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Deep Magic From Before the Dawn of Time

By Anita Mathias

       This is a longer essay I wrote several years ago, which I am posting in installments

  Part I The Magic Kingdom I–The Varieties of Magic
Part II The Magic Worlds of Art and Nature.    

 But the magic of nature pales before the deep magic from the dawn of time.
               I was first struck by its wonder in a train racing through the Indian countryside when I was about ten.  We’d left with our mother to visit her parents in Bombay with the usual flurry and battles about what to pack during which the cook left without carrying the suitcases to the car, and my father carried them.  “Look at the veins bulge on his forehead,” my mother said. “Oh, Pa’s heart; he will die before we reach Bombay.”  The premature death of my father, who was in his late forties when we were born, was an omnipresent specter.
               There were just two people whom I deeply loved then, my father, and an Irish nun at my Catholic boarding school, Sister Josephine, who had “adopted” me, and loved me tenderly, choosing poetry and classics for me to read, discussing literature and theology with me, forcing me to repeatedly recite my elocution pieces to her to master public speaking, and who once claimed with some hubris, “Whatever you are, I’ve made you.”  So I prayed frantically, fearfully, that my father would not die. 
               The astounding, magical premise of prayer then struck me for the first time: that I could sit in a train and think, and a good and mighty God would know exactly what I was thinking, and might give me something just because I asked him to.  I experimentally thought something.  God knew it.  I thought something else.  God knew that too.  And, at the same moment, he knew what the billion other people on the planet were thinking at that very moment.  All through the two day journey, I marveled at that: “You perceive my thoughts from afar.”  If the one who merely asked, received, well then, that was deep magic.  I believed it, I hardly dared believe it, I prayed desperately that my father would not die. (My father, incidentally, is now 87. )  
               “Give me a lever long enough, and I can move the world.”  As a child, that apothegm of Archimedes, like many adult sayings, felt nice-sounding but meaningless.  Actually, that lever, , is prayer.  Ironically, the first “mountain” I moved by prayer was also the largest.  Is “use it or lose it,” “risk or rust” the rule for the muscles of faith as for those of brain and body?
               Restless and bored after my abortive novitiate at Mother Teresa’s convent, soon after graduating from school at 16, I now decided to go to college overseas, and spent a few hours in the libraries of the British Council and the USIS, researching universities in America, England, and even Australia and Canada.  Before I wrote to request application material, however, one odd evening, I heard a quiet, clear voice within me say, “Apply to Oxford.”  I recognized the voice.  “Okay, Lord,” I said, somewhat stunned, “Oxford and Cambridge;” (my first cousin, now my husband, was then at Cambridge.)  “No, just Oxford,” the voice replied.
               Well!  Less than a percent of the far better prepared British population got into Oxford University, I discovered.  It  had two fee structures, modest for British citizens, and exorbitant for overseas students.  And even were I to get in, and find money, I still needed to get permission from the Reserve Bank of India to buy scarce foreign exchange from it, and this was hard to get, especially to study the Arts overseas.  I decided to study English Literature, and, eventually, become a writer.
               One can proceed with doubt and trembling despite a clear directive. But I did proceed–applied to Oxford, wrote my admission essays on Much Ado about Nothing and Marlowe’s Edward II and waited with hope and prayer and anxious impatience.  One heady evening, I opened a letter with an Oxford postmark to find that, incredibly, I had indeed “got in.”  But, as of then, without a scholarship.
               The tuition, a quarter of a million Indian rupees, could buy me an apartment in Bombay, India’s most expensive city, my grandmother, who lived there, repeated ruefully; “you are the kind of fool who goes to Oxford,” she added.  I had prayed before; I prayed desperately now (working out a schedule of prayer seven times a day, like the Psalmist; what’s good enough for him…).  Faith can make of life a fairy tale, but most of a fairy tale, remember, is agonizing; adversity upon adversity, you almost don’t want to continue reading.  But I did continue praying, and money did continue coming in: the Radhakrishnan scholarship for Indians to study anything at Oxford; an Eckersley Foundation grant for anyone to study English at Oxford; interest-free loans from relatives.  One day–after minor miracles–I declared, “I could trust God for ten thousand rupees, but I need a hundred thousand.”  If the fairy tale is God’s favorite genre, irony is a favorite literary device.  That day, along with the award letter, a scholarship check for ten thousand rupees arrived in the mail from an Indian foundation I’d applied to.  “I wish I’d said, ‘I could trust God for a hundred thousand rupees,’” I said mournfully.  Anyway, in drops or showers, all the money I needed came to me.  Even my thousand pound deposit which came due before I got my Reserve Bank permit to convert rupees to pounds was improbably paid by an uncle’s friend in America.  A relative who had impetuously resigned from the Reserve Bank of India in Bombay, went with me to his former subordinates to get the rare, coveted permit.  And the years at Oxford were a happy period of intense growth that, in many ways, made me a different person.         



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Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

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  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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