Mark 1:4 And so John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.
Sins that one acknowledges and repents of are forgiven.
I’ve heard it said that the longest 18 inches in the world are from the head to the heart. The forgiveness of sins hasn’t yet completely made it there for me.
Here Reverend Lesley tells the story of how the fact of the forgiveness of sins made it from her head to her heart, and transformed her.
I was nineteen and attending a “mission” on our university campus. The previous year at Greenbelt, I had felt that every seminar seemed to be a message from God, ‘I want to heal you of your childhood hurt’. But I was determined not to let God into my “basement” to look at the toxic waste that was fermenting there. I would not let anyone in on the disgusting things that I’d done, and certainly not the Holy God. The seminar that I was listening to was a great evangelistic one, and I was convinced it wasn’t for me and so I had let my guard down, and was enthusiastically agreeing with the speaker in my heart, hoping that it would enable others to understand the truth of God’s love for them. The speaker was saying…
‘..when Jesus died on the cross he said the words ‘it is finished’. These words were often used on grocery bills when people paid their tab. In other words Jesus said ‘it is paid for in full’. Now, imagine all of your sins listed like a grocery bill. All your sins, the ones that you feel are forgivable and the ones that you are so ashamed of, all of them, even the ones you dare not breathe.’
I was so absorbed in what the speaker was saying that I did as I was told and listed the things, all the things I was ashamed of, even the unmentionable ones.
The speaker continued..
‘..now, imagine Jesus stamping the bill with a seal and on the seal are the words ‘paid for in full’.
I could see all my sins listed, including the sex I had “agreed” to as a child, and a big red wax seal… with the words ”paid for in full”. I was suddenly amazed and tearful; in an instant I felt that Jesus’ death had mysteriously paid for all my sins. I had become crippled by shame and in those moments I felt able to walk again.
After that I felt like a new person, I could walk taller, smile more deeply and trust that if God loved me in spite of everything then maybe others could too. Up until now I had felt that I was too dirty to get married, that I was too damaged, that I couldn’t inflict myself on anyone. I had been destructive in my romantic relationships – trying to force people to dump me. All of that changed in a moment, because I felt forgiven.
I told one of the leaders of the mission what had happened, and it was so releasing –
The forgiveness of sin is part of the reason the Gospel is good news. Jesus blood seeps onto the blackness of our sins–the selfishness, the failure, the untruths, the betrayals–turning them white.
I paused right now, and thought of the sins which make me feel the worst, and felt the blood of Jesus drip on them, completely erasing them.
Holy Spirit, teach me in my inner spirit the truths of the forgiveness of sins.
Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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