Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

A new heart and spirit: A Promise. A new mind: An exhortation. A different body? Adventures in Prayer and Bible listening on the hoof

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A new heart I will give you, and a new spirit I will put within you is the promise of the new covenant. And we are exhorted to do all we can to have a new mind. 

How am I doing this? Well, I have turned my daily quiet time into a prayer walk. I had been praying face down after learning soaking prayer from John Arnott, and so for the first few days, this was a wrench. I found it hard to focus my thoughts out of doors; they wandered.
But everything in life is habit, and I gradually got into the habit of praying out of doors. I accepted that I prayed differently while walking from field to field in South Oxfordshire. That my spirit soaring in joy and praise and happiness was prayer—just not organized or cerebral.   And I understood that this was going to be the prayer I would pray for a while—praise, thanksgiving, joy. I might not be diligent in praying through lists, but I would convert the random thoughts that came into my head into prayer by praying about them.
I have also started listening to a dramatized reading of the Bible on my iPhone as I walk. I listen for 45 minutes which means I get to listen to several chapters. It’s a wonderful way of getting the big sweep and the large themes of scripture, though, of course, there is slightly less pausing to reflect, and no checking footnotes, commentaries, concordances, Bible dictionaries etc. Oh well, I have done a lot of that for 22 years, but have rarely been as immersed in Scripture as when I listen to several chapters during my walks.
Hopefully, this increased exercise will begin to give me a different body—at least will build muscle mass, and increase fitness, strength, health—and build a stronger immune system because of walking out of doors in all weathers. It does appear to give me a new perspective, optimism and resilience. 
And, after a month or two of practice, I have actually been praying better. I am a classic night owl. I wake up a bit groggy and mentally slow. Prayer in the mornings can be unfocussed; I can “run out of conversation.”  But the fresh air, and the endorphins generated while walking actually help me pray better.
And when I return, I can concentrate on my work so much better! That praying and listening to scripture while walking would help me concentrate better and for longer on my reading and writing is an unexpected side benefit–and one for which I am very grateful. 

The Favourites of the Lord

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Correggio

Who wouldn’t want a unique vision of angels?
Who wouldn’t want a cutting-edge vision of Jesus and to hear his compelling, electrifying, history-making, immortal words?
Who wouldn’t want to be the first to hear the biggest story of all time? To be entrusted to sharing it with the church and the world?  To have the most compelling vision and revelation there ever was? And be eternally famous as a result?
* * *
Ah, who would want to hang out alone in a place where there is no guarantee Jesus will show up, but where you last saw him?
And if he is not there, then there is no reward, nothing achieved from your trek to the secret place, no church status gained, no literary or blogosphere status gained.
It is time wasted; it is self wasted; it is discouraging.
You will perhaps have expended time seeking him whom your heart loves in the secret places—and returned without honey. As all spiritual seekers sometimes ostensibly do.
* * *
To whom did the Risen Christ reveal himself? To those who sought him, even though, evidently, there was nothing to be gained from the quest. To those who sought him for himself. 

To Mary, who went to the garden tomb, because that was where she had last seen Jesus, without any thought that she might see him there again. Alive!
To the three Marys who come with spices and perfume to him they loved so much in the place they last saw him with no expectation that they would see or hear the living Christ.
In The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Lucy and Susan are the first to see the risen Aslan, because they were there on the morning after.
Did he pick out Mary (or Lucy or Susan) because they were his favourites?
No, I believe anyone who loved him enough to take the time to be there would have seen and heard the risen Aslan/Jesus.
Revelation and blessing come to those who hang out, slow down and linger.
* * *
Many seek significance in the church, and the Christian world. Many want to be someone, to be praised, respected, admired. To be important.
And these are instinctive human desires. Each of us is significant in God’s sight. And he designed us to be born into little circles of significance: the apple of our parents’ eyes, our friends’ beloved friend, and to steadily grow circles of significance and influence in which we can be a blessing.
But significance cannot be grabbed; it has to be given to us. It is given to us as we put first things first; as we seek the significant.


And if the tree of our life is to tower high, to bless many, to be significant in the body of Christ, our roots must go correspondingly deep into the secret places of Christ. We must drink of his sweet words, his life-giving waters.
Mary seeks Jesus in the garden tomb with perfume and spices because she loves him. She has no thought of reward. He rewards her with himself. She sees him, he speaks to her; she pounces on him. He gives her a vision, which spread far and wide among the disciples and reverberates twenty centuries later.
So if you feel unknown, unheard, insignificant, put first things first.
Go to him who has never doubted your significance, just hang out with him,
God gives himself, his wisdom, his vision, his revelations to those who hang out with him.
Just as Pharaoh’s magicians could mimic what Moses did, many can speak thundering or eloquent words. What ultimately cannot be mimicked is the validation of God, the blessings God showers on you, and the outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon your life and ministry making it powerful. What cannot be mimicked is love, joy, peace, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit.
And these things come, in the measure that pleases God, to those who take the time to hang out with him for no reward other than his sweet self. 

And to those who thus seek him in a noisy world of competition and hustling (even within the church), he has promised a reward.
When you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you openly. (Matthew 6:6).
  

When God Validates a Man or Ministry–and He Can, He Does!

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                                  Edward Knippers

 

So Good Friday, the travesty of justice, ends with the greatest act of validation I know of, the resurrection.

 

Jesus, unjustly slandered and accused, is raised from the dead by God.

 

“Jesus of Nazareth was a man accredited by God to you by miracles, wonders and signs, which God did among you through him, as you yourselves know,” Peter says. (Acts 2:22).

                                                                                                         * * *

I mean, sometimes God showers the kind of grace and favour on people which a million dollars of advertising would not buy, as when a single mum read Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life to a desperate murderer, who dramatically escaped from jail, and then, sort of, allowed her to call the police on him.

Or think of the astonishing success of The Prayer of Jabez though there was clever marketing in its dramatic editing into a small, short book. Its message in essence is: Pray big, faith-filled prayers, and God is more inclined to answer. We’ve heard variants of this lovely and true message before. I think the run-away success of this book was God showing favour on Bruce Wilkinson, who had quietly done remarkable things for many years with his Walk Thru the Bible Ministries. (Incidentally, I frequently pray the prayer of Jabez, particularly when stymied, and this has contributed to changing my life.)

                                                                                                           * * *

Interestingly, the people God chooses to validate are often visibly flawed people, which maybe why God chooses to validate them, to show that, despite our scepticism, his favour rests on them.

I can think of a remarkable series of God’s validation in the life of a pastor I knew. He was numb and not praying well after a family tragedy. David Pytches, who paved the way for the charismatic renewal in Britian prayed for him, and he slain in the spirit and overwhelmed with the knowledge of God’s love for him.
He in turn prayed for a twenty year old boy, who was “pole-axed,” slain in the spirit, and is now among this country’s most gifted preachers and Christian writers.
I heard a woman tell this story about him. 23 years ago, their two year old, had advanced cancer, and the doctors in Great Ormond Street had given up hope. This priest visited for lunch, and was told about the child.
“Have you prayed?” he asked.
“Oh yes!” they said.
“Can I pray?” he asked.
And he took the child, and prayed with the simple intensity. And the parents heard the prayer, and knew that things were going to be different. The doctors at Great Ormond Street were reluctant to test the boy again, but did. He is now 25 years old.
The couple, an architect and psychologist, resigned their jobs, went through difficult financial times, but went into ordained ministry and full time prayer ministry respectively. “If prayer has such power, why would I want to be doing anything else?” she said.
  * * *
When I worshipped in this man’s church, a large, wealthy one, the days of anointing had given way to a time of insecurity and control. I am reading R.T. Kendall’s The Anointing, which describes this phenomena of “Yesterday’s man” like Saul, who initially started out in the spirit’s power, but now operates on ambition and manipulation. Staff appointments in the church were a revolving door, as anyone who disagreed with him or his wife–or whose giftedness threatened either–were publicly and humiliatingly dismissed. Lay people who disagreed with him or his wife were treated with astonishing, finely calculated, manipulative cruelty; if not for the earlier acts of validation in his youth, we would have been tempted to wonder if he were a Christian.
Once, this man’s eldest teenager ran away from home. A young Ugandan minister, John Mulinde visited him, and the vicar described his despair. “Well then, we must pray,” said Mulinde.
Mulinde prayed. When he stopped, he phone rung. It was a woman whose husband the daughter had run away with.
The vicar was instrumental in introducing him widely in this country. What validation for Mulinde, who is now embroiled in his own scandal and disgrace, as I discovered when googling him while writing this.
        * * *
Yes, God often bestows validation to those who most need it, either to validate them in other people’s eyes, or for their own internal reassurance that God’s favour rests on them.
I started out in lay ministry in 2001, at a time of great personal stress: exhaustion, marital stress, and the difficulties of trying to write with two lovely young children, one a toddler.
I wondered if I should even be doing ministry, or getting my own life, house and relationships in order.
Two small things happened to reassure me. A woman in my Bible study was distraught. She was divorced and remarried, and as is not uncommon in these circumstances, her nine year old son, Jake, had lost his faith.
I remembered what I was like at 9, and prayed with real feeling for sad, confused Jake, with the sense of going through the holy place, into the Most Holy Place, and seeing the face of Jesus, between the wings of the cherubim. “When you prayed, it was like balm on the group,” she said. The next week, she said “Jake said he’s decided to become a Christian.”
The same week, I asked my mentor how I could pray for her. She had a rascal son, who had been a millionaire, had married a Latin American, and got a Mexican partner, who used him as a front of his dealings with Mexican drug-dealers and gun-runners. He had lost all his money, and was out of a job. She said, “Well you could pray for Dan, but it would take a miracle.” The next week, she met me, eyes shining. “There has been a miracle. His uncle, Dick, asked his cousin to give him a job—and he did.” And it required him to move to Virginia, away from Texas, where his unsavoury acquaintances were.
 And then I began to pray bigger, dreamier prayers—and many were answered—like moving back to Oxford. And it was reassuring to know in my bones that Jesus looked at me at smiled, though I was weak, struggling with discipline, with weight, with patience. That he thought I was okay, because he loves me as I loved my messy, breaky, chattery, incorrigible toddlers—and thought they were okay—and more than okay!!
That God loves you, that he answers your prayers, that he thinks you’re basically okay because you are his child…ah, that’s the best form of accreditation!

How many plagues does it take?

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Image Credit

 The Plagues of Egypt are darkly spectacular, aren’t they? Locusts, darkness, hail, gnats, flies, boils, darkness….  It certainly seemed that someone was trying to get the Egyptians’ attention.

But the economic benefit of the free slave labour of the Hebrews was simply too good, too advantageous to be easily given up.
And so, amid escalating warnings, and signs from God, guaranteed to get anyone’s attention, Pharaoh refuses to let the Israelites go.
                                                                   * * *
Of course, when misfortunes increase and escalate, it is not necessarily a judgement on sin, or God trying to get our attention so that we more thoroughly revise your life according to his guidelines. It wasn’t in Job’s case.
But sometimes, as C.S. Lewis says, God uses pain: accumulating dire consequences, as a megaphone to get our attention.
                                            * * *
He  often has in my life.  As I have shared in this blog, I had a fiery temper—which, of course, is upsetting to everyone, the angry person, the victim and the bystanders. Oh nothing is worse than losing your temper, repenting, and losing it again.
And when I mean a fiery temper, sadly, I mean just that. When we were first married, almost 23 years ago, and got furious with each other, things flew through the air—fax machines, vases, antiques, whatever was at hand. (Fortunately, neither of us had a particularly good aim, but still–a very expensive sin!!)
 About 11 years ago, I talked and prayed it through with two friends, one a saintly older mentor, one a trained counsellor who worked with me as a friend, and I did learn how to get my anger under control. Learned to tell my grievances to God, rather than the person. Learn to work out my anger in housework or exercise or gardening rather than in angry speech, which weakens my mind, spirit and character, and weakens the listener.
Every time I declare I have won a victory over my temper, I find myself losing it!! so let me just say this; I am better at saying nothing, and thinking things over. Not getting started with the angry, futile words which raise adrenalin. Working out my bad temper in exercise. Praying over it when calmer. Thinking about the outcome I want to see, and purposefully working towards it. Oh I can’t tell you what a victory just shutting up and saying nothing feels like to someone who always had a bad temper.
The plagues–the destructive consequences of anger on health, mental health, sleep, creativity, weight, and happiness got me to this point. 
                                            * * *
Roy and I were both very messy which set up vicious spirals in our lives. Mess and clutter: it gets you late; causes frustration with lost things; compromises your productivity, mental health, happiness, your family’s serenity. It’s very expensive: things get broken, misplaced, unnecessarily replaced. It’s not good academically for your kids. Or for your own creativity.
When we moved from a large house in America to a smaller house in Oxford, the clutter and mess seriously affected my happiness, well-being and shalom. About 4 years ago, we started the process of becoming tidy and orderly, with the help of bi-weekly housekeeping help. Haven’t got rid of everything, but do declutter almost weekly, and every month get rid of several boxes of things “neither beautiful not useful” in William Morris’s words.
                                                          *  * *
Is it too fanciful, too superstitious, too medieval, to imagine plagues might accumulate if you are headed in the wrong direction, so that God can get your attention?
So in which areas do I see warning signs? One is being overweight! Being overweight has all sorts of consequences, in energy, in self-image, in self-confidence, productivity etc. It also has physical consequences, which are now manifesting themselves.
If you have been overweight for much of your adult life, losing weight is like a radical conversion experience—a radical change of life. Building in exercise daily, especially with weights perhaps to change one’s metabolism. A radical change in what you eat, and when and why. Finding other strategies to replace comfort eating—such as prayer. It has to become a priority, which is hard. I have lost 6.5 pounds over the last 2 months—and oh my, what work it took!!
                                                             * * *
Whereas “sin” or noxious habits brings “plagues” or, in modern terms, a vicious spiral of negative consequences, there are converse habits, which bring a virtuous circle of good and blessed consequences. One is exercise, which returns the time expended in it through increased productivity and deeper sleep.
Another habit which sets up virtuous circles is waking early. I’d so love to wake “very early in the morning, while it was still dark,” like Jesus, but because I am a night owl, and can think and write creatively until quite late in the night, this has always evaded me.
However, there are so many benefits to waking early—an increased opportunity to get things done; and a better prayer life (one can certainly pray better earlyish in the morning, than the last thing at night). Then, one is certainly less likely to bicker, row and get grumpy first thing in the morning.  And far less likely to waste time idly surfing the internet first thing in the morning.
I remember a talk by Jack Miller of World Harvest Mission which made fun of Samuel Johnson (Dr. Johnson’s) resolutions to wake earlier. “I am resolved to wake at noon tomorrow. Though it be late, it is still earlier than the time I woke  today–which was two o’clock,” he read from Johnson’s journals.

And so it goes, through the decades, as recorded in Johnson’s journals: going to bed at 2, or 3 or 4 a.m. after nights at clubs, smoking and drinking, waking up in the afternoon, excoriating himself, resolutions, failure.

The audience roared with laughter.  I found it tragic. Miller concluded that that this cycle of resolution and failure was because Johnson, a Christian, did not know how to rely on the power of God.
How do we learn to rely on the power of God? Only through failure, which teaches us that we cannot do it by ourselves? So I guess I am turning over these two areas of long failure—weight and waking early to God, asking for his guidance in them, and begging him to show me his power and grace in these areas.
I’ve read that one is never too old to build more muscle mass through weight lifting. One can do this in one’s nineties. Similarly, one can increase one’s metabolism at any stage of life.
And it is never too late to revise one’s life. Our conversion is a once and for seismic event, the acceptance of Jesus as our Lord, but conversion is also a daily, life-long event, turning to him again, and again, relying on his grace and strength to be disciplined in our eating, in our relationships, in our sleeping, in our waking, in our areas of strength and weakness.
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ within me,
Christ below me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right hand,
Christ on my left hand,
Christ in my sleeping,
Christ in my waking….
Amen.

  

An Anglican or a Christian? A Church Lady or a Christian?

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 At a social media lunch last year, I met an Anglican. There were 8 of us seated around a table, but she dominated it with a constant stream of strident patter, mocking Rowan, deriding Sentamu, attacking an apparently nefarious, but certainly boring document called the Anglican Covenant, telling us about the gay lovers of various Anglican priests she knew, so many troubled priests, so many troubled parishes. And oh, so much, so very much gossip.

That the lady was an Anglican, I had no doubt.
But was she a Christian? That wasn’t immediately apparent!
* * *
Now if Jesus was reading this (which he is) he might rap me over the knuckles for my definition of a Christian. Or he might not!
When you become a Christ-follower, you begin to quieten down. It brings an interiority to your life. You begin to pray, for starters. Shut up and pray. You begin to read Scripture. Shut up and read Scripture. Someone else is now involved in directing the drama of your life, and you shut up through the day, and discern the plot he is writing in your day, your life, and carefully listen to his whispered prompts and stage directions. You become quieter.
That manic hour or two of exhausting, loud Anglican gossip about those in high places—what did this have to do with the gentle, mild, lovely Jesus or following him?
* * *
Have you ever got entangled with a church lady? You know, who will come up to you with the brightest of smiles, ask you if you are going to an event you hadn’t heard of, and when you say you are, just to be nice, you find yourself corralled into serving the coffee at it. No Out now!
Or the very worst type of church lady like one I knew in my previous Oxford church.  You know, whose life is the church. Who knows every shred of gossip about everyone, and shares it with you. Who worms out your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, which you share naively, hoping that you are so adorably special that surely she will not broadcast them. Oh but you thought wrong!! Who gets visibly excited, turned on and alive at news of who hates whom, who is upset by whom, church politics, who’s in, who’s out. Who knows everyone’s backstory, which she repeats with a patronizing air. Who’s in dire financial straits, mental health straits, marital straits, oh any old straits, oh how she worms out and shares these details with visible schadenfreude!!
That she is a churchgoer, one has no doubt. Why, it is her life!
But is she a Christian? Ah, that gives me pause. Would Jesus know her? Oh, on that great day, when all shall be revealed, we shall see. (All of us, writer and readers, no doubt will blush, at least a little!)
                   * * *
Seek Jesus first. Seek righteousness first. Hard precepts. No wonder so many lose their way and become hung up on minor issues which bolster their own sense of superiority.
I knew a Christian who became convinced that he had a ministry of deliverance, and would eject demons if people had ear-aches, a fear of swimming, a fear of flying. Demons and deliverance: that was his obsession. He even founded a small, short-lived church and ministry around deliverance.
When I lived in Williamsburg, Virginia, where homeschooling was immensely popular, I met people who were, perhaps, home-schoolers first, and Christians second. All their chatter was on the brilliance and virtue and superiority of home-schooling; it became a religion, displacing all the other quiet precepts of Jesus—love for the poor, for instance, or humility. And when it comes to moms, who—abomination!!–worked, well, charity flew out of the window!
A month or two after I recommitted my life to Jesus in 1989, I answered an ad for a Christian roommate. The woman who advertised, Barbara Magera, was the national secretary and spokewoman of Operation Rescue, the militant pro-life organization. She went to Randall Terry’s church. It was a good church, though Barbara, who became my roommate in Binghamton, New York, and many of the church members were continually in jail, for their disruptive shenanigans at the Democratic Party Convention, for instance. Of their commitment to Life and opposition to abortion, there was no doubt. And the church, Resurrection Life, was a sweet nurturing place.
But through the years, I’ve noticed pro-life activists become obsessional, consumed by hated and moral disgust of the abortion industry, become strident and self-righteous, losing some of the sweetness of Jesus.
Similarly, I have seen Christian friends become so consumed by hatred of President Obama and his policies that they will rarely speak or write of Jesus in social media, just tear down Obama. Oh they despise Obama, link after link, screed after screed—and I glance through these, and feel sad. Is their obsession with politics perhaps depriving them of the quiet places of reflection, renewal and sweetness which are found in the presence of Jesus?
* * *

So what’s going on? Following Jesus is just not easy. When he speaks rhema words to me, I cringe.

Or who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Mt. 16:24).
That’s tough. How much easier to just do a bit of campaigning!!
“I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God that which costs me nothing,” (2 Sam 24:24) David says. I have noticed that when Christians major on the minor, it is frequently on issues which cost them nothing. How much easier to deride Rowan, or Obama, or church ladies than quietly serve.
We tend to get strident in our areas of strength, or in areas which cost us nothing. Someone who built up an discipline of prayer and scripture will choose this topic when he’s asked to speak (as I do myself!!) but you won’t hear the same person speak about fasting, humility, or agape, if those are not his strengths.
Seek Jesus first. Seek Jesus first. That is the only way to continue a straight and joyful Pilgrim’s Progress in a world full of annoyances and distractions–Mr WorldlyWiseMan, Mr Legality, Giant Despair, the Slough of Despond, and Doubting Castle.
Jesus, hold my hand and be my guide!

“Strengthen yourself in the Lord” by Bill Johnson: A guest post from Roy Mathias

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(Guest post by Roy Mathias)
I read this book while at Ffald-y-Brenin. Here are some of the ideas–chapter by chapter.    Bill Johnson describes some of the methods he uses to strengthen his inner man – it is not an exhaustive list, just what he himself has found helpful.  These are some of the conscious ways in which he choose to respond when warning lights go on in  his life.
Frequently others will strengthen us, but there are times when we must do it for ourselves in order to mature.
David’s Secret
What made David so great?  David is remembered for his heart.  While the Israel, for the most part, interacted with the Lord through the Law and a system of ritual sacrifices, David, as a shepherd, had a direct relationship with the Lord, singing to the Lord, and relying on the Lord in battling lion and bear.  He was clearly different – his oldest brother Eliab brothers sensed this saying  “I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is” .
However, after being anointed King, he had to wait 10-13 years, mostly in testing circumstances, before being crowned king.  This further testing ensured that when he was king he would not stumble as seriously as Saul, whose public victories exposed his hidden faults.
Why the inner man?
The sin of biting the apple in the garden was preceded by the error of believing a lie.
“As a man thinks in his heart so he is”  (Pr 23:7) is an oft quoted expression, but it usually refers just to thoughts.  In Hebrew, the heart referred to the entirety of the inner man – mind, imagination, will, desires, emotions, memory, conscience, and so Johnson focussed on more than just the mind and intellect here.
Stay connected to your destiny
 Live aware of where you are going, not where you are.  Live aware of the unseen reality that God is both good and sovereign.
The frontlines of the fight is the safest place — we receive an umbrella of  grace — rather than taking up a defensive position, like the servant who buried his coin.
Disarming Hell Through Thanksgiving
Almost every Christian book, regardless of perspective, book has a chapter on the importance of thanksgiving. Why?
1.      “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”( 1 Thess 5:16-18)  Being thankful is the will of God.  But to be truly thankful, one must appreciate what one has – frequently Christians are not thankful for spiritual gifts, and even the mere fact of life.
2.      “Thanksgiving brings me into the presence of God where you sense His ability to do the impossible and sense of his love for and delight in me.  It is hard to stay depressed when I am filled with the awareness of this love and goodness of God around me.”
3.       Not giving thanks and praise leads to futility and spiritual darkness.   “ … they neither glorified Him, nor gave Him thanks, but became futile in their thoughts and their foolish minds were darkened.”    On the other hand, thanksgiving keeps us sane (seeing reality the way it is)  and alive (in contact with our source of life).
The Personal Breakthrough Moment – Praise
“Physical obedience brings spiritual breakthrough”. Our identity as believers is first as worshipers–ministering to the Lord.  Worship with the whole self, including the body, dancing, clapping, and making a joyful noise as in the Old Testament, and in celebrations the world over.
“It is not irresponsible to ignore problems around one, and even inside one, to give GOD praise.  We think that we can solve a problem by looking at it from every angle.  But this can consume our attention, and we end up focussing on the problem, not the Lord.”
Praise can bring one into a divine encounter.  Worship may be understood only by the worshiper and the Lord (c.f., the woman who poured expensive perfume on Jesus feet was criticised/judged by all.)
Bill Johnson closes the chapter with “I challenge you to take the time each day to look past the problems and needs around you long enough to give God an extravagant expression of praise and rejoicing”.
Releasing the Hidden Things
 How do we build ourselves up?  Ans: “But you, beloved, building yourselves up on your most hold faith, praying in the Holy Spirit.”  “He who speaks in a tongue edifies himself.”
Praying in the Spirit (i.e., in tongues for Bill Johnson)
  • Is powerful because  our spirits pray in  agreement with God
  • Invites the Spirit of understanding to enlighten the eyes of our understanding (esp. when we want to understand things in times of crisis and tragedy.)
  • Bypasses the intellect and activates our Spirit born faith (for faith does not come from the intellect)
  • Bypassing the intellect, allows us to pray when we lack understanding for how to pray.
Conclusion:  “As you learn how to ‘build yourself up on your most holy faith’ using this tool, a sign of growth will be that God will wean you away from expecting quick fixes, and you will find yourself in situations that just will not shift until you lean into His voice, hear what he is saying, and stand in faith to make that declaration over your life. … we learn that while getting answers to prayer is wonderful and important, hearing His voice in the intimacy of prayer is the true source of our strength.”
 Possessed by Promises
“Meditating on the Promises of God will strengthen you.”   We strengthen ourselves by remaining connected with identity and purpose.  But we only know our identity and purpose because God tells us what they are
 In general, meditate on the promises from the position of “Let it be to me according to your Word” when it is not clear how His word will be fulfilled.
In particular,  re-read portions of Scripture that have been quickened in your heart.  He says “If I feel heavy or discouraged, I’ll read these passages until I sense the reality of that dwelling place and can feel the promise burning in my heart again”.
Similarly, when mentally or spiritually bombarded, read Psalms, until you find “your heart cry in a Psalm”.  Then read that over and over and make it your prayer.
Life comes not from every word that has already been spoken, but from “every word that proceeds from the mouth of God”. (Note present tense.)   The Holy Spirit brings Scripture to life.  Don’t just gather information from Scripture–expect Scripture to speak to your spirit.  When you receive a personal word, record it.
(Biblical meditation fills the mind, and even the mouth, with truth.  Joshua 1:8, This book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall mediate it day and night.  Apparently the Hebrew word translated mediate can also be translated “mutter”.)
Keeping the Testimony
“Jesus perfectly represented God.  One of the primary truths He proved is that it is impossible to represent God accurately without demonstrations of power.   Miracles aren’t something only Jesus and a few highly anointed ministers can be expected to perform. “
Ps 78: 2-7   Tell of the Lord’s works –his power and wonders–that the next generation will know and believe
2 I will open my mouth with a parable;
   I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
3 things we have heard and known,
   things our ancestors have told us.
4 We will not hide them from their descendants;
   we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
   his power, and the wonders he has done.
5 He decreed statutes for Jacob
   and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our ancestors
   to teach their children,
6 so the next generation would know them,
   even the children yet to be born,
   and they in turn would tell their children.
7 Then they would put their trust in God
   and would not forget his deeds
   but would keep his commands.
However, the men of Ephraim, forgetting, lost their nerve in battle, and did not obey God’s law.
 9 The men of Ephraim, though armed with bows,
   turned back on the day of battle;
10 they did not keep God’s covenant
   and refused to live by his law.
11 They forgot what he had done,
   the wonders he had shown them.
12 He did miracles in the sight of their ancestors
   in the land of Egypt, in the region of Zoan.
13 He divided the sea and led them through;
   he made the water stand up like a wall.
14 He guided them with the cloud by day
   and with light from the fire all night.
15 He split the rocks in the wilderness
   and gave them water as abundant as the seas;
16 he brought streams out of a rocky crag
   and made water flow down like rivers.
Johnson applies the remembering of testimonies (the record of Gods deeds) also to the remembering of God’s deeds that are not recorded in Scripture.  By talking about these things we remember was God has done and are” aware of a God who invades the impossible.”
If we lack awareness of God’s action in our world, we lose faith and courage, and our plans will fall short of what He intends for us.
Conclusion: record and repeat testimonies of God’s deeds in our life and in lives we know. (BJ has a special journal solely to record miracles.)   Journaling is recommended by many Christian authors, but Johnson equates it with the OT command of repeating the Lord’s deeds.
Controlling Your Environment
A virtuous cycle: “As I developed a lifestyle of feeding on the promises and prophecies of God over my file and meditating on His testimonies, something interesting has happened.  People with testimonies now constantly find me, like heat seeking missiles.  Because the nature of testimony carries a prophetic anointing, it’s as though I am prophesied over continually.   As a result, I have a steady supply of encouragement and strength.”
Strength comes from covenant friendships. Covenant allows the spiritual reality that governs your life to flow in the other’s and vice versa.  It is vital to develop friendships with people whose lives show the fruit of the Kingdom.
“I have strong personal boundaries for interacting with people who speak from a position of negativity or unbelief.    Normally I minister to them but do not give them access to my life.  When I’m lacking in strength, however, I intentionally avoid them.   It does not sound very compassionate, but I am the only one responsible for keeping my heart free from Doubt and judgement, and I alone can recognise when I am vulnerable.”
The place of solitude.   “In case after case, the same person who carried a marvellous anointing that brought healing, deliverance and salvation to thousands lacked the wisdom to see that we wouldn’t be able to sustain that ministry if he did learn to get away from the crowds long enough to get physical rest and cultivate life-giving relationships with family and friends who would reaffirm his or her focus on the Kingdom.”
“Jesus took his disciples away from the crowds to rest and to be together.   Jesus was moved to action, not by human need, but by his Father’s heart.”
If this seems like a deadly serious book, that is because it is.  However Johnson sneaks in a paragraph saying that he takes himself too seriously and resists laughter in difficult times, but that the people of faith who support him in hard times have a great sense of humour.
The Desperate Cry
Response to being convicted of sin—feel convicted not condemned.  Remember that in the fullness of his grace not only forgives our sins, but also empowers us to live like Him.
Focus on God’s answers, not you problems.
Our personal ambition is to be transformed into His image.

A Cloud of SERIOUSLY Flawed Witnesses

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I mean, like, SERIOUSLY.
David, who despite Michal, Abigail, et al, saw a beautiful woman bathe, and indulged his primal instincts, embarking on a slippery slope that led to murder, and bitter sibling rivalry.
Paul, who stood as a witness to the stoning of Stephen, who thought castration was the best thing for his theological opponents (Gal. 5:12)
Peter, who quite simply lied, and denied he knew Jesus, three times in a row.
James and even beloved ethereal John, who manoeuvred to be the greatest in the coming Kingdom.
Moses, the murderer.
And these are some of the rocks on which our faith is built.
* * *
I once belonged to a church which gradually turned toxic. I watched a saga of clergy bullying, intimidation, sadism, manipulation, exclusion, power-seeking and misuse and all the attendant pain. I was appalled.
* * *
I found it hard to pray that those people would be blessed. That would only  give them power to cause more pain to more people, and continue to build their own little Kingdom–which was theirs, not Christ’s.
 * * *
When Elijah was disgusted at Ahab’s behaviour, being a magnificent prophet, and not a wounded woman, he said grandly,  “As the LORD, the God of Israel, lives, whom I serve, there will be neither dew nor rain in the next few years.”
And well, there wasn’t.
And guess who lived in Israel? Elijah the Tishbite did.
No rain nor dew fell on him either! He lived in seclusion by the barren Kerith ravine.
* * *

What I most wanted for myself was “rain,” spirit-borne creativity, and unblocking of the wells.

And in the mysterious way of the spirit-realms, wishing drought on others would cause a barrenness and parching in my own spirit, and prevent me from being “like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58:11). For with the measure we use, it will be measured to us. (Luke 6:38).

We cannot ask for rain and blessing on ourselves, while gently advising God to withhold it from others. Because blessing is God’s very nature. He makes the sun shine and the rain fall on good and evil alike.

And while God blesses whom he chooses to bless, and has mercy on whom he chooses to have mercy, a sweet heart draws down his ultimate blessing, which is his presence. Which according to the laws of physics, cannot fill a heart already full of bitterness or idolatry.
* * *

A grudge is like a tiny little cancer  in one’s spirit. It can grow and grow.
And what can neutralize this acid? These claws?
Drop by drop of the love of the Holy Spirit. The ocean of the Holy Spirit to drown the little Atlantis of bitterness.
*   * *

So just let it go—the injustices committed against us?
Yes, of course. “Just and true are all your ways,” the saints tell God in Revelation, and he will deal with those who hurt us with his unique combination of justice and mercy.
(Though when you see the wicked prosper, it takes faith to believe this!)
Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. It’s the most difficult thing that Jesus ever said, I think.
He advises us to BLESS those who have done us the most harm. Even people who have done wrong, perhaps evil things, and who might do it again, if given the power to.
·      * *
I finally found a way I could bless my enemies, and this gave me much joy.
If the ones who have ill-used you are Christians–or even they aren’t–the way they have treated you is not the whole story of their lives, or their characters.
They have most likely done many good things apart from the toxic conduct. which brought you grief.
In this case, in which I was unfairly and sadistically treated, I could happily ask God to bless them for the people who had received the Holy Spirit in a life-changing way through their prayers. For the healings they had brought about. For their ministry to the poor and to international visitors, which brought in no money. For their ministry which really blessed members of our family. For the prayers they had prayed aloud for me myself, which indeed were answered, amazingly and life-changingly; and the wisdom they had shared, which helped in me at difficult junctures of my life.
Ah, so that was how one could bless one’s enemies.
I stayed awake much of that night, and in delight, one by one, I blessed everyone I found hard to forgive, for all the good things they had done in their lives, quite apart from whatever I was struggling to forgive.
* * *
Back to the Scriptural great men of God. Is there a single one among that cloud of witnesses who has not at times messed up?  
Lolly Dunlap, a godly woman who mentored me, wife to the hyper-energetic John Dunlap,founder of schools, churches and Christian camps told me that she did not know anyone who has not looked back at his actions, and said, “I have really messed up there.” And she was the sister of Dick Woodward, the famous American Bible teacher, and the spiritual mother of Bill Warwick, Pastor of Williamsburg Community Chapel, and the real life mother of Don Dunlap, whom Dick called the most sinless human being he had ever known.
And so there is redemption. For the great scriptural cloud of witnesses, who have lied, murdered, committed adultery, betrayed the one they loved.
Peter, the most obviously flawed, the apostle most rebuked by Christ, also became the one the church was built on.  
And for us? I believe there is no sin (except, I suppose, the mysterious sin against the Holy Spirit) which disqualifies us for the race.
All sins and offences shall be forgiven men.  So matter how I have blown it, I can pick myself up, and continue following Jesus. As can my enemies and those I bitterly disapprove of.
Do not let shame paralyse you, no matter what you’ve done. Dust off those bruised knees, and get back into the race, jogging beside Jesus, your friend, right in there among that seriously flawed cloud of witnesses.

Human Sacrifices: The Nature of Idolatry

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Image: Tash and Aslan

When I was twenty-something, young and ambitious, I read this statement by Willa Cather, The God of Art demands human sacrifices.
“Okay, then,” I said, understanding that achieving mastery, artistry, would take a total commitment.
For these were the kind of statements which I heard in my Creative Writing masters and doctoral program: The artist’s life is the triumph of sacrifice, said the critic, Helen Vendler. The magisterial Henry James wrote, “If one would do the best he can with his pen, there is one word he must inscribe on his banner, and that word is solitude.
Mad, wasn’t it, that the ideal of writing well so consumed me, and consume me it did. I worked with a top editor from Harper and Row, Ted Solataroff, and caught the interest of a top agent, Virginia Barber in my early thirties. I completed the first draft of a manuscript through my first pregnancy, and the first year of my baby’s life. When it was turned down in 1995, I remember lying face down on the floor, and saying to myself, “I want to die.” That was only time I have ever felt like that.
However, I submitted the best chapters for an NEA award, only 30 of which were given annually then. And it won–a fat cheque of $20,000. And I got invitations to writers’ colonies, The Vermont Studio Centre, and The Virginia Centre for the Creative Arts. Where the visiting writers said I should shrink the first manuscript (about working with Mother Teresa in Calcutta down to 50-60 pages from 200+) and instead write a memoir of a Catholic childhood in India. Which I did, and then, as I’ve written here, balked again at agent/editor requests for changes, and took a break from writing.
* * *
And it took that break for that all-consuming idol of writing to die. It used to be the biggest barrier in my spiritual life: that fact that what I wanted more than anything was to write.
It’s still the case. I have a very simple bucket list of things I definitely want to do (as opposed to be) before I die. It has just one thing on it. Just one. I want to write. That’s it.
* * *
But more important than that, far more important is that I want to know Christ. I want to dwell in Christ. I want to be subsumed in Christ. I want Christ to dwell in me, every part of me, the writer part, as well as the rest of me.
The writer part of me is now subsumed in the Christ-lover and Christ-follower. It is not a little rebel part of me that stands outside apart, arms crossed, scowling at the totality of devotion Christ demands. I write because that is the vocation given to me, part of my Christian discipleship. And how long I took to arrive at this point!
In fact, I write partly through Christ’s energy and inspiration. Before, writing felt like running off and doing my own pleasurable thing, when I felt the Christian thing might have been housework, or something dreary like that.
How long it has taken me to come to this point, to rely on God’s power and inspiration to write, to feel that my writing is in the force field of God’s presence, power and blessing, and is flowing with God’s purposes for me (and my readers) rather than a guilty self-indulgence.
And now, writing is joy, instead of guilt and conflict. God has mercifully cleared the plate for me to write, as my sweet, husband, Roy, has agreed to stay home and run our home, lives, children and business, so that I can have the day clear to write. Getting back into creative work is not easy after the 4-5 year break from reading and writing that I took to establish the business, but I am gradually doing it. It is the right time. Before I felt I was grabbing time to write. Now, it is given to me.
He who loves his writing more than me is not worthy of me. He who loves his blog more than me is not worthy of me. I used to read Matthew 10:37 etc. and sadly say to myself: Well, I am not worthy. Well, I am still not, of course, but at least, I can say truthfully that, as far as I know, I no longer love my writing or anything else more than Christ.
* * *
In The Last Battle, Lewis points out the relentlessness of anything we worship except Christ. The ass who pretends to be Aslan demands more and more including the squirrels’ precious winter hoard of nuts. His demands will never be satisfied, just as the demands of anything we set up in the place of Christ will never be satisfied–a business, a career, sex, amazing children, money, fame, success…
* * *
Our spirits are eternal things. Infinite in that they will live forever. (Also infinite in that there has been no proven limit to man’s capacity to learn, to memorize, to invent or create.)
As such, only the infinite will satisfy our thirst. Only God will satisfy our thirst.
* * *
The secular writer David Forster Wallace writes brilliantly on this. Anything except God that you you worship will eat you alive, he says. He continues,
      And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship–be it Jesus Christ or Allah, be it YHWH or the Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles–is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive.
If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It’s the truth.
Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally kill you.
On one level, we all know this stuff already. It’s been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.
Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear.
Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out.
* * *
I truly don’t want to love anything more than Christ. And if I do, Lord, quickly set flame to it.
Because you alone can satisfy my soul as with the richest of food.
And because as C.S. Lewis says, “Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours.”