held out your right hand, saying, “What have you to give me?”

Ah, what a kingly jest was it to open your palm to a beggar to beg! I was confused and stood undecided, and then from my wallet I slowly took out the least little grain of corn and gave it to you.

How great was my surprise when at the day’s end, I emptied my bag on the floor only to find a least little grain of gold among the poor heap!

I bitterly wept and wished that I had the heart to give you my all!

* * * 

Ah, in my own life, surrendering things to Jesus has indeed been magic. Peace has come; worry has diminished; the burden of having to achieve is lightening.

I have an amazingly productive friend, Paul, a writer, in full-time Christian ministry. For him, surrendering to Jesus was not without pain, but became addictive, a lightening of the load. He told me how, once he had done it, he would find himself at the bus-stop, thinking about areas of his life which he still “owned” and saying ‘Take that, too, Jesus. Take that.” I do something similar now, and find joy in it.

* * *

For me, surrendering is a freedom from worry. In big things and  little things. For instance, we bought a motor home from Sussex, 3.5 hours away. When we got it inspected, we paid someone to go and check it out, but gave in to laziness and did not join the mechanic. We were recently told that there is damp in the motor home, which has been there for a while.

I am sad, and could worry, could freak out, but God provided the money to buy the camper van through blessing our work, so it seems ungrateful and foolish for us to be worrying about it. So I am just releasing it to him, and praying that it lasts 10 years as I want it to, and if not, that he provides us another one.

Or another example: Zoe, our older daughter, is studying Theology at Oxford. And, now, ungrateful me, I am focusing on the best university for our bright younger daughter, Irene, 16, who has a year to go before University admissions. Nah, my heart cannot bear the weight of that intensity and worry. I need to release it to God, and know that his love for Irene will remain in full flood, wherever she goes to her first choice University, as is very likely. Or not.

* * *

I went on a retreat to the Harnhill Centre for a Christian Healing, and received excellent prayer ministry. While there, I read Desert Harvest, the autobiography of the founder of the Harnhill Centre, an Anglican clergyman, Arthur Dodds.

Arthur Dodds reached a turning point in his ministry after attending a John Wimber Signs and Wonders Conference. As did Peter Lawrence, the vicar-husband of a woman on staff. As did David Pytches of St. Andrew’s, Chorleywood, and John and Ele Mumford (leaders of the UK Vineyard, and parents of Mumford and Sons).

John Wimber breathed the Spirit into England and Canada, through the Toronto Airport Fellowship (now Catch the Fire) and he didn’t even live in these countries.

* * *

One of the striking aspects of Wimber’s life was his absolute surrender to God. I’m spare change in his pocket; he can spend me any way he wants, he’d say. His surrender was cemented by his period of manual labour, cleaning out oil drums, after surrendering his career as a highly successful and well-respected musician.

When I consider how fruitful Wimber’s life was, how marked by miracles, it increases my desire to give Jesus everything. To surrender it to him, and to see his magic unfold.

Heck, it’s his already, of course. As is everything I own. Like Job, our possessions, our family, our health, our mental health, our livelihood can all vanish.

What surrender does is a voluntary placing in God’s hands of what is already his–like small children buying you a present with your own money.

For me, it would mean putting my blog, my writing, my career, my health, my future, my finances, my home, my garden, my possessions,my friendships, my marriage, my husband, my children and their future into his hands, to take what He gives me, and give what he takes from me cheerfully.

That was Mother Teresa’s definition of holiness. “Holiness is giving what he takes from us, and taking what he gives us with a big smile.”

I have so often failed in this. Been angry at what was taken from me through my own errors, or other people’s uncaring or malicious actions. Sulky at what was given me, when I wanted an entirely different life.

Absolute surrender would deal with the sulkiness when what we want is taken, or when we are not given what we want, or are given what we do not want.

* * *

How do we get to absolute surrender? We can do it all at once as Wimber did, and Oswald Chambers did as detailed in David MacCasland’s Abandoned to God.

Or we can do in increments, as my friend Paul appeared to have done. Step by step, handing him the things we fret about about, our worries and ambitions. “Bless our plans, oh Lord. Make them succeed. And if they do not, it will in no way diminish our love for you.” I hope I can say that. Yes, I believe I can.

And in that surrender is blessing and fruitfulness. Isaac was Abraham’s son until he was surrendered to God. And then, in the act of surrender, Isaac became God’s son and the spiritual and actual ancestor of the Judeo-Christian peoples. The surrender enlarged Abraham’s destiny, and Isaac’s. What a good bargain surrendering to God was! For Abraham. As it will be for you and me.

 

 

Filed Under: In which I surrender all Tagged With: abraham, Absolute Surrender, Arthur Dodds, Fruitfulness, Harnhill Centre, In which I surrender all, Isaac, John Wimber

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https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/28/believing-is-s https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/28/believing-is-seeing-miracles-according-to-your-faith-let-it-be-done-to-you/
Jesus was the only person in the Bible who restored the sight of blind men. The two blind men called out a simple prayer, known as the Jesus prayer, “Jesus, have mercy on us. And their faith activated a miracle when Christ replied, “According to your faith, be it done to you.” And healed them!
The same simple prayer changes things in our lives, too; the transcript of our prayers often becomes the transcript of our lives. However, we live in the “already-not yet” Kingdom. We often see answered prayer but not always, because God often has a happier biography in mind for us than our scripts, which might involve endless scrambling up ladders of striving, success and ever-more. Faith also involves leaving these worries in his hands.
A recent walk around Oxford—Christ Church and Ma A recent walk around Oxford—Christ Church and Magdalen College in particular, with my cousin, Dr. Prem Pais, recently retired Dean of St. John’s Medical College, Bangalore, and his wife, Dr. Nalini Pais. It was lovely seeing them, and showing them beautiful Oxford.
And I’m excited that my little meditation podcast is listened to in 167 cities in 14 countries. A bit astonished, really, and humbled!
Here’s the latest one, on how Christ always knows the best way to do what you are best at. https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/20/jesus-knows-the-best-way-to-do-what-you-are-best-at/
When we are out of our depths and bewildered, Jesus can take the wheel, and add a 1 to our zeroes. But if we manage to surrender our strengths to him, then he can astonish us with exponential growth, adding zeroes after our 1. And, of course, surrendering everything to his wise, kind Lordship is the very best way to live.
https://anitamathias.com/.../jesus-knows-the-best- https://anitamathias.com/.../jesus-knows-the-best-way-to.../
LINK IN BIO!
Jesus knows the best way to do what you are best at!!
Simon Peter was a professional fisherman. And Jesus keeps teaching him, again and again, that he, Jesus, has greater mastery over fishing. And over everything else. After fruitless nights of fishing, Jesus tells Peter where to cast his nets, for an astounding catch. Jesus walks on water, calms sea storms.
It’s easy to pray in desperation when we feel hard-pressed and incompetent, and, often,
Christ rescues us in our distress, adds a 1 before our zeroes.
However, it’s equally important to turn over our strengths to him, so he can add zeroes after our 1. And the more we can surrender our strengths to his management, the more he works in those areas, and blesses them.
A walk around beautiful Magdalen College, Oxford, A walk around beautiful Magdalen College, Oxford, with a camera.
And, if you missed it, my latest podcast meditation, on Jesus’s advice on refocusing energy away from judging and critiquing others into self-transformation. https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/11/on-using-anger-as-a-trigger-to-transform-ourselves/
https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-t https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-trigger.../ link in bio
Hi friends, Here's my latest podcast meditation. I'm meditating through the Gospel of Matthew.
Do not judge, Jesus says, and you too will escape harsh judgement. So once again, he reiterates a law of human life and of the natural world—sowing and reaping. 
Being an immensely practical human, Jesus realises that we are often most “triggered” when we observe our own faults in other people. And the more we dwell on the horrid traits of people we know in real life, politicians, or the media or internet-famous, the more we risk mirroring their unattractive traits. 
So, Jesus suggests that, whenever we are intensely annoyed by other people to immediately check if we have the very same fault. And to resolve to change that irritating trait in ourselves. 
Then, instead of wasting time in fruitless judging, we will experience personal change.
And as for us who have been judgey, we still live “under the mercy” in Charles Williams’ phrase. We must place the seeds we have sown into the garden of our lives so far into God’s hands and ask him to let the thistles and thorns wither and the figs and grapes bloom. May it be so!
Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I love it.
Here are some images of Shotover Park, close to C. S. Lewis's house, and which inspired bits of Narnia and the Lord of the Rings. Today, however, it's covered in bluebells, and loud with singing birds.
And, friends, I've been recording weekly podcast meditations on the Gospel of Matthew. It's been fun, and challenging to settle down and think deeply, and I hope you'll enjoy them.
I'm now in the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus details all the things we are not to worry about at all, one of which is food--too little, or too much, too low in calories, or too high. We are, instead, to do everything we do in his way (seek first the Kingdom and its righteousness, and all this will fall into place!).
Have a listen: https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/ and link in bio
“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. Or a king on his coronation day.
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” 
Of course, today, we are more likely to worry that sugary ultra-processed foods everywhere will lead to weight gain and compromise our health. But Jesus says, “Don’t worry,” and in the same sermon (on the mount), suggests other strategies…like fasting, which brings a blessing from God, for instance, while burning stored fat. And seeking God’s kingdom, as Jesus recommends, could involve getting fit on long solitary prayer walks, or while walking with friends, as well as while keeping up with a spare essentialist house, and a gloriously over-crowded garden. Wild birds eat intuitively and never gain weight; perhaps, the Spirit, on request, will guide us to the right foods for our metabolisms. 
I’ve recorded a meditation on these themes (with a transcript!). https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-a https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Jesus advised his listeners--struggling fishermen, people living on the edge, without enough food for guests, not to worry about what they were going to eat. Which, of course, is still shiningly relevant today for many. 
However, today, with immense societal pressure to be slender, along with an obesogenic food environment, sugary and carby food everywhere, at every social occasion, Jesus’s counsel about not worrying about what we will eat takes on an additional relevance. Eat what is set about you, he advised his disciples, as they went out to preach the Gospel. In this age of diet culture and weight obsession, Jesus still shows us how to live lightly, offering strategies like fasting (which he promises brings us a reward from God). 
What would Jesus’s way of getting fitter and healthier be? Fasting? Intuitive spirit-guided eating? Obeying the great commandment to love God by praying as we walk? Listening to Scripture or excellent Christian literature as we walk, thanks to nifty headphones. And what about the second commandment, like the first—to love our neighbour as ourselves? Could we get fitter running an essentialist household? Keeping up with the garden? Walking with friends? Exercising to be fit enough to do what God has called us to do?
This meditation explores these concerns. #dietculture #jesus #sermononthemount #meditation #excercise #thegreatcommandment #dontworry 
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and she Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and sheep with their musical bells; a general ambience of relaxation; perfect, pristine, beaches; deserted mountains to hike; miles of aimless wandering in landscapes of spring flowers. I loved it!
And, while I work on a new meditation, perhaps have a listen to this one… which I am meditating on because I need to learn it better… Jesus’s tips on how to be blessed by God, and become happy!! https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/ #kefalonia #family #meditation #goats
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