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An autobiography in blog posts–II. Oxford, America, Marriage, Writing

By Anita Mathias

This continues my attempt to write an autobiography in 4 blog posts
1 Childhood, boarding school, a novice at Mother Teresa’s Convent

The city of dreaming spires (not my photo), Oxford, United Kingdom
Like many young Indians, I desperately wanted to leave India for wider, more adventurous and exciting horizons. When praying about where—the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand or England, I heard an inner voice—which I was somehow certain was God’s, though it was the first time I had heard it–say quite clearly “Just apply to Oxford.” So, I did, no contingency plans, and scrambled together scholarships from the university—the Radhakrishnan fellowship for Indians to study at Oxford and the Eckersley Trust fellowships for students of English at Oxford. I believe that Oxford is part of my destiny and God’s plan for me—though I still don’t know why!!
I earned have a BA and an MA in English from Somerville College, Oxford. My years in Oxford were intense and formative. I read a lot, learnt a lot, made mistakes, made life-long friends. I had been accepted for a Ph.D in English at Oxford, but didn’t get a First. I spent another formative year in Oxford after my degree, reading, and trying to write, and applying to America.
The nuns of the Sacred Heart in North Oxford had opened up their old novitiate to Christian (or barely Christian, as I was then) students, and living there was an intensely formative experience. In a place like Oxford, where many people are formidably clever, you learn as much from your fellow students and reading as from classes—and so I did!
I then moved to America to do a funded Masters in Creative Writing from Ohio State University. Didn’t care much for Columbus, but learned loads from the writing programme, especially from the Director, David Citino, who wasn’t then (though he bloomed later) a hugely talented poet, but one who had a formidable work ethic, the writers’ greatest asset. He woke at 4 a.m. and wrote, producing a prodigious output, but risking his health, and driving himself to an early grave.
And yeah, at the end of my degree, my faith which over those years at university moved from an activated-only-in-crisis SOS mode, to dormancy to near-death now revived. I recommitted myself to following Christ. That sounds grand, doesn’t it?–but becoming a Christian for me has never been the way a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, all in a summer’s afternoon, but the way an acorn becomes an oak. Very slowly.
I moved on to do a Ph.D in Creative Writing at SUNY-Binghamton, with permission to hand in a volume of poetry for my Ph.D as I did for my masters. I enjoyed the classes, but I was teaching two sections of undergraduate classes for tuition and $620 a month. No kidding! And all I wanted to do was read and write.
And so rather sooner than we had planned, after a four week engagement, I married to clever sweet Roy, who is also rather saintly (well, most of the time!)
Having earned a Ph.D in Maths from Johns Hopkins, he was then doing a post-doc in Computer Science at Cornell. He had a sweet fellowship, good anywhere, so once my Ph.D in Binghamton no longer tied him down, we moved to Stanford, Palo Alto, California, where he continued his post-doc in Computer Science. And I stayed home and read and wrote. 
Then we moved to Williamsburg, Virginia, in 1990. I was a fish out of water there, and hated it.
A year later, Roy won another post-doctoral fellowship to the University of Minnesota. I agreed to follow him. I basically felt any city would be better than Williamsburg, which offered no stimulation, no interesting writers, barely any cultural life.
And Minnesota was another of those incredibly fertile, blessed periods in my life. I was reading all the time, my head was buzzing with ideas. 
I had been writing poetry during that first year of marriage, and had pretty much written out all my ideas. (Wow, can’t imagine that happening with blogging or prose.) Around Jan 1991, I started reading women’s memoirs, Patricia Hampl, Annie Dillard, “Frost in May” Mary MacCarthy and a spring opened up within me, as I saw the deep buried world of childhood again, and saw the magic and poetry in it.
And as luck or providence had it, the Twin Cities, Minneapolis and St. Paul, had the largest concentration of memoirists and creative non-fiction writers in the US. I took an excellent, seminal creatively mind-expanding class in Creative Non-fiction from Charlie Sugnet. The work I did in his class during that term won a Memoir award of $6000 from the Minnesota State Arts Board. I also won an award from the Jerome Foundation which paid for a research trip to India. And an award from the Loft Writing Centre which linked me with a mentor. I took courses with Phillip Lopate, David Mura, and one on one with Carol Bly one on one, over several months.
It was one of those periods when most things I touched and tried turned to gold.  Cash grants, essay prizes, fellowships to writers’ conferences, a job teaching creative nonfiction at the Loft. I found a great writers’ group, who became my friends, loved church. And just before we left Minneapols, I went to a writers’ conference at Squaw Valley where I found a very well-known editor and agent Ted Solataroff and Ginger Barber interested in my manuscript.
I was so desperate not to return to Williamsburg that I persuaded Roy to buy a house in Minneapolis, figuring that if we had bought a house, God wouldn’t have the heart to move us. Yeah, sure. He’s not a tame lion. He’s wild and unpredictable. You can’t really control or manipulate him. All you can do is bow the knee.
We worshipped in John Piper’s church when then had a sign painted on its walls, Hope in God. “Yeah, hope in God that you’ll be able to stay in Minnesota,” I said to my soul. God smiled and replied, “No, no, Anita, hope in God because God is good.” But I did not hear him.
And then every job Roy applied to in industry, in academia turned him down—except for the professorship in William and Mary, which remained open.
And so to Williamsburg, we returned, mourning, mourning, mourning.
And stayed there for twelve years!
* * *
  Next post–Williamsburg: A Desert Experience

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Comments

  1. Jennifer in OR says

    March 1, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Ha, not overdoing it at all! Haven't once hit the mark, though I'm trying and definitely getting at least somewhere in the 5 range, even if 5:50 a.m. (!) Except when I flew to San Diego w/ hubby for three days and had a total Lenten fail the entire time. 😉 Got back 2 days ago and I'm working at it again.

  2. Anita Mathias says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Thanks, Jen. Tomorrow morningish for Williamsburg.
    How is your Lenten early rising going. Don't overdo it. “He gives to his beloved sleep”

  3. Jennifer in OR says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Looking forward to hearing more about Williamsburg, where God obviously (I think?) wanted you, and if it was difficult, well, I suppose perhaps it was meant to be? –You are such a gifted memoirist, and like Emma above I look forward to the next installment.

  4. Anita says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Thanks much, Emma!

  5. Emma says

    February 29, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    This is fascinating Anita- can't wait to hear the rest.

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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