Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

The spiritual life is not a ladder I need to climb. It is the descent of the dove!

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A member of my small group has been invited to Buckingham Palace since her husband is going to be knighted.

One needs to be invited to the Queen’s famous garden parties, or you will be politely, but swiftly, ejected.

You can’t invite yourself to Buckingham Palace or the White House: you must be invited!

                                                                                                           * * *

I sometimes wonder if I am going about the spiritual life all wrong.

I am reading Mark Batterson’s The Circle Maker. Oh wow! It’s got me re-excited about praying about every area of my life, and a bit chastened as I realised how many things in my life were vague hopes, or pipe-dreams, or “one day” desires rather than prayers I wrote down, and prayed through consistently.

And so, over the last few weeks, I have been writing down my dreams, hopes, goals and wishes and am praying circles around them.

Already, I am seeing movement. Things I have been  praying for are happening. Things are changing. I keep saying to Roy,  “Wow! That’s what I’ve have been praying for.”

* * *

And then I wondered, “Oh Jesus, am I spending more time praying though my dream-list, than resting in your presence, seeking your face?”

Oh Jesus, I miss you. Am I sort of drifting away from the closeness we once shared, the harum-scarum time in your presence?

Oh Jesus, am I faltering in my love for you?

Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus!

* * *

And then I remember Buckingham Palace. Driving up there in a shiny new car, with my best dress and fascinator is not going to get me into the garden party. I have to be invited!

And I do not get intimacy with Jesus by all my spiritual disciplines, my rising early, my Bible blogging, my prayer, my lectio divina.

I get it because of his mercy. He and his Father deign to come to me, and make their home with me (John 14:23).  He offers me an intertwined life, him living in me, and me living in him.

I don’t have to hustle for this. It is a free gift.

The spiritual life is not a ladder I need to climb. It is the descent of the dove!

So in these tired days, when my spirits can sink, and so I need to take frequent breaks to ask his Spirit to come and fill my flagging spirit, I need to remember that it’s not my efforts at spirituality that cajole the King of Kings to let me live with him.  It is his mercy.

Come, beautiful Lord Jesus. Come, Holy Spirit. Fill my heart and spirit to overflowing.

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Comments

  1. Don says

    So true. Sometimes I feel that my spiritual life is deficient, when I cannot maintain certain spiritual disciplines. I tried recently to increase the time I spent praying in tongues by one minute a day, but very soon I realized that I couldn’t manage even that seemingly simple thing. (I have, however, been able to use this gift more frequently during the day, when I’m reminded.) For me, often these efforts are, like New Years’ resolutions, soon abandoned. In the end, I find that I must ask the Lord to guide me to the daily practices that are life-giving for me. And with some things I need to be content with a slower incremental change than I first expected. Later, when I look back, perhaps I will see that God has worked out some things in me that I wasn’t aware of at the time.

    • Anita Mathias says

      I am increasingly thinking that “the secrets of the universe” are in the Last Supper discourse–wild, huge prayer in John 14, and abiding in John 15. That’s what I am trying to learn. To just rest in his love. Not to try to do things so much (praying in tongue for an additional minute a day sounds exactly like the sort of things I try) but just position myself in Jesus, in the flow of his love and mercy and rest there. Just abide and hang out in him.
      Your experiment reminded me of Frank Laubach’s experiments with prayer. Have you read some of his stuff? It’s a blessing!

  2. Kathy says

    Your heart’s desire and cry are what the Lord Jesus is listening for. I too feel the tug at my heart to fully open myself to the Lord’s working within through His Spirit. You are welcome into His presence for you are a child of the King!

    • Anita Mathias says

      “You are welcome into His presence for you are a child of the King!”
      Thank you, Kathy. You too!

  3. Barbara says

    Wow! I love these words…. No spiritual ladder to climb, but the descent of the dove. You have inspired me to call out “come Holy Spirit!” today. Thank you.