Anita Mathias: Dreaming Beneath the Spires

Anita Mathias's Blog on Faith and Art

Nothing is Impossible With God

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John hears Jesus’s last words. He sees Jesus absolutely dead, blood and water issuing from his heart. He goes to bed, I imagine, shattered beyond grief—rent with the horror and guilt and unimaginable agony I would feel if I saw that happen to my husband or father or child. Talk of post-traumatic stress!

And then, and then–two days later, he enters the grave, and sees the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head folded up by itself. Neatly, orderly.
And he says simply in the third person, “He saw and believed.”
That Jesus was resurrected.
And, surely, his world exploded. Anything was possible, as Jesus had said so often. Miracles, magic. “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” Jesus had said, just a week ago!! “Everything is possible for one who believes.” (Mark 9:23).
* * *
“All things are possible if you believe.” The believing comes before the impossible becomes possible.
After years of being in and leading women’s small groups, I often wonder if we all have a compartmentalised faith—areas in which we find it easy to trust and believe God, and areas in which we find it hard.
It’s relatively easy for me to trust God with my finances; I believe he is the river of abundance, and it’s not hard for me (in general) to believe he’ll replenish my stores.
In February, I had a cancer scare, and had a biopsy. On the day I was told of the abnormal ultrasound results, fear gripped my heart: fear of chemotherapy mostly, and also of death before my children are safely grown up, or before I have fulfilled my dream of writing. “Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,” as John Keats said. I realised that I had a choice to trust or be afraid. I decided on faith to trust and peace possessed my heart. I basically almost forgot about the biopsy and went on writing. Just as well, as it took 4 weeks to receive the biopsy result—which was normal!!
But there are things for which I pray, and it’s just words. I have little faith in my heart that what I pray for will come to pass, though I know Jesus said,  Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matt. 17:20.
·      * *
The dead Jesus walks. He has neatly folded the cloth covering his head.
All things are now possible for them for believe.
But yet not all our prayers are answered affirmatively. Sometimes the answer to prayer is No.
Jacob wrestles with God, refusing to let God go, unless he is blessed. And so God blesses him.
A limp to slow down the self-sufficient, manipulative, scheming Jacob. A child will be able to out-run him. He will tire easily.  He will not be able to oversee everything himself. He will have to depend on others. And on God.
Paul is given a thorn in the flesh, so that he will have to get through his day and his life relying on God’s grace which is sufficient. On God’s power made perfect in weakness.
My limp and thorn is my rapidly declining physical fitness. My battles with weight.
And I don’t know what to do!! Should I accept it as God’s will? A thorn, a limp to keep me humble? To remind me of my sin, weakness and limitations?
Yes, my life-long habit of comfort-eating, and my life-long dislike of doing anything more active than reading or writing are thorns in the flesh. I will always need God’s help to overcome them.
But being over-weight, and, consequently, being physically weak and unfit and easily fatigued–I cannot believe that those are God’s will for me (though less energy does means more time in an armchair with my books and laptop.)
* * *
We had a charismatic pastor who used to say, “You must SEE it to RECEIVE it.” I suppose in secular terms it would be called creative visualisation.
I wonder if that is part of my struggle. That I have trouble seeing myself as fit, strong and energetic. Never really believed that I could lose weight—which I have been slowly gaining since my late teens at the rate of 3+ pounds a year… Which, well, adds up!!
So I asked God to give me an image to strengthen my faith.
And this was the image I got—myself running down a country road, tirelessly. (I love running, get high on those endorphins quickly, but am very, very slow, and easily fatigued.)
Ah, and here’s where that image is from:
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40)
What’s the key here? It’s hoping in the Lord, trusting in the Lord, waiting on the Lord.
Just hanging out with God as a branch in the vine, resting in him, being rejuvenated by his sweet sap flowing into me, his life flowing into me.
That’s where the strength comes from to change life-long habits of comfort-eating when bored or stressed or unhappy or empty. That’s where the strength comes from to eat healthily. And the strength to run and not grow bored or weary.
The secret of the vine: living in Christ, hanging out in and with Christ, relying on that other deeper, sweeter life to flow through me, to fill me, to still my restlessness, comfort my sadness, and give me the will-power and discipline to run and to walk (and, eventually, not grow weary or faint.)



In which areas do you find faith easy–or hard? What are your limps and thorns?

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  1. Thank you, Ian. I love hearing stories like that. 7 days is no joke. Keep returning to the original image and inspiration when you feel tempted.
    I love your inspiring story; I will remember it when i feel tempted to eat yummy things when i am not hungry (which is my temptation:-)

  2. Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your post,I have only just started visiting your Blog.

    I have only recently come back to faith about 7 months ago.

    Interestingly to me anyway, it was Him (Love) God that came and found me I wasn't seeking him out.

    Anyway I had picked up an aweful habit whilst in the wilderness of sin one that defeated me however much willpower I excerted to conquer it and even praying for strenght to beat it never worked.

    I felt at a loss really, then I just told Him (Love)Father I can't quit, I'm so hopeless left to me I do it again at a drop of a hat, Then I pictured myself as I prayed putting this habit on the cross, trusting that he would remove it saw myself turn away from it…As I prayed.
    I was sorely tempted to engaged again for the 3 days after, and each time, I thought oh I'm just going to smoke, oddly I could'nt even do that, it was as if someone or something stopped me I didnt even touch any tobbaco.

    I think my failures before were due to pride want to appear strong cool or spiritual in some way and I think that's why he didn't answer the way I wanted. Though now, I fully admit without Him (Love) I'd be a 20 Plus cigs a day or climbing the walls everytime I saw people smoking.
    I work with smokers, people I live with Smoke, people I visit on the street all smoke, but dispite all that He has kept me FREE I am no longer trying to quit. It's only been just over 7 days true, but it's no longer an issue not because I am so smart but because He(Love) Jesus Set Me free, completely.

    Ian

  3. Thanks SubZ and Margaret!
    Welcome to my blog, Claire. Yes, our weaknesses are a graphic illustration of our need for God. Without them, we'd run on auto-pilot, forgetting him!!
    Thanks, Emma. I guess life is best lived slow–that's one way limps are blessings.
    @Youschka, welcome to my blog, and thank you for your comment and retweet. How wonderful that God has filled your heart with his love, helping you to break the idolatry of comfort-eating. That's wonderful:-)

  4. Hello my friend, I truly resonate with a lot you write in this post. Christ has taken me to the point where I don't follow the comfort food habit – He has helped me break it, by filling my heart with His love…..today I walk by Faith Alone…..trusting that He has my back 🙂
    Hallelujah, Praising God!!!
    God bless you my friend in Christ.

  5. Thanks Anita: very true. It's hard to trust and it's hard to cope with the possibility of hearing 'no'. But as you say, the blessing is sometimes a limp. And sometimes God's 'no' turns out to be 'yes' – just not in the way we expected.

  6. Really interesting, and rounded, piece – thank you. I do think that we can easily get too busy, or self-sufficient, and the struggles/physical difficulties that we suffer with allow us the chance to re-recognise the sovereignty of God and how much we rely on him…

  11. Thanks much for your wise thoughts, Louise:-). Yes, we would be unbearable if we did not each have public or secret limps or thorns.
    Love, Anita

  12. Interesting you say about the thorn, I think not being 100% is a blessing, and I have been pondering this, that reliance on God is actually for our own good. Think what the altenative is, the potential to drift away from God because we have everything we need… which could take us down some not so good places… on teh point of faith and believing. It is a wonderful thing to believe the impossible. I think I know what the impossible is for me and I believe only God can deliver it – and it is easier to believe than it was this time last year – I remember once thinking that i was asking the impossible, only to walk into Church and find that someone had a message from God “Do you really believe anything is too difficult for me?”… I am pretty sure that was aimed at me… But it is a good thing for all of us to know… you are blessed with a beautiful gift to write, to share your honest thoughts. I think it is a great and wonderful thing, and we all have our weaknesses but its ok because we have God xx