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An Anglican or a Christian? A Church Lady or a Christian?

By Anita Mathias

 At a social media lunch last year, I met an Anglican. There were 8 of us seated around a table, but she dominated it with a constant stream of strident patter, mocking Rowan, deriding Sentamu, attacking an apparently nefarious, but certainly boring document called the Anglican Covenant, telling us about the gay lovers of various Anglican priests she knew, so many troubled priests, so many troubled parishes. And oh, so much, so very much gossip.

That the lady was an Anglican, I had no doubt.
But was she a Christian? That wasn’t immediately apparent!
* * *
Now if Jesus was reading this (which he is) he might rap me over the knuckles for my definition of a Christian. Or he might not!
When you become a Christ-follower, you begin to quieten down. It brings an interiority to your life. You begin to pray, for starters. Shut up and pray. You begin to read Scripture. Shut up and read Scripture. Someone else is now involved in directing the drama of your life, and you shut up through the day, and discern the plot he is writing in your day, your life, and carefully listen to his whispered prompts and stage directions. You become quieter.
That manic hour or two of exhausting, loud Anglican gossip about those in high places—what did this have to do with the gentle, mild, lovely Jesus or following him?
* * *
Have you ever got entangled with a church lady? You know, who will come up to you with the brightest of smiles, ask you if you are going to an event you hadn’t heard of, and when you say you are, just to be nice, you find yourself corralled into serving the coffee at it. No Out now!
Or the very worst type of church lady like one I knew in my previous Oxford church.  You know, whose life is the church. Who knows every shred of gossip about everyone, and shares it with you. Who worms out your weaknesses and vulnerabilities, which you share naively, hoping that you are so adorably special that surely she will not broadcast them. Oh but you thought wrong!! Who gets visibly excited, turned on and alive at news of who hates whom, who is upset by whom, church politics, who’s in, who’s out. Who knows everyone’s backstory, which she repeats with a patronizing air. Who’s in dire financial straits, mental health straits, marital straits, oh any old straits, oh how she worms out and shares these details with visible schadenfreude!!
That she is a churchgoer, one has no doubt. Why, it is her life!
But is she a Christian? Ah, that gives me pause. Would Jesus know her? Oh, on that great day, when all shall be revealed, we shall see. (All of us, writer and readers, no doubt will blush, at least a little!)
                   * * *
Seek Jesus first. Seek righteousness first. Hard precepts. No wonder so many lose their way and become hung up on minor issues which bolster their own sense of superiority.
I knew a Christian who became convinced that he had a ministry of deliverance, and would eject demons if people had ear-aches, a fear of swimming, a fear of flying. Demons and deliverance: that was his obsession. He even founded a small, short-lived church and ministry around deliverance.
When I lived in Williamsburg, Virginia, where homeschooling was immensely popular, I met people who were, perhaps, home-schoolers first, and Christians second. All their chatter was on the brilliance and virtue and superiority of home-schooling; it became a religion, displacing all the other quiet precepts of Jesus—love for the poor, for instance, or humility. And when it comes to moms, who—abomination!!–worked, well, charity flew out of the window!
A month or two after I recommitted my life to Jesus in 1989, I answered an ad for a Christian roommate. The woman who advertised, Barbara Magera, was the national secretary and spokewoman of Operation Rescue, the militant pro-life organization. She went to Randall Terry’s church. It was a good church, though Barbara, who became my roommate in Binghamton, New York, and many of the church members were continually in jail, for their disruptive shenanigans at the Democratic Party Convention, for instance. Of their commitment to Life and opposition to abortion, there was no doubt. And the church, Resurrection Life, was a sweet nurturing place.
But through the years, I’ve noticed pro-life activists become obsessional, consumed by hated and moral disgust of the abortion industry, become strident and self-righteous, losing some of the sweetness of Jesus.
Similarly, I have seen Christian friends become so consumed by hatred of President Obama and his policies that they will rarely speak or write of Jesus in social media, just tear down Obama. Oh they despise Obama, link after link, screed after screed—and I glance through these, and feel sad. Is their obsession with politics perhaps depriving them of the quiet places of reflection, renewal and sweetness which are found in the presence of Jesus?
* * *

So what’s going on? Following Jesus is just not easy. When he speaks rhema words to me, I cringe.

Or who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. (Mt. 16:24).
That’s tough. How much easier to just do a bit of campaigning!!
“I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God that which costs me nothing,” (2 Sam 24:24) David says. I have noticed that when Christians major on the minor, it is frequently on issues which cost them nothing. How much easier to deride Rowan, or Obama, or church ladies than quietly serve.
We tend to get strident in our areas of strength, or in areas which cost us nothing. Someone who built up an discipline of prayer and scripture will choose this topic when he’s asked to speak (as I do myself!!) but you won’t hear the same person speak about fasting, humility, or agape, if those are not his strengths.
Seek Jesus first. Seek Jesus first. That is the only way to continue a straight and joyful Pilgrim’s Progress in a world full of annoyances and distractions–Mr WorldlyWiseMan, Mr Legality, Giant Despair, the Slough of Despond, and Doubting Castle.
Jesus, hold my hand and be my guide!

Read my new memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India (US) or UK.
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Comments

  1. Anita Mathias says

    March 13, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Thanks Kate. Lord have mercy, indeed. I, myself, have been guilty of variations of this several, several times.

    And welcome to my blog!!

  2. Kate Massey says

    March 13, 2012 at 10:51 am

    “Seek Jesus first. Seek righteousness first. Hard precepts. No wonder so many lose their way and become hung up on minor issues which bolster their own sense of superiority.”

    Love it! Describes so much of the noise in churches today. (And sadly, I'm so guilty of this too…) Lord have mercy.

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  • At the Cross, God Forgives Us Completely
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  • All Those Who Exalt Themselves Will Be Humbled & the Humble Will Be Exalted
  • Christ’s Great Golden Triad to Guide Our Actions and Decisions
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  • Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
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Oxford, England. Writer, memoirist, podcaster, blogger, Biblical meditation teacher, mum

Looking at photos from our week in beautiful Sevil Looking at photos from our week in beautiful Seville and Cordoba over New Year with Irene, who had a week off.
And, ICYMI, here’s my latest meditation on the Gospel of Matthew… I’ve recorded it, should you want a few minutes of peace.
https://anitamathias.com/2026/04/29/gods-complete-forgiveness/
Hello Friends, I'm resumed recording my meditation Hello Friends, I'm resumed recording my meditations on the Gospel of Matthew. Do click on this link to listen. 
https://anitamathias.com/.../29/gods-complete-forgiveness/
Christ is the most influential figure in the history of the world, though his life ended in shame, humiliation and failure. But he so completely turned things round in his great reversal that the cross on which he died when all seemed hopeless is now the most common, and revered, symbol in history.
He emerged from and was anchored in Judaism. And as the sins of the people were laid on the scapegoat who was sent into the wilderness to perish, Christ died as the lamb of God voluntarily bearing the guilt of the wrongdoing of the whole world. He paid the price for our forgiveness with his life-blood--in accordance with the iron law of the physical and moral universe, of sowing and reaping, cause and effect. 
And so, God, who appeared as flames of fire to Moses, can now dwell within us, purifying us, whose hearts have darkness and shards of ice. 
And now that Christ was crucified, died, but rose again, His Spirit, no longer contained within his earthly body, is poured out like living water onto all humans, at our humble request. The Spirit pours the love of God into us; he reminds us of the words of Jesus and slowly writes Christ’s sweet law on our hearts. This transfusion of grace helps us do hard things we previously couldn’t do. Our dance with the Spirit gradually breaks the power of sin over us. It transforms us.
Now we, the forgiven, protected by the blood of Jesus poured out over us, and filled with His Spirit, who sings within us, Abba, Father, are adopted by God as his children in his joyful new covenant. We are cells grafted into the vine of our new family--Father, Son, Spirit—who now live in us as we live in them. As we choose by our thoughts and actions to continue living in the vine of Jesus, their energy pulsing through us makes us fruitful. And now, all our prayers which flow in the river of God’s good purposes are kindly heard. Waves of love and power flood from the cross! 
Thank you!
Well, hello friends! Breaking radio silence to let Well, hello friends! Breaking radio silence to let you know that I have taped a meditation for you on Christ’s famous Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25. https://anitamathias.com/2025/11/05/using-gods-gift-of-our-talents-a-path-to-joy-and-abundance/
Here you are, click the play button in the blog post for a brief meditation, and some moments of peace, and, perhaps, inspiration in your day 🙂
Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen a Hi Friends, I have taped a meditation; do listen at this link: https://anitamathias.com/2025/04/08/the-kingdom-of-god-is-here-already-yet-not-yet-here-2/
It’s on the Kingdom of God, of which Christ so often spoke, which is here already—a mysterious, shimmering internal palace in which, in lightning flashes, we experience peace and joy, and yet, of course, not yet fully here. We sense the rainbowed presence of Christ in the song which pulses through creation. Christ strolls into our rooms with his wisdom and guidance, and things change. Our prayers are answered; we are healed; our hearts are strangely warmed. Sometimes.
And yet, we also experience evil within & all around us. Our own sin which can shatter our peace and the trajectory of our lives. And the sins of the world—its greed, dishonesty and environmental destruction.
But in this broken world, we still experience the glory of creation; “coincidences” which accelerate once we start praying, and shalom which envelops us like sudden sunshine. The portals into this Kingdom include repentance, gratitude, meditative breathing, and absolute surrender.
The Kingdom of God is here already. We can experience its beauty, peace and joy today through the presence of the Holy Spirit. But yet, since, in the Apostle Paul’s words, we do not struggle only “against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the unseen powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil,” its fullness still lingers…
Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of E Our daughter Zoe was ordained into the Church of England in June. I have been on a social media break… but … better late than never. Enjoy!
First picture has my sister, Shalini, who kindly flew in from the US. Our lovely cousins Anthony and Sarah flank Zoe in the next picture.
The Bishop of London, Sarah Mullaly, ordained Zoe. You can see her praying that Zoe will be filled with the Holy Spirit!!
And here’s a meditation I’ve recorded, which you might enjoy. The link is also in my profile
https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Ma I have taped a meditation on Jesus statement in Matthew 23, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
Do listen here. https://anitamathias.com/2024/11/07/all-those-who-exalt-themselves-will-be-humbled-the-humble-will-be-exalted/
Link also in bio.
And so, Jesus states a law of life. Those who broadcast their amazingness will be humbled, since God dislikes—scorns that, as much as people do.  For to trumpet our success, wealth, brilliance, giftedness or popularity is to get distracted from our life’s purpose into worthless activity. Those who love power, who are sure they know best, and who must be the best, will eventually be humbled by God and life. For their focus has shifted from loving God, doing good work, and being a blessing to their family, friends, and the world towards impressing others, being enviable, perhaps famous. These things are houses built on sand, which will crumble when hammered by the waves of old age, infirmity or adversity. 
God resists the proud, Scripture tells us—those who crave the admiration and power which is His alone. So how do we resist pride? We slow down, so that we realise (and repent) when sheer pride sparks our allergies to people, our enmities, our determination to have our own way, or our grandiose ego-driven goals, and ambitions. Once we stop chasing limelight, a great quietness steals over our lives. We no longer need the drug of continual achievement, or to share images of glittering travel, parties, prizes or friends. We just enjoy them quietly. My life is for itself & not for a spectacle, Emerson wrote. And, as Jesus advises, we quit sharp-elbowing ourselves to sit with the shiniest people, but are content to hang out with ordinary people; and then, as Jesus said, we will inevitably, eventually, be summoned higher to the sparkling conversation we craved. 
One day, every knee will bow before the gentle lamb who was slain, now seated on the throne. We will all be silent before him. Let us live gently then, our eyes on Christ, continually asking for his power, his Spirit, and his direction, moving, dancing, in the direction that we sense him move.
Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.co Link to new podcast in Bio https://anitamathias.com/2024/02/20/how-jesus-dealt-with-hostility-and-enemies/
3 days before his death, Jesus rampages through the commercialised temple, overturning the tables of moneychangers. Who gave you the authority to do these things? his outraged adversaries ask. And Jesus shows us how to answer hostile questions. Slow down. Breathe. Quick arrow prayers!
Your enemies have no power over your life that your Father has not permitted them. Ask your Father for wisdom, remembering: Questions do not need to be answered. Are these questioners worthy of the treasures of your heart? Or would that be feeding pearls to hungry pigs, who might instead devour you?
Questions can contain pitfalls, traps, nooses. Jesus directly answered just three of the 183 questions he was asked, refusing to answer some; answering others with a good question.
But how do we get the inner calm and wisdom to recognise
and sidestep entrapping questions? Long before the day of
testing, practice slow, easy breathing, and tune in to the frequency of the Father. There’s no record of Jesus running, rushing, getting stressed, or lacking peace. He never spoke on his own, he told us, without checking in with the Father. So, no foolish, ill-judged statements. Breathing in the wisdom of the Father beside and within him, he, unintimidated, traps the trappers.
Wisdom begins with training ourselves to slow down and ask
the Father for guidance. Then our calm minds, made perceptive, will help us recognise danger and trick questions, even those coated in flattery, and sidestep them or refuse to answer.
We practice tuning in to heavenly wisdom by practising–asking God questions, and then listening for his answers about the best way to do simple things…organise a home or write. Then, we build upwards, asking for wisdom in more complex things.
Listening for the voice of God before we speak, and asking for a filling of the Spirit, which Jesus calls streams of living water within us, will give us wisdom to know what to say, which, frequently, is nothing at all. It will quieten us with the silence of God, which sings through the world, through sun and stars, sky and flowers.
Especially for @ samheckt Some very imperfect pi Especially for @ samheckt 
Some very imperfect pictures of my labradoodle Merry, and golden retriever Pippi.
And since, I’m on social media, if you are the meditating type, here’s a scriptural meditation on not being afraid, while being prudent. https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
A new podcast. Link in bio https://anitamathias.c A new podcast. Link in bio
https://anitamathias.com/2024/01/03/do-not-be-afraid-but-do-be-prudent/
Do Not Be Afraid, but Do Be Prudent
“Do not be afraid,” a dream-angel tells Joseph, to marry Mary, who’s pregnant, though a virgin, for in our magical, God-invaded world, the Spirit has placed God in her. Call the baby Jesus, or The Lord saves, for he will drag people free from the chokehold of their sins.
And Joseph is not afraid. And the angel was right, for a star rose, signalling a new King of the Jews. Astrologers followed it, threatening King Herod, whose chief priests recounted Micah’s 600-year-old prophecy: the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem, as Jesus had just been, while his parents from Nazareth registered for Augustus Caesar’s census of the entire Roman world. 
The Magi worshipped the baby, offering gold. And shepherds came, told by an angel of joy: that the Messiah, a saviour from all that oppresses, had just been born.
Then, suddenly, the dream-angel warned: Flee with the child to Egypt. For Herod plans to kill this baby, forever-King.
Do not be afraid, but still flee? Become a refugee? But lightning-bolt coincidences verified the angel’s first words: The magi with gold for the flight. Shepherds
telling of angels singing of coming inner peace. Joseph flees.
What’s the difference between fear and prudence? Fear is being frozen or panicked by imaginary what-ifs. It tenses our bodies; strains health, sleep and relationships; makes us stingy with ourselves & others; leads to overwork, & time wasted doing pointless things for fear of people’s opinions.
Prudence is wisdom-using our experience & spiritual discernment as we battle the demonic forces of this dark world, in Paul’s phrase.It’s fighting with divinely powerful weapons: truth, righteousness, faith, Scripture & prayer, while surrendering our thoughts to Christ. 
So let’s act prudently, wisely & bravely, silencing fear, while remaining alert to God’s guidance, delivered through inner peace or intuitions of danger and wrongness, our spiritual senses tuned to the Spirit’s “No,” his “Slow,” his “Go,” as cautious as a serpent, protected, while being as gentle as a lamb among wolves.
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