A friend of mine had once been deeply humiliated by a fellow Christian, a soulful worship leader. She told me the story, then burst into tears, saying, “I don’t even know if she’s a Christian. I cannot bear to watch her lead worship.” My friend left that church.
I often think that when I am shockingly treated by another Christian: “I don’t even know if they are Christians. Perhaps they were Christians. Perhaps they are living on fumes.” And sometimes that is the safest assumption—that the person was a Christian, and has now settled for church position, or power, or prominence, or, perhaps, in Jesus’ language “the cares and worries of the world and the delight in riches” have choked the fragile, beautiful seed of new life in them.
Or sometimes, when I encounter decidedly non-Christian behaviour in Christians, I think of circles of discipleship. Jesus had an innermost circle of people he chose for purity of heart, passion, strength of character: Peter, James and John. Then there were the twelve, the seventy-two, the five hundred, the five thousand plus women and children for whom he multiplied the loaves and fishes; the crowds who followed him on Palm Sunday. All following Jesus, but with varying levels of intensity and commitment. Perhaps the people whose behaviour is unlike Jesus’s have strayed to an outer circle of discipleship, as I myself sometimes do. That’s one way of looking at it!
* * *
In Matthew 13, Jesus talks about the mysterious Kingdom of Heaven, which is here, right now, in which it is possible to live, today, in full communion with the Father, walking step by step with the Son, and experiencing the fullness of the Holy Spirit.
Jesus’ parable of the mustard seed provides another way of understanding Christians who behave badly. The Kingdom of God in the micro-world of our lives, and the macro-world of the world is “like a mustard tree, which though is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.”
And so it is with each individual Christian—we are seedlings and saplings in the Kingdom before we become mighty trees.
Perhaps the Christians whose behaviour puzzles me (as undoubtedly mine sometimes puzzles others) are still saplings, new or distracted in the ways of following Christ. Perhaps the Lord will send them water and sun and good soil, and they will one day grow so astoundingly that what they become bears no resemblance to what they were. And perhaps Jesus shall do the same for me!
* * *
Judging others is a soul-sapping, soul-stunting distraction. I know this because I so often have to rein in and retrieve my falcon -thoughts when they go critically swooping around someone else.
Jesus gives us a way to deal with our natural tendencies to judge. When we find ourselves judging others, we are to immediately check to see if we are guilty of the very same thing that we are judging our brother for, or a closely related thing. For if Freud was right, the traits we most hate in others are those we secretly see and suppress within ourselves.
So Jesus suggests that when we see the bossy Christian, the manipulative Christian, or the over-ambitious Christian, instead of gnashing our teeth at them, we should examine our own souls, remember the times we have used the short cuts of manipulation rather than the slow road of prayer. Have sought the drug of fame or success instead of the new wine of Jesus. And so instead of descending into the bottomless black hole of judgement, we grow, we change! Our judgement of our brother proves a spur for us to grow ourselves.
We pray for our enemies, or those who irritate us. We do dare not assume that they are not in the Kingdom at all. Rather we realise that they may be just saplings in the kingdom as we ourselves might well be in the eternal eyes of him who judges wisely, and we pray that, one day, because of the sunshine of grace, both they and we will become mighty trees, and the birds of the air will come and nest in all our branches.
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I know some lovely people who don’t have a faith yet consistently behave with love and kindness towards others.
I have also encountered Christians whose behaviour was cold, judgmental and unkind … I think C. S. Lewis wrote that when people come to Christ their basic personality is not suddenly changed, but the process of becoming like Him continues from then on. Some make greater/faster progress than others, and some fall by the wayside as the parable of the sower demonstrates.
Absolutely. When I was younger, I thought the best of people if they were believers. Now what people say or think they believe does not hugely sway my assessment of them. I ask myself, “Are they good people? Do they have a good heart?” I have known Bible-mad people with cold, mean hearts, and people with kind, lovely hearts who are barely Christian, or not Christian at all.
The therapist Viktor Frankl said there were two races of men, the decent and the indecent, the swine and the saints (his phraseology!) and perhaps that is more relevant than what people say they believe!
It’s sad, but not surprising, to see Christians behaving in un-Christlike ways. When we first believe in Jesus, that’s just the beginning of the process of becoming like Him. As for me, the Lord brought me to devastating circumstances, resulting from my own foolishness. As a result, I could finally begin to recognize my own sinful heart. As I struggled with the consequences, he led me eventually to many biblically sound teachings by the Sanfords (Elijah House), Leanne Payne, etc., and I became aware of significant root issues originating from my childhood: inner vows, bitterness, judgments, dishonoring of parents, etc. These “roots of bitterness” simply needed the right circumstances to be triggered, whereupon they “sprang up to defile others”. If it hadn’t been for such teachings of the Sanfords, I would be struggling even more with becoming like Jesus. I suspect that most Christians do not know how to identify and then to ask God to access the roots of their problems, and so they end up continually hacking off the branches and stems of the weeds that spring up. As any gardener knows, weeds keep coming back until you pull them up by the roots.
Thank you, Don for this deep and thoughtful comment.
Can you recommend a book or books by the Sanfords for me to read?
“Most Christians do not know how to identify and then to ask God to access the roots of their problems, and so they end up continually hacking off the branches and stems of the weeds that spring up.” I have been realising that “God keeps you in kindergarten till you’ve learned the lessons.” That we go around in recurrent circles until we deal with the roots of whatever causes problems and stumbling in our lives. And, sadly, sometimes we don’t even know what the roots are. That is true in my case when it comes to emotional eating, a habit I’ve coming closer to breaking, but haven’t yet, very sadly. It’s still– stress, sadness, chaos=chocolate, or whatever. I don’t know what the roots are, or if there are spiritual roots, or if it’s merely a bad habit. I suspect there are spiritual roots, since it is a habit which has wide-ranging negative implications!
Sorry, I misspelled the name. John and Paula Sandford have written many books. The best known of these have now been reorganized into a four volume “Transformation series”, starting with “Transforming the Inner Man” ( http://www.elijahhouse.org/products/product-1/Transforming%20the%20Inner%20Man). I am pretty sure that you wouldn’t get as much out of reading the books as you would by attending one of the Elijah House schools. Probably there’s a branch of Elijah House in England. One of the principles I learned from them is that merely knowing about something doesn’t actually empower you to put it in practice. You need the ministry of the Spirit, and frequently that comes from spending time with the people who can impart an anointing in that area. People trained by Elijah House can help you respond to what the Lord is saying about your specific concerns. I have been on both the receiving and the giving end of lots of ministry like this and know that it is powerful!
Thank you Don, for that link. There is such helpful advice on the website, which I have found invaluable.
Great opening onto an important subject, Anita. I’ve taken my share of hurt from those who should seemingly know better. It’s not easy to do, but I’ve just been reading about how we also have a responsibility of gently helping another Christian who is tangled in a sin. They may be going through a particularly tough season of fighting and need a fellow-soldier by their side. I guess their behaviour might also be a cry for understanding. I speak as the limping battle-worn, who has flung a few weapons down in frustration in my time! And sadly, many of us are unaware that we’re in a battle at all.
Yes, we are all on a journey. And while I am very aware that I myself am on a journey, I unconsciously expect everyone to have arrived, especially leaders, and go through a little “What you are not perfect?” period of astonishment when their bad behaviour astonishes me!
Another thought-provoking post. We are told to remain in Christ – by being connected to the vine. By doing so, we can’t help but to grow into trees and bear fruit. Fruit that is delicious to eat and pleasing to the eye. For good fruit only comes from Christ. Trees that bear bad fruit or not fruit at all — are chopped up and thrown into the fire. A troubling reminder for all of us to remain connected to Christ through His Word. For, as you mention, trees must first be seeds or seedlings that must grow out of the weeds of life. Let’s not be elder brothers of the parable of the prodigal son, but welcome them home with open arms. Only healthy trees can do that.
“We are told to remain in Christ – by being connected to the vine. By doing so, we can’t help but to grow into trees and bear fruit.”
Yes! I like that–it’s so reassuring!
I find that the best way for me to empathize with someone I dislike is to pray for him. Maybe Jesus was on to something. 🙂
Absolutely. It does stretch the heart, and change our eyes. And we can then engage in conflict so much more peace!
Good piece: universally relevant I think! How easy it is to be disappointed in leaders who are bitchy or annoying in a thousand ways, to feel let down at the witness of others, and to generally expect perfection – in others! We are all growing – not grown … as the tree metaphor reminds us.
Indeed. Thanks, Mari!