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In which I learn not to let my heart be troubled, but to trust Jesus

By Anita Mathias

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“Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14:1

This is one of my favourite verses from Scripture. Again and again, when I am stressed, I say it to myself, and, literally, by a mental decision, exchange fear for trust.

I do not mean that what I fear will never happen (though most people’s fears do not materialize). I mean that God will help me deal with it.

I remember the moment it became real.

* * *

I have an in-law, who is insensitive, pushy and (diagnosed) bi-polar. She made our engagement, wedding preparation, the day of our wedding, and the day and days after very difficult with random angry phone calls in the middle of the night or early in the morning, temper tantrums, rudeness, randomly showing up at our house at 6a.m. ringing the doorbells, many bizarre and irrational financial and other demands. Totally disruptive!

I thought the very worst thing would be if this person were ever to live in my house, with the chaos and devastation she caused, and that was one of my mental resolutions: She will never come to stay.

Turns out though, that this in-law had organised her life around visiting people, for weeks, a month at a time, visiting anyone who was good-hearted enough, or decent enough, to agree.

We deflected this successfully. She lived “down under,” which helped. And then Roy’s brother moved to the US, where we were living. And I felt sure that she’d visit Roy’s brother, and then either visit us, or slander us if we refused.

* * *

So I was worrying about this visit from this woman who was rude and insulting about me to my face, and would slander me to Roy if she had a minute alone with him. And would absorb my hospitality and then slander me to all and sundry.

I was walking on my treadmill, about 10 or 15 years ago, listening to the Gospel of John when this verse jumped out at me, “Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Trust in God, trust also in me.”

And I thought, “Anita, do you really believe this? Can you let your heart not be troubled, and let it not be afraid?”

And then I thought, “Ah, but this woman. She’s nuts. She cares for the good opinion of neither God nor man. She just wants what she wants.”

And then I thought, “But can God manage her?”

Believe it or not, I had to think about it for a while!! Could God deal with someone so closed off to him? And I decided, “I will trust him, whatever she does.”

And I felt peace.

* * *

And, as matters turned out, Roy’s brother, David, did indeed move to the US. But before that, we had moved to the UK.

And she did indeed visit David in the US for a month….

And she had, apparently, as I had feared, decided to visit Roy when she visited David. And so, though we were in Oxford, she bought a US-UK ticket, without telling us, and one day, as we were minding our own business, the phone rung, and she announced that she was in the UK for a surprise visit of 2 weeks.

It was the busiest time of our lives. The school and university term were in full swing. Roy was still a professor of mathematics, with a Chair in Applied Maths, head of a research group, and was spending all his extra time helping me out with our publishing business. We were hideously behind with the latter, with fulfilling orders, customers breathing down our necks, and didn’t have a minute to spare.

Besides, we teach people how to treat us. If I had let her stay, she, diagnosed manic-depressive, would buy a ticket to our house whenever she felt high, without warning, as she had now done. If I had let her stay, I would never have been able to breathe freely, never knowing if the door-bell was her.

She visited Roy for a day in his office, but did not set foot in our house. She stayed with other relatives and tangential connections, and has never paid us another “surprise” visit.

* * *

Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. Most of our fears do not happen, and the ones that do, God can help us deal with.

The visit I feared as crazy-making, and depressing and boring and an explosion of lies and evil into my life has not yet happened in 24 years of marriage.

And if it had, God would still have protected me, I believe.

It is always safe to trust him, I believe.

Filed Under: random Tagged With: Do not let your heart be troubled. Gospel of John, Trust

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My Books

Wandering Between Two Worlds: Essays on Faith and Art

Wandering Between Two Worlds - Amazon.com
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Francesco, Artist of Florence: The Man Who Gave Too Much

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The Story of Dirk Willems

The Story of Dirk Willems - Amazon.com
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Premier Digital Awards 2015 - Finalist - Blogger of the year
Runner Up Christian Media Awards 2014 - Tweeter of the year

Recent Posts

  •  On Not Wasting a Desert Experience
  • A Mind of Life and Peace in the Middle of a Global Pandemic
  • On Yoga and Following Jesus
  • Silver and Gold Linings in the Storm Clouds of Coronavirus
  • Trust: A Message of Christmas
  • Life- Changing Journaling: A Gratitude Journal, and Habit-Tracker, with Food and Exercise Logs, Time Sheets, a Bullet Journal, Goal Sheets and a Planner
  • On Loving That Which Love You Back
  • “An Autobiography in Five Chapters” and Avoiding Habitual Holes  
  • Shining Faith in Action: Dirk Willems on the Ice
  • The Story of Dirk Willems: The Man who Died to Save His Enemy

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What I’m Reading

Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance
Barak Obama

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H Is for Hawk
Helen MacDonald

H Is for Hawk - Amazon.com
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Tiny Habits
B. J. Fogg

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The Regeneration Trilogy
Pat Barker

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anita.mathias

Writer, Blogger, Reader, Mum. Christian. Instaing Oxford, travel, gardens and healthy meals. Oxford English alum. Writing memoir. Lives in Oxford, UK

Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford # Images from walks around Oxford. #beauty #oxford #walking #tranquility #naturephotography #nature
So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And h So we had a lovely holiday in the Southwest. And here we are at one of the world’s most famous and easily recognisable sites.
#stonehenge #travel #england #prehistoric England #family #druids
And I’ve blogged https://anitamathias.com/2020/09/13/on-not-wasting-a-desert-experience/
So, after Paul the Apostle's lightning bolt encounter with the Risen Christ on the road to Damascus, he went into the desert, he tells us...
And there, he received revelation, visions, and had divine encounters. The same Judean desert, where Jesus fasted for forty days before starting his active ministry. Where Moses encountered God. Where David turned from a shepherd to a leader and a King, and more, a man after God’s own heart.  Where Elijah in the throes of a nervous breakdown hears God in a gentle whisper. 
England, where I live, like most of the world is going through a desert experience of continuing partial lockdowns. Covid-19 spreads through human contact and social life, and so we must refrain from those great pleasures. We are invited to the desert, a harsh place where pruning can occur, and spiritual fruitfulness.
A plague like this has not been known for a hundred years... John Piper, after his cancer diagnosis, exhorted people, “Don’t Waste Your Cancer”—since this was the experience God permitted you to have, and He can bring gold from it. Pandemics and plagues are permitted (though not willed or desired) by a Sovereign God, and he can bring life-change out of them. 
Let us not waste this unwanted, unchosen pandemic, this opportunity for silence, solitude and reflection. Let’s not squander on endless Zoom calls—or on the internet, which, if not used wisely, will only raise anxiety levels. Let’s instead accept the invitation to increased silence and reflection
Let's use the extra free time that many of us have long coveted and which has now been given us by Covid-19 restrictions to seek the face of God. To seek revelation. To pray. 
And to work on those projects of our hearts which have been smothered by noise, busyness, and the tumult of people and parties. To nurture the fragile dreams still alive in our hearts. The long-deferred duty or vocation
So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I So, we are about eight weeks into lockdown, and I have totally sunk into the rhythm of it, and have got quiet, very quiet, the quietest spell of time I have had as an adult.
I like it. I will find going back to the sometimes frenetic merry-go-round of my old life rather hard. Well, I doubt I will go back to it. I will prune some activities, and generally live more intentionally and mindfully.
I have started blocking internet of my phone and laptop for longer periods of time, and that has brought a lot of internal quiet and peace.
Some of the things I have enjoyed during lockdown have been my daily long walks, and gardening. Well, and reading and working on a longer piece of work.
Here are some images from my walks.
And if you missed it, a blog about maintaining peace in the middle of the storm of a global pandemic
https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/  #walking #contemplating #beauty #oxford #pandemic
A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine. A few walks in Oxford in the time of quarantine.  We can maintain a mind of life and peace during this period of lockdown by being mindful of our minds, and regulating them through meditation; being mindful of our bodies and keeping them happy by exercise and yoga; and being mindful of our emotions in this uncertain time, and trusting God who remains in charge. A new blog on maintaining a mind of life and peace during lockdown https://anitamathias.com/2020/05/04/a-mind-of-life-and-peace/
In the days when one could still travel, i.e. Janu In the days when one could still travel, i.e. January 2020, which seems like another life, all four of us spent 10 days in Malta. I unplugged, and logged off social media, so here are some belated iphone photos of a day in Valetta.
Today, of course, there’s a lockdown, and the country’s leader is in intensive care.
When the world is too much with us, and the news stresses us, moving one’s body, as in yoga or walking, calms the mind. I am doing some Yoga with Adriene, and again seeing the similarities between the practice of Yoga and the practice of following Christ.
https://anitamathias.com/2020/04/06/on-yoga-and-following-jesus/
#valleta #valletamalta #travel #travelgram #uncagedbird
Images from some recent walks in Oxford. I am copi Images from some recent walks in Oxford.
I am coping with lockdown by really, really enjoying my daily 4 mile walk. By savouring the peace of wild things. By trusting that God will bring good out of this. With a bit of yoga, and weights. And by working a fair amount in my garden. And reading.
How are you doing?
#oxford #oxfordinlockdown #lockdown #walk #lockdownwalks #peace #beauty #happiness #joy #thepeaceofwildthings
Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social d Images of walks in Oxford in this time of social distancing. The first two are my own garden.  And I’ve https://anitamathias.com/2020/03/28/silver-and-gold-linings-in-the-storm-clouds-of-coronavirus/ #corona #socialdistancing #silverlinings #silence #solitude #peace
Trust: A Message of Christmas He came to earth in Trust: A Message of Christmas  He came to earth in a  splash of energy
And gentleness and humility.
That homeless baby in the barn
Would be the lynchpin on which history would ever after turn
Who would have thought it?
But perhaps those attuned to God’s way of surprises would not be surprised.
He was already at the centre of all things, connecting all things. * * *
Augustus Caesar issued a decree which brought him to Bethlehem,
The oppressions of colonialism and conquest brought the Messiah exactly where he was meant to be, the place prophesied eight hundred years before his birth by the Prophet Micah.
And he was already redeeming all things. The shame of unwed motherhood; the powerlessness of poverty.
He was born among animals in a barn, animals enjoying the sweetness of life, animals he created, animals precious to him.
For he created all things, and in him all things hold together
Including stars in the sky, of which a new one heralded his birth
Drawing astronomers to him.
And drawing him to the attention of an angry King
As angelic song drew shepherds to him.
An Emperor, a King, scholars, shepherds, angels, animals, stars, an unwed mother
All things in heaven and earth connected
By a homeless baby
The still point on which the world still turns. The powerful centre. The only true power.
The One who makes connections. * * *
And there is no end to the wisdom, the crystal glints of the Message that birth brings.
To me, today, it says, “Fear not, trust me, I will make a way.” The baby lay gentle in the barn
And God arranges for new stars, angelic song, wise visitors with needed finances for his sustenance in the swiftly-coming exile, shepherds to underline the anointing and reassure his parents. “Trust me in your dilemmas,” the baby still says, “I will make a way. I will show it to you.” Happy Christmas everyone.  https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/24/trust-a-message-of-christmas/ #christmas #gemalderieberlin #trust #godwillmakeaway
Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Look, I’ve designed a journal. It’s an omnibus Gratitude journal, habit tracker, food and exercise journal, bullet journal, with time sheets, goal sheets and a Planner. Everything you’d like to track.  Here’s a post about it with ISBNs https://anitamathias.com/2019/12/23/life-changing-journalling/. Check it out. I hope you and your kids like it!
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