Archives for July 2010

One of the first books I read when I became a Christian, aged 17, was Catherine Marshall’s “Something More,” and I remain very fond of it.

She describes a very powerful form of prayer, ” The Prayer of Relinquishment” she calls it. It’s essentially saying, “Have thine own way. It’s okay if you grant me this desire I want so desperately. And okay if you do not.” A Gethsemane prayer.

Odd thing, in my own life, praying like that has been the precursor to getting the thing I wanted so badly. However, there are no short-cuts to it. You do have to tortuously and painfully get to the stage at which you want God, his blessing, and his wise choice for you in the circumstances more than you want your heart’s desire.

One thing that, of late, gets me to the prayer of relinquishment is occasional exhaustion. Roy and I have reached middle-age throughly unprepared for it. For one, we have not been good about exercise, so are not as physically strong as we should be (though we are now trying to rectify that). For another, we still live as fully and intensely as we did when we were first married, with several interesting balls in the air at any given time. Until exhaustion strikes. As it has now.

And then, how easy it seems to surrender your life once more. ” Have thine own way, Lord. Take it, oh Lord, take this life of mine. It’s really not of the greatest interest to me. Work in it and with it. Create something beautiful with it.”

One day, I will be organized. I will take my Bible to church, and my notebook, and my notes will be orderly.

At present, since sermons usually provide memorable moments of amusement and inspiration (often both), I scribble them on the back of news-sheets. And am now typing them up, to leave a tidy house for the friend who will be staying.

And here’s an amusing anecdote. Our preacher, Gordon Hickson, was conducting a series of charismatic meetings, which included, as they usually do, deliverance ministry.

The hosting pastor was offended. “There are no demons in Sweden,” he said.

Which strikes me as very funny. The arrogance of the statement, and the fact that, after you laugh, you can see his point.

Swedish demons, like their hosts,  are probably far more reserved than those in Haiti, or India or Nigeria.

However, goodness and evil are equal opportunity domains, and the shrieks and cries and shaking  apparently surprised the host and the attendees. Even in Sweden.

Monday

Major tears and  heartbreak chez Mathias. Irene,11, has lost her Ipod Touch.

My prayer group–Anne, Juliet, Helen, Bea and I– prayed that her she would break her addiction to her Ipod and to computer games. The latter we accomplished by moving her desk around to face the couch where Roy works and password protecting her games account. The latter God accomplished, though it cost us £140. Be strong, mum, and don’t buy her another!!

Tuesday

Irene is totally awed by the power of prayer. She was addicted to her beloved Ipod touch, listening to books, emailing, playing games, sleeping with a story playing, waking to its alarm. It was becoming her life, as she said rhapsodically, and I said mournfully.  I asked my prayer group to pray. And, “oddly” in 6 days, this treasure was lost. She snuggled up to me & asked, “Mum, do you think that if you all hadn’t prayed, I would have lost it?” “No!” I said. “I believe you lost it in answer to our prayer.” She sighed!

Wednesday

Roy is not sorry for her. He said that her Ipod was gaining the power of Tolkein’s ring over her.

Thursday

Irene, this morning, sadly, “You know, mum, God isn’t very logical!” Then she realized that would be suggesting that she has a better mind than God (who is one person definitely and undeniably smarter than my curly-headed brilliant sweetie) said, “Oh!” stopped herself, and was sad, silent and thoughtful!

Monday

Final installment. Yay! After several months, Irene has gone back to compulsive reading, and is really enjoying it. Yay, and yay, and, to be more theological, praise God!!

I learn (or used to learn) languages rather easily, I flatter(ed) myself.

Early last year, I decided that I was going to become really fluent in French for the fun of it, and for the fun of talking to French speakers when we travel.

And because thinking in another language broadens your world view, and understanding of the nuances of human experience. I think Charlemagne said, “To speak another language is to possess another soul.”

And because I was bored with the business of setting up our business (a publishing company) last year, but too harassed to write.

So I decided to get fluent in a language I knew, but not well. I was so determined to learn it with my right brain. Listen to it a lot on tape, and in classes, read Le Monde, watch the news in French, watch a lot of French films. And voila, I hoped I would be speaking grammatically correct French. It is not going to happen, alas.

Roy and I, married for 20.5 years, have been so used to characterizing ourselves as left-brain (Roy) and rightbrain, (Anita) that we sometimes forget that everyone has two sides of the brain. And I have decided that, to spare my daughter Zoe embarrassment if nothing else, I am going to use both sides of my brain.

And learn grammar, much though I hoped I had left learning my rote behind me, like other childish things.

Je chantais, tu chantait, il chantait, nous chantions, vous chantiez, ils chantaient

J’ai chante, tu as chante, il a chante, nous avons chante, vous avez chante, ils ont chante,

Je chanterai, tu chanteras, il chantera, nous chanterons, vous chanterons, ils chanteront.

You know, I rather enjoyed that!!

Education

M.A. in English, Somerville College, Oxford University, 1990.
M.A. in English and Creative Writing, The Ohio State University, 1989. B.A. (Honors) in English, Somerville College, Oxford University, 1986

Academic Scholarships
Scholarship from the Radhakrishnan Fund of Oxford University to study at Oxford, 1984.
Scholarship from the Eckersley Trust, Oxford, to study English at Oxford, 1984.

Literary Awards

• National Endowment for the Arts Award, 1998 ($20,000).
• Individual Artist Fellowship from the Minnesota State Arts Board, 1992 ($6000).
• Literary Travel Grant, The Jerome Foundation, Minnesota, 1993.
• Full Fellowship, Residency in Creative Nonfiction, The Vermont Studio Center, a Writers’ Colony, 1997.
• Fellowship, Virginia Center for the Creative Arts, Sweet Briar, Virginia, a Writers’ Colony, 2002.

Selected Literary Prizes and Honors

• First Prize, Best General Interest Article, Catholic Press Association of America & Canada, 2000.
• The Jakobson Scholarship for Writers of Unusual Promise, Wesleyan Writers’ Conference, Connecticut, 1994.
• Working scholarship in Nonfiction to the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference, Vermont, 1997.
• Scholarship in Nonfiction to the Chenango Valley Writers’ Conference, New York, 1996.
• Odyssey Bookstore Scholarship in Nonfiction, Mount Holyoke Writers’ Conference, Massachusetts, 1992.
• Asian Pacific Inroads Award, The Loft Literary Center, Minnesota, 1992.

Selected Publications

• “First Thing in the Morning,” The Style Plus Page, The Washington Post, 16th September, 1997.
• “Nirmal Hriday,” London Magazine, Aug./Sept. 1993.
• “Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Commonweal, October 8th, 1999.
• “That Ancient Yarn,” Virginia Quarterly Review, Winter 2000.
• “The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Notre Dame Magazine, Autumn 1998.
• “Learning to Pray,” The Christian Century, March 22nd, 2000.
• Also selected by and posted on Religion-Online.org
• “Candlelight Prayer at Stanford,” America, April 11, 1992.
• “View from the Margins,” Contemporary Literary Criticism, 2003.
• “Aliens and Strangers,” Southwest Review, Vol. 87, #2, Nov. 2002.
• “Kalighat,” New Letters, Vol. 59, No. 2, 1993.
• “Tryst,” and “At Santa Maria Novella, Florence,” The Journal, Vol. 13, No.2, 1990.
• “Suttee,” Envoi, No. 98, Winter 1990/91.

Selected Publications
“First Thing in the Morning,” The Style Plus Page, The Washington Post, 16th September, 1997.
“Nirmal Hriday,” London Magazine, Aug./Sept. 1993.
“Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Commonweal, October 8th, 1999.
“That Ancient Yarn,” Virginia Quarterly Review, Winter 2000.
“The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Notre Dame Magazine, Autumn 1998.
“Learning to Pray,” The Christian Century, March 22nd, 2000.  (Also selected by and posted on Religion-Online.org)
“Candlelight Prayer at Stanford,” America, April 11, 1992.
“View from the Margins,” Contemporary Literary Criticism, 2003.
“Aliens and Strangers,” Southwest Review, Vol. 87, #2, Nov. 2002.
“Kalighat,” New Letters, Vol. 59, No. 2, 1993.
“Tryst,” and “At Santa Maria Novella, Florence,” The Journal, Vol. 13, No.2, 1990.
“Suttee,” Envoi, No. 98, Winter 1990/91.

Anthologies

• “Memories of a Catholic Childhood,” Best Spiritual Writing 2000, HarperSanFrancisco.
• “The Holy Ground of Kalighat,” Best Spiritual Writing, 1999, HarperSanFrancisco.  (Also selected by and posted on ChristianGateway.com, and Faith.com.)
• “Kalighat,” reprinted in Tanzania on Tuesday, New Rivers Press, MN, 1997.
• “Zigzags,” reprinted in The Best of Writers at Work 1994, Northwest Publishing, Inc., Utah.
• “Zigzags,” Speaking in Tongues, a multi-cultural anthology, The Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis, MN 1994.
• Three contributions to  WomanPrayers: Prayers by Women from throughout History and Around the World, ed. Mary Ford-Grabowsky, (HarperSanFrancisco, 2002).
• “That Ancient Yarn,” selected as a Notable Essay of 2000, Best American Essays 2001, Houghton Mifflin.
• “I was a Teenage Atheist,” selected as a Notable Essay of 1999, Best American Essays 2000, Houghton Mifflin.

Teaching of Creative Writing
Adjunct Professor of Creative Writing, The College of William and Mary, Williamsburg, Virginia. 1997.
Taught an eight week course in Creative Nonfiction at the Loft Literary Center, Minneapolis, 1993.
Faculty at the Christopher Newport University Writers’ Conference, Virginia, 2000, 2003.
Faculty at the Heritage Public Library Writers’ Conference, Providence Forge, Virginia, 1999.
Faculty at the Spring Writers’ Conference, Columbus, Ohio, 1989.
Taught writing as a Teaching Assistant, The Ohio State University, 1987-1989
Taught the modern novel as a Teaching Assistant at the State University of New York, Binghamton, NY1989

Miscellaneous
Several book reviews for Commonweal Magazine between 2000-2003.
Several Theater and Film Reviews, Minnesota Daily, 1993.
Listed in the Directory of American Poets and Fiction Writers.
Profiled as “The Star of the Month” by Mangalorean.com, an expatriate website.

A sad and exhausting wrestle with your work is a possible sign that you have chosen something that you should not have, that what you are writing is not right, should not be written at all, or not at such length