Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Facebook posts from October 2009

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“Oh, do not let us wait to be just or pitiful or demonstrative toward those we love until they or we are struck down by illness or threatened with death! Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are traveling the dark journey with us. Oh, be swift to love, make haste to be kind!” Henri Frédéric Amiel September 27, 1821 – May 11, 1881) Swiss philosopher, poet and critic.

02 October 2009
Conservatory done on Tuesday. Yay! It’s 13 by 21 feet, so we’ve started having dinner there, and have placed armchairs around a coffee table. & some pretty plants. Our garden was seriously neglected while we had workmen & materials around, so we went out today with shears to get our garden to resemble the tidy pretty gardens of the natives a bit more! It seemed a brave & forlorn attempt today, but we will get there!

3rd October.

Went on a private tour of the Museum of the History of Science in Broad Street, Oxford, arranged for Writers in Oxford. Fascinating and weirdly beautiful stuff–brass astrolabes, armillary spheres, Lewis Caroll’s photography apparatus, Einstein’s equations. Saw the absolute CHAOS of the new Steampunk Art exhibition to open on Monday. Finishing things at the 11.99th hour is apparently an Oxford specialism!


Dr. Israel Gelfand, mathematician, who recently died, aged 96, often said, “You have to be fast only to catch fleas.” He sought to teach not only the rules of math, but also the beauty and exactness of the field.





Help! Irene has Facebook. She sent me a button to paste on my page, saying “This Mummy makes pretty babies.” Now do I accept it?–and what floodgates will it open?



After bringing up Zoe, who was remarkably resistant to peer pressure, it was a surprise to see Irene really tearful because her friends have Nintendo Wii, Ds’s, Ipods, and cameraphones, & at 10, she doesn’t!! I strongly disapprove of computer games or gadgets, but finally decided she can use her amassed savings to buy the latter two. I have just upgraded my blackberry to a Apple Iphone so lost moral superiority.


House looking remarkably clean. I regretfully parted with the lovely cheerful Brazilian sisters who did the cleaning and some housework, because their cleaning wasn’t hugely better than mine would have been (saying a lot!) Running a business has left me impatient with sloppiness! Since Sept, we have had a cheerful, conscientious Christian Zimbabawean lady do the cleaning & some housework–and the honeymoon continues!

12 October 2009
Roy & I talked last night about Jesus’ exciting statement, “Seek FIRST the Kingdom of God and its righteousness, and all the rest will be added unto you.” Like the rest of Jesus’ sayings, one can only verify the truth of this by empirical evidence, by trying it. We worked out what seeking the Kingdom of God first would look like in our lives. A question. What does the Kingdom of God mean to you? And seeking it first?

Our church has a pastor of Theology, Simon Ponsonby, whose sermons are mind and spirit expanding. His sermon last Sunday on the Glory of God was like spiritual pyrotechnics. Theology at its best. Zoe wants to study Theology at Uni. I’m glad. At it’s best, it’s grand. We are going to Simon’s Romans study in his School of Theology. Am so looking forward to it!

Going to New Zealand for 2 weeks over Christmas. Dread task of booking tickets looming up. Does anyone have airline reccos? Zoe’s flying to Greece on a Classics trip next week for 8 days. We did all those sites/sights with her when she was 11–I love Greece!–but she is now almost 15 and studying Ancient Greek and Latin, and should get far more out of it!

Okay, I am embarrassed to be as excited as Irene and Zoe about my new toy, but my new Iphone is SERIOUSLY cool–satnav, a camera, an ipod, email, a phone, voice messages, calculator, internet, weather, maps, facebook, all on a slim stylish gadget. Of course, now that the kids are home guess who’s going to discover all the potential of the Iphone first? You’re right!

Technology wars continue, chez Mathias. Roy disdains his beloved laptop, choosing to check email on MY
new sleek, dimunitive Iphone, which he calls “the Baby.” This appellation for a toy she wants infuriates Irene! Zoe has got me to, sort of, promise her one. In the moment of folly, I promised Irene one for Year 7. Roy and I will be married for 20 years next month. Guess what I’m going to get him?

Much hilarity chez Mathias. Roy, who works from home 3 days p.w., made a delicious tandoori chicken, entrusting me with taking in out while he picked up the girls. Now I did not forget the chicken. I kept thinking how good it smelled. I just forgot to taken it out. Instead of glorious saffron, it is the blackest black. And it’s not the first time I’ve burnt a roast! Now remind me why I leave the cooking to Roy and Zoe!

14 October 2009


Spent a gorgeous afternoon avec ma famille watching Le Chateau De Ma Mere by Marcel Pagnol. Roy & I watched all the Pagnol films 20 yrs ago; still love them. The girls loved it, though Irene ran away at the end. I have ordered both books in French and English. Will read them in French, turning to the English at particularly beautiful or knotty passages. Just can’t take the eternal student out of this girl!

Though I love living in the country–though somewhat of a city girl!–it has its heartbreaks. On Fri., after dusk, Roy, Zoe & I were talking each other in putting the 3 ducks in their shed. The phone rung, we forget; 30 mins later, a loud quacking. A fox had snatched a duck. We recovered her, no sign of blood, alive but limp. She was dead the next morning, probably from shock & a broken heart. Our best layer! RIP.

18 October 2009


Zoe was good in Richard III last night at the Oxford School Shakespeare Festival. There was a jazzy Midsummer Night’s Dream too. She is doing Drama for her GCSE and loves it.

18 October 2009 

Interesting if centrifugal evening. Zoe at Creation Theatre drama class, Irene went to girl’s cell, painted nails, ate pizza, & studied Ephesians. Loved it, came home & wrote haikus about God. Roy & I went to Simon Ponsonby’s School of Theology. Listened to the whole of Paul’s Letter to the Romans read out. Powerful, poetic, passionate, haunting stuff. I love it. Will be studying it for the next 16 weeks. Can’t wait!

Phew, deed’s done. Bought tickets to New Zealand for 25 days over the Christmas holidays. But the Christmas holidays aren’t 25 days? They are, if you miss the last week of school and teaching. My scholarly children will be outraged, when we break the news to them. Eeks! 2 weeks in the magical South Island which I LOVE, a week plus in the North Island. Hurray for sun!!

Lovely day in London. Lunch w. my college friend, Jane in Dulwich; shopping in Southall, an amazing place, most un-English. It could be Commercial Street in Bangalore. V. few white faces, lots of Indians hanging out, having a good time; jewellery shops, gaudy clothing shops, sweet shops, Indian fast food, restaurants, & supermarkets w. Indian fruit, veg, food & frozen food. Had yummy chicken biriyani & Diwali sweets.

24 October 2009


Quiet day. Zoe is in Greece and will be there for her 15th birthday on Wednesday. She’s on a classics trip to Athens, Delphos, Corinth, Olympia–all places we had visited with her in 2005 before she studied Latin and Greek at school.
 We had a fab lunch in Thai Orchid, in a conservatory full of palms and exotic orchids, very tropical. I love Thai food, having developed the taste late. Prefer it to Chinese now.

With Zoe in Greece and Roy at the University for his gruelling two days a week teaching, I’ve lots of hours of amusing Irene. One day went off successfully with a shopping trip, during which she got me to buy her more chocolate then I should. We swum outdoors in a pretty cold pool yesterday–but are both well, thankfully. On Friday, another swim? No, a library trip, I think. Lovely autumn weather. I love it!

27 October 2009


Having 15 people to lunch on Sunday. I was planning out menus, trying to find something delicious but non-fussy and simple, with Irene coming up with ever more exotic, sweet and high-fat suggestions. “No Irene,” I said, “this logistical challenge needs to be resolved by prayer” (the most efficient and cleverest form of thinking). “Well,” she said, “Why don’t you just discuss it with your heavenly daughter?”

31 October 2009

Facebook posts from September 2009

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Back home. There is always such peace and pleasure and a sense of shalom–well-being!–in being back home. One of the rewards of travel!! I now feel as if I am in an aviary, with lots of brightly coloured birds flying around me, chirping, Write to me, Call me, Reply to me, Do me. But I do feel peaceful, and will attend to all of them, one by one!!

School starts tomorrow. We have had a soft landing back home, Zoe going to her drama workshop at the Creation Theatre (highly recommended!) and Z. and I resuming our French conversation sessions at the Alliance Francaise. We are factoring in tennis lessons for the girls this term, and Roy will be back to teaching after a 9 month plus sabbatical, so we anticipate a reasonably busy, happy term. Yoga tonight. Yippee!

Girls & Roy off at church. Zoe has volunteered to help lead the 8-10 yr. old Sunday School (hey, better her than me) so will need to go to church in the evenings for her own spiritual nourishment and growth. So some of us will be attending both services (though not Irene, if she has anything to say about it!) So, with my evening worship squared away, I am off to do morning yoga at Esporta, wh. to my surprise, I love!

13 September 2009

Had a lovely family walk down to our house from St. Mary’s Church, Garsington up the hill yester despite grumbling from Zoe that family walks don’t work, because Dad walks too fast, Mum walks too slow, Irene’s pace is just right, but Irene is, well, Irene! Irene said she’d walk if she had a pocketful of chocolate. We compromised with crystallized strawberries from Norway. We had a glorious walk, esp. our collie Jake!

Superb day! Yoga class in a.m, felt stretched & energetic, a good chicken tikka masala & salad for lunch cooked by Zoe & Roy (under pressure from Irene, I’m now cutting carbo from my diet rather than meat. It might be working, procrastinating getting the scales to confirm). Watched a tender, hilarious, French film, La Gloire de Mon Pere, which Roy & I last saw 20 years ago! A lovely deep refreshing church service p.m.

I saw a fab website called Call & Response. Life’s disappointments, setbacks & sadnesses are a Call to us. Scripture repeatedly says we can rejoice and praise God in all circumstances–because these sorrows can draw forth a Response of creativity, life-revisions, new paths travelled, side-roads we’re forced into which are surprisingly enchanting! (It’s a child’s sadness I’m philosophising over at present, not mine!)

18 September 2009

Anita Mathias went to a lovely garden party at my old Oxford College, Somerville. I was struck by how nice, kind & friendly the dons were, those unapproachable, remote figures of my youth. I had long interesting conversations with 3 women who taught there at my time, & who I had never spoken to. Talked to some interesting women a few years older than I, & have my head buzzing with stimulating conversation. I love living in Oxford!

19 September 2009

Anita Mathias I love reading or listening to Obama’s speeches. He’s a master rhetorician! The early parts of this speech remind of some of the great speeches of American history,those of Frederick Douglass or Martin Luther King.
Whatever one feels about heath-care reform, his intent, surely, is good!

news.bbc.co.uk
When I spoke here last winter, this nation was facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We were losing an average of 700,000 jobs per month, credit was frozen, and our financial system was on the verge of collapse.

22 September 2009 at 14:16
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End summer sadness: Roy returns to teaching after a sabbatical. In a nesting phase: want to get t. kitchen & bathroom walls tiled along with t. conservatory floor-saw some lovely patterns-& add more bright lights & knock down a kitchen wall, combining it with t utility room. Homes can be like works of art–infinitely perfectible, though one needs to stop when they are good-God’s standard for Eden-rather than perfect!

I was musing aloud to Roy, I forget what, something quite magisterial and profound, and he CONTRADICTED me. Contradicted the truest truth!! “Don’t you wish I was your Facebook with only a Like button?” he said!

We worship at St. Aldate’s, Oxford. There was a worshipping Christian community on this spot since Saxon times. It is the northern most point of detectable Saxon worship in Britain. Cool to think that men and women wearing the swag of my previous post once swaggered in here to worship Christ, and people speaking the lovely language of Chaucer, and Shakespeare, and Milton–and us! A 1000 years of continuity of worship!

Lovely party at our friend Joan’s house yesterday in Stanton St. John, 4.5 miles fm Oxford. Stanton St. John, quaint & pretty, was John Milton’s ancestral village, where he got married. I stayed there 24 years ago-and it is little changed! Our church, St. Aldate’s, with a membership of over 1000, is huge & diverse, & we met several interesting people with whom we had never talked deeply before. I like large churches!

27 September 2009

I love living in the country. Yesterday, when we came in from the evening service, the half moon was eerily bright. There are few electric lights visible where we live, so the stars are so bright. We could literally see a Milky Way. We pointed it, the Big Dipper and Orion’s Belt out to Irene, who was enchanted!

28 September 2009

Zoe leads a 8-10 year old group at church. She is pretty good at it, and has been given a group of her own. Zoe is really growing in firmness of character, maturity, and love for God and spiritual things (as well as academically, of course.) Love cannot really be instilled in children–the old horse and water thing–so I am happy to see her passion for God far exceeds ours at her age (and perhaps even now!)

28 September 2009

My least favourite question, seen on bracelets & pendants: “What would Jesus do?” I asked that just now. Ouch. Change of plan! (This, of course, does not always happen!) It’s a question that we who seek to follow the radiant, fascinating Christ need to periodically ask. What we DO is response to the answer makes the difference between a radiant Christian, & a mediocre one. (I class myself among the latter, at best!).

Facebook posts from September 2009. Norway

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Since “work expands to fill available time” is one of my most-feared adages, we’ve always packed the day before we leave on a long trip, so that the vacation doesn’t colonize extra time. This year, since the publishing has become hectic, I had to be organized, & start laundry and stray shopping 72 hours earlier & most of us are packed with 36 hrs to go. Just as well, as Roy still has to grade resits: 25 of them! Ugh!

I met Rose Marie Miller (wife of Jack Miller, founder of World Harvest Mission) & mother of my friend Paul Miller (of seeJesus.net) in London. A leader made fun of testimonies like “And then I prayed for a parking spot & I got one.” Rose Marie laughed, “How else would one get a parking spot in London?” I have reached that stage in many areas of my life. How else but by prayer am I to accomplish these goals & desires?

Somewhat like their mother, my girls use any new word or scrap of information in their conversation or writing within 24 hours (this is Roy’s observation!). Dinner yesterday was punctuated by calls, “Mum and Dad, chastise Zoe!” “Mum and Dad, chastise Irene!” (Zoe adds that they said “chastise” because if they ask Roy to tell their sibling off, he annoyingly says, “OFF!” She also adds that SHE knew chastised ages ago!

In Oslo. Spent yesterday in the Vigelanda Sculpture Park, a incredible assortment of 212 extra life-sized sculpture, bronze and granite, the life work of Gustav Vigeland. There is something holy and sacramental about creative work, and people who find or carve time to engage in it are lucky, blessed. We are going to visit the Munch Museum in Oslo today, and hit the fjords tonight.

I love living in a camper van, like a snail carrying its home with it! I enjoy having a loo, kitchen and bed at at my disposal in between our travels. Norway is very beautiful, and the Norwegians we’ve talked to seem friendly and helpful and eager to practice their English (compulsary second language in Norway.) Zoe and Roy are tidying up the mobile home, while I am, ahm, doing business stuff. Back to the road now!

Can’t say I liked the Munch museum, except for the later paintings like the Van Gogh-ish Starry Night 2. Enjoyed the University of Oslo Botanic Garden. On our way to Hardanger Fjord now!

We camped in the motor home by beautiful lakes the last two nights, making the most of Norway’s cherished “allsmensreit” (SP?) every man’s right to camp in the wild, an extremer version of Scotland’s. We camped in the Nordermarke, north forest, on the edge of Oslo, and last night in fjord country. We are now on our way to Varingfoss, the largest waterfall in Norway, at the head of Eidfjord.




Hiked by the Eidfjord today. Are going to take another hike in the Hardangervidda National Park, a barren lunar landscape (a bit like parts of Scotland, all lichen, and gorse, and stunted conifers, and beautiful clear mountain tarms. It’s Europe’s largest plateau, and I love it partly because of that–easy walking. The granite mountains around us are beautiful and awe-inspiring, sheated in mist.




Bought 4 beautiful hand-knitted traditional Norwegian sweaters today. Obviously high-quality & will prob. last a life-time. Enjoying t. Scandanavian flair for design–automated entry at museums with bar-coded tickets, automats to cut freshly baked bread. Were delighted to see grass growing on most mountain roofs, for insulation, I’m guessing & more delighted to see 4 goats, w. bells on tr. horns, grazing on t. roofs.




The adventure of motor-home camping: finding gorgeous free spots to sleep. Last night: a beautiful mountain dam; the nt. before by the Voringfoss Waterfalls, awe-inspiring cliffs of granite, t. waters creating a mist of fairy lace as they crash into the maelstrom. Hiked again in the Hardangervidda National Park. It’s above the tree-line, a blasted heath of pools, streams, tarns, stunted blueberries & cloudberries.




We must move on, but are captivated by the Hardangervidda National Park and t. absolutely beautiful, still & gorgeous Eidjfjord. I love t. little miniature natural gardens of lichen, gorse, star moss, stunted conifers. Peace & stillness! We’ve mainly picknicked or had gourmet dinners cooked by Zoe with Roy’s help in t. camper’s kitchen. Norwegian food is fresh, v. high quality & delicious–cheeses, meats, fish, fruit.




We have now taken a ferry and crossed the Hardangerfjord. Gorgeous. Wifi access is easy throughout Norway, so I’m journalling on FB while a immune-system boosting soup simmers (leeks, garlic, parsley, onion, tomatoes, and some meat, a concession to the children). It’s chilly and damp here, and we are fighting off coughs & colds with prayer, soup, bundling up, & optimism.

Western Norway has jacketed trees, covered in knitted jackets with fancy Scandanavian patterns. The children have loved the trip. I bought them cameras and vidcams with lots of bells and whistles. This has stimulated their interest in nature, and they have taken loads of pictures of mushrooms, moss, lichen, tarns, fjords. They are also keeping extensive journals, and writing stories w. elves, trolls, giants….

Travel on the winding roads in Norway takes longer than I realized. Next stops Jostedalsbreen National Park with drive-up-to glaciers, and Jotunheim National Park, home of the giants in Norse Mythology, and Norway’s highest mountains. Also going to take short hikes by as many fjords as we can.

01 September 2009


Spent the morning driving around Hardangerfjord with several very short walks, and photobreaks. Peaceful, tranquil and startlingly beautiful. Just as well that we’ve shaken off our colds and coughs, since you cannot get cold medicine, such as sudafed, or the night sudafed called “night nurse” in the UK without a prescription here! Talk about a nanny state!

02 September 2009


The Hardangerfjord is about 100 km round trip with half a million fruit trees planted around it. We’ve stopped at orchards and bought their really delicious plums (a rare variety the previous owners, connoisseurs of rare fruit trees like medlars and mulberries, have planted in our mini-orchard, oddly) and apples. Don’t want to leave, but must step
up our speed. School starts on the 9th September alas!

02 September 2009


Driving around Sognefjord on the way to the glaciers. Hillsides turning red with very, very sweet blueberries. Hills around the fjord thickly planted with pollarded, coppiced and espaliered pears, plums and apples. Thrifty and sensible people! The fjord views must be seen to be believed! Pictures to follow once home in England.

Our last two days were fantastic–the best of the trip! We camped last night at the Boyabreen Glacier, a fantastic mass of blue green with a secondary waterfall beneath it. Zoe and Irene hiked up right to it, while Roy and I walked around the stunningly beautiful and tranquil glacial lake with the odd loons on it. Restorative!

04 September 2009


Have just hiked right up to the Suppehellabreen Glacier, across rocky streams, and scrambling over rocks. I was a bit nervous, but was thrilled to finally touch and climb onto the glacier. One of the most beautiful bits was the cave of ice formed un…der the glacier! I love the friendly shaggy mountain sheep which RUN upto cars. People obviously feed them! It was incredibly cold near the glaciers!

04 September 2009


I was touched to see blue campanulae, like our bluebells, growing among the rockfall the foot of the glaciers. Nature’s resilience! “Nature is never spent. There lives the dearest freshness deep down things; Because the Holy Ghost over the bent/World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.” God’s Grandeur Gerard Manley Hopkins

We camped (in our camper van, of course) by the shores of the Utsfjorden fjord, a glacier fed fjord, so blue-green. I love the Norwegian tunnels hewn out of solid rock, trees stubbornly growing on them. The Norwegians are great engineers, and my guidebook says, would probably have built a road to the summit of Mt. Everest if it were in Nepal. They certainly have roads (and restaurants!) right at base of glaciers!!

We just have two days left, so are going to go fjord-hopping. I love the fjords, a contradiction in terms almost, the sea rushing in between high cliffs into a a valley (or lake, or stream bed) once hewn by glaciers. They are magical with their still, unearthly beauty. Norway is a magical place, and I think we will visit again!

Took one of those uber expensive cruises down the Geiranger Fjord. It was too huge, too steep, with too few footpaths around it. It was worth it. Splendid waterfalls with evocative names like the Seven Sisters, the Suitor, Bridal Veil: sheets of sheer lacy mist, gorgeous close up, which would not have been same at a distance. Farms perilously perched on the cliffs. Massive granite mountains around the fjord! Lovely!




nother highlight of the day was the friendly llamas in a llama farm, which we got to feed and pet. I also love their shaggy mountain goats and sheep, which we have got to pet. Must leave the Geiranger Fjord and move on, but it is so spectacular that I think we are going to hike, though it is late and we have to get to Oslo for tomorrow night’s flight home. Alas. Norway is a great country!

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That hilarious little Irene has been following Roy and I around with her laptop, recording our conversations, then playing them back to us. “Could some gift the giftie give us/To hear ourselves as others hear us!”


 Zoe has been in a Shakespeare workshop at the Oxford Playhouse; the strain of a week with just me and Irene is telling on Roy! We are SO similar, so it’s like being with Anita squared, or Irene squared!

Provide for those who grieve in Zion— a crown of beauty instead of ashes/ the oil of gladness instead of mourning,/ and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair./ Isaiah 61:3 The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; Water will gush forth in the wilderness and streams in the desert. Isaiah 35.

Revising the plot! When our lives seems to have run into the desert sands of barrenness, and we wonder if we’ve lost our way, constant prayer can bring a surprising plot reversal–beauty from ashes, streams in the desert–rescuing one from inexorable cause and effect; sin/weakness and its consequences. It can rewrite the direction and story of one’s life. This has often happened to me, and I need it to happen once again!

Satisfying day. Yoga class w. Roy while our girls swam. Picnic at the Univ. Parks with church friends. Too tired to go to evening church; Roy & Zoe have gone. No more swapping church for yoga, though yoga makes me feel v. smiley, energized, calm & happy! Can’t risk being too tired for p.m. church, bec. church is such an important part of my relationship with God. Enjoying our church’s summer Bible school on prayer!

Had a lovely chat with Karoline Sassenberg, back from Sierra Leone where she’s a missionary. While loving & forbearing with difficult people, she said God gave HER a gift: a changed heart. She learned to love! She has watched her friend B. deal with trying people & circumstances & become daily more beautiful. A changed heart is a spiritual prize I covet, yet adopting the ways of love where you win that prize is hard!

Roy & I should be sound asleep, and soon we will be–hopefully!–but we are in the process of buying tickets for our summer vacation in Europe. Yes, tres late, given that we are leaving during the last week of August for 2 weeks. We’re looking at Norway.

We’re set! We fly to Norway for the last week of August and first week of September, and are renting a 4 bedded motor home with kitchen, loo, shower. Planning to explore the fjords, mountains, coast, forests, Northern Lights, trolls… I’ve been fascinated with Scandinavia because of a childhood obsession with Norse mythology, and am thrilled to be going there. As are Roy and the girls. Yippee!

Zoe was cute in the Comedy of Errors at the Oxford Playhouse’s drama workshop last week. This week, apart from Zoe’s sleepover, we’re reading books, playing tennis, swimming & relaxing. The electrics & underfloor conservatory heating are being installed, & everything should be done before we leave for Norway end month. Next week, Zoe camps in Somerset with friends, and Irene will be in a drama workshop (Shakespeare).

Anita Mathias sprayed the weeds & regravelled our driveway. Roy wanted to get a contractor, but I’ve had too many workmen around! During R’s 9 month sabbatical, we’ve updated t. plumbing, & brightened the house with chandelier-style lights. I was way slower than a pro–walking to and fro from the gravel stacks w. a cup; should have used a wheelbarrow! Relaxing task–until a 10 yr. old chatterbox joined me. Farewell, contemplation!

Hey, I like Britain’s NHS on the whole! During the 17 years I lived in America, I had so many American friends–writers, artists, and regular folk who have held on to jobs they hated because of the “free” health insurance, and knew partly insured folk who have been crippled by medical bills. I think universal healthcare would be a good idea for America–and every other nation too!

Today’s sermon at Aldate’s: What we focus on,the longed-for destination, our Ithaca: success, wealth, God…, shapes us, our characters, our journeys. Our hearts’ deepest desire determines a myriad actions & decisions, & course of our lives & our happiness. But we can, many times a day (as I do!) choose to repent of an unworthy focus & revise & reset our desires on what is worthy.

Zoe’s in Somerset w. friends, camping at Soul Survivor, the premier Christian Youth (deep spirituality & loud music) Conference. I walked in our paddock w. Jake, our border Collie. He catches the sticks I toss him with the same sense of accomplishment as when Roy obligingly serves a tennis ball EXACTLY where I am standing, & I volley, & for a fleeting, phantasmagorical second, fancy I’m Federer.

10 yr old Irene is enjoying Romeo & Juliet rehearsals. Coincidentally, she did it last term & remembers the lines beautifully. They were given HW: to research interesting facts about R & J, & Irene researched obsessively on the net, since the director called her “the expert on Romeo & Juliet” in public. The power of words, the power of praise! Move over, you ancient dons who taught me at Somerville; a new age dawns!

I (successfully) tried to get the lean, muscular Roy to go to the gym with me. Exasperated, he said, “Anita, I married you for better or for worse, richer or poorer. I did not say “for stupider or cleverer.” Irene listened with furrowed brows, then whispered, “Mummy, what does he mean? Who is getting stupider? Could it be Daddy? It couldn’t be you; or does he mean both of you?” Well, it’s certainly not little Irene!

We live surrounded by farmland, w. wheat & rape fields on either side of us, & behind us. It’s generally idyllic & bucolic. We see horses and ponies grazing from our right windows, and herds of Jerseys and Holsteins from our front windows. The grumpy days are when the fields are harvested, as today, when I am staying in, & doing internet work & play with portable air-conditioners on, because I cannot stand the noise!

Quiet day today. The tenant farmer who farms t. fields around us (wh. belong to Christ Church College, Oxford!) employs migrant workers (gypsy, I’m guessing, or Eastern European) who are paid per job, not per hour. Once each season, they work from early morning till 1p.m. at night–until the job is done. Roy, a sound sleeper, doesn’t believe it, but I sleep lightly & hear the noisy harvesting across t. hedge from us.

Set my blackberry & mobile broadband dongle to work in Norway. My business, Benediction Classics (publishing out-of-print books, 162 so far) can be run on t. fjords of Norway or i
n my study in our garden! So I travel a lot! My head whirring with business, I walked, & thought of Isaiah, “The Earth shall be filled with the knowledge of God as the waters cover the sea” & prayed that I might be so filled! Quietened down!

Late summer & abundance everywhere! We inherited an orchard w. 6 apple trees, & pear, plum, mulberry, medlar, hazelnuts, walnuts, blackberries, raspberry, grapes, figs, peaches, cherries (1.5 acre). It’s our 4th year here. I used to try to use much of that fruit!! This year, I am not trying! We’ve told our neighbour, an elderly Englishman, who house-sits for us & is v thrifty, to help himself. He makes pies & jams!!

Getting excited about going to Arctic lands for the first time next week, and reading up on Norway. Norwegian humour: A tourist asks a lad, ” Does it always rain in Bergen?” ” I don’t know. I’m only 13.”

A centrifugal day! Zoe returned exhausted from a week camping at Somerset. Irene played chess at Warwick. 6-18 year olds played against each other. Irene lost to big boys for her first 2 games, but won her 3rd. The games were 2.5 hours each! Roy was the national high school chess champion, & Irene, a natural, has his genes, & used to win effortlessly & intuitively, but now needs to work. Will she continue? I hope so!

“There’s a providence which shapes our ends/ Rough-hew them how we will.”

BATTER my heart, three person’d God; for, you
As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow mee,’and bend
Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to’another due,
Labour to’admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv’d, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearely’I love you,’and would be loved faine,
But am betroth’d unto your enemie: 1
Divorce mee,’untie, or breake that knot againe;
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you’enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.
John Donne

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It’s quiet & a little depressing with Zoe & Irene away. They’re such lively, cheerful, helpful kids (one’s v. cheerful; one’s v helpful!) Luckily, the psychology of missing people or things: you inevitably miss them infinitesimally less each day.

Talked to the girls who’ve been on a most extravagant jewellery, clothes & shoes shopping trip, all “free.” Roy’s missing them, & now talks to ME as I am Irene.

V quiet w/o the girls, though Roy says this is the holiday he has always wanted–to stay home, relax, & catch up with projects. I went last night to the Alliance Francaise’s summer French conversation classes, & really enjoyed my increased fluency.

At 10 p.m.–2.30 a.m. in India–our phone & mobiles had texts, “Call NOW. We are missing you.” Irene after 3 hectic days was homesick & tearful. “You said I would be “debounced.” I am. Why did you send me away purposely?”

Went with Roy for a lovely refreshing walk in Toot Baldon (the next village from us) along public footpaths, despite various locals telling us A) that the paths were mucky, B) that there were biting flies, C) that the cows had calved, and would chase us.

Played an invigorating & fun game of tennis with Roy at Esporta. If Zoe was here, she’d say, “Mum, you had tennis COACHING with Dad. Dad so HUMOURS you.” (Roy’s v. good at tennis). The new boxing punchbags in the gym looked like so much fun, so I’ve got an appt. with a personal trainer to learn.

Great! Heathrow starts screening incoming passengers for swine flu today, & my girls return from India tomorrow. They have, miraculously, been well for 8 days in India, but will they pick up a sniffle or SF itself en-route home? I’m not going to worry!

Roy & I explored the 1160 A.D. St Mary’s Church, Garsington–our village–on a hilltop with great views across the Thames Valley, the Wittenham Clumps, and the Iron Age hill-fort. The wedding scene in “Amazing Grace” was filmed here.

Anita Mathias celebrated the girls’ return with a salad from a book I am reading with much interest and enjoyment–Helen Nearing’s “Simple Food for the Good Life.” It was lettuce and fresh dandelion leaves salad. Irene said, “MUM, I am so HUMILIATED! I am not a RABBIT.

Zoe & Irene returned from India yesterday on business class, watching movies all night. They had a fab time, minus some faux-pases (I forget to tell them of the Indian custom of addressing adults as Uncle & Aunty, and they called everyone by their first name, even the octogenarians!!

The little patch of nasturtiums and sunflowers that Irene planted on a whim on Easter Sunday around our purple buddleia is now the brightest spot in the garden. The sunflowers are huge and glorious. It’s amazing how much beauty one can create with a few seeds!

Whirlwind summer. Irene did a fab camp at our church, St. Aldate’s. Zoe’s in a Shakespeare & drama workshop at the Oxford Playhouse. Our huge lovely conservatory is almost built! A week of day trips, then Zoe camps in Somerset with friends at Soul Survivor!

Facebook posts from June

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Anita Mathias Prayer is the greatest (and most underestimated) power in the world. Most of us, in fact, live lives of de facto atheism! You praying friends on FB, pls pray that the Lord of the Weather sends me sunshine–or at least no rain–from 4 to 7 p.m on Saturday.

10 June at 13:38

A lovely sunny day. Time to restore my garden. Amazing what a few hours with shears and snippers can achieve. Michelangelo said sculpting was about removing what shouldn’t be there. That’s like backyard gardening (as opposed to forest gardening, say.)

“Little and often” is meant to be the first rule of gardening (and much else, I’m sure). I cannot believe how much I, who love gardening, have neglected mine, and now here I go with shears and snippers trying to civilize 1.5 acre before my party tomorrow.

We had perfect weather for our little garden party, despite earlier forecasts of thunderstorms! I’m grateful! Oxford is postively hot today. Zoe has returned energized from her Duke of Edinburgh expedition, despite volunteering to cook, carry the gear of her weaker brethren etc.

I lift my eyes up to the mountains/ Where does my help come from?/ My help comes from You/ Maker of heaven, creator of the earth.? O how I need You Lord/ You are my only hope/ You’re my only prayer./ So I will wait for You/ To come and rescue me/To give me life.

Thoroughly enjoyed my Street Dance class last night. I like the good exhaustion, like the “grateful pain” in massage. Am reading the Books of Samuel totally gripped, as I will be speaking on David in pastorate. What a fab, gripping, moving story! I love David.

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A promise fulfilled. My father took up yoga at 57. Never health-conscious, he became superbly fit, did a hour of yoga daily, walked for an hour, and died a spry 89 in 2005. I promised myself that when I became older and weaker, I would take up yoga. I have finally attended my first Iyengar Yoga yoga class, and love it. I think it’s going to be my form of exercise.

June 3rd

We’re celebrating Irene’s 10th birthday this weekend-a sleepover for 8 girls, in tents, in our paddock. Don’t tell me I’m crazy! “Insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting different results.” We had a camping sleepover for 22 people, children & adults in Virginia Beach for Zoe’s 9th birthday, so this is a lot tamer.

It’s raining! Pls pray we have gr8 weather for Irene’s camp-out tomorrow at 5. Roy just pointed out that I’m going to two parties before Irene’s–a Writers in Oxford party at 7.30 tonight and a leaving party tomorrow at 2. “Getting into the party spirit?” Roy asked sardonically!

Sleepover update. I now have five little girls installed in a tent with a midnight feast, telling GHOST STORIES!! I remember doing that myself, a kind of innoculation, chasing out terror with terror. Zoe, Roy, & her friends are struggling to put up a 70ies style tent one of her friends brought.

Anita Mathias unwinding post garden sleepover & brunch. It rained really heavily, & Zoe & friends crept into the house at 6 a.m. & READ THEIR BIBLES without waking us up–including Zoe’s atheist friend, E. whom she has sponsored to read the Bible in 3 months. Wow!

“I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” Jesus, John 10:10. Life in abundance, God’s plan for us, as we follow the road He has semi-visibly laid out & destined for our hobbit feet, a road we sense and discern thrgh prayer, trial & error.

“ to be together in community, to simply enjoy the beauty of creation, the love of people, and the goodness of God—these seem faraway ideals. There seem to be a mountain of obstacles preventing people from being where their hearts want to be. Henri Nouwen.

Batter my heart, three person'd God–John Donne

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BATTER my heart, three person’d God; for, you
As yet but knocke, breathe, shine, and seeke to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o’erthrow mee,’and bend
Your force, to breake, blowe, burn and make me new.
I, like an usurpt towne, to’another due,
Labour to’admit you, but Oh, to no end,
Reason your viceroy in mee, mee should defend,
But is captiv’d, and proves weake or untrue.
Yet dearely’I love you,’and would be loved faine,
But am betroth’d unto your enemie: 1
Divorce mee,’untie, or breake that knot againe;
Take mee to you, imprison mee, for I
Except you’enthrall mee, never shall be free,
Nor ever chast, except you ravish mee.
John Donne