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In which I Encounter the Angel of Writing

By Anita Mathias


Remission

 Okay,  I recently had one of the biggest sermon surprises in my decades of hanging around the beautiful, broken Church of Jesus Christ.

I came to RiverCamp to hear Heidi Baker, as well as Mark Stibbe because I am interested in his message of the Father Heart of God.

But what Mark talked about was—get this—writing!!

Yes, a whole sermon on writing!! Never ever heard one before.

That evening, the preacher Trevor Baker felt God told him he was going to heal someone with secondary cancer. And there was only one person in the huge tent with that. He said, “Well, that’s okay. Sometimes the message is just for one person.”

Stibbe’s message was so apposite that it felt as if it was also just for one person. Me.

* * *

Mark Stibbe spoke of writing as a spiritual gift, an anointing. He had attended a John Wimber conference as an ordinand from Nottingham and everyone else had a spiritual experience. But he did not.

However, when, on the last day, he went up for prayer, sad and disappointed, his right hand began shaking uncontrollably.

He asked God, “So, what’s going on?” God answers, “What can you do with your right hand which you cannot do with your left?”
“Write.”

And Stibbe said on that day, he received an anointing to write, an anointing, which, in R T Kendall’s phrase in his book, The Anointing, “makes the difficult easy.”

Stibbe then talked about an angel of writing, who would put its great golden wings around him when he was stuck, put a quill in his hands, and say, “Write.”  Some pages from his most recent book, he says, were so “anointed” that he does not remember writing them.

He prayed for an anointing on us. Said part of an anointing is seeing things no one else sees. Seeing things before you write them down.

* * *

And in the course of the next two days, through talks on other subjects, through hours of “soaking prayer,” a vision jelled, clarified and solidified which filled my heart with joy. A re-vision, really. A recovery of lost dreams.

* * *

With a rush of sadness (because of how I’ve forgotten it) and joy (because God’s gifts and calls are irrevocable) I remembered how I began writing.

As a young woman, I had wanted to leave India to study abroad, and looked at several countries, the US, NZ, Australia, aiming low–and not thinking of the UK because of the exorbitant overseas student fees.

And then suddenly, I heard God say, “Apply to Oxford.”

Me, “Okay, I’ll apply to Oxford and Cambridge.” (Roy, now my husband, was then at Cambridge.)

Inner Voice, “No, just Oxford.”

Me, “And how will I pay for it?’

I hear, “You have your pen, haven’t you?”

And poetry came in a flood. Eight poems that evening.

(And the call to writing, and the call to Oxford are somehow intertwined, but in a way I do not understand.  Yet!)

Later that month, I won a national poetry writing competition for a long poem I had written in three hours.

The gift came from God.

·      * * *

But oh, how I have worried it and worried about it, tried to protect it, squeeze time for it, flog it, sinned in relationships to get time and space for it, necessarily and unnecessarily sacrificed for it.

And while—oh, I could cry—all the time it was a gift!!

* * *

As I have often written in this blog, I have two deep failures in my life. One is my failure to control my weight (though I have lost 13.5 pounds, and this   is  a battle I am going to win when the chairos time–is right).

The other is THE book. I had the idea for it in the late-eighties. I started writing it in 1991 and continued, off and on, until 2006, though, on the way, I got distracted and wrote and published essays, book reviews, film and theatre reviews. Oh, and had babies.

Chapters of the book met with success, the $20,000 NEA award, the $6000 Minnesota State Art Boards Award, prizes for the best article in the Catholic Press, many essay prizes, have been published in “Commonweal,” “Virginia Quarterly Review” The London Magazine, and magazines like “Notre Dame Magazine,” which paid $1000 etc. I once added up what I had already made from this unfinished, unpublished book—it was $35, 000.

And, yeah, if you detect a note of insecurity in the last paragraph, you are right!! I need to keep reminding myself there was goodness in the manuscript.

* * *

I took wrong turnings. I really wanted to write a story of my Roman Catholic Childhood in India. A teacher suggested I focus on my 14 months as a novice at Mother Teresa’s Convent. A leading editor and agent were very interested. I finished the manuscript in my life-blood through my pregnancy and the first year of my baby’s life. They turned it down. And in my naivete, I thought that that was the end of the world, instead of shipping it out again.

I then wrote the whole Indian Catholic childhood; again, agents were interested but each wanted changes which I couldn’t see how to make.

I had twisted my original vision of many short topical chapters into what the industry wanted—fewer, more thematic chapters. No wonder it was hard for me to formulate it in a magnetic proposal, write it or sell it. Also, I guess I did not try hard enough it to ship it, but crumbled with each rejection.

Crumbled too soon. Focusing on publication instead of finishing it. Focused on what the publishing industry wanted instead of my original vision. And, then, believe it or not, depressed, I shelved the project

* * *

And started selling antiquarian books in 2006, when I had bought my dream house I could not afford, and put both girls in a dream school I could not afford, either. I then founded a small publishing business in 2007. Which God blessed so much that within 3 years, my husband, Roy, was able to retire early at 47.

Which means I am writing full time, and have domestic support, the lack of which depressed and bedevilled me.

But I did not take up the book of my heart, which I have always been longing to write.

Instead, on guidance from God, I took up blogging!! Which for the last 40 months has squeezed out “real” writing. But taught me a huge amount about writing.

* * *

And then, as Mark Stibbe spoke, I clearly saw that the time had come to take up writing the book again.

And I saw the form it should take. Which was, interestingly, my original vision—many short chapters of 2-3 pages each. Roughly 800-1000 words each. In other words, the length of blog posts.

I am going to re-write the entire book, which is going to be so much easier than revising my original version. My style has changed over 40 months of blogging. It is less mandarin, less literary, less poetic, but easier to read. And to write!!

It will be too hard to revise the old manuscript. “Style is the man.” Or woman. It reflects your thinking and sensibility. When you change, your style changes. When you deliberately simplify your style and make it transparent, as one needs to in a blog, you also start thinking in shorter, lucid sentences and paragraphs.

Attempting to revise the old manuscript will be like revising someone else’s manuscript. I am a different woman now.

On the other hand, since much of the work of memory, writing and organizing into chapters is done, rewriting will be relatively easy. And very easy compared to writing it in the first place when I had masses and masses of notes and memories.

* * *

I am going to post chapters from the memoir on my blog as I write them.

I will plan to write 400-500 words of my book each day, posting each finished chapter on my blog as it’s done. 300 pages of 400 words each. 120,000 words. A page a day. And will be done with the book by September 1st, 2014, so help me God.

And that is not an over-ambitious goal because A) the book is written. It just has to be rewritten into an easier and less mandarin style. B) I have been writing 800-1000 word blog posts every day for 40 months, and writing has now become quick and easy.

* * *

And I am so grateful to God for restoring my vision and enthusiasm for finishing my book at just the right time, the chairos time.

(Revised and edited, 31st August, 2013)

 


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Filed Under: In which I explore writing and blogging and creativity Tagged With: Creativity, Mark Stibbe, memoir, the angel of writing, writing

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Comments

  1. Elizabeth Jones says

    December 14, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    Anita, your amazing journey makes mine sound plodding and pedestrian! I only recently found your blog and website. I’m striving to become a halfway-decent blogger. I will take a piece of your advice from another of your posts and write in my blog (matterofprayer.wordpress.com) _three_ times a week, not just two.
    God’s richest blessings as you continue to blog, revise, write, revise, and write some more.
    Grace and peace, Elizabeth
    @chaplaineliza

    • Anita Mathias says

      December 15, 2013 at 3:02 pm

      Thanks, Elizabeth,and thanks for following me on Facebook. My writing journey has been SOOOO SLOW that it’s hard to imagine anyone’s journey could be plodding compared to mine. the encounter with the angel I write about here was the culmination of a couple of decades of writers’ block on a specific project!

  2. Anna Esther says

    May 3, 2013 at 12:53 am

    I just wrote something today, urging “writers” or “lyricists” to speak to the rock and not strike it (I was really talking to myself). “But oh, how I have worried it and worried about it, tried to protect it, squeeze time for it, flog it, sinned in relationships to get time and space for it, necessarily and unnecessarily sacrificed for it.” –I feel like you about writing (and music.) It seems that I just want to write & sing. I wonder when the desire was conceived. I wonder when I started wanting to write. I re-read journals and saw that at least as long as 14 years ago, I had it as a goal to write a book. I have 4 biological children, 3 adopted children and am “behind” in my career in comparison to my husband. I feel the “frantic” of not having accomplished what I want. As I’m trying to post here, three of my children are chattering in my ear, so I know what you mean by “sinning in relationships.” I’ve ghost written a book about my husband’s time at the air force academy here in the states and self published….just to “feel” like I’ve accomplished my goal. The book is truly not finished–full circle. It is hard to get ego out of what we want to believe is our gift. How do some people seem to get there so fast, arrive at where they want to be, and then where they say God was trying to get them all along? I really enjoyed reading this post. Best wishes on finishing your book. Thank you for following on Twitter! ~Anna

    • Anita Mathias says

      May 3, 2013 at 8:02 am

      I suppose God lets success tarry for some (like me) because he has important spiritual work to do in us, before success (if he ever chooses to give it to us).
      Success brings its own busyness and stress, and is in a way a way of sanctification–which I would have been happy to choose, but could I have dealt with the busyness and stress?
      I want to get to the place where I can accept my relative failure, praise him for it, and see what he does with my peaceful and surrendered spirit!

  3. Jackiechater says

    January 2, 2013 at 3:58 pm

    Hi happy new year accepted you on twitter loved reading your stories 
    you have a lovely kind face 
    i go to body pump which is great  fun  and building musle burns more calories and gets you in shape 

    • Anita Mathias says

      January 2, 2013 at 7:11 pm

      yeah, I went to the gym today and lifted weights for the first time in months. Feeling exhausted–or feeling the burn!!

  4. Anita Mathias says

    September 14, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Thanks muchly, Ang:-)

  5. Ang says

    September 14, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    So thrilled for you! I always appreciate your inspirational thoughts and candor.

  6. Anita Mathias says

    August 28, 2012 at 8:00 am

    Thanks much, Mollie and Tanya. Yes, it does feel the right time–and I think it is the new vision–rewriting in short chapters, sharing it on the blog–which is energising and joyful. So I won't need to abandon the blog I've worked on, and blogging posts unrelated to the book won't take all my energy either!

  7. tanya marlow says

    August 28, 2012 at 7:25 am

    oh YAY!
    I'm SO excited about this!
    It feels just right for where you're at and I'm cheering with you. Let me know how I can be an encouragement to you. Much love xx

  8. Miss Mollie says

    August 28, 2012 at 1:57 am

    How I would have loved to hear that sermon! Godspeed in your writing, I know it is all in God's time. I'll be praying for you and anticipating the chapters.
    Just as I feel it is time to get my first novel printed, even if I have to do it myself. I know the time is now.

  9. Anita Mathias says

    August 27, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Naomi, welcome to my blog, and yay! do join me in pursuing your own writing dreams!!

  10. Naomi says

    August 27, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    Your journey is an incredible encouragement and provocation to me. May you find much grace and joy as you step into your vision. I will be watching with bated breath and, perhaps, joining in by pursuing my own long-overdue writing dreams.

  11. Anita Mathias says

    August 27, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    Thanks so much for the encouragement, Penelope and Heather!

  12. Anonymous says

    August 27, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    This is a really inspiring story! Go for it, Anita!

    Heather

  13. Penelope Swithinbank says

    August 27, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    That is inspirational, Anita! Prayers for you as you live out the Vision and the Calling. We will look forward to reading what you will be sharing!

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https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-t https://anitamathias.com/.../on-using-anger-as-a-trigger.../ link in bio
Hi friends, Here's my latest podcast meditation. I'm meditating through the Gospel of Matthew.
Do not judge, Jesus says, and you too will escape harsh judgement. So once again, he reiterates a law of human life and of the natural world—sowing and reaping. 
Being an immensely practical human, Jesus realises that we are often most “triggered” when we observe our own faults in other people. And the more we dwell on the horrid traits of people we know in real life, politicians, or the media or internet-famous, the more we risk mirroring their unattractive traits. 
So, Jesus suggests that, whenever we are intensely annoyed by other people to immediately check if we have the very same fault. And to resolve to change that irritating trait in ourselves. 
Then, instead of wasting time in fruitless judging, we will experience personal change.
And as for us who have been judgey, we still live “under the mercy” in Charles Williams’ phrase. We must place the seeds we have sown into the garden of our lives so far into God’s hands and ask him to let the thistles and thorns wither and the figs and grapes bloom. May it be so!
Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I Spring in England= Joy=Bluebells=Singing birds. I love it.
Here are some images of Shotover Park, close to C. S. Lewis's house, and which inspired bits of Narnia and the Lord of the Rings. Today, however, it's covered in bluebells, and loud with singing birds.
And, friends, I've been recording weekly podcast meditations on the Gospel of Matthew. It's been fun, and challenging to settle down and think deeply, and I hope you'll enjoy them.
I'm now in the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus details all the things we are not to worry about at all, one of which is food--too little, or too much, too low in calories, or too high. We are, instead, to do everything we do in his way (seek first the Kingdom and its righteousness, and all this will fall into place!).
Have a listen: https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/ and link in bio
“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. Or a king on his coronation day.
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” 
Of course, today, we are more likely to worry that sugary ultra-processed foods everywhere will lead to weight gain and compromise our health. But Jesus says, “Don’t worry,” and in the same sermon (on the mount), suggests other strategies…like fasting, which brings a blessing from God, for instance, while burning stored fat. And seeking God’s kingdom, as Jesus recommends, could involve getting fit on long solitary prayer walks, or while walking with friends, as well as while keeping up with a spare essentialist house, and a gloriously over-crowded garden. Wild birds eat intuitively and never gain weight; perhaps, the Spirit, on request, will guide us to the right foods for our metabolisms. 
I’ve recorded a meditation on these themes (with a transcript!). https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-a https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Jesus advised his listeners--struggling fishermen, people living on the edge, without enough food for guests, not to worry about what they were going to eat. Which, of course, is still shiningly relevant today for many. 
However, today, with immense societal pressure to be slender, along with an obesogenic food environment, sugary and carby food everywhere, at every social occasion, Jesus’s counsel about not worrying about what we will eat takes on an additional relevance. Eat what is set about you, he advised his disciples, as they went out to preach the Gospel. In this age of diet culture and weight obsession, Jesus still shows us how to live lightly, offering strategies like fasting (which he promises brings us a reward from God). 
What would Jesus’s way of getting fitter and healthier be? Fasting? Intuitive spirit-guided eating? Obeying the great commandment to love God by praying as we walk? Listening to Scripture or excellent Christian literature as we walk, thanks to nifty headphones. And what about the second commandment, like the first—to love our neighbour as ourselves? Could we get fitter running an essentialist household? Keeping up with the garden? Walking with friends? Exercising to be fit enough to do what God has called us to do?
This meditation explores these concerns. #dietculture #jesus #sermononthemount #meditation #excercise #thegreatcommandment #dontworry 
https://anitamathias.com/2023/05/03/do-not-worry-about-what-to-eat-jesus/
Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and she Kefalonia—it was a magical island. Goats and sheep with their musical bells; a general ambience of relaxation; perfect, pristine, beaches; deserted mountains to hike; miles of aimless wandering in landscapes of spring flowers. I loved it!
And, while I work on a new meditation, perhaps have a listen to this one… which I am meditating on because I need to learn it better… Jesus’s tips on how to be blessed by God, and become happy!! https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/ #kefalonia #family #meditation #goats
So… just back from eight wonderful days in Kefal So… just back from eight wonderful days in Kefalonia. All four of us were free at the same time, so why not? Sun, goats, coves, bays, caves, baklava, olive bread, magic, deep relaxation.
I hadn’t realised that I needed a break, but having got there, I sighed deeply… and relaxed. A beautiful island.
And now… we’re back, rested. It’s always good to sink into the words of Jesus, and I just have. Here’s a meditation on Jesus’s famous Beatitudes, his statements on who is really happy or blessed, which turns our value judgements on their heads. I’d love it if you listened or read it. Thanks, friends.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/
#kefalonia #beatitudes #meditation #family #sun #fun
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the- https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/25/happy-are-the-merciful-for-they-shall-be-shown-mercy/
Meditating on a “beatitude.”… Happy, makarios, or blessed are the merciful, Jesus says, articulating the laws of sowing and reaping which underlie the universe, and human life.
Those who dish out mercy, and go through life gently and kindly, have a happier, less stressful experience of life, though they are not immune from the perils of our broken planet, human greed polluting our environment and our very cells, deceiving and swindling us. The merciless and unkind, however, sooner or later, find the darkness and trouble they dish out, haunting them in turn.
Sowing and reaping, is, of course, a terrifying message for us who have not always been kind and merciful!
But the Gospel!... the tender Fatherhood of God, the fact that the Lord Christ offered to bear the sentence, the punishment for the sins of the world-proportionate because of his sinlessness.  And in that divine exchange, streams of mercy now flow to us, slowly changing the deep structure of our hearts, minds, and characters.
And so, we can go through life gently and mercifully, relying on Jesus and his Holy Spirit to begin and complete the work of transformation in us, as we increasingly become gentle, radiant children of God.
Beautiful England. And a quick trip with Irene. A Beautiful England. And a quick trip with Irene.
And, here’s a link to a meditation I’ve recorded on the power of Christ’s resurrection, for us, today… and, as always, there’s a transcript, for those who’d rather read it.
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/13/the-power-in-christs-resurrection-for-us-today/
#england #beautifulengland #meditation
Hi Friends, I've recorded a new meditation for Ea Hi Friends,
I've recorded a new meditation for Easter. Here's a link to the recording, and as always, there's a transcript if you'd rather read it. And I have an attempt at a summary below!!
https://anitamathias.com/2023/04/13/the-power-in-christs-resurrection-for-us-today/
“Do not be afraid,” is the first sentence the risen Christ says. Because his resurrection frees him from the boundaries of space and time, in each room we enter, Christ is with us--and his Spirit, who helps us change our hearts, our characters, and our lives. 
The seismic power which raised Christ from the dead is now available to us, for the issues of our lives, helping us conquer addictions, bad habits, and distressing character traits.
We access this dynamite power by practising prayer. We need, first of all, to slow down, and bathe and saturate our lives in prayer, praying for wisdom and blessing for, before, and during everything we do. 
And as God answers, our faith progressively increases, our characters change, and we begin to experience God’s miracles in our lives.
And a prayer:
Oh God of resurrection, 
Come with your dynamite power into our lives.
We put our old dreams and our new ones into your hands.
Bring them to life. Make them glow. 
Come like a mighty burst of spring into our lives
Bringing apparently dead relationships, dreams, 
The things we once loved, 
And all our dormant potential to radiant life.
We put our lives into your hands.
Make them beautiful.
Come Lord Jesus.
Amen
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