random | Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Paul’s Sublime Statement on the Justice of God

^{Blog Through the Bible Project}

^{Romans 2:5} But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. ⁶ God “will repay each person according to what they have done.” ⁷ To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. ⁸But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. ⁹ There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; ¹⁰ but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. ¹¹ For God does not show favoritism.

¹² All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law. ¹³ For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous. ¹⁴ (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law. ¹⁵ They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.) ¹⁶ This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

I have known smug Christians who are convinced that they are going to heaven because they have their theological boxes ticked, because they believe the right things about Christ, whereas those who far excel them in mercy, justice and kindness are going to hell, because they do not believe in Christ.

What kind of justice is that? Not God’s.

Here Paul has a statement which is at odds with smug parochialism.

I cannot do better than quote it.

⁶ God “will repay each person according to what they have done.”

⁷ To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life.

⁸But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger

⁹ There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile;

¹⁰ but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile

¹¹ For God does not show favoritism.

¹² All who sin apart from the law will also perish apart from the law, and all who sin under the law will be judged by the law.

¹³ For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.

¹⁴ (Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law

. ¹⁵ They show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts sometimes accusing them and at other times even defending them.)

¹⁶ This will take place on the day when God judges people’s secrets through Jesus Christ, as my gospel declares.

God looks at people’s hearts and lives, not just their creeds.

Those whose profession of faith is letter-perfect, but whose heart and life belies their faith may have a few surprises coming.

Similarly, those who have what Tertullian called an anima naturaliter Christiana, a “naturally Christian soul,” who have been kind, generous, merciful, compassionate, unselfish, sacrificial, have behaved like men fashioned in the image of God, might have a few pleasant surprises in store.

And for Mr and Mrs Average–not too bad, not too good? I believe mercy will rule.
* * *

My thinking is not clear on this issue.

I do believe in standard reformed theology–that I am grafted into Christ, that when God sees me he sees Christ, that he accepts me because Christ paid the punishment for my sins on the cross.

However, I also believe that all the gentle kind Buddhists and Hindus and Muslims and Jews who believe what they have been taught will also find mercy because of the content of their lives and characters.

C.S. Lewis has a scene in The Last Battle in which though who were taught to worship Tash, but whose life had a nobility and purity that resembled the followers of Aslan in fact enter with Aslan to Aslan’s Own Country.

I believe that too.

Emeth the Calormene, the Tash-worshipper went through the stable door and was accepted by Aslan. Aslan explains that he the vile god Tash have nothing in common. “We are opposites.” Yet Aslan accepted Emeth “no service which is vile can be done to me and none which is not vile can be done to him.”

Emeth continues,

“Then he breathed upon me and took away the trembling from my limbs and caused me to stand upon my feet. And after that, he said not much, but that we should meet again, and I must go further up and further in. Then he turned him about in a storm and flurry of gold and was gone suddenly.

“And since then, O Kings and Ladies, I have been wandering to find him and my happiness is so great it even weakens me like a wound. And this is the marvel of marvels, that he called me Beloved, me who am but a dog – ” (p.155)

The Multiple Ironies of the Gay Girl in Damascus Hoax

By Anita Mathias

Tom MacMaster, the real gay girl

Jelena Lecic ... the Croat living in London says the Gay Girl in Damascus blog has been carrying a picture of her.

This stolen FB image was passed off as Amina Arraf,,the gay girl in Damascus

One of this week’s captivating stories was that of The Gay Girl in Damascus. She was a middle-aged married male American, Tom MacMaster. In the unravelling of the hoax, it transpired that another prominent lesbian blogger, Paula Brooks, was in fact a 57 year old straight American male construction worker from Ohio!!

So the moral—blogs and tweets and blog comments from people you haven’t met, who are anonymous, whose authenticity, veracity and very existence you cannot check out are best taken with a grain of salt. At first, Facebook was supposed to keep you honest because there were so many people from your real life or lives on your facebook page. Now however, I have had friend requests from avatars of bloggers, who use a cartoon as their profile picture. So apparently, one can have a large number of “friends” and followers while being “unreal.”

So never entirely trust an anonymous blog. It may well be duplicitious; authenticity online can be easily faked. Let the reader beware!!

* * *

Tom MacMaster, according to various accounts, had unsuccessfully tried his hand at a literary career. When he failed, as many do, he created a full-bodied resonant creation, Amina Arraf, with a backstory which closely matched MacMaster’s own. And pretty much everyone believed in her.

As the Washington Post pointed out, “the irony of “A Gay Girl in Damascus” is that it was really a lovely blog.

If he had not been so emotionally resonant, so detailed, so seemingly “real,” nobody would have cared so much when Amina disappeared, and nobody would have worked so hard to figure out what might have happened to her, and nobody would have learned that she was a pale man from Georgia.

And how poignant that a member of one of the most privileged classes in the world felt that the only way he could have a voice was to pretend to be a member of a class that has been disenfranchised in every possible way.”

* * *

I took a class in Faulkner in graduate school, and remember the professor saying that the winners get the spoils, the losers get the stories.

In other words, the meek inherit the earth. They get the best stories.

My daughters hate reading anything sad. But without sadness, there is no story. Without conflict and heartbreak and disappointment, there is no story.

Not even a fairy tale.

* * *

This story abounds in ironies. For Macmaster’s life was not lacking in interest. He had led a colourful life as an activist in America. His American childhood on the banks of the Shenandoah, observing the Mennonites–a backstory he gave Amina–sounds charming. He was married to an atypical American woman, and lived in Edinburgh.

Would his own life, closely observed, have lacked all interest? Surely not.

Amina, he says, took him over. He saw the news, restaurant menus, his own life, through her eyes. “Would she have liked it?,” he’d wonder. She became real to him. Flaubert knew something of this process when he said, “Madame Bovary, c’est moi.”

What a compelling novel MacMaster could have written about Amina! But would a novel by a middle-aged guy from Georgia about a gay girl from Damascus be published? Enter the blog.

Now, of course, Tom MacMaster is meeting with literary agents. How much time and heartbreak could have been saved if they had done so in the first place.

One’s Trajectory is What Matters, Not Where One Currently is.

By Anita Mathias

David is my favourite Old Testament figure; and not surprisingly, because more than any other Old Testament figure, he is a prototype of Christ.

I spoke a couple of years ago on the life of David from Kings and Samuel; Roy, Zoe and friends who were there often mention some of the ideas.

One of the things which struck me was how your trajectory is far more important than where you currently are.

* * *

Saul, to all appearances, was at the top of the heap. He had power, prestige, authority, wealth, good looks, a family, kingship and a palace.

And yet… and yet. He was tormented by jealousy and insecurity. He could presciently see what God was doing and did not like it one bit. He could see that in strange and inexplicable ways, God’s favour and blessing was on David.

And so he hounds David. He seeks to kill him. And in the short run, he gets his way. David is on the run. He hides in caves, afraid, cold and hungry. While Saul is at the very top of the heap, David, declared the enemy of the King of Israel–without resources, patrons, wealth, power or position–is at the very bottom of the heap.

As we read Kings, we realize that where Saul and David stood meant nothing. What mattered was their trajectory–where they were going.

* * *

Two phrases often repeated in the Book of Samuel and the Book of Kings give us an insight into why David’s life was successful in the eyes of God and man, and why he eventually was blessed in his military, political, administrative, literary and spiritual endeavours.

“God was with David.” ” David walked with the Lord.”

And because of that, we also read this frequently repeated phrase, “the House of David grew stronger and stronger, and the House of Saul grew weaker and weaker.”

What? The house of the down and out, the man who had no resources, no wealth, no political support, nothing but the Lord grew stronger and stronger? While the house of the King, with wealth, power, glory, courtiers, sycophants, tax revenue grows weaker and weaker?

Because David walked with God. Because God was with David.

* * *

That study had quite an impact on me.In some important ways, I wasn’t where I wanted to be as I prepared the study, and I realized forcibly that what matters is not where one is, but where one is going. One’s trajectory is what matters, far more than one’s current position.

As long as I was walking with God in humility and repentance, trying to do his will, continually revising my life when I was not doing so, seeking his blessing, then, if it pleased him, “my house” like David’s, would grow stronger and stronger.

So be it.

Share on site of your choice … Wikio

The Questions Jesus Asked

By Anita Mathias

Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God

The questions Jesus asked in the Gospel of John

I was preparing these for a Bible study I’m resourcing and thought they were very penetrating and hard-hitting questions!

1 Do you want to get well, John 5:6

² How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God. John 5:44

³ Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat? ⁶ He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do. John 6:6

4 John 6: ⁵⁵ Unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you have no life in you. For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink. ⁵⁷ Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.

⁶⁰ On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?” ⁶¹ Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you?

⁵ “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. John 6:75

6 “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?” John 11:40

7 John 13:12 “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. ¹³ “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. ¹⁴ Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. ¹⁵ I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.¹⁷ Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

⁸ Again he asked them, “Who (what) is it you want?”John 18: 7

⁹ He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?” John 20:15

10 John 21: ⁵ He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

⁶ He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

¹¹ Again Jesus said, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?”

¹² When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?”

²² Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Plan A, Plan B, Plan Z, and Plans for Good

By Anita Mathias

My daughter, Zoe, is doing her GCSEs.

Her academically selective school, which generally sends 34-40% of its students to Oxbridge is a bit of a academic hot-house.

So much of her year has a Plan A. All 10 A stars. And then a Plan A for the A-levels. All 4 A stars. And then a Plan A. Oxbridge.

And then, Plans A diverge. Stellar careers in politics, law, academia, the arts, media, journalism, business…

Zoe’s post-uni plans are different. She is 16, but mentions things like perhaps being a priest, because she loves Scripture and people, or working with Heidi Baker in Mozambique, or youth ministry. She is just 16, of course.
* * *

Very few people live their lives in Plan A. At 17, my Plan A, oddly, was to become a nun, and work with Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity. Well, I entered the novitiate, but left 14 months later, when I was 18.

Plan A was then academics. I read English at Somerville College, Oxford, and was accepted for a Ph.D at Oxford University, contingent on getting a First. I didn’t.

Plan A was then becoming a writer. I published articles in various prestigious places, won prizes, including a $20,000 National Endowment for the Arts award. I got a dream editor and agent. But my manuscript was not the one they envisioned, and in the process of revising it, I got depressed, and abandoned it (for a season).
* * *

Which brings me to now. I am definitely living in Plan B. It’s not my plan A which would have involved me being a successful writer by now.

I am leading an interesting life, a happy life. I like it. It’s just not Plan A.

Almost nobody lives in Plan A. For many of us, it is Plan B, at best
* * *

Plan B is not necessarily a bad place to live. It is where our real life happens.

Plan B saw me go to graduate school in America, where I grew close to Roy, now my husband. I found myself stymied in my manuscript, and abandoned it; I used my energy to found a publishing company, and now, when I go back to my manuscript, I’ll self-publish it. It won’t be perfect, but it will be exactly the book I want to write.

And the publishing company has opened other doors, such as that of travel, which is a happy, refreshing and revitalizing and educational experience for me. We tend to visit Europe, or go further afield during every school half-term or holiday, 5-6 times a year of late. We could not have afforded that without running a small business.
* * *

Why should we assume that we are all-wise, that our Plan A is necessarily the very best thing for us?

For one, our Plan A rarely involves character. It is often a scheme that would please one’s parents, and dazzles one’s friends and contemporaries.

Some of us, on the other hand, live in Plan Z. I know a young mum dying of cancer; people dying of debilitating illnesses; friends who have never married, but would have liked to; who have not been able to have children; who are struggling to adopt. The very worst thing they could imagine has happened to them. And most of us have or will visit the Land of Plan Z, the land of suffering, for a season.

It is in the shadows of disappointment and heartbreak, of things not working out as they should, that we develop character: endurance, toughness, optimism, compassion for those who are walking the same shadowy path, knowledge of what it is to suffer.
* * *

I have a Plan A for the second half of my life. It involves health, happiness, fruitfulness, happiness for my husband and children, the continued success of our family business, and God’s blessing on my writing. It involves some travel, much gardening, much reading and writing.

I believe I can ask God to bless it.
* * *

The Bible has much to say about prayer and the desires of our hearts, about prayer and Plan A.

Moses catching sight of God burst out with, “Show me your glory.” And the Lord replies, “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you, and I know you by name.” (Exodus 33:17).

Abraham in prayer whittles God down from a promise to not destroy the city if 50 righteous people could be found to an assurance that his family would be saved. Hezekiah’s prayers in Kings add 15 years to his life.

Prayer is more likely to bring Plan A into existence.

I like this Davidic prayer, May he give you the desire of your heart, and make all your plans succeed. “Psalm 20:4. Since I am rather fond of my own current Plan A, I am praying that somehow God will bless it.

* * *

However, since I myself, and most people I know, live in Plan B at best, that is the plan to thrive and be happy in, since that is our life.

Ultimately, because our wisdom is limited, but God’s is not, what really matters is that we live in God’s Plan A for the rest of our lives, “plans for good and not for evil, to give us a future and a hope.” (Jer 29:11).

May it be so.

.

E J H Nash, the Man who Converted Justin Welby, Nicky Gumbel, John Stott, David Watson and Michael Green

By Anita Mathias

Nash, wikipedia

I listened to Michael Green preach on Sunday at St. Andrew’s, Oxford. I last heard him, oh 25 years ago, as an undergraduate. I remember dropping in to St. Aldate’s when I was feeling overwhelmed because a lot of my friends went there. I wouldn’t have called myself a Christian, though his sermons did make perfect sense to me, and sort of inspired me to do the right thing.

He spoke on the next chapter in the book of the Bible we were going through, Nehemiah 2. I thought it was excellent–a combination of good vivid story telling, a magnetic personality which encourages one to pay attention, and the ability to draw practical spiritual inferences from a historic text.

What was my “take-away”? That God is sovereign even when everything seems to be against us. That an arrow prayer straight from our heart to God’s can change things at any time. That nothing is hopeless as long as God is around. That God can penetrate and change human history.

Michael Green is 81. I would love to be so fresh and green, bearing fruit at 81. And so, I guess I need to do two things–make sure I eat healthily, and exercise now. And FAR more important, I need to put my roots into the stream of God so that I will be able to draw nourishment from his living waters when I am old. (Psalm 1, Ezekiel 47).
~ ~ ~

And so, at home, I googled Michael Green as one does these days!. He was converted –along with John Stott, David Watson and Nicky Gumbel by a man I had never heard of–unlike his list of converts. Someone called EJH Nash, or Bash who ran a camp ministry at Iwerne Minster. David Watson is meant to have attended 35 camps in five years.

Nash focussed on reaching “the best boys from the best schools.” He devoted his life to preaching a simple evangelical gospel at the top 30 public schools. He also influenced the University Christian Unions a particularly good example being the Cambridge Inter-Collegiate Christian Union “where between 1935 and 1939 all CICCU’s presidents were ‘Bash’ campers, and the union was marked by his methods: a very simple evangelical gospel; meticulous preparation; a wariness of emotions or intellect and assiduous “personal work” before and after conversion.” He was famous for his sense of humour, and his ability to create a happy atmosphere.

Wow! It strikes me that the man must have really loved Christ to devote his life not to speaking, writing and media appearances as so many of today’s Christian superstars do, but to training the next generation of Christian leaders, who in turn will influence the next generation or two.

It was a highly focussed strategy: “the best boys from the best schools.” It was not Jesus’s strategy, though. Jesus appeared to take riff-raff who had tough characters–but hey, who can argue with success.

The mystery of influence! Billy Graham was converted by a travelling preacher called Mordechai Ham. Ham was tired, and weary and almost did not want to go on. His journal shows his despairing cries to the Lord for fruit. On the next night, Billy Graham came to his tent.

Our lives belong to Christ. Whether we hold up the torch of our own work to shine brightly–or pass it
on to another–does not really matter.

And interestingly, I could not easily find a reliable image of the man. When I typed his name, I saw images of Michael Green, John Stott, and David Watson. “Bash,” with his famous sense of humour, may have enjoyed this!!

Judging others opens you up to judgement: Romans, Blog Through the Bible Project

By Anita Mathias

Romans 1 28–2:3

28 Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. ²⁹ They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰ slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹ they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. ³² Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

Because men did not treasure God, God abandons them to their own devices.

And so man continues to do what he knows is wrong. In his distorted thinking, the end justifies the means. And as long as they are successful, rich and prominent, people approve of those who might be “greedy, quarrelsome, envious, deceitful, malicious, gossipy, slanderous, arrogant, boastful, and unfaithful.”

Romans 2

¹ You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. ² Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. ³ So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?
⁵ But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

People–and the correctness of this comment can be empirically proven Reinhold Neibuhr said–are filled with every kind of greed, envy, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰ slanderers, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; ³¹ they have no fidelity, no love, no mercy.

Everyone, to a greater or lesser degree is guilty of these things.

And since all of us, to a greater or lesser degree, are guilty of evil, greed, envy, strife, deceit, malice, gossip, slander, insolence, arrogance and boastfulness, we have no excuse when we judge someone else.

In the act of judging them, of commenting on the evil of their actions, we are opening ourselves up to especial judgment since we who judge them have sinned too–and ironically, and oddly, often have committed the same sins we vehemently condemn in others.

And so in judging another, we are opening ourselves to judgement. ³ So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?

Jesus reminds us of this when he cautions, in Luke 6, “³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

(Further thoughts on judging and condemning)

Lord, open my eyes to when I might be judging and condemning others. Give me your merciful spirit.

Chronos and Chairos: Time and God’s Time

By Anita Mathias

There were two words for time in koine Greek, Chairos and Chronos. Chronos was clock time, sequential time. Chairos was special: “the right time,” God’s Time.

Jesus points out the difference when he tells his disciples. “The right time for me has not yet come; for you any time is right,” John 7.6. In fact, there are constant references throughout the Gospel to his time not having come yet, as when Mary tries to hurry her miraculous baby into action in the marriage of Cana.

Chairos. Chronos. In my own life, I am learning to wait for Chairos, the right time, God’s time.

I have many ideas, many things I want to do. I can’t do, or even start all of them right now. And that’s where waiting for the chairos time, the right time, God’s time comes in.
~ ~ ~

When the girls were young, I desperately wanted to write, and trying to do so with young children, exhausted me, and not that much got read, or written. The state of the house was a constant source of irritation and contention, and in retrospect, perhaps I should have prioritised getting the house together (though that is easier said than done).

Now, however, is the chairos time to write. I don’t have other duties or demands on me; the girls are quite independent, Roy’s does not need support from me in what he does; in fact, having retired early, he is able to run the house and the girls, and support me a bit in my work.
~ ~ ~

Both of us have lots of ideas to do with the expansion of our publishing company. However, each time, I pray about it, I sense it is not yet the chairos time to expand. Roy took early retirement in August 2010, after 21 years as a mathematician–all-consuming work. We are still recovering: sorting out the garage and barn in which we have boxes still not unpacked since we moved here from America in 2004!!, our investments could be looked at; the house could do with a bit more organizing and decluttering; we want a large vegetable garden. There’s paper work, tax stuff to worked on. The business has some nuts and bolts which could be oiled. Roy wants to see to all this…

We talked over our lives with an older and wiser friend, who suggested that when one establishes the Kingdom of God (order, tidyness) in one’s external surroundings, other things fall into place. This would not resonate with everyone. It resonated with me. I see this everywhere. I am an organic gardener. If one gets the soil right and fertile, the bounteous crops automatically fall into place.

So it’s not yet chairos time to expand our business in the same or a slightly different direction. Soon, however–in a matter of weeks or months, it will be.
~ ~ ~

When it is God’s time, it’s amazing how everything falls into place. Finance comes, connections, friends, people appear, out of the blue, to help you, there are coincidences–God-incidences. So it is best to wait for chairos time before you force something through.

And the concept of chairos time explains why sometimes one might wait and pray a very long time for something to happen–with no apparent results–and then it happens very quickly. For me, the times when things fall into place very rapidly is a hallmark of God’s activity.
~ ~ ~

I think of a reflection by Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision.

God answers all prayer. He does not answer our selfish, materialistic begging. He does not move into our sinful situation. He moves us out of our sinful situation into Himself. God sometimes moves slowly. Sometimes we don’t lack faith, but patience. Wait patiently for Him, and He will give you your heart’s desire.

1) if the request is not right, He will answer, “No.”

2) If the time is not right, He will answer, “Slow.”

3) When you are not right, He will answer, “Grow.”

4) When the request, the time and you are right, God will say, “Go.”

That’s when miracles happen.
~ ~ ~

I have experienced God’s go, Chairos time a few times. I had a very stimulating time as an undergraduate in Oxford, almost like coming to life. And then, I moved to America, where we lived for 17 years, 12 of them in Williamsburg, Virginia. (In fact, I have lived longer in Williamsburg than anywhere else as an adult.) I did not like living in America, and I particularly, intensely, disliked living in Williamsburg. I never felt at home there, as if I belonged–and that was, of course, was because I did not.

Oddly, I felt home-sick not for India, but for Oxford, where, for some reason, I felt comfortable, as I did belong. A place were eccentricity is the norm, where conversations heady as champagne are not infrequent, with as much culture per square foot as New York or London–but so much easier to get to.

I hoped to return to Oxford for many years, but did not pray for it, since I saw no concrete way in which I could do so.
~ ~ ~

I used to find winters depressing in Virginia, probably because I stayed indoors so much. One November, I went on an individual retreat at Richmond Hill, Richmond. I probably planned to stay the week. However, I came across a book called Lift up your Eyes, by Glenn Clark about prayer. It goes through the different things the Father desires to give us –ideas, creativity, opulence and riches (if we desire them!!), friends.

I left within 24 hours. As I read that book, I felt I had found the key I had been seeking, the missing link.

I had been hoping, not praying, for so many things. I had the horizontal view, not the vertical view. I needed to lift up my eyes to the hills.

And so I did!
~~~

I put moving to Oxford on my prayer list in December 2003. In April 2004, we were in England, and we since we now have permanent residency, we are unlikely to voluntarily move, unless God taps me on my shoulder with new marching orders. (Please don’t Lord; please leave the boundary lines set in these pleasant places.)

I had wanted to leave Williamsburg for the 12 years I lived there. I really disliked it. But things happened spiritually in those desert-ish years. When I came I was a Christian in a sense that I spent 30 minutes a day in prayer and Bible study, but God was not as central to my thoughts as he is now, I did not live in the presence of God as much as I do now, I was more of a reed shaken in the wind, than someone living in the waterfall of God’s presence, her feet on the rock.

In Williamsburg, I discovered the strength of Scripture, and started devoting 90 minutes to prayer and Bible study, no matter what else I had to do, no matter whether I did anything else significant that day or not.

I found a mentor, who went through the Gospels with me and Roy bi-weekly for five years, as well as a theology course called Sonship which he had co-written. I met weekly with another mentor, Lolly Dunlap (obit). I taught several bible studies, and gained much from my immersion in the Bible. I spoke at various church events, and gained some practice in communicating my enthusiasm and passion for prayer and scripture.

And then, slowly, it became clear that it was time to leave. I had changed. I was different. And then all sorts of unlikely things happened very quickly. Roy won a prize for the best paper published in a scientific journal in the last three years, and various other prizes for some ground-breaking work. He was elected to the Board of Directors of the International Linear Algebra Society, co-edited a successful book, was elected to various boards, won prestigious grants including a 100K one from the National Science Foundation to go anywhere he liked for a year and study. Suddenly, job offers flowed in, from Canada, and yes, the UK. We came to the UK, where he was a Distinguished Visitor at the Univ. of Manchester, and we used the NSF grant to spend a year at the Mathematical Institute at Oxford. Within a year of my prayer, I was in Oxford, and have never left.

And the last seven years in Oxford have been incredibly busy, but also creative. I have published two books, I have founded a publishing company starting with, like, zero business experience, I have become a blogger…
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I give several other examples of how things tarry, then happen, very rapidly when it is chairos time, but I won’t ramble further.

These two words, chairos, chronos keep recurring in thoughts.

Roy and I are fairly energetic and there are so many things we want to do all at once–expand the garden, the business… That’s why it’s becoming more important for me to check in with God on a daily/weekly basis to get his ideas and his perspective on what I should be doing.

First things first is the title of a book by Stephen Covey, though Jesus, of course, concluded his sermon on the mount with the same thought. Seek first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things (the things the pagans run after) will be added to you.

The thought does simplify prioritizing. The Kingdom of God on a micro-level, i.e. in each person’s life, will look slightly different. It basically means what your life would look like if Christ were ruling it/in it. For some it would mean evangelism, or feeding the poor, or preaching. For me, it would look like peace, quiet, domestic order, harmonious relationships, and using “that one talent which is death to hide” i.e. writing.

And knowing whether it is the chairos time to do something, embark on a new project, is partly determined by whether doing so contribute to ushering in, or retarding the Kingdom of God, the reign of God in my life.

And now at last, it is the chairos time for me to write–and so I just have to shrug off distraction–and get down to it.

Romans 2

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