Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Facebook posts from January 2010

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It’s Zoe and Irene’s second day in school since we left for NZ on Dec. 5th, missing the last week of school, and getting 3 snow days off. They are utterly rusty, no doubt, but well-rested. Forecast for heavy snow on Tuesday night!




Unusual birds at our feeder, time to bring out the bird books, and most unusual, a COOT, black with a red bill, seems to have taken residence under our hedge. We are scattering bird seed on the ground for ground-feeding birds, like the pheasants who roost in our orchard, and the coot loves it. Winter joys!!




Used a new vegetable for the first time ever. Zoe made a delicious chicory and chicken casserole yesterday to decompress after her school day. She added some fennel too, which we’ve only used once before. Fun using new veggies. Might try endive–because I have not the slightest idea what that tastes like!!




Whoa! Tesco tonight needed to be seen to be believed. The shelves were pretty much denuded of fruit and veg. I could not believe it. According to the Guardian, Gordon Brown’s comments on food security and the price of veg. have sparked panic buying of carrots etc.!



An adorable new bunny joined our family today, Bandito, a 7 week old lop ear, companion to Empress, a black and white bunny; Jake, our black and white collie; our fat Aylesbury ducks, Buttercup and Daisy; and Zoe and Irene, two humans. Bandito is white, with brown patches around his eyes, and, yes, we are hoping for a litter! Of bunnies.




“Sit as little as possible. Give no credence to any thought that was not born outdoors while moving about freely.”–Friedrich Nietzsche. Nietzsche of course needs to be taken with a kilo of salt, but it’s amazing how much a good long walk clears one’s thoughts. The snow has all melted, and I’m off for one now.



Really getting down to writing my second book after a 3.5 year hiatus to set up our publishing company. The joy of finding the precisely right word and phrase; few things compare with it!! (Even if, the very next day, one finds an even better word or sentence!)



Hot tip to all small business owners. DO NOT hire your spouse. Roy just made a really stupid, and somewhat costly, mistake, and when I told him off in no uncertain terms, just stood there, grinning happily from ear to ear, as if he had done the greatest thing in the world. ” Well then, fire me,” he said. And double my workload? No way! I fumed, and growled; he had won that round. Stay tuned!



Roy and I are taking an interesting 20 week course in The History of Christianity at Oxford Uni. 1st meeting today–an ambitious survey of 20 centuries in 2 hours!! Lots I knew, but a fair amount I had forgotten, or never knew. Excellent lecturer. I think we are going to find it a very interesting course!! What a very fascinating story!



Irene, 10, stayed home with Zoe to do homework (interspersed with computer games). She reversed the intended equation. We returned at 10 p.m. to find her awake, and asking to make lamb samosas!! Me–” Irene, it’s your bedtime.” She, “But I find deep-frying satisfying.” Me, “BEDTIME!” She, “That’s the problem!! I just don’t have any job-satisfaction.” Roy, “Perhaps that’s because you don’t have a job?”



LORD, what I once had done with youthful might, / Had I been from the first true to the truth,/ Grant me, now old, to do–with better sight,/ And humbler heart, if not the brain of youth; / So wilt thou, in thy gentleness and ruth, / Lead back thy old soul, by the path of pain,/ Round to his best–young eyes and heart and brain. George Macdonald, Diary of an Old Soul



Intense, interesting week! Jan & Karoline Sassenberg & their cute, spunky kids lunched with us–young Germans who serve in a slum of Freetown, Sierra Leone. Their faces were radiant & they were more free, relaxed & happy than I have ever seen them. God has given them a love for the poor, & they now work where their hearts truly are. There is magic & bliss in doing exactly what God has fashioned you to do, high or low.



 Blessed evening. I’m immersed in 1st century Christianity for the History of Christianity course at Oxford Uni. which Roy & I are taking. Irene’s reading Indian mythology (I loved the Ramayana and the Mahabharata at her age!). Zoe is re-reading “The Great Gatsby” for the umpteenth time. And Roy is baking gourmet pizzas (spinach, ricotta, and parma ham). Our Sunday resolution–no cooking & as little work as possible!



A verse for blocked writers. “Moses, “O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.” The LORD said to him, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the LORD ? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” Exodus, Chapter 4.



A lovely nine days, of writing every day (except Sunday). Back to poetry, my first love. Yesterday, I hit my own voice again, my distinctive subject matter, exciting. Am trying to write with less dependence on education, training, previous reading and study, and more reliance on the spirit of God, of creativity. It’s a very interesting retraining of instincts and reflexes, after so many years of relying on the former.



 Aargh! Each time the phone rings now, it’s Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs returning my call. What possessed me to ignore Small Business taxes until the 11th hour? And now, guess what?–I think I am going to go all girlie and leave Roy to file my taxes for me. There should be some advantages to being married to a brilliant but absent-minded mathematician!!



 love spending the day in our conservatory, watching the day shift and change. It was sunny in the morning; then suddenly sleeted, then hailed on our unsuspecting ducks. The stars crept out, and there is a luminous full moon flooding the conservatory with light at the moment.



Lovely peaceful evening. Nesting. Zoe is galloping through the Pentateuch being determined to read the Bible in a year. I am reading the American poet, Jane Kenyon, and writing poetry, Irene is reading Lemony Snicket, and Roy is communing with his computer.



“Forgiveness is not just an occasional gift; it is a permanent attitude,” Martin Luther King. Roy & I are studying Phil Yancey’s “What’s so Amazing about Grace?” at the Headington Pastorate (small group, or home group). Interestingly, it’s really about the delicate miracle of forgiveness, a core of the Christian life, which often gets sidelined. I don’t recall a sermon on forgiveness in the last 5 years at Aldate’s!






















In which Irene Invents GarlicBreadMen

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 Irene made the most beautifully shaped gingerbread men.
Funny thing though, they smelled and tasted of GARLIC.
“Irene, did you not wash the spoons and chopping board before using them?”
“I did.” Dreadful thought.
“Show me the puree you used.”
“Dad squeezed it for me.”
Fatal words. I looked at the tube. Intense garlic puree!
Sweet garlic “gingerbread” men don’t taste too bad when they are warm, but I will leave it to Roy and Irene to finish them up.

In which, oddly, there is protection for sheep among wolves

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I woke up today with the words of Jesus in my head (I wish that happened more often!).
“I am sending you out as sheep among wolves. Therefore, be as wise as a serpent, and as innocent as a dove.”
What a vivid image! What protection might a lamb, surrounded by a herd of wolves, have?
Apparently, two. Wisdom and goodness.
No, three: that the eyes of the shepherd are upon it.

Family Life/ Parenting Irene

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Irene, “ Mum, did you know that I stayed up till 4 a.m. yesterday, reading all the library books we borrowed.”
Me, “Yes.” She, “HOW did you know?”
“Because I stayed up, doing the same thing.”
Though undoubtedly, my reading, an A.S. Byatt novel, and a book on business was less compelling than hers.

Qui Cantat, bis orat. "He who sings, prays twice" Augustine

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Sister Cecilia, our singing teacher in school used to quote Augustine, “He who sings prays two-fold. Qui cantat, bis orat .” It is indeed amazing how  music helps you to worship.
Just listening to Stuart Townsend.   “I long to be where the praise is never–ending,. Yearn to dwell where the glory never fades,. Where countless worshippers will share one song, And cries of “Worthy” will honour the Lamb.

My Books

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My Books

 
Wandering Between Two Worlds
In these wide-ranging lyrical essays, Anita Mathias writes, in lush, lovely prose, of her naughty Catholic childhood in Jamshedpur, India; her large, eccentric family in Mangalore, a sea-coast town converted by the Portuguese in the sixteenth century; her rebellion and atheism as a teenager in her Himalayan boarding school, run by German missionary nuns, St. Mary’s Convent, Nainital; and her abrupt religious conversion after which she entered Mother Teresa’s convent in Calcutta as a novice. Later rich, elegant essays explore the dualities of her life as a writer, mother, and Christian in the United States– Domesticity and Art, Writing and Prayer, and the experience of being “an alien and stranger” as an immigrant in America, sensing the need for roots.

 

The Church That Had Too Much
(on Amazon.com, on Amazon.co.uk)

 The Church That Had Too Much was very well-intentioned.  She wanted to love God, she wanted to love people, but she was both hampered by her muchness and the abundance of her possessions, and beset by ambition, power struggles and snobbery.  Read about the surprising way The Church That Had Too Much began to resolve her problems in this deceptively simple and enchanting fable.
The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth
“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth,” Jesus says in his most puzzling Beatitude.
Puzzling, because, if we are honest, it does not feel true to our experience.
So do the meek inherit the earth? Is this true? Or isn’t it?
In The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth, an extended meditation on the power of gentleness, Anita Mathias grapples with this mystifying Beatitude.

Facebook posts from Jan 20 10

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Happy New Year everyone. I don’t know when I’ve last faced a New Year with so much hope, God-confidence & anticipation. This year, God willing, might mark a new direction for Roy, and a return to beloved old directions for me. I have now found people who can run our family publishing business efficiently, so am hoping to return to almost full-time writing (interspersed with lots of travel!!)

Jan 1

Spectacular view from my window, every tree and twig clocked in frost; crisp, white, pure fields; frozen ponds.

04 January
Roy plus I plus dog forced ourselves out on a pre-dusk walk/run. Well, to be accurate, the dog forced us out. And my running pace was slower than Roy’s brisk walk. But anyway, it was a white wonderland, every leaf and twig, crystallized loveliness, pure and recreated. And I now feel exhilarated and happy, and am so enjoying a well-earned cup of hot tea, and an exciting book, “Dreaming with God,” by Bill Johnson.
04 January
“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.” David, Psalm 51. Snow everywhere; the fields from my window are pure white, the willow tree outside my window is a sparkling fountain. Loveliness everywhere!!
06 January Zoe and Irene’s snow jokes. “What do you call 50 penguins in the Arctic?” Lost. Penguins live in Antarctica. “What did the snowy road say to the car?” “Fancy a spin?” Lovely to have a day at home, and catch up with chores. Zoe and Roy are unpacking the last boxes from our move from America (5 years ago!) which are still in his study!!




06 January








Snowy fields outside, and plotting our travels inside. 13 weeks more of work, and then we take off on a travel adventure over Easter. If our family were a dictatorship (how sensible, how efficient that would be!!) it would be the South of France, but the other three are campaigning for Ireland. Now, here’s a good opportunity to hone and perfect one’s rhetorical skills!!


I love to travel, and I love to travel to strange mysterious countries, with pristine, old misty towering forests; semi-abandoned wayside stone churches; remote, lonely. What country am I thinking of, Switzerland, Scotland, or somewhere I have never travelled? Albania? Slovakia? Slovenia? Russia? Denmark? Macedonia? Or the undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveller returns? The ultimate land of the heart’s desire!!

Fri at 10:54

Good morning! Ice to see you!Fri at 11:3
With Zoe’s help, we are catching up with the unpacking, and decluttering from our move from the US five years ago. Three extra snow days, a gift of time to work on and around the house. Yay! Looks like Monday is going to be a snow day too, though the school says they are going to set them homework if that is the case. A vicarious sigh for Zoe and Irene.
Fri at 15:30Massive queues in Tesco, way down the aisle. Obviously people are taking the snow forecast seriously. I have never seen such long queues even on Christmas Eve, or when hurricanes were forecast in Virginia




Inspired by “Julie and Julia,” I’ve bought Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking” AND t. ingredients for Caneton Poele aux Navets (duck casserole), Potee Normande Pot-au-feu (beef, pork, sausage & chicken casserole) & Poulet Poele a l’estragon (Chicken casserole w. cream and fresh tarragon).

We’ve resurrected the old table tennis table we had in the barn (living in the country, we have an old horse barn, and a garage; more potential to procrastinate getting rid of clutter). We had a fun game in our new conservatory, parents against children, and we easily won, and I showed off no end about my ping-pong prowess in school never deserting me, until I realized that whichever team Roy was on inevitably won!

Sat at 17:31

“Benson in Oxfordshire” (not far from us) recorded a low of -17.7C, just two degrees warmer than the South Pole and lower than some manufacturers recommend for freezing food!” The Guardian



Roy & I watched “Angels and Insects” a strange, but visually v. beautiful film last night. Based on A.S. Byatt’s novella “Morpho Eugenia;” v. heavily overladen with Metaphor &a Epiphany. Interesting to watch the director translate a brainy, v. literary novel to film. It was an 18, & Zoe declined to watch it with us, saying WE would blush; it was just as well! Visually lovely, rather clever, but not much heart to it.


Hoping the snow will let us get to church tomorrow. My church, St. Aldate’s, is by no means perfect, & neither am I, but it is, to use a glib, over-
used phrase, definitely “spirit-filled.” I.e. one goes there, often empty, distracted, secular in one’s thinking, and yet slowly, mysteriously, one does encounter God there; get filled again with his spirit, his love, his energy, his inspiration, his will to do good & bless.


Watched the heart-breaking, almost unbearably painful, yet v. beautiful Jean de Florette last night. Last watched it almost 20 years ago in our Marcel Pagnol phase. May watch Manon of the Spring tonight, though we have to take Zoe to church since she led an 8-10 year old Sunday School group, and so missed it. Jean de Florette is a terrible exemplar of the character-corruption of greed, and the dangers of naive trust!


Captioning my New Zealand photos. Under Mt. Cook National Park, I wrote “We had joy, we had fun; We had seasons in the sun” after the Terry Jacks song. The wicked Irene suggested instead, “We had stress, we had pain; We had seasons in the rain; And the hills were all too hard too climb!!” Which is also true in a way. Travel is an intensification of living and experience!!